by J. H. Croix
He took a slow breath, trying to ease the ache in his chest. “I know. I suppose it’s a damn good thing I don’t have any court hearings this week.”
Elaine smiled softly. “What happened?”
He shifted his shoulders, noticing the residual soreness from his fall in the snowy, dark night was almost gone. Strangely, he missed it. The pain was a reminder of Delia. “I don’t know exactly. I was calling every day and she asked me to get more specific about when we’d see each other again.” He threw a hand up. “Next thing I know I said the dumbest thing I could and she broke it off. Told me not to bother.” He had to fight the tears that threatened. He couldn’t remember feeling like this—ever.
Elaine nodded slowly. “What did you say?”
Garrett groaned and leaned his chin in his hand. “Told her I’d have to check my calendar.”
Elaine’s eyes widened. “I know you already said it, but that really was dumb on your part.”
“Trust me, I know. I’ve tried to call her back, but she’s not answering.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“What do you mean?”
“If she’s as important as she seems to be to you, you don’t need to be sitting around hoping she’ll answer the phone. Get on a plane and go up there. Actions speak much louder than words.”
Garrett leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. He tried to gather his thoughts and explain himself to Elaine, so she’d understand why he was waiting. The problem was, he had no idea himself. He couldn’t seem to take action one way or another. Since the ceiling offered no answers, he brought his gaze back to Elaine.
“You think if I go up there, that’ll help?”
“I think sitting here hoping she’ll answer the phone definitely won’t help.” Elaine angled her head to the side, her gaze assessing. “I don’t think I’ve ever had an opinion about your love life because there was never anything to have an opinion about. All I know is the look on your face when you talk about Delia is the look of someone in love. I’m getting the idea you’re pretty scared of how you feel. You don’t have to listen to me, but trust me when I say it’s not that easy to find someone that makes you feel like that. If you want a chance, you’re going to have to put yourself out there.”
Garrett sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. “Okay, okay. I’ll get organized here and…”
“Garrett, you don’t need to organize anything. You didn’t before you left last time. At least this time, you’ve got most of your active cases reassigned and clients notified. I’ll take care of anything else. Just go.”
Elaine stood and picked up the files she’d carried with her. “Let me know your plans.” At that, she briskly left his office.
He replayed their conversation, trying to pinpoint his discomfort. She’s right. You’re scared. If you can’t get up the nerve to face Delia, you might as well admit you’re giving up. At that taunt from his inner critic, he swore and stood.
He didn’t even bother going home. He left messages for Becca and Gage on his way to the airport.
Chapter 23
Delia sat at her desk, trying to stay focused on ordering supplies for the month. This was her first year managing the restaurant, so sometimes she felt a little lost. The winter had turned out much busier than she’d anticipated. Fortunately, Gage was as new to this as she was and was patient with her missteps. She felt like she was flying by the seat of her pants sometimes. One way or another, she’d pulled together enough supplies and settled into a rhythm. With spring around the corner, she wasn’t certain how to plan. She had access to her mother’s old records from the days her mother ran the lodge restaurant, but those records were over twenty years old. This first winter since Gage had reopened Last Frontier Lodge had exceeded the busiest season the lodge ever had back in the day when his grandparents owned it.
With Last Frontier Lodge being the only ski lodge on the southern Kenai Peninsula in Alaska, she had little for comparison. Given that the restaurant had a steady flow of local customers, she was trying to use those numbers to help her plan for the spring. Gage intended to keep the lodge open year-round. He’d already developed relationships with some local guide business for referrals. He’d partnered with the Winters brothers who ran a fishing and guiding business in Diamond Creek, along with Trey Holden who led flightseeing tours into the backcountry. Gage hoped to turn the lodge into more than a ski lodge. His relentless work ethic had paid dividends this winter, so Delia figured she’d better be ready for a busy summer. This would be an entirely new endeavor for the lodge. When Delia had grown up tagging along with her mother in the lodge kitchen, the lodge closed every summer.
She completed her orders and switched over to updating monthly reports. There was a knock at her door. She absently called out for whomever it was to come in without looking up.
“Delia.”
Garrett’s voice was low, gravelly and unmistakable. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. She whipped her head up. The sight of him was so good, a flare of joy raced through her. She had to force herself to stay calm. She wasn’t going to make a fool of herself. He looked tired. His hair was mussed as if he’d run a hand through it a few too many times. He wore a suit jacket and button down shirt, both of which were rumpled. His blue eyes were weary and wary at once.
“Garrett. I, uh, didn’t know you were coming.”
He shrugged. “Me neither. I decided I’d just come up again.” He paused and glanced over his shoulder when someone called her name.
She stood and walked to the door. “Yeah?”
Harry was on his way over to her office. He paused at the door when he saw Garrett. After quickly greeting Garrett, he turned to Delia. “Annie called out sick again, so if you can fill in out front in a little while, that would be great.”
“Sure. What time does her shift start?”
