by SJ Moquin
“What?” She barely heard the whispered word over the din around them. She leaned closer, suddenly nervous if she should share the odd file with him.
“There was a file on an overlay map directly over the glade we visited even though no one has studied there.”
“What did it say?” he asked, leaning in to match her posture as they hunkered over their meals.
“Nothing. That’s just it. When I opened it, it was blank, then closed and disappeared.”
“Odd.”
“Yeah. Could have been a glitch.”
“Could’ve,” he said, leaning back again, but his brows were still drawn tight as he thought over her words. “Could be a deleted file too.” She wasn’t sure about that. A deleted file didn’t show up like that.
“I suppose it could have been.” She didn’t want to say what else she thought it could be. Questioning whether she was imagining things was one thing, admitting it to someone, especially Raiden, was another. She smiled, sure it looked more of a grimace as she pushed those errant thoughts aside. Raiden leaned forward again, but before he could say anything, laughter from behind them interrupted him.
“Oh, goodness. I forgot all about this,” Gwelle grumbled under her breath. A screeching song rang out over the crowd while some cheered and others laughed. On the small stage, a girl a few years older than her stood singing loud and off-key. A couple of musicians played along. By no means was it great music. It couldn’t even be classified good music, nowhere near the quality of her music collection, but people sang along, clapping and cheering when the girl finished, and another audience member took the stage.
“I haven’t been down here for karaoke night in a while.” Raiden’s smile spread as he listened transforming him from the serious protector into a fun-loving, normal guy.
She shuddered as a random audience member was called up next. Looking down at her plate, she slid food around with her fork a moment, her appetite playing hide and seek with her. A couple minutes later, her name echoed across the room as whistles and cheers erupted. Gwelle’s head jerked up at the sound. Raiden grinned but it was a loud, whistling Knox a few tables away calling for her to be next singer, who she zoned in on. Lark sat next to him shrugging her shoulders. Gwelle’s head immediately started shaking while her feet melted into the floor, freezing her in place.
“I believe they are calling your name.” Raiden wore a lopsided smile as he looked her direction.
“There is no way I’m getting up there.”
“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.” Gwelle shook her head, a queasy feeling spinning in her core. Whether he noticed her usual tanned complexion pale or the fear rising in her eyes, Raiden’s smile slipped a little. “What? Don’t tell me you’re afraid! The fearless Gwelle Airda afraid of singing? Who’d ever thought?”
“I am not afraid!” Gwelle hissed despite everything inside her stiff, frozen in fear. “I sing! Just… just not in front of so many… people.” It was all she could do to spit the words out over the numbness growing inside her. She honestly felt if she moved, she’d lose what little contents her stomach held. Pull it together, she chided herself not enjoying this feeling at all. Raiden’s smirk softened, his smile tender now.
“I forget sometimes.”
“Forget what?”
“That you are just a girl. Human. I’ve built you up in my mind as a sort of supergirl.” Gwelle’s brows dipped at his words until he continued in a whisper. “It’s nice to see the real you, Gwelle. Not the one you think you need to show everyone. It reminds me that maybe dreams are capable of coming true.”
She wasn’t sure what she looked like with her mouth hanging open at his soft-spoken words. She didn’t have time to form a reply as his chair scraped across the polished wooden floorboards. Raiden wove between tables, dodging patrons and waitresses until he reached the stage. The coldness sped through her core, engulfing her. Was he going to call her out for the fraud she was, here in front of everyone? He ran a hand through his ebony locks as he whispered something to the musicians, the men strumming something for a moment before nodding. Raiden turned, grinning slightly to the crowd before his eyes sought hers.
“This is for a girl I once knew; one I’d like to know again.” His throat cleared as he began, his words soft at first as his rich baritone voice filled the room. A hush fell over the crowd as they listened, but no one more entranced than she.
