by Jack Ford
‘Why?’
He felt he should’ve said,
It’s none of your business,
Get off my back.
Instead he said, ‘It hurts.’
Zola nodded, looking like she understood. ‘Have you seen her?’
‘In what way?’
‘Have you seen her walking with you since you lost her?’
It sounded crazy but he knew exactly what she meant. ‘A long time ago when I was still searching for her. I used to think I saw her. I saw her everywhere. In a bar. In a mall. At the movie-house. But not now.’
‘Do you see her anywhere else?’
‘My dreams. But I never see her face, not really, and the dreams aren’t exactly great if you know what I mean. It’s more like a constant reminder of what I did wrong.’
‘Would you like to see her?’
‘I don’t even have the words for what I’d give for that, Zola. Just to see her again. Even once… I…’ He stopped. Breathed deeply. Felt the emotion well up. Began to floor him.
‘I can make you see her. I can help you do that.’
Cooper was stuck for words. But not for emotions. They came charging at him like a bull in a rodeo. Offended. Surprised. Angry. But most of all he was intrigued. ‘See her how?’
‘There’s a root we eat. A root which allows us to see our ancestors and the ones lost to us.’
Cooper didn’t say anything for a moment. He guessed she was talking about the Iboga root, which he knew was used in the DRC for visionary and hallucinogenic experiences. He’d heard it was often consumed in ceremonies for contacting the spirits of the ancestors, or providing a way to experience the journey to the other side. Giving the ability to communicate with the dead. The other thing he’d heard about the Iboga root was that it had a reputation of working on the specific. Almost individualized by the problems you had.
‘I don’t know.’
Zola tentatively took his hand. ‘It will help you… Come on.’
Switching on the pocket torch, Cooper walked with Zola along the path. Past the burnt out hut of Emmanuel’s and along into the deep undergrowth.
‘Have you a knife?’
Cooper pulled up the leg of his pants. Attached to his calf was a drop leg holster inside which was an Ontario ASEK survival knife He smiled to see Zola nodding in approval.
Then kneeling down next to several shrubs, with small green leaves and delicate white flowers, Zola began to pull at one of the plant’s roots. Exerting so much strength, her face twisted with the effort.
‘Let me do that.’
Cooper crouched down and with minimum struggle, pulled out the whole plant.
‘Brush the earth off the root… Bon. Now you don’t want the wood or the first layer of the bark, those parts you cannot eat. You need to use your knife to peel down to the second layer of the root… Oui, that’s it… Not too deep. Scrape, not dig… Juste un peu. C’est tout.’
He used the side of the sharp blade. Followed her instructions carefully. Shaved off the bark to the wispy second layer which curled into strips and dropped into his lap.
Zola took the shaved root. Peering and examining them so closely he felt like he was in a high school woodwork exam.
‘C’est ça. This will a good plant, and it’ll be enough for you to see. Quel-est son prénom?’
‘Ellie. Her name’s Ellie.’
‘Now you must go to her. It’s time. Chew it. She’s waiting for you.’
Cooper gazed into the old woman’s large almond eyes, which seemed to hold a combination of wisdom and naivety.
‘I’m not sure… I…’
‘Are you scared?’
He ran his fingers through his mop of strawberry blond hair. Ill at ease. Jesus, he felt embarrassed. Scared wasn’t a word he wanted to associate himself with.
‘No, of course not, Zola, why would I be scared? I’ve been a military man, a Navy SEAL, served my country, been on the front line, flown planes, you name it, scared isn’t in my vocabulary.’
‘Those things are things that you do, they aren’t who you are, not what you feel, here, inside.’
They both fell silent.
And Cooper ran his eyes around the darkness of the night. ‘Okay, yeah… yeah I’m scared. I’m scared to see her. Maybe she’ll hate me for what I did. I couldn’t take that. Or maybe she’ll not want to talk to me. I dunno, but… This is difficult to say, but the biggest thing I’m scared of, Zola, is tomorrow. When it’s all over, when I have to let her go again. When I’ve lost her all over again… I don’t know if I can do that.’
