“The neighbor’s dog?”
“You read where serial killers, when they’re young, like to set fires, torture animals, that sort of thing. I mean, I know Justin didn’t, really. I’m sure he didn’t. There are just those moments in the middle of the night when you can’t think about anything but the worst things possible. Terry tells me I’m being paranoid. He says all boys are fascinated by fire. On the other hand, I think Terry’s less concerned about Justin stealing jewelry than whether he might be gay.”
“Yeah.”
“Of course, Terry’s a whole other problem.”
Unsure whether Martha wanted her to ask about Terry or not, Sally chose to say nothing.
“I’m sorry to talk so much about him…”
“About Terry?”
“No, Justin.”
“Not at all.”
“Terry just doesn’t want to hear how much I’ve been thinking about it.”
The second mention is deliberate, Barwick thought. “Men don’t like to think too much about anything, in my experience.”
“I even dream about Justin,” Martha said. “Horrible, violent nightmares. I mean, what sort of mother am I that I can imagine my son doing such terrible things?”
“You’re just concerned. The way you should be. Parents are supposed to worry. Worried parents are critical to the survival of the species.”
“You’re sweet, Sally.” Martha paused, as if she might change the subject. Then she did. Sort of. “So what do you dream about?”
Barwick put a startled palm to her sternum, like she was trying to shut a damper in there on heartburn. She wished Martha could see the older Justin – handsome, confident, and wise – who came to her at night. “What do I dream about?” Barwick repeated. “Boys,” she said.
– 28 -
Her father thought psychology was for the weak. “No one’s to blame for anything. If you let them, they’ll turn human nature itself into a pathology,” he’d say. “People are supposed to be sad sometimes. Even depressed. Or excited. Or frightened. To the psychologist, emotions are symptoms of disease. To them, life itself is a disease.” Martha’s dad, an orthodontist, was frequently more dramatic than he needed to be.
The office smelled like leather and alcohol and Dominican cigars, which Martha imagined Dr. Morrow smoked in the fifteen minutes after one appointment left and before the next one arrived. She wondered about the secrets confessed here, by people other than her son. She wondered, too, what her son told Dr. Morrow, or what he divined from the things Justin didn’t say – what he wrote in his notes, mumbled into his recorder, promised to keep privileged but nevertheless pondered at length, made judgments about. That scared her, and she trembled when Morrow, stout and clean-shaven, his round head topping a beige ribbed turtleneck like a chocolate ice cream cone, spoke in consultation with Justin’s thin file, which was flattened across his desk.
“Justin’s a mature boy,” Dr. Morrow said, a professional grin taking charge of his face. “Advanced.”
“Thank you,” said Martha, less intimidated now that a smile was in play, but not comfortable enough to call him “Dr. Keith,” which was how Justin referred to him.
“Advanced is good in many ways. In other ways it can be bad.”
“Bad?” Terry said. “How?”
“Maturing is supposed to be a process,” Morrow said. His voice was deep and rhythmic, like the bottom of a Parliament song. “There’s a reason God starts them small. Justin is very smart. Physically, he’s quite advanced, which has led to some troubles adjusting at school.”
“The kids make fun of him, I know,” Martha said.
“That will pass. One day, those same boys will be jealous. But he worries a lot for a seven-year-old. He wonders about things most kids his age haven’t begun to think about.”
“What sorts of things?”
“Who he is. Where he came from. Why he’s here. For most children, those answers seem quite obvious. They are part of a family. Their purpose is to please grown-ups, et cetera. It’s taken man thousands of years to identify and define the questions in Justin’s head, questions he was able to pose quite plainly to me.”
“All the acting out, then,” she said. “That’s what? Frustration?”
“Frustration, yes. Some of it might be experimentation. Justin has an extremely developed sense of self. Of individualness. He is able to recognize his own consciousness as a distinct person, separate from others, separate from his own body, even. Every day, he seeks to find out more about himself: who this person inside him is; why he is. Much of his reckless behavior would set off alarms for me in another child – fascination with fire, for instance – but with Justin I suspect he might be testing himself in ways that the world does not normally test little boys. I don’t think he’s after attention, or control. I don’t think he has malice. I think he’s an explorer. An explorer of his own mind. He’s very special.”
As he did once every session, Morrow turned his eyes briefly to a desktop barometer that had belonged to his father. When he died, Keith had joined his brothers and sister – an accountant, a banker, a teacher – at their dad’s house in Philly, and with a magnum of wine they walked from room to room, each of them in turn claiming one possession, one story at a time, rescuing the old man’s life from dismemberment at the estate sale. A worn book of poetry; a homemade tabletop baseball game; old vinyl jazz records; this barometer. Keith’s father used to reset the barometer at night so he would know in the morning if pressure was rising or falling. “Looks like rain,” he would say. “Ozone’s dropping, I can smell it.” He was uncannily accurate, the Morrow children remembered. Of course, their father watched the television news every night, got the weather that way too, and Keith had no evidence that the curious instrument on his dad’s big desk was an effective barometer of anything. Still, he often thought of psychology as being like his father’s attempts at meteorology: the children would come to his office and Keith would tell their parents if he could smell the ozone dropping.