“Not until five. I can cover the early part, but once six hits, it’s too busy for just me.”
“No problem. Is she okay?”
Harry shook his head. “She has a bad cold and sounds like hell, but I’m sure she’ll be fine in a few days.”
His eyes bounced from Garrett to Delia again with a subtle arch of his brow. Delia knew he was wondering what was going on, but she was just as surprised as him. She shrugged, and Harry turned away with a wave.
Delia closed the door behind him and stepped back to her desk. She leaned her hips against her desk and crossed her arms, trying to contain the emotions surging through her. She’d missed Garrett so. She’d done her damnedest to block it out, but she’d failed completely. Every night, she fell asleep thinking about him and spent most of her days batting thoughts of him away. She felt like she was playing a game of dodge ball in her mind. To have him standing here in front of her set her body to humming. He was so damn sexy that even tired and rumpled, he took her breath away and sent heat sliding through her veins.
Garrett was quiet, his eyes locked to hers. His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. He moved suddenly, closing the short distance between them in two strides. Her breath caught and her pulse rocketed. He threaded a hand into her hair and brought his mouth to hers before she could think to hesitate. Once his lips landed, she was lost. His first touch was soft, almost a question. When she arched into him, his tongue traced her lips before delving inside. Sensation took over and she gasped into his mouth—a gasp of relief and pure need at once. His kiss seared her through—hot, wet, and deep.
He tore free and his lips traveled down her neck in a sizzling path. Shudders wracked her body. His free hand slid down her back, his touch strong and sure. He stepped into the cradle of her hips, and she felt the heat of his hard shaft like a brand against her. Unable to keep herself from arching against him, she moaned as hot, liquid need pooled between her thighs and her sex clenched with want. She scrambled for purchase in her mind, trying to drag herself out of the madness. She managed to choke out his name.
He stilled and lifted his head. His blue eyes were nearly impossible to look away from. She wanted to just forget herself and let her body’s needs rule. But she couldn’t. She had to pull herself together.
“We can’t start like this,” she said, gesturing between them. Her body protested, but she ignored the need throbbing through her.
He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. I just…” His eyes looked pained as he took a shuddering breath. “I missed you. That’s all.”
She could feel his heartbeat under her palm that had landed on his chest. It pounded fast and hard, in tune with her own. “I missed you too.” Her words slipped out without her permission. She wanted to grab them back. She didn’t want to be as vulnerable as she felt with him. She couldn’t put her heart on the line if all he meant to be was temporary.
She looked up at him and gulped in air. “Why are you here, Garrett?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
“No, not really. Last time we talked, you didn’t seem to know anything permanent about your plans. What’s changed?”
When he was silent for a long moment, she purposefully pulled her hand away from his chest even though it took all of her willpower. She shimmied out from between him and the desk and moved quickly around to the other side. Putting a desk between them might help her keep her head clear. His eyes tracked her movements.
She felt bereft at the forced separation from him—just this tiny moment and all she wanted was him. Again.
“You haven’t answered my question.”
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Nothing changed to begin with for me. I’m still sorting through things with my practice and have transferred most of my cases. Before you stopped talking to me, I had already applied for my law license here.”
Her heart leapt at that, hope hollering to be heard. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it wasn’t that she needed to know exactly when he’d be in Alaska more full-time. She didn’t expect him to uproot his life for her. What she wanted was to know what she meant to him. When they were skin to skin, their hearts beating as one and their bodies entwined, she knew what she felt. But in the less intense moments, she sensed Garrett wasn’t sure, that he just might walk away from it all because it wasn’t tidy to care that deeply for someone. The emotional knots she felt were anything but tidy. She felt tossed like a kite in the winds of her emotions and didn’t like how deeply he affected her and what he meant to her. If she was going to put her heart on the line, she couldn’t do it alone.
She forced herself to take a breath, trying to gather herself together. She made a swift decision. If she expected him to put himself out there, she at least needed to show the courage she wanted from him.
“Garrett, I love you.” As soon as the words came out, she panicked even though she’d almost said them once already. She’d spent so many years making sure she didn’t make a fool of herself again, the way she had with Terry all those years ago. Funny thing was she’d felt foolish over Terry, but her feelings had never even come close to what she felt for Garrett. She looked away and tried to slow her racing pulse. When she turned back, Garrett looked stunned and frozen. Tears clogged her throat and pricked at her eyes. She fumbled forward. “You have to understand. When I told you before I thought I was falling in love with you, I already was. I just didn’t have the nerve to say it for certain. I’m not trying to play games. You mean too much. I didn’t plan this. I’m not trying to pressure you. You just have to know that I can’t feel the way I do and keep going forward when I’m not really sure how you feel.”
Garrett’s breath came out in a whoosh. She watched him carefully, waiting to see what he would say. His expression started to look like that of a frightened child. Her stomach knotted with dread. Impatient, she moved around her desk to the closet where she kept a small selection of clothes to wear out front when needed. Garrett stood stock still in the center of her office, completely silent. She turned to face him, her hands gripping the hanger that held a blouse.
