by Tijan
I raised a hand to the side of his face. “What is it?”
“I love you.”
I grinned faintly, scooting down a little to pull him in deeper. “I love you too.”
His lips touched mine in a soft and tender kiss. I felt like he was saying something else with that touch.
“Mason?” I pulled back to look at him again.
He didn’t answer. His eyes closed, and he ducked down, kissing the side of my neck as he began to move. I gasped, feeling him push in farther. Then he almost slipped out, but he stopped and thrust back inside. He kept going.
I savored this.
No matter what was going on in our lives, these moments, this moment, always connected me to him.
An hour later, I was curled into his side and almost asleep.
“Sam?” His hand came to my hip again.
“Already?” But I was grinning. I knew that wasn’t what he wanted. I opened my eyes, but his weren’t teasing like mine. They were dark, like they were when we had sex. A shiver went through me, and a part of me wanted him all over again. It just felt right. I shifted, sitting up against my pillows. “What is it?”
His hand traced down my shoulder, cupping my breast and rubbing his thumb over the nipple. “It’s Nate’s birthday this weekend.”
I widened my eyes. “You’re going to touch my boob while you talk about Nate?”
He grinned. His hand tightened a little. “I want to touch your boob any time I see you and talk to you. It doesn’t matter the topic of conversation.”
I chuckled, but sat up farther. His hand fell away, and I rested against the headboard.
“What’s going on?” I pulled the sheet up, tucking it across my chest and under my arms. The girls were nicely put away now.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to touch them; I didn’t want to associate anyone else with Mason touching them. They were selfish like that.
“We’re going to take Nate to Vegas.”
I cocked my head to the side. What he was saying made sense, but there was something else going on. I frowned. “Are you lying to me?”
“What? No.”
Too quick.
I poked him in the chest. “What’s really going on? I can tell when you’re lying.” I wagged my finger at him. “I’ve caught on since we first started dating.”
The lines around his grin softened, and he leaned down to kiss me. “There was a time when I had the upper hand.”
I used the wagging finger to playfully shove him away. “Since when haven’t you had the upper hand?” I was joking. Kind of.
“Really?” He loomed up to hold himself above me again. “You think I always have?”
I laughed and twisted away from his kiss, but I didn’t go far. He caught me and rolled me back under him. He tried to kiss me, but I kept turning my head.
Part of me believed what I’d said. Mason did have the upper hand. Not in a bad way, like he lorded it over me, but he was the leader. He was the leader of all of us, and in that dynamic, it wasn’t just him and me. It was him, Logan, and me. And really, that had expanded to include Nate and Taylor too. We were a fivesome fearsome, with an extended sixth member: Matteo. It was a matter of time before he was all the way in.
Mason’s lips landed on my collarbone and he whispered there, “You think it’s an unfair dynamic between us?”
Did I?
I was almost panting, loving the touch of him, but I knew the answer. I turned to look at him squarely. “Yes.”
He sat back on his heels between my legs. “You think that? For real?”
I nodded. The light, sexual banter was gone. Something more serious took its place.
“Am I wrong to think that?”
He shook his head. His eyes were troubled. “No.” His hands rested on my legs. “But I don’t like that you think we’re not equal. We are.”
I sat up, resting my hands over his, and tilted my head to look up at him. “I don’t mean it in a bad way. We love each other equally. We protect each other equally, but I’ve been content to let you run the show. I blame me, Mason.”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“It’s part of this whole epiphany I had the other week. I have to work on me. I’ve let my voice go away. It’s not that I wasn’t heard. It’s that I didn’t think to say anything. You and Logan make decisions for us, and I know you’re just protecting us, but I can help make decisions too. It’s you and him. You guys sequester yourselves at times and don’t include me. I know Taylor’s not included.”
He frowned. “Taylor?”
The relationship between Mason and Logan’s girlfriend just wasn’t there. Taylor was the first girlfriend of Logan’s Mason approved of, but I knew he was a long way from including her in the serious talks. She and Logan had been together almost a year, but it’d be longer before Mason trusted her fully, if that ever happened.
I wasn’t sure Mason would ever really trust anyone except Logan and me. That’s just how he was.
He cupped the back of my neck. “Then I have to come clean about something.”
I pulled back. His hand still held me, but I wanted some space. “What?”
He cringed.
“What is it?” I was right. Something else was going on. “Are you not going to Vegas? What are you really doing?”
“We’re going to Fallen Crest.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to ask your mom to ask James for a favor.”
My blood turned cold. “What?”
“I want information on that girl from your team. I want to know if my dad knows anything.”
“You’re going to use my mom?” My voice rose.
This wasn’t cool. It wasn’t cool at all. I pulled out of his hold, scurrying back against the headboard. I hugged my knees against me and wrapped my arms around them. “You were going to lie to me about that?”
“I . . .”
He was. He was going to completely lie to me, and I wouldn’t have had any clue. My entire body felt chilled. “Mason, I—”
“Sam.”