Once more, Zola took his hands. ‘But you won’t let her go, you’ve never let her go have you? She’s with you all the time, but let her in properly or she’ll keep on hurting you. Stop trying to keep her away. You won’t even sleep in case she comes to you in your dreams. And she wants to. Crois-moi.’
Cooper buried his face in his hands, his body moving with silent racking sobs.
Zola stood up and waited patiently for him to calm down as he wiped his face on his sleeve. Smiling and taking the strips of root from Zola, he said, ‘I’m ready.’
‘Then I’ll leave you on your own with her.’
She turned to walk away.
‘Zola, stop! I never asked you your grandson’s name.’
‘Laurent. His name was Laurent and he was a good boy.’
‘I’m sure he was, I have no doubt about it at all… and Zola, thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me, this is our exchange. Your ancestors helped to save me and now mine are helping to save you. It is the spirits we both should thank.’
73
Twenty-five minutes after Zola had gone, and having consumed the bitter tasting Iboga root, and having vomited twice, and wondering if he’d done the right thing, Cooper sat staring so intently at the tree, with his eyes stretched so open wide, they began to hurt.
He watched, certain a strong wind was getting up under the tree’s branches but then, slowly, little by little, the bark of the tree started to change into a ripple of colors. Moving with grace along the ground.
Greens and blues. Visions spectacular. A fountain of pinks and gold, dancing round like magical raindrops falling from the moon which covered him with light. Grass growing so high he couldn’t see where it ended, and water covering the floor which he didn’t fall through.
He stretched out his arms straight in front of him. Felt the heavy weight of nothing. He looked along his arm and followed the dancing beams to his hands, and from his hands to the tips of his fingers. From the tips of his fingers he touched someone else’s hand.
‘Ellie?’
‘Yes, Tom, it’s me… I’m here. You’ve found me.’
74
Cooper managed to open his eyes on the third attempt. But hell did it hurt. He rolled his tongue round his mouth, wanting to conjure up enough saliva to alleviate the sticky dryness. It didn’t work. His head pounded like he’d just banged it against a hard surface and his sinuses shot out hot pain, the kind which made it excruciating to even breathe.
His thoughts seemed hazy. Mind numb. Blank with tiredness. And even to try to contemplate reflecting on the experience he’d had, or how he felt, seemed impossible. Nothing seemed real. Not where he was. Not who he was. Like he was in a suspended state.
He pushed his back up against the tree trunk. Tried to slide up onto his feet. Got stuck half way. And though he aware of the scraping bark against his back, he wasn’t quite sure if it hurt or not.
Blew out heavily. Hoped to steady himself as well as to avoid being sick. Didn’t work.
‘Come on, come on.’
He spoke out loud. Or he thought he did. And with huge exhaustive effort, he wiped the vomit off his chin and began to stagger back along the path, stopping occasionally to bend over and vomit and rest his hands on his legs.
‘Where the hell have you been?’
Rosedale stood by one of the huts. Hands on hips. Towel draped over the back of his neck.
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At first Cooper thought his words weren’t going to come. He cleared his throat. A groggy croak followed. ‘Not now Rosedale.’
‘Listen, Thomas, I need to talk to you. It’s important.’
‘I said, not now!’
He staggered against a tree. The sound of his own voice making him wince and knocking him sideward.
Maddie said, ‘Jesus, Tom, are you okay? You look really ill.’
He stared at Maddie. Memories from last night beginning to rush through his mind like a time-lapse video. ‘What…? Yeah… I’m fine.’
She reached to touch him, but he pulled away. Rubbed his head and was barely able to stand. ‘Look, I said I’m fine… Don’t fuss.’
Rosedale roared. ‘Of course he’s fine. He’s just a class-A mess. What did you do, hey, Thomas? Took too many of your candy pills? Or maybe this is the cold turkey talking? You run out of them, is that it? Talk to me, boy!’
Maddie’s concern touched both her face and her voice. ‘Shut up, Rosedale…! What is it, Tom? What’s happened?’
Cold sweat was running down Cooper’s face. He stared at her. Double vision. ‘Look, just leave me alone, okay… I’ll be back later… soon, whatever.’
