I talked about nothing in particular. It’s very easy to talk about nothing like it’s something.
All I could think about was how Gwen was perfect. She was perfect. She was gorgeous and popular, but not snooty. She helped me out and she was very forgiving, but she didn’t give away her self-respect by clinging to me all the time. Everything I’d said earlier was truth. She was the best person I could have dated.
Even in my most cynical of days, I knew she was the perfect girlfriend for me, the one I’d been dreaming of . . . at least, the one I’d dreamed of having before.
But now I didn’t want her. I didn’t love her back. Not in that soul-rushing, warped-thinking, heart-grabbing, all-consuming manner, anyway.
I didn’t want to hurt her.
I didn’t know what to do.
“This would be a great time for a demon attack,” I murmured to myself, half-hoping that in my desperation Adonaias would allow something to stir up unexpectedly.
“What did you say?” Gwen asked.
“I have to go,” I said, finally unable to take it anymore. I have to fix this, I thought. Aleia would know what to do, and if I could make myself feel better about all this, it was worth skipping out on Gwen. “I, uh, forgot I have to meet with Cheryl this afternoon. She’s got some work for me to do on her big case.”
“Oh. Well, that’s okay.” Gwen gave me a big, approving smile. “You go and take care of your mother. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay.” I was secretly a little surprised at Gwen’s easy acceptance. I reached over and squeezed her hand; instantly, I felt better, because there was a small underscore of irritation beneath a strong wave of admiration. “Sounds good.”
“Good. I’ll probably need to talk to you,” she said playfully. “I’m working through studying for the finals coming up.”
“Martha’s got it out for us in APUSH,” I agreed.
“Me especially, I’m sure!” Gwen laughed. “After scoring you as a boyfriend, I’m expected to get up to number two in the class.”
“You can do it,” I assured her, waving. “See you.”
“Bye!”
I watched as she went down the block, and I thought about how Gwen didn’t deserve me. She wasn’t just good enough for me, she was too good for me. There I was, pushing her away even as she was determined to love me.
I waited until Gwen was just a shadow on the sidewalk before disappearing to the other end. My steps quickened as I headed out to find Aleia, deciding I would make her tell me where to find Starry Knight.
I was going to settle this between us, once and for all. The longer this went on, I knew, the more complicated it was.
As I ran, part of me thought about whether or not I should try to get a hold of Elysian.
I shrugged it off a moment later; Elysian’s counsel would only make me mad. He would tell me, as he had with Starry Knight, that love would only make things more difficult—as they indeed did. He would tell me to back away from Gwen, possibly entirely. And I didn’t want to do that, and for more reasons than the impending social disaster my reputation would suffer, or because I would probably need to find a new babysitter.
I mean, it was possible I could still grow to love her, right?
But even I knew that meant nothing to me while I was still unsure about Starry Knight.
It infuriated me. I had the perfect girlfriend, and I couldn’t enjoy the fact she’d just admitted she was in love with me, and all because I had some interdimensional crush on an arrogant, self-righteous, overprotective, obsessive, secretive, maddening, and beautiful woman with wings and a bow and arrow.
I burst through the doors of Aleia’s church, not stopping to hesitate or prepare myself for the rush of conflict I knew undoubtedly awaited me on the other side. I knew it would catch up to me shortly.
And it did, as soon as I heard the organ music.
I’d never liked the organ. It always made me think of a haunting lull, a stream of music designed to lure an unsuspecting person into danger or into the heart of terror. The eeriness of its music embittered me, making me dread death all the more, since there was nothing there but fear in the end.
But when I saw that it was Aleia playing—in her human form, no less, with no armor and no daggers at her side—I sighed.
She looked up at my arrival. “I was wondering when you would show up,” she said in greeting.
“I might have come sooner.” I glanced around. “I’ve never felt comfortable in places like this.”
She laughed, surprising me. “I can assure you this church was built to protect people, to be a place of refuge for the lost and hungry, as well as the lonely and those who are hiding. It is not something you should fear. I imagine most of the discomfort is from some of the people here.”
“I doubt we have much in common.”
“I disagree, but I won’t argue with you over the matter,” Aleia promised. “Tell me what’s wrong. You seem tired.”
“I am tired,” I confessed. “But I’m also tired of.”
“Because of a lack of sleep?” she asked. “Or is it because of Starry Knight?”
“How did you guess?” I snorted.
She came and took my arm, patting it sympathetically. “She has always been a bit of a thorn in your side.”
“Is that what your crystal ball told you?” I asked bitterly.
“A memory bubble is hardly the same thing as a crystal ball.” Aleia sniffed prudently.
“Gwen told me she loves me.”
Aleia raised her eyebrows. “That’s quite a surprise.”
“It’s surprising that someone would love me?” I shot back.
“No, it’s just unexpected.” She frowned. “You don’t have to take your frustration out on me.”
“Sorry.” I held out my hands. “I’m confused. And angry.”
“About what?”
“About this whole situation.”
“What situation?”