I climbed off the bed. I didn’t like this. It was after midnight. We’d just had amazing sex, and then he was going to lie through his teeth? And about my mom? This wasn’t Mason. This wasn’t the guy I fell in love with. I shook my head and started dressing.
“What are you doing?”
I had no idea what to say. My mind was scrambling, and I wanted to run. “I can’t believe you were going to lie to me.”
“I’m sorry. I am.”
I grabbed my pants, pulled them on, and switched my pajama shirt with a tank top. Reaching for an oversized sweatshirt, I whirled around. I slammed the sweatshirt down on the floor, still holding it by the sleeve. “You do this, you know.”
“What are you talking about?” He moved to the edge of the bed. He was naked, but he was so confident—if I’d been him, I would’ve pulled the sheet to hide myself. Not him. He had a gorgeous, mouth-watering body, but it was more. It was his authority. His confidence. He didn’t question himself. He didn’t doubt himself. I didn’t think he’d ever been self-conscious in his life. He probably had no idea how.
I was jealous of him.
Pulling my sweatshirt on, I just kept shaking my head. “When we first started dating, you went after Adam. I had no say. I would’ve rather not had you guys deal with the Academy Elite at all, but I understood it. You were doing it to protect me, but in some ways, it made things harder for me. And then Logan outed me when he hugged me at that football game. He didn’t even think that maybe I wasn’t ready for everyone to know I knew you guys. Or even with Kate. You guys had a whole plan for how to deal with her, with video and everything. I wasn’t included. Then the frat house. If you had asked, I never would’ve been okay with you guys burning it down. I mean, my God, you burned a house down! That’s insane. But you guys did it, and everyone in the know was supposed to be okay with it.”
More and more started bubbling up, but
this wasn’t Mason. I wasn’t mad at him.
I was mad at me.
He opened his mouth. I saw the regret in his eyes, and I knew he was going to apologize.
I held my hand up. “This isn’t you.” I softened my voice. “This is me. I’m angry with myself because I never spoke up. I’ve been—”
What the hell had I been doing? Holding on to them? Hoping they’d never leave me? Being beyond scared they’d abandon me like everyone else had? I forced out a breath.
These were the guys who didn’t leave. They hadn’t left. They never would leave.
Mason always said it. He was the forever guy.
I hadn’t been letting myself believe that. I hadn’t pushed my way in so they could hear me, though I knew they would.
They weren’t the problem.
He wasn’t the problem.
I was.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I slipped on my shoes and headed out into the hallway.
He followed me. “Where are you going?”
I grabbed my purse and keys. “I have no idea, but I have to go somewhere.”
“Sam!”
I was out the door and heading for my car.
He paused in the opened doorway. “Sam!”
I turned and waved as I got in the car. “I’ll be fine. I just need to think. That’s it.”
My blood rushed through me, my thoughts bouncing all around my head. I felt panicked, but what I’d said was right. I was the problem. I still had to fix me.
I left, and I had no clue where I was going.
It was the middle of the night, and I was being stupid.
I ended up going to a 24-hour diner, and after my phone blew up with calls from Mason, then Logan, and finally Taylor, I texted Taylor to tell her where I was.
I’m coming. She texted back. Don’t leave.
After that, my phone stopped ringing, so I assumed she’d told Mason and Logan where I was too.
Fifteen minutes, two cups of coffee, and a glass of water later, she came my way down the aisle between tables. She wore black leggings, an oversized hoodie sweatshirt, and a baseball cap pulled low over her face.
I half-snorted/half-laughed. “You could be in a magazine with that outfit.” Her hair was gorgeous. It had grown longer over the year, and some of it was pulled over her shoulder. The rest fell down her back.
I wasn’t a girl who got jealous, but I felt the same feeling stirring now that I’d had toward Mason an hour earlier. Taylor always knew who she was. She never questioned herself. I knew that was a quality that had drawn Logan to her.
She frowned, giving me an incredulous look. “Are you joking? You’re drop-dead gorgeous, Sam.”
So I’d been told, but I never felt it.
I shrugged, filling my coffee cup again from the carafe the waiter had brought over. “Well, I’m being a dramatic girl right now.”
Taylor shrugged too. “It happens to the best of us. I think every girl deserves five meltdown moments. It’s good for the soul. Cleansing.”
I laughed. “Thank you for that.”
She grinned. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve earned major friendship points here. You texted me, not Logan or Mason. Logan didn’t say anything, but I could tell.” She pretended to brush dust off her shoulder. “He was impressed.”
I laughed a little more this time. “And thank you for that.” I felt my insides settling a little. “I don’t feel as ridiculous as before.”
“You shouldn’t feel ridiculous at all, but can I ask why you’re here and not snuggling up with that man of yours?”
“Because Mason started to lie to me, and I flipped out.” I held my coffee mug in both hands. I didn’t pick it up, but was content just feeling the warmth from the hot liquid seeping into my hands.
“What was he going to lie about?”
“I asked them to leave the Faith thing alone. They’re not going to.”
“Oh, yeah.” She nodded. “Logan tried to sell me the same bullshit. I saw through it. Vegas, my ass.” She snorted.
