by Freya Barker
"Please talk to me, honey. Whatever is eating you up in silence right now, is much better dealt with out in the open. Try and put it to words so I can help you."
I try a few times, eager to get myself out of this endless spin, but it's so hard finding words.
"I'm afraid..." finally bursts from my mouth, but that's all I can get out.
"Okay. I get that," Joe murmurs calmly. "I'm thinking there's a lot of shit going down all at the same time, and although I have no kids, I imagine there’s nothing like fearing for your child. Am I right?"
I simply nod against his chest, my heart rate settling with every beat of his steady one.
"I haven't had one in a long time."
"A what? A panic attack?"
I'm only mildly surprised he pegs my breakdown correctly, considering he's dealt with an unstable ex before. Pretty sure he'll be backing away soon enough now, so I might as well come all out.
"There was a time I had them frequently, but I haven't had one in a long time; not since I left Phoenix."
"What triggers them? Do you know?"
"Can be different things, but usually something that overwhelms me... a feeling or a situation. When I feel trapped by circumstances or emotions or even by lack of control. I don't really know. It's so hard to put my finger on it. I guess trying to manage what is happening around me right now, and trying to ignore the desire to run and hide. It's just so much..." I start crying again, pissed at myself for doing it but not able to stop all the same.
"Shhhh, let's deal with logistics first, alright? Always easier to work with concrete stuff and maybe the edge will come off. I can see a few concerns, but let me know if I miss any."
Listening to Joe helps me sort my thoughts into better focus as he lists safety, housing, work for me, and school for Fox, as main areas that need to be addressed.
"Since we don't know who exactly is behind this or why, although we could hazard a guess or two, I think we should talk to Gus and see if we can't find a way to keep you and Fox looked after. Although you're safe enough at the guesthouse for now, , your house will be inaccessible for a while, until I can be sure that whoever was behind the break-in wasn't from out-of-state. Because if that’s the case, that might involve the FBI. So I'd like to leave everything as is should they need to come on board."
The mention of the FBI has me sitting up in bed. "Are you serious? What are you thinking? Is this about the trouble James mentioned?"
Pulling me back down, Joe explains his suspicions about the outcome of the last case James was involved which indeed sounds very fishy. Combined with Fox's impromptu return to Cortez and James' disappearance, it’s been more than enough to send up alarm bells for him.
"We need to talk to Fox, Doc. We need to let him in on what happened so he realizes how important it is we know everything. We've got to know in order to protect both of you properly."
I have to agree with him. Ever since Fox has been back, it's been eating at me that he won't talk to me about that.
I suddenly realize that I left Fox earlier and he must be worried out of his mind that he hasn't heard from me. I scoot out of bed, looking around me for my purse, so I can call him.
"Hey. Where are you going?"
"My phone. I need to call Fox. What time is it? He must be wondering where I am."
I'm pulled back against a solid chest and two arms slide around my waist, holding me tight.
"He's fine, Naomi. I called just a little while ago and they’re probably only just leaving the shooting range now. Caleb is taking him to the diner to meet up with Katie and Malachi and was gonna take him to meet Blue at the barn after. Settle."
"Don't tell me to settle. I have every right to be worried about my son."
Who the hell does he think he is, telling me to settle? Ass. Bristling with indignation I worm out of his arms and turn around to face him, finding him smiling from ear to ear.
"What?"
"There you are. The you I recognize. It's good to have you back," he says, taking my face in his hands and sweetly kissing my lips. At first. I can't help my tongue sliding through my lips to take a taste, but as soon as I do, the mood of Joe's mouth changes from tender to hungry. Tilting my head, he plunges his tongue between my lips and claims ownership of my mouth. Yowza. Good thing I'm not wearing any panties, ‘cause they'd have spontaneously combusted. Somehow my hands know their way to his hair and tangle there, while Joe's seem to have slipped inside the robe that is wrapped around me. With firm fingers he kneads the flesh on my ass and my hips, before hoisting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, shuddering when my bare slit slides down over the coarse hairs of his treasure trail and encounters his unmistakable erection. Holy crap.