“We fell in love as kids,” he crooned, closing his eyes letting the lyrics flow from him. “I’ll not lo-se you a-gain.” His green eyes opened finding her brown ones across the packed space. She couldn’t turn away, hanging on every word. The song was the first one which had played on the emplay he’d left her the night of the power outage.
Where ice had been a moment before, now fire raged, licking at her from inside out. She squirmed in the chair, sure every person in the room knew who he sang to, but only Lark looked her way when she glanced around. Her friend wore a huge smile which did little to hide her thoughts on the matter. The curly-haired girl held up her hands in the shape of a heart while batting her lashes. Gwelle felt the heat rush to her cheeks as she glanced back to where Raiden was bowing, flashing a smile as the crowd cheered. In one swift move, he’d jumped from the small stage, and was heading back her direction.
“Let’s get out of here before they ask for an encore,” he teased, throwing some credits on the table while holding his hand out towards her. She took it, the feel of his rough skin wrapping around her small hand as he led them from the crowded club sent shivers through her.
The quiet of the night was shocking compared to the din of Bayard’s. They walked in silence for a moment, and he let her hand rest in his. Bayard’s set at the far side of what could be the commons district. Small shops, the marketplace, schools and community buildings clustered around a central commons. Raiden led her under a large, sprawling tree near its center, moonlight from the two bright moons filtering through the rustling leaves overhead. He released her hand, half-leaning, half-standing against the tree as she tucked a strand of hair behind an ear.
“Are you going to the festival?” he asked, making small talk when neither broached a subject.
“I wouldn’t miss it. You?” Her breath hitched, waiting for his reply.
“Of course, unless I’m on patrol duty. But I should have rotation off that day.” She listened to Raiden’s deep voice fill the dark around them. He rambled on, trying to fill the void, but all she heard was the lyrics from the song she’d loved right before he joined the protectors.
“Why?” she blurted out over whatever he was saying about the festival.
“Why?” he echoed, furrowing his brow pushing away from the tree.
“The song…”
“Gwelle, just because you tried forgetting me doesn’t mean I stopped remembering you.” He ran a single finger down her cheek, tilting her chin up. He towered over her in the dark as she stepped backward, meeting the tree. The need to know why fled, leaving her in the here and now, with Raiden, the boy she’d not only counted as her best friend growing up, but the one boy she felt stirrings for despite being fourteen at the time. He was her first crush, her first love. Maybe that’s why she’d pushed him so far, scared not only of what he’d done, but also of the feelings he awakened in her, never wanting to be hurt again. She licked her lips trying to focus.
“I meant what I said. You hurt me.” She tried holding onto the pain, which was almost non-existent now, afraid what she’d find growing beneath its dark cloak if she turned loose.
“Then let me make up for it. Let me make up for it every day until the pain is gone.” She was backed against the tree, no place to run. But she wouldn’t have moved if she could. Raiden’s head dipped, his lips skimming hers in a barely there kiss as one hand cupped the back of her neck while the other braced on the trunk she leaned against. Every horrible name she’d called him in her head surfaced as her arms tangled around his neck on their own. She hadn’t meant them. She knew that the
n and beyond a doubt knew that now as his lips claimed hers.
Reality rushed back with warring emotions, crashing over her. Gwelle pulled away, ducking her head as she took a deep breath. Raiden didn’t stop her, but he didn’t step back either sending small tendrils of longing scampering back up her arms. One kiss and she already wanted to pull him close and forget everything.
“Say something, Gwelle.”
“What do you want me to say, Raiden, that I can forget the pain? I can’t. It’s still there.”
“No. As frustrating as it is for me, as much as I want you to, I don’t expect that. The pain was real for too long to forget.”
“Then what?” Gwelle asked looking up into his emerald eyes, a new fear clawed its way to the surface. A fear that she’d pushed too long, too far that he’d finally given up despite the passion she felt the moment before. A fear he’d turn and walk away, moving on without her. The hypocrisy of it all wasn’t lost on her, but at the moment she couldn’t help the two sides fighting for dominance. The side screaming with pain, and the side screaming to forget it all.