“You know what situation. Stop asking stupid questions,” I bellowed, my patience snapping. “I know you lied to me, and I know the truth. I know Starry Knight is the one who made me fall. And despite this, I can’t seem to stop thinking about her. Which is horribly inconvenient, because I just had the nicest girl in the whole world tell me she loves me!”
Aleia frowned. “What do you mean, you know the truth? Starry Knight didn’t make you fall.”
“She did, too.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets, suddenly guilty. “I saw the memory of it from your time pool.”
Aleia pulled out her small orb. “Put your hands on this,” she instructed. “Let me see what you saw.”
I glared at her, but I listened. If I was going to show her that I knew the truth, I should be willing to prove it.
The memory I’d seen from before blossomed up in the misty smog inside of the orb as my power reacted to Aleia’s. This time, I didn’t feel grabbed into the memory itself, but I saw it, like it was a movie or something.
I waited until Starry Knight’s star exploded before pulling back some. “See?” I said. “That’s where I fell. She pulled me down with her, punishing me.”
Aleia said nothing for a moment. “Who told you that?” she asked.
“Well, it’s not like it was an accident, right?” I bit back. Guilt twisted another knot in my stomach, and I tried to resume a normal tone. “Folly and Foolishness were there. They told me what happened. They said that they’d heard about it, they’d seen it. They knew she’d ‘wooed me’ in order to destroy me.”
“They tricked you into using the memory pool.”
“Well, sorry about that,” I muttered quickly. “But it’s not fair to me if you and Alora had something to hide.”
“We didn’t lie to you, Hamilton.”
“I know you did!” I snapped back. “I saw it. There’s proof.”
She sighed. “I can explain that. When you were recreated as the Star of Mercy,” Aleia began, “you were placed beside Starry Knight’s star.
You were friends.”
“You don’t have to lie. I know I was in love with her, and she only tolerated me. I must have been pretty stupid before she sent me to Earth.” I slumped down on a nearby pew. “But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“That’s not true, either.”
“Oh, yeah, I suppose she’ll need some help with her Sinister sisters,” I muttered, recalling Orpheus’ deal.
“You need to listen. This is a complicated situation. She loved them very much. She has always been more concerned with her duty than her own heart, and that hasn’t changed,” Aleia said defensively. “But please let me—”
“If she hasn’t changed, then is history going to repeat itself?” I asked. “A few months ago, she tried to supernova, and now she’s made a deal with Orpheus.”
“Well, okay. There’s that. But that’s not like her. We can trust her.”
“You can trust her.”
“Calm down, please,” Aleia admonished, her own voice starting to raise as I pushed on. “You’re—”
Fury snaked along my insides once more. “And that’s why I need to know the truth about what is going on,” I added for good measure. “If she’s betrayed me before, she might do it again. I need to know so I can, first of all, get over her, so I can have a good, happy, normal relationship, and second of all, so I can protect myself.”
I didn’t add the third thing I would want to do—get revenge. I was not going to play the fool to anyone, not even Starry Knight.
Aleia cleared her throat. “Right now, she’s back at Lakeview Observatory,” Aleia told me, “but Hamilton, there’s something you should—”
I hurried off before she could say anything else. I hadn’t been able to keep my schedule open for track, and it was really a shame, I thought. Regret hit me again as I sped away, cutting through the back alleyways and hidden streets.
I heard her call after me, but without Elysian, Aleia was unable to keep pace with me. I soon left her behind, along with any illusion that I had any true allies.
☼22☼
Accusations
Lakeview Observatory came over the horizon easily, almost like the ground decided to move it closer to me, rather than letting me approach it. A strange eagerness took hold of me, as though I was nervous. It didn’t happen often enough for me to recognize it immediately.
It was only as I entered the building that I paused; it was close to closing time, and I didn’t know where Starry Knight was in the observatory. I had to be careful as I searched; it wasn’t like a lot of people were just allowed to come in at their leisure.
I would fervently swear on my grandmother’s grave Logan had invited me, I decided.
If you say something loudly enough and passionately enough, people are unlikely to contradict you. If you say it enough, people even tend to believe you.
It was this calming thought that pushed me onward. I tiptoed past Logan’s office, where I could see a small beam of light under the door.
A renewed spark of anticipation bound me. What if Starry Knight is here in her regular self, too?
My skin tingled as I turned the corner; I was back in the observation room, where the large telescope, with its lights off and only the bluescreen of the computers surrounding it, looked just a bit frightening.
I slinked around the stairs, moving up quietly. I glanced and saw an open door, and headed for it. Awareness fluttered through me.
And there she was, standing in front of the meteorite display. It had been taken out of its glass case with care, and arranged on a sterile platform.
For a long moment, I watched her as she studied the object, slightly disappointed she was her usual, Starlight Warrior self. Part of me was curious as to why she was curious about the meteorite, but the other part of me—the part I was uncomfortable with—was just happy to see her.
The discomfort unraveling in my gut at Gwen’s selfless loyalty, even after weeks of being snubbed as she tried to keep me in line, forced my common sense and my hand.