“What can we do, then?” Martha asked.
“I think you need to expose him to people who have thought the same things he’s thinking about. There aren’t many books of philosophy written for first-graders, of course, but there are some very basic overviews of the subject, and he’s extremely intelligent. I would let him start reading fables. Stories with morals. Aesop. Then you might seek out some watered-down summaries of the classic thinkers. He won’t get all of it, or even most of it, but the important thing is to let him know that he’s not alone in asking these questions; that as he matures, there will be places he can go to seek answers. As he gets older, he’ll start to form his own opinions. The greatest danger to one who thinks too much is despair. You have to let Justin know that he won’t always feel so alone with his thoughts.”
“Are there any writers or books in particular we should start him on?”
“I don’t think it matters much at the beginning. The important thing is that it’s written in a way that he can begin to grasp it. You’ll want to read with him, of course. Maybe make a game of it. At educational stores, I’m sure you can find some children’s biographies of Plato or Socrates. The earlier thinkers.”
“Socrates. Christ, Dr. Morrow, he’s seven,” Terry Finn said. “What if he’s not interested?”
“He’ll be interested. Trust me. You’ll also want to accompany the reading with your own thoughts. Once Justin gets going, he’s going to perceive everything he reads as literal truth. You’ll want to counter that with your own sense of right and wrong. Justin is not looking for, nor does he need, a foundation in moral relativism. He needs to understand good and bad. I’m not sure he does yet.”
“What do you mean, Dr. Morrow?” Martha asked.
“Justin sees things very abstractly. When he sets a fire, for instance, he understands that the fire destroys, but he also knows that the flames themselves take the place of the thing that burns. He does not see that as bad. He has created. The cre
ation, not the destruction, is what interests him. Allow him to explore his creative side, but make it very clear to him where the boundaries are. He needs to understand that there are consequences.”
Terry scooted forward on the leather chair. “Well, we try to explain to him…”
“This isn’t a lecture on parenting, Mr. Finn. Justin is a special child. Once you understand the way his brain works, you’ll understand that some of his needs are counterintuitive and you’ll respond accordingly. You don’t need to plan for every situation today.”
“Doctor, could this have anything to do with the circumstances of Justin’s – you know – conception?” The Finns had never discussed the particulars in this office, but they knew Justin’s origins were spelled out in the initial paperwork, as required.
Dr. Morrow made a reassuring grunting sound behind closed lips. “I don’t think so. I have to file a report based on my observations of Justin, and if they find any similar behaviors among other cloned children, then someone – probably someone at a university – will conduct a study. Investigate. To me, to you, to himself, Justin is a boy. A normal boy. If there’s anything that makes him stand out from other kids, it’s that he’s above average. That carries with it some difficulties, some pain, some angst. But he doesn’t have superpowers. He’s not a freak. I treat other cloned children, and their troubles are as different from one another as noncloned children’s. Certainly no more or less serious.”
In the car on the way home, Martha’s head hummed, and contempt for her husband’s performance in the doctor’s office felt like bees massing under the surface of her skin. He had complained about Dr. Morrow for weeks – This is a waste of money; that boy doesn’t need his head shrunk; just do what you want and leave me out of it – and then he makes it to one meeting and pretends to be the concerned father. She didn’t say anything, though. Justin was with a sitter and they’d be home soon and she’d made a determined effort not to fight in front of him anymore. Any fight she started now would carry into the house for sure.
She told Terry she would pick up some books tomorrow. There was a store just like Dr. Morrow described in the strip mall on 41, and she’d try the chain bookstores, as well as the indie one in downtown Winnetka. The counsel they’d just received was odd, she thought, but certainly the kind of thing a parent likes to hear from a psychologist – your child is smart, advanced, mature, normal. She thought psychologists didn’t like to use that word, generally, but Dr. Keith had said it anyway.
She had a plan. She felt better. Her son was going to be okay. Kids are never as good as parents think they are, nor are they usually as bad as parents fear. And as Martha expelled months of stress with a long sigh, as the car approached the yellow fire hydrant that marked the outside range of their garage door opener, Terry finally confessed to her that he was having an affair.
– 29 -
Maybe it was only the sense of being away from himself, or at least away from the part of him so tautly tethered to the Chicago suburbs in which he had been born, schooled, and married, but there were tiny villages in New England, incorporated into the sides of mountains or settled in the distant wake of advancing glaciers, that stirred a longing in Davis for country life. Brixton, Nebraska, on the other hand, did not. When he and Joan penetrated the town limits with a rented Taurus following a three-hour drive from the Lincoln Airport, he thought he could read hopelessness into every kitschy mailbox, countrified door decoration, and red-and-white Cornhusker garage door mural. Immediately, he felt empathy with every child whose adolescence in this town must be waited out like a juvenile sentence.
“Did you see that?” Joan asked.
“No. What?”
“That sign.” Her tongue printed it from short-term memory: “Brixton, Nebraska. Childhood home of pro football’s Jimmy Spears.”
“Well, we’re in the right place, then,” Davis said as they passed a gas station with pumps so old they counted off gallons with rolling odometer-style meters. “Damn, look at that.”