"Fuck, Naomi. I'm starving for you," Joe pants as he peppers kisses along my jaw and down my cleavage, sucking a mouthful of breast so hard into his mouth, I almost come on the spot.
"Feeling that wet pussy slide down my stomach makes me want to bury my face between your legs and taste your need for me."
Never before one for crass or dirty talk, but Joe's words turn me on so much, I grind my core against the crown of his cock. With a groan he turns around and has me on my back, legs wide open and him on his knees, on the floor between them, lowering his head with his eyes focused on mine. The first touch of his warm, wet tongue on my clit is feather-light, but has me nearly coming off the bed. So fucking long since I've felt the intimate touch of a man, I'm primed for it. I don't even care that I haven't waxed in donkey's years, and Joe doesn't seem to be bothered.
"So fucking good..." he groans as he strokes his tongue along my folds, opening me up further by pulling my legs over his shoulders and pulling my core deeper onto his face. And I help—oh boy, do I help. I am shamelessly grinding my hips on his mouth and the fingers he has slipped into me, pumping leisurely when I want him hard and fast. Joe's eyes never leave mine as he steadily sets the pace while I lose my mind. When he starts sucking on my clit, in little gentle pulls, I am done.
"Please, Joe... " I plead with him, grabbing his hair by the handful, trying to find that final edge that will spill me over.
"Ready?" he asks, pulling back, his mouth wet with my juices.
"Ahhhh..." I grunt out my release instantly as Joe clamps down on that bundle of nerves he's been teasing into a frenzy with his teeth and he curves his fingers deep inside me, hitting the ignition button. Because, holy shit! I'm blown to pieces as he manages to drag my climax out.
"Beautiful," he murmurs, placing a gentle kiss between my legs, causing another little shiver through my sensitized body.
Before I know it, I'm enveloped in his big body, one hand on my ass and one in my hair, my head on his chest. When I open my eyes I can't help but notice the massive hard-on he's sporting in his boxers.
"What about you?"
"Don't worry about me. I'm glad I was able to help you relax."
"Excuse me?” Wait, what? “I think I'd like to go back now. I need to see Fox."
I scramble off the bed, haphazardly pulling the robe around me and making a beeline for the bathroom where my clothes are, shutting the door behind me before I lose it completely.
The first time in years I let a man touch me and he did it to help me relax. I am now officially a pity fuck. My day couldn't be more complete.
CHAPTER TEN
I'm not sure, but I think I may have fucked up.
One minute I'm being all magnanimous, denying myself any gratification, only interested in hers, and the next she's out of bed and locked in the bathroom. I'm missing a step somewhere.
We are on our way back to Cedar Tree. Naomi insisted and there was nothing I could do or say to sway her. The moment she came out of the bathroom, completely dressed again, I knew she was retreating. Oh, she's friendly enough, pretending she didn't just have a massive panic attack or came apart under my mouth and my fingers, but the tightness at the corners of her mouth tell me a different story. Fuck. I can't just let this go.
"N
aomi, what just happened?"
"Not sure what you mean? I'm all relaxed, just like you planned, and now I'm ready to deal with Fox. Why?"
The false cheery tone and fake smile are starting to piss me off.
"Like I planned? I didn't plan anything, I certainly didn't plan on virtually attacking you right when you were feeling vulnerable. I'm sorry if that pissed you off, but it wasn't easy trying to keep my hands off you all naked and gorgeous and... well, naked."
I glance her way to find her face one big question mark.
"But... but I thought... never mind," she stammers as she turns her face away and stares out the side window, her hands clutched in her lap.
We're coming up on a cut off onto a farmer's field and I pull in, fed up with these confusing messages I'm getting. I turn off the engine and turn sideways in my seat.
"Naomi... look at me."
She hesitates a second too long to my liking and I cup her chin with my hand, turning her head so she has no choice. I'm frustrated as fuck, have no idea what's going on in that pretty head of hers, and have no patience for playing games.
"Gonna ask you one more time, honey. What happened back at my place to shut you down like this?"