I pressed the mark on my wrist and transformed into Wingdinger. There was no need to let her see me in my regular self, I reasoned. She had enough of an upper hand.
One I didn’t know the extent of, I reminded myself, as I stepped into the room quietly.
She instantly straightened her shoulders; she knew I was there.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, with no particular tone.
“I was under the impression the observatory was about to close.”
“So you’re here to usher me out?” Starry Knight’s eyebrows rose in speculation. “No thanks.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” I muttered back. “I want some answers.”
“Is Elysian here, too?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you call him, so he can bind me up again?”
“I don’t want things to be like that. You know that.”
She pursed her lips, no doubt upset I hadn’t taken the bait, and said nothing.
Frustration began to snip at my patience. “Come on,” I demanded. “I need to know things in order to work with you. Haven’t I earned it?”
I moved in closer to her and stood on the opposite side of the meteorite.
Wariness filled her gaze, but she remained silent.
“You told me before I didn’t know much about our enemies. Now I do. I know how to control my powers now. I know about the Celestial Kingdom, and the Prince of Stars.”
Inches away from her, I continued, “I promised you I would keep fighting. Why can’t you trust me?”
“It is my job to recapture the Sinisters,” Starry Knight said. “Not yours.”
“You can’t stop me. And you were the one who lost them in the first place,” I scoffed. “I saw what happened when I went to see Lady Time.”
“Yes, how is Alora?” Starry Knight retorted. “Probably still angry about the hole in her Space-Time fabric.”
I frowned. “How did you know about that?” Then I shook my head. She was just trying to distract me, I realized. “Never mind. I know what happened when you made me fall, and I know you’ve been the cause of my problems ever since.”
Finally, sentiment flickered in her eyes, before her stubborn obstinacy replaced it. “I won’t deny that I am responsible for your suffering,” she said quietly.
The last threads of my self-control snapped. “What were you thinking, sending me to Earth?” I asked bitterly. “Was it to punish me? Adonaias had forgiven me, and we were supposed to be friends!”
Before she could respond, I felt all my hurt, anger, and confusion fall out of me. “And now, we’re supposed to work together here. We are supposed to capture the Sinisters, and you are not supposed to leave me behind. You betrayed me.”
She said nothing again; she just looked down to the floor. Her silence was enough of an admission of guilt.
I marched closer to her, demanding to see her eyes as I accused her. “You betrayed me, and lied to me—”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
I frowned, confused. Realizing I was getting off topic, I switched tactics. “Tell me about the deal you made with Orpheus.” Not wanting to betray Mikey, I added, “Dante’s back from SWORD. He told me about it.”
“Did he? And you trust him?” she asked.
“He told me that he’s on the side that’s protecting me,” I told her.
“Well, that’s a laugh,” she muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped. “Or can’t you tell me that, either?”
“SWORD is not our enemy,” Starry Knight said. “At least, not when it comes to the Sinisters. But it is not our ally, either.”
“There is no ‘us.’”
She ignored me. “They only want power. If SWORD is after protecting you, it is likely only because of your power.”
“At least they aren’t averse to working with me.”
“Agent Salyards is not,” Starry Knight corrected me. “But the rest of SWORD is conveniently absent
, isn’t it?”
“So? He is probably the only one assigned to our case.”
“He might just be doing this because of his son. Your friend with the blog.”
I decided to ignore her this time. “How much do you know about me?”
“Plenty, thanks to your friend’s blog.”
I suddenly wondered just what Mikey was writing. I didn’t proofread anything he’d written, and I didn’t really read it, either. I made a mental note to check on it later.
Starry Knight folded her arms across her chest. “I also know SWORD should not be trusted.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“You mean besides the fact they imprisoned us?” She shook her head. “They’re targeting us. Haven’t you noticed they’re following us around?”
“Have you talked to Dante at all?”
“Not much,” she said, surprising me with a smirk. “But then, I wasn’t looking for an opportunity, either.”
“I can understand,” I bantered back. “He doesn’t seem like an easy person to get along with.”
“Especially on his terms.” Starry Knight wrinkled her nose. “He seemed to like playing the spy a bit too much.”
I almost laughed, before I realized it was too easy to be her enemy and then her ally. I’d slipped back into the friend zone without noticing.
What is wrong with me? Why couldn’t I sufficiently hate this woman? Anytime I was around her, anger somehow turned into madness, and madness into magic.
“They also have Taygetay,” Starry Knight reminded me. “I would know if she had been sealed away. She is still alive, but she has been restrained.”
“How?” I asked.
“I have a couple of guesses,” Starry Knight said hesitantly, “but nothing is certain. I am waiting to see if Orpheus can summon her.”
“You’re the one who wants to trade me to off to Orpheus for the Sinisters,” I accused. “Is that when you were going to check?”
Her mouth opened to respond, and in that second, time seemed to stall. I saw her lips and couldn’t stop myself from wanting them under my own. I took another step closer and locked eyes with her as the tension around us morphed. She faltered and sank into silence once more.
Submerging (The Starlight Chronicles Book 3) Page 19