Jesus, what am I doing here? Davis asked himself. When he first received it in his e-mail inbox, he thought this lead actually held some promise, unlike the half dozen others he’d followed up on over the last two years. Its appeal was probably only relative, however; he hadn’t received nearly as many tips as he’d expected. One thing Davis had learned was that most of these crime-fighting Web sites barely had an audience outside the webmaster’s bedroom. The whole world might be on the Internet, but the Internet was a lousy way to reach the whole world.
What is Joan doing here? he thought. The reasons he’d asked her to come were obvious. Joan had an internal device that alerted her to poisonous character the way a Geiger counter clucked at decaying uranium, and he had been waiting for the chance to lure her deeper into his conspiracy. Selfishly, he knew the more he involved her, and the less she rebuked him, the better he’d feel. The search for AK’s killer had become the most significant thing in his life, and Joan was the only person with whom he could talk about it. If he were still seeing a marriage counselor, of course, the therapist would tell Davis that every relationship he had with a woman was somehow related to his marriage. In this case, he knew it was true.
The tips didn’t arrive in his e-mail very often, but Davis checked his anonymous Internet mailbox once in the morning and again every evening. The messages were typically from an untraceable account, with a lead or a suggestion, or just words of encouragement. Most of them were crackpots, fishing blindly for the twenty-five-thousand-dollar reward. He collected and cataloged them all.
The composite of AK’s killer got better with every new batch of photos he received from the private investigator, or so Davis hoped. He had the help of new technology – a beta version of software used to enhance and age ultrasounds for the purpose of identifying birth defects – and it had sharpened details in the image. In reality, he had no way of knowing whether the picture was becoming more like the face of the man he sought. It was looking more human, more realistic, however, and after he had plugged in all the variables, the FaceForger software (which he had upgraded twice now, and become more skilled in manipulating) spit out fewer and fewer possibilities.
There were dozens of Web sites devoted to true crime, and Davis found several willing to publish some version of his story. He omitted many of the giveaway details, including location, to protect his identity, but the composite picture was out there and so was the reward. To date twenty people claimed to know this man, or to have seen him, usually on the bad guy’s way out of their town.
Several leads he eliminated for one reason or another, incoherence being the most common. Others he pursued from home with searches of public records. Following one tip, he drove to Milwaukee and snooped around a Toyota dealership to meet a salesman named Dave DiBartolo, who looked spookily like FaceForger’s imagining of the killer. He even test-drove a Corolla and received a travel alarm, after which he put DiBartolo at the top of a sad group of potential suspects mostly labeled “too young” or “not a chance.”
Then he received an e-mail from Ricky Weiss of Brixton, Nebraska.
“The fellow you’re looking for is from here,” Weiss wrote. “His name is Jimmy Spears. He’s famous.”
In an exchange of messages, Davis learned that Jimmy Spears didn’t actually live in Brixton anymore, although his parents did. Spears was a third-string quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, and in telecasts could be glimpsed most often on the sidelines, wearing a headset and a baseball cap, gesturing to the huddle: a high-salaried turquoise-and-orange signal flag transmitting coded messages from the offensive coordinator to the line of scrimmage.
Photos of Spears were easy to come by and Davis collected them all, even going so far as to send away for a Dolphins media guide so he could add the most recent official mug shot. Blond, handsome. Davis agreed that he looked very much like the FaceForger composite – not so much the hair and nose, but certainly the eyes and chin and around the corners of the mouth – and if
he put the composite side by side with pictures of Justin, it was easy to imagine one being a younger version of the other.
What interested Davis most, however, was a biographical detail first provided unsolicited by Ricky Weiss and later confirmed by Spears’s media guide biography.
“Jimmy was a great college player,” Weiss wrote. “He finished sixth in the Heisman voting the year Northwestern went to the Rose Bowl.”
Davis was not a football fan, but he remembered a big to-do about Wildcat football across several seasons some years back. Joan was a college fan (though partial to her alma mater, Cal) and Gregor was a Northwestern grad, insufferable and often clad in obnoxious purple when the Cats were winning. Still, Davis shivered when he turned to Spears’s bio:
Jimmy Spears
QB-12
AGE: 29
COLLEGE: Northwestern
Ten years ago, at the time of AK’s murder, Jimmy Spears was attending school less than five miles from downtown Northwood. And while the campus was shuttered for Christmas break that week, Davis confirmed that the players would have been in Evanston, practicing for the Gator Bowl.
Good enough to make Jimmy his best lead. For now.
They drove in a circle following a downloaded map with a less-than-thorough accounting of Brixton’s streets. Eventually, Davis backtracked to the gas station they had passed on the way in.
At the counter Davis paid in advance for fifteen dollars of unleaded, and shouted through Plexiglas so scratched and dirty the burly and bearded attendant on the other side looked like a trial witness whose identity had been obscured for television. “I’m looking for the elementary school?”
“Elementary school, high school, same difference,” the attendant replied, his voice muffled and lowered an octave by the bulletproof barrier. “Both at the end of Clifton.” He told Davis how to get there from here.
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