When she tries to lower her eyes, I tighten my grip on her chin and they open back up to reveal fresh tears filling them. Damn, this woman can cry.
"I don't like being a pity fuck," is what comes out of her tight little mouth.
What in Jesus' name?
"Who said anything about that?" I growl at her.
"You did," she spits out, gathering steam from what I can tell. "You said you were glad you were able to 'help' me relax." She even makes quotation marks with her fingers for emphasis. "Well, thank you for that, but a massage at the spa would've worked wonders too."
Her tears are starting to spill over, but I get a feeling she's more angry than sad, especially when she pointedly folds her arms over her chest. I can't help myself, I start laughing.
"Are you shitting me? The only reason I'm not pounding your ass into my mattress right now with your legs over my shoulders, why I'm not having you scream my name over and over again all afternoon till you end up hoarse, is because I don't want to create a situation you might regret later. I want you so bad; wanted you so much all afternoon. I've been trying to recall every foul-smelling drunk I've ever had in my truck, every disgusting crime scene I've ever witnessed and each and every glimpse of my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Winkler's panty-hose when she was wiping the blackboard, just to get this fucking hard-on I'm toting for you to go down. Nothing works!"
With both hands I pull the hair on my head and let out a frustrated groan. A snort has me glare in her direction, but that only makes her laugh harder.
"I'm sorry," she giggles, "Mrs. Winkler's panty-hose?"
Growling I unclip and slide way over into her space, crowding her against the passenger door.
"Give me your hand."
The stubborn little minx shakes her head, a smile still on her face.
"Your hand, babe."
Not waiting, I grab her hand and flatten it against the crotch of my pants where she can clearly feel the full length of my very hard, very hot and very hungry cock. Her eyes pop open and I lean in so my nose almost touches hers. "That. Is what my cock thinks of your idea of a pity fuck."
"Okay." Her voice is so soft, if I hadn't seen her mouth move I'd have missed it.
"Baby, don't doubt me, please. Clean lines of communication, okay? If I say something that confuses you or pisses you off, you tell me. I may not be the most sensitive guy around, but I'm not an asshole. Don't wanna waste more time on misunderstandings, not with you."
I kiss her hard on her full lips, but when she starts rubbing her little hand on my dick I grab it and pull back.
"Doc? You keep that up, and I'll be coming in my pants. Don't have an extra pair on me and I don't wanna get caught on the side of the road by one of my deputies with my dick out."
I slide back over to the driver's side, put the truck in drive and pull out, grabbing her hand in mine as we turn toward Cedar Tree. I can see a little self-serving smile steal over Naomi’s face from the corner of my eye. Wench.
"So what's going on with you and Joe?"
I'm giving Katie a hand getting some food and drinks together in the large open kitchen of her and Caleb's huge barn-house. Joe and I just got here after finding they'd just left the diner. Since neither Joe nor I had dinner yet, Katie suggested making some sandwiches.
I'm mentally preparing myself for the heart-to-heart we have coming up with Fox, because I know that won't be easy. Not telling him about the house, or pushing him for more information, but I agree with Joe that it has to be done.
"I seem to cry a lot around him."
"Well that's not good. I haven't known you that long, but I know you're not a crier." Katie turns to me with an eyebrow raised. "I may be eight months pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I can still take him."
I chuckle at the picture her words paint in my head. "No, it's not his fault. In fact, in a weird way, I think it's probably a compliment to him. I mean, you said it, I'm not one to cry and yet I do it a lot when I'm with him."
"Hmmmm, I remember that. I remember Caleb doing that to me; making me feel." Suddenly she's smiling wide. "Thinking it might not be such a bad thing after all."
"Of course in the meantime, my life is running off the rails like nobody's business. The bitch at work won't let up, Fox getting in trouble and hurt in the process, and now this break-in on top of James going missing," I point out, picking at a piece of cheese.
"Whoa... hold up there. What’s this about a break-in? James missing? I mean I know I suffer from pregnancy brain, but when did all this happen?" Katie has turned me by the shoulders to face her and I have to tilt my head back a little to look her in the eye.