“He tried lying to you too?”
“He can’t lie to me.” She chuckled to herself. “He’s tried. He sucks at it.”
Logan was an incredible liar. That was a testament to Taylor and their relationship.
I let out a deep breath. “I’m not really mad at Mason. I’m mad at myself.”
“Why? You’re one of the nicest people I know. As Logan would say, you’re a big deal.” She winked.
I laughed shortly, then waited as the waiter came over to ask Taylor if she wanted anything. She ordered a coffee and some toast. I was content with my water, but did ask for a refill of my carafe. I never claimed my addiction to coffee was healthy.
Taylor groaned as the waiter left. “Our eight o’clock run is going to suck ass.”
That was right. And I had to win. I had to beat Faith and Raelynn every time. I shook my head. I would. I had no worries about their running times.
“We’ll be running even earlier once classes start.”
“Why did I think joining the team would be fun?” She rolled her eyes, talking to herself. “Because I thought it’d be good for me. Good for me to join a team, to be social, to do something with you. I like to run. How hard could it be? I just do a few more miles than I normally do.” Her sarcasm was thick, but she was half-smiling. “You might have to remind me in a few hours all of those things. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be questioning my sanity at mile three.”
“I’ll remind you.”
“You and me, we’re not big social creatures, are we?”
I shook my head. “I’ve been burned by too many people.”
“Yeah.” She quieted, staring at the table. “Me too. Is there something wrong with us? And Mason and Logan love us. Is there something wrong with them?” She was laughing, but I sensed a twinge of sincerity in her questions.
The waiter brought over the coffee and refilled both our glasses of water. I picked at a stain on my mug.
“Is it possible to have an early-life crisis? Maybe that’s what I’m doing.”
“No.” Taylor was firm. “You’re changing. You’re developing; that’s it. I firmly believe that.”
“Yeah?” I looked up, feeling new hope.
She nodded decisively. “Completely. I thought I was losing my mind when I started to heal from my mom’s shooting. And then it just happened one day. The day before, the same shitstorm; things were all in upheaval. And then the next day it settled. I felt okay. I felt I was going to be okay. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but that’s how it was for me.” She poured her coffee, eyeing me once she put the carafe back on the table. “You’re going through something. Don’t stress. Just let it ride, and you’ll be fine once you get to the other side of it.”
I felt a little more relief at her words. “Does Logan know how smart you are?”
“Are you kidding me? I’m ‘majorly awesome.’ That’s how he puts it. He’s awesome, but I’m in the major leagues.”
I could imagine them laughing over that.
I felt another twinge of jealousy. And I hated it. This wasn’t who I was, but I couldn’t hide from it. It’s what I was feeling. I had to face it.
“You and Logan have a good relationship.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “And is the subtext that you don’t?!”
We weren’t equal. Mason had been my protector. I protected him too, but it wasn’t the same.
“You guys are best friends.”
“Again.” Her mouth dropped open. She put a hand under her chin and manually closed it. Then she pointed. “That was me almost falling to the floor. Are you insane? You and Mason are beyond tight. Logan and I are good. We’re best friends, but you guys . . .” She shook her head, a stunned expression on her face. “You’re family. You’re tight in a way it takes years for married couples to get to, and that’s if they don’t divorce. Not that you and Mason are going to divorce. Ever.” She frowned to herself. “I have
to stop talking. I’m making it worse, aren’t I?”
“You’re not.”
But I still felt the whirlwind of not knowing in me.
And the worst part, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. Something was missing. It wasn’t Mason. It wasn’t Logan. It was me. I was missing a part of me, and I’d just realized it. I still didn’t know what it was.
“Can we sit here a bit longer?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. Anything you want.”
“Thank you, Taylor.”
“That’s what friends do.”
I looked up, holding her gaze. We were friends. It had started slowly when she began dating Logan. It had built a little over the year, then the summer jump-started it, and now—after the team and tonight—Taylor was a ride-or-die friend.
And she was my friend.
She stared at the coffee. “We should’ve ordered decaf.”
Mason was in the living room when I let myself in an hour later. Taylor had gone back to her house since that was where she and Logan were staying that night. I glanced around, but as Mason stood from the couch, there was no one else around.
“Nate’s still sleeping?” I put my purse on the table by the door.
Mason nodded, rubbing his hands together. “I woke Logan and Taylor, but I didn’t think I needed to wake everyone up.”
“Taylor came and talked to me. Thank you for doing that.”
He nodded again, seeming hesitant to cross the room. “Yeah. Anything.”
This wasn’t normal us.
We barely fought.
We were never unsure around the other.
I felt horrible that this was us now. Mason was always in control. He was the mastermind, the one who fought for us, and he was always three steps ahead of his enemies. The fear in his eyes now tore my insides apart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head, taking two steps toward me now. He was still hesitant, and he stopped just on the other side of a chair. He could’ve taken two more steps and I would’ve been in his arms. He didn’t. He stayed, running his hands down his pants.