“While you keep thinking, please let me be. I have to work.” Her heart pounded in her ears.
“Delia, please…”
She shook her head. “When you’re ready to maybe let me know what I mean to you, we can talk. Until then, we’re right where we were before.”
As she lifted her hand to gesture to the door, she saw the tremor in it and hoped he didn’t notice. Garrett took a step toward her and she shook her head sharply. She stepped quickly into the small bathroom and closed the door. She carefully set her clothes on the counter and stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was in a messy ponytail. Her shirt had stains on it from a variety of dishes she’d cooked earlier in the day. Her cheek was streaked with something and flour dusted her hair on one side. She smiled sadly. Even looking like this, Garrett kissed her. She touched her fingers to her lips, remembering the feel of his against them. If only she could trust his kisses meant something more to him.
Chapter 24
Garrett stared out the windows in Gage and Marley’s apartment upstairs at the lodge. He’d been staring out too many windows lately. The view here was spectacular and he couldn’t even appreciate it. He turned away just as Gage walked through the door.
Gage walked straight to him and tugged him into bear hug, stepping back with a grin.
“Hey, man. How was your flight?”
“I slept the whole way here.”
Gage chuckled before his expression sobered. “What’s up? You don’t look so good.”
Garrett sighed and rolled his head from side to side, trying to ease the tension in his neck. “You know how Delia broke it off?”
Gage walked past him as he replied. “Yeah. That’s why I was glad to get your message today. Thought maybe you’d gotten your head out of your ass.” Gage swung the refrigerator open and held up two beers. At Garrett’s nod, he opened them and tugged a stool out at the counter, gesturing for Garrett to do the same.
Garrett sat down across from him and took a swallow of beer. “I’m trying to get my head out of my ass, but it doesn’t seem to be working out too well.”
“What the hell could have happened between when you landed and now?”
“I went to talk to Delia, and it didn’t go too well.”
Gage waved his hand for Garrett to continue. Garrett once again found himself tongue-tied. Every time he tried to explain anything related to how he felt about Delia, it was like his brain went to static. He forced himself to flounder through. “Well, Delia said she loves me. And damn if I knew what to say. I swear, Gage, my brain turned off once she said that. She didn’t even give me a chance to pull my shit together. She said maybe when I could let her know what she means to me and then we can talk. What the hell do I do?”
He took a gulp of beer and tried to think straight. Which had started to seem impossible when it came to Delia.
Gage was quiet for so long, Garrett started to get uncomfortable. When he looked up, he saw concern tinged with amusement in Gage’s eyes.
“What?” he asked.
“Garrett, did it ever occur to you that you might need to talk about your feelings? Especially if you’re going to try this whole relationship thing.”
Garrett sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He was surprised his hair hadn’t fallen out at this rate.
The glimmer of amusement faded from Gage’s eyes. “Look, I get it. When I met Marley, it was like getting whacked upside the head. I had absolutely no idea how to deal with it. But I’ve had a little practice now. If there’s one thing I’ve figured out, if someone matters a lot to you, there’s no sense in trying to hide it. It won’t make your feelings go away. I suppose the question you need to answer for yourself is whether you love Delia, or more specifically if you can imagine letting her pass you by. If the idea of losing her freaks you out, then you probably love her. When it comes to Delia, I don’t think she’s trying to pressure you. She’s one of the most honest people I know. Aside from herself,
she has to think about Nick. She isn’t going to let someone into their lives if she’s worried it might confuse Nick.”
Garrett took a slow breath and another gulp of beer, the alcohol taking the edge off the panicky feeling coiled in his chest. He shook his head, tracing the label on his beer bottle. “You got the part about getting whacked upside the head right. I guess I’d better figure this one out.”
“I think you already know the answer.”
“Mind sharing?”
Gage hitched his brows up. “Come on, man. You know it too.”
“I love her.” As soon as he said it, a sense of relief followed by fear crashed through him.
“Looks like it to me.”
“But how do I know for sure?”
Gage shook his head with a wry smile “Ah, the lawyer in you wants it to be black and white. You want a definite answer and want to assess all the probabilities first. It doesn’t work that way.”
“I don’t…” Garrett started to protest, but Gage waved him off.
“Stop talking and do something. Wanna know how it looks from outside?”
“Sure.”
“You’re a rich, corporate lawyer who could have his pick of women. You decided to take a vacation and make some changes in your career. You have enough money that you can do that without too much trouble. Delia’s beautiful and smart. She put her dreams away to move back home and raise her son because she couldn’t afford to do it on her own. Of the two of you, she should be the one who’s afraid to stick her neck out, but instead it’s you. You’re so used to calling the shots you don’t know how to handle this. I’m not saying this to give you a hard time. You’re my brother, so I know you’re a lot more than what shows on the surface. It doesn’t change the fact that if you want Delia, you’re gonna have to reach out and grab her.”