"Sorry. There just hasn't been much time... Life's been a bit crazy, out of hand even. Let's go sit down. You'll hear it all soon enough since we have to talk to Fox and Joe suggested that Caleb sit in on it."
In the big open living space, the guys are spread out over the various couches and chairs that are grouped around a ginormous stone fireplace, with Blue, Katie's dog, lying on his bed in front.
Fox is gesturing as he very animatedly tells Joe about his time at the shooting range, with Caleb simply nodding here and there. When I put the plate of sandwiches down on the table, he immediately snatches one up and starts eating, while still talking, now with his mouth full. So I cuff the back of his head.
"Hey. You have food in your mouth and by the way, did you not just eat a meal at the diner? Those are for Joe and me," I tell him, hiding my smile.
"Sorry," he mumbles around another bite, "still hungry. What happened at the house? Did they take a lot of stuff?"
My eyes meet Joe's and I give him a nod. Better let him do the honors, because the way I've been going, I'll just end up blubbering again.
"So I won't sugar-coat it. Your house was pretty much trashed," Joe says to Fox, clearly not pussyfooting around. Fox tries to keep his face impassive, but I can see the news is impacting him from the clenching of his jaw and by the way he plucks at the seam of his jeans with his fingers.
"Doesn't look like anything was taken according to your mom, but it seemed to be intended as a warning. A message was left; a warning that was directed at you, but the threat was clearly against your mother." When Fox tries to speak, Joe stops him. "Let me finish what I have to say and then you can have your turn. As I see it, there are two possibilities. One is our little meth-distributor, who is trying to scare you into keeping your mouth shut, which we both know it’s too late for anyway. Or two, and this is the more likely option, whatever had you leave Phoenix in a hurry has caught up with you. And buddy, if that’s the case, then we are working blind here." Joe sits forward with his elbows resting on his knees, looking Fox straight in the eye. Meanwhile, I am squirming to keep my mommy urges in check that come with the overwhelming need to interfe
re. I need to trust Joe to have this one.
Fox is fidgeting, his eyes going between me and the others in the room, only to finally settle on Joe. "I can't," he finally says quietly, "It could put everyone in danger."
"Listen to me, kid. Right now? Your mom is a target. Her room was ripped to shreds, Fox, and the threat was crystal clear. And you are not any safer. The reason I'm putting you on the spot here, with Caleb and Katie present, is that the more people know this 'secret' you've been carrying around all this time, the less power it will have over you. Think about it. If whoever is doing this is trying to get you to keep your mouth shut, that incentive is gone once you've talked. The more people who know, the less likely it is they'll do anything about it. It would just point a bigger arrow at their ass. Right?"
When he finally gets a timid nod from Fox, I breathe a sigh of relief. Finally. "Go on, Bub. Let's get this shit dealt with," I give him an encouraging smile and get a weak one in return, but I'll take it.
"Well, uh... this summer, Dad was working on this case. Some kind of murder case. He was gone almost all of the time and then when he was around, he was stuck in his office with the door closed. He kept saying 'later' whenever I wanted to ask something and would forget about shit all the time. I was supposed to have a school form signed by him, something about a survival trip that was scheduled for the seniors that I'd signed up for. They needed his credit card information and signature that day or I couldn't go. So I went home for lunch hoping to catch him, knowing he was working from his home office. When I walked in, his office door was open and I heard him on speakerphone with someone." He stops talking and looks at Joe. "If you have to take me to jail, will you look after my mom?"
Without batting an eyelid, Joe responds, "Never doubt it, but I don't think you have to worry about jail, buddy. Just tell us the rest."
His eyes downcast, he picks up where he left off. "I heard Dad say something about not liking the way a murdered witness would look on his track record, and the guy on the other side laughed, saying... saying it was a bit too late for Dad to get squeamish. That it was done. I think I must've said something out loud then, ‘cause dad looked up and swore at me, telling me to close the effing door. I never went back to school, locked myself in my bedroom. Dad knocked on my door later and told me to pack up all my shit, that I was getting on the first available Greyhound back to Mom. He said my stupidity may have cost both of us our lives."