Cooper staggered off to the sound of Maddie and Rosedale calling after him.
‘Tom…! Tom!’
‘Thomas, we need to talk!’
Cooper stumbled away into the forest. Headed for the river at the bottom of the hill. He needed to refresh. To cool. To think. He looked round, remembering it’d only been a couple of days ago since he’d been carrying Zola up the hill but now, hell, he was struggling even to walk. Leaning on every tree. Having to rest to close his eyes, only to begin to fall into a light sleep before jolting himself awake on losing his balance.
And with all energy sapped and drained and drawn out of him, it seemed to take forever to get to the river. And by the time he did, a film of cold clammy sweat sat unwelcome beneath his clothes.
Managing a half run. He closed his eyes. Fell onto his knees as if he was beset by a religious epiphany.
And the cool water felt just like it should… God it felt good.
He leant further forwards, letting the river rush over his head before entirely submerging it. He came back up only to plunge his head back down towards the muted jingle of pebbles on the riverbed.
With his head under the water Cooper watched the bubbles aerate and sit round his nose. He left his eyes open, feeling the cool. Letting it soothe. Watched the swirl of the clear water. And then watched it change.
A channel of red streamed gently past him, flowing innocuously by, as if part of a summer’s day.
He pulled quickly back up and felt the drag of the river weighing heavy. He looked around and wiped the water away and began to run and fought against the fatigue which was dragging him down.
He followed the trail of the blood upstream and on seeing something, he scrabbled down the bank and slipped and fell and tumbled into the water and waded across to the other side of the river, before he slowly realized what he was looking at.
‘Zola…! Zola…! Zola!’
He reached. Hauling her towards him. Turning her over like he’d done to Jackson all those years ago. ‘Zola!… Oh God, no!’
And he clasped her to him, lugging her out of the water and up onto the bank. Then sat her up. Cradling her in his arms as he rocked her gently.
‘Zola…’ he whispered. ‘Zola, it’s me, Thomas… Answer me, Zola… réponds-moi… please, say something. Dis quelque chose.’
There was no response. Nothing. Nothing at all.
‘Ne meure pas. Tu ne peux pas mourir… S’il te plait… ne meure pas.’
He felt a sudden wetness on his forearm. Then leaning Zola forward, he looked down in horror. The back of her skull had collapsed. Falling away. Leaving a gaping hole the size of his fist. Oozing fluid and oozing blood. Part of her brain falling out and onto his arm and dropping down to mix with the muddy, squelching ground.
He dropped her. His legs scrabbling underneath him faster than his body could move away. Staring at her lifeless body. Wondering if what he was seeing was real or not. Maybe this was part of the trip. The come down.
He touched her body gently with his boot to see if she was real… Yes. Oh my God. He looked her again. He thought she’d just fallen.
Slipped.
Hit her head.
Assumed she had. But there was no mistaking what’d happened.
Zola had been shot.
And Cooper, covered in blood, scooped her up, not hearing the sound of his own drawn out cry. And he struggled and tried to see through his tears as he walked along the road, carrying her body towards the village.
‘Oh my God, Tom, what’s happened? What have you done?’
It was Maddie coming up from behind him. But he didn’t stop. Forced her to run in front of him with Rosedale blocking his way.
Rosedale stared. ‘What the hell happened, Thomas? Tell me you haven’t done this.’
‘She’s been shot.’
Rosedale paled. ‘What?’
Cooper could hear his voice was strained. Pained. ‘I think we were probably followed back here… That red motorcycle Maddie saw…’ He trailed off. Couldn’t focus, and he thought Rosedale was asking him questions, but his voice seemed too distant, too far away to hear.
‘Thomas, do you think whoever did it was just after her, or us? Perhaps they saw her show us the land, and couldn’t risk her talking. Or maybe it was a warning. But whatever way, I reckon this is Bemba’s doing, I just know it. When did it happen…? Thomas! Thomas, I’m talking to you.’
‘What…? What…? I don’t know… I just found her.’
‘What the hell do you mean, you don’t know? I thought she was with you? You were supposed to be looking after her.’