“Give me time. That’s all I ask.”
“Time?” she said softly, hoping beyond hopes for the next words to be the ones she wanted to hear.
“Time to make you forget. Can you at least give me that?” The sigh escaping was audible. She slumped against him resting her cheek against his broad chest.
“Yes.” She wasn’t sure he heard the whispered word mumbled into his shirt, his scent wafting around her. She didn’t move, couldn’t move, as he wrapped his arms around her holding her close. Night birds sang, trilling in the treetops creating their own serenade as she relaxed. Gwelle let herself forget for a moment. The pain slipping into the recesses of her mind. She wondered if she’d ever be able to keep it there. Did she want to? Yes. The answer surprised her, but she shouldn’t have been after the past few days when her thoughts betrayed her thinking of Raiden every moment they could.
Opening her eyes, with a smile on her lips, she glanced at their darkened surroundings. Gwelle stiffened. There in the distance beside a small shop, the moonlight caught a glimmer in the air. Her breath hitched, worry clawing inside her. If she was going crazy, she couldn’t get close to Raiden. It wasn’t fair.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as she pulled away.
“Can you take me home now?” Her words were sharp, clipped. The perfect night slipped away as she turned from the boy she’d thought she could open up to, reminding herself what a foolish idea that had been as he trailed behind her in the dark.
Chapter Thirteen
Confession
His feet kept rhythm with hers as he chased after her through the darkened paths. The faster he moved, the faster she pushed herself, until her quick pace turned to a jog then a run. She grasped the porch column as she took the stairs quicker than intended, her breath shallow, feet tripping.
“Gwelle! Stop!”
She had no intention of doing so, but found her feet slowing despite her resolve. A shiver ran through her as she felt his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away again.”
“This wasn’t a good idea, Raiden. It’s best you go home.” Whatever home he had. There was no one waiting for him as there was for her. For so long, she’d mourned what she lost when her dad died and then Raiden joined the protectors. She pushed him away, hurt. A hurt that was solely hers, the hurt of a girl needing her father who would never return, a hurt with no one to lay blame on. So she’d found someone. Raiden had been her scapegoat. She knew that now. Hadn’t he lost so much more? When she pushed him away, she’d virtually pushed him into the cold deep space her father now floated in.
“Why?” There was pain etched in his voice now. The dark-haired girl wrapped her arms about her middle and shook her head as she did so. She couldn’t stand to hear the hurt she was causing. When she didn’t turn around, he moved around her. His hands reached out for her but when she flinched backwards, he ran them shakily through his hair with a sigh.
“It’s best this way,” she whispered.
“No. You don’t get to decide that this time. Something is wrong, Gwelle. What aren’t you saying?” Gwelle’s head shot up with a look of surprise. “I knew it.” Cursing herself for confirming his theory when he muttered the words under his breath, she bit her lip. Should she tell him her fears? Could she?
“What makes you think there’s something wrong?” She tried playing off his accusations but knew there was little hope of getting him to believe her when he raised one brow at her question.
“Because I’m not stupid, Gwelle. I saw the look on your face just before you rushed off. It was the same as right before you fell from that tree. And at the falls a few weeks back.”
“Wait. But you weren’t at the falls with us. You only walked up as we were leaving.” Gwelle narrowed her eyes at Raiden who stood in the shadows of the porch, the moonlight not reaching his face.
“I was there. I’d come up on you earlier. When you were on top of the falls and stayed nearby to make sure nothing happened.” Gwelle wasn’t sure whether to be upset or happy at the revelation. Even before she was speaking to him again, he’d watched out for her. You know, in a creepy stalker kind of way, but she couldn’t hold it against him knowing it was basically his job to protect and guard the citizens of Nova-Zera. Which she was one of, her mind added. “I was right though. You’re keeping something from me. From everyone, if I had to guess.”
Resigning to the inevitable, she walked the length of the porch, lowering herself onto the squeaky swing, buying herself a minute as he joined her. He didn’t say anything as he sat beside her. She tucked her legs up, and wrapped her arms around her knees, letting him push the swing. The slow rocking motion calmed her nerves, and insects chirped a night melody in the nearby grass. She let the mix of his scent, musky and wild, and the night blooming flowers planted around the porch, waft over her before she took a deep breath preparing to lay out her worst fears.
“I’ve been seeing things.” She mumbled the words, soft and low, but he heard her. The porch swing shook, slowing a moment before he righted himself giving it another push as his foot scraped against the wooden boards of the porch.
“What kind of things?” His tone matched hers.
“I’ve seen a shimmering. Not sure how else to explain it, like there was a distortion in the air. I can see through it like you’re looking through water. Everything behind the shimmer looked misplaced, slightly off.”
“How many times? Just the three.”
“No. There was one more, earlier today at the marketplace. And the one in the tree…” She took a deep breath before blurting out the rest. “In the tree, I swore I saw a pair of eyes blink through the shimmering and then they were gone.” Raiden’s frown deepened at her words.
“And there was the girl you thought walked into the forest.”
“I saw her!” Gwelle’s voice raised defensively.
“Okay. Alright. You saw her. I believe you. But in the cave. There was more, wasn’t there?” Her shoulders drooped before she nodded.
“I saw a bright light. And while I was passed out. I heard voices.” Her voice lowered until the last one was barely a whisper. “I’ve got it, don’t I?”
“No!”
“You don’t know. I have all the symptoms.” She couldn’t bring herself to say it by name, but Raiden knew. They both knew.
“You don’t have space sickness.” Raiden’s voice was firm but softer than a moment before.
“I’m seeing and hearing things. That’s how it starts.”
“We’re not in space.” Gwelle rolled her eyes at his feeble attempt to sidetrack her.
“It’s a virus. Just because it was only seen in space doesn’t mean it isn’t here as well.”
“How? No one else showed signs.”
“I don’t know. Maybe the Endeavor.”
“Your mom personally cleared all those colonists.”
“Some say it’
s hereditary,” Gwelle mumbled, tears forming unbidden in her brown eyes.
“Don’t listen to those nasty rumors. Your father didn’t have the illness. Neither did Uncle Jefferson. The airlock failed. It was an accident. Pure and simple.” Raiden placed his arms around her pulling her close to his side. She fit perfect against him, her head leaning against his shoulder. She wanted to believe his confidence laced words. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”
“Maybe you should go. You know. If this is…”
“It’s not. Besides we both know something else is going on with the cave. We both lost two days on the journey back. Not just you.”
“I wish I could be as sure as you. It’s bothered me for weeks now, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was certain.”
“Wait. You said weeks, right?” She pulled back looking up at Raiden before nodding. “See, that proves it there. If you had the illness, you’d have progressed farther already.” She stopped, adding the days in her head. He was right. It had been long enough to progress to stage two by now.
“Maybe it progresses different in this atmosphere.” She wasn’t fully convinced she should rule it out.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Gwelle, except stubbornness.” Raiden tugged her close again. This time she let the peace of the night wash over her. She still had doubts, fears. They could wait until tomorrow. Right now, she needed this swing, those moons, and the boy beside her.
***
The next day, while Gwelle tinkered over plants in the hydroponics lab helping Wyn with a special project trying to get apple trees to thrive here on Varax, word came that Kana and Rix had been found by a routine patrol. She barely heard the older man tell her to go check when the news floated into them. She’d stood there frozen, hands shaking until he repeated the command louder. There was a sadness in his blue eyes, as if he already knew what she’d find, but he understood she had to see for herself.
She rushed through the paths cutting between buildings, her feet pounding out a stoic rhythm on the crushed stone beneath them. She ducked around people milling about, more than usual as decorations for their founding festival were already being hung around the settlement. She avoided the marketplace, finally reaching the clinic in what took a few minutes but felt like a lifetime as her heartbeat fiercely in her chest.