His own thoughts confused him. ‘She was, last night, then she left me and…’
‘Left you, where? What the hell were you doing? Why weren’t you keeping an eye on her?’
He tried to concentrate on Rosedale. He could see thoughts were playing out on his face. Angrily he spat out more words. ‘Thomas, I reckon this has got something to do with the way you were behaving earlier… Well has it…? Answer me, boy!’
‘Get out of my way.’
Rosedale shook his head. ‘No, not until you tell me what’s going on. That, and the fact we also need to move from here. We can’t afford to be seen, and carrying a dead body about, in my books, would make us look pretty suspicious.’
The anger rushed through Cooper. ‘Everything’s one big joke to you, Rosedale, isn’t it?’
Rosedale leant in to Cooper as the rain began to pour down. ‘You need to get a goddamn hold of yourself, Thomas. You’re going to jeopardize everything here, probably even us, if you don’t get off the road.’
‘You can do what you like, Rosedale, but see right now, there are way more important things than Granger’s freaking plane. Like this dead woman.’
Maddie tried to calm the situation. She glanced around, nervous for Cooper.
‘Tom, please, Rosedale’s right, we need to move. Whoever’s done this to her, they might be still around. Come on… Now!’
Cooper turned on Maddie. ‘What would you like me to do, Maddison? Leave her here? Just dump her on the road? That’s what you want isn’t it?’
Maddie reddened. ‘No, God no, but you need to listen to me. We have to get out of here. Tom, look at me. Tom…’
‘Leave it, Maddison, Thomas here doesn’t want to listen, he’s got that crazy look in his eyes. Unravelling right in front of us. But let me tell you something, boy. If you think you’re going to do what you always do, go over the line, lose sight of the aim of the investigation, and the reason why we’re here, then you’ve got another think coming. You are not going to put us in danger.’
Cooper felt a darkness descend on him. ‘Like I said, get the hell out of my way.’
‘No can do, Thomas. We, and that includes you, ne
ed to get off this road and fast.’
‘I’m warning you.’
Rosedale tilted his head. His voice menacing. ‘Is that a threat, Thomas? Are you threatening me?’
Maddie, pulled at Rosedale’s arm. ‘No, no, of course he’s not saying that. Tell him, Tom, you’re not threatening him, are you?’
‘Yeah, Thomas, tell me…’
Rosedale waited for an answer from Cooper. And he got one.
Still holding Zola, he freed one of his hands to slip it to his back holster to draw out his gun. He saw only a flicker of emotion crossing Rosedale’s face, unlike Maddie’s who looked at him in alarm.
And even though Cooper held Zola in the crook of one arm, the gun, pointing at Rosedale, was precision steady. ‘I’ll ask you again, Rosedale… Move the hell out of my way.’
Rosedale pulled at the buttons on his shirt, exposing his chest. ‘Be my guest, Thomas, but a word of advice… make sure you kill me.’
Cooper flicked off the safety catch with his thumb, drawing back the trigger on his Colt series 7. ‘Your choice.’
‘No! No! No!’
Maddie shouted as she jumped in front of Rosedale, who looked more shocked than he’d done when Cooper had pulled the gun on him. She cried as torrents of rainwater ran down her face. ‘Put the gun down, Tom! Please, just put it down. We can work out whatever’s going on. You don’t need to do this…’
‘Move out of the way, Maddie. This is between me and Rosedale.’
‘No, I won’t. I’m not moving. I’m going to stay right here. So if you want to shoot Rosedale, you’ll have to shoot me, too. So come on, what’s it going to be?’
Cooper gritted his teeth, this time able to feel the pulse throbbing above his eye. But he couldn’t quite work out what he was feeling as he talked to her.
‘You want to see if I’ll shoot both of you? Is that what you want? Is that what you want to see? Why are you doing this, Maddie?’
Maddie didn’t even bother trying to wipe away her tears. ‘Me…? Why am I doing this? Look at yourself, Tom. You’ve lost it. You need to get help. I can’t look after you anymore. I’ve tried, I really have but I can’t do this. That’s why I left, because I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t want Cora to see her daddy like this.’