by R. Linda
Nate: Stars are bright tonight.
The stars were bright. A little cryptic, but okay.
Harper: Aren’t they always?
Why was he texting me about the stars?
Nate: Can see the Milky Way.
And then I knew. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the sofa and told Julie I was heading outside. She waved me off, too engrossed in the drama unfolding on the television.
Johnny was cleaning the kitchen in the diner when I darted out the back door and through the field behind the roadhouse to the water tower.
“Hi, friend,” Nate said from the shadows, causing me to jump. I spun on my heels and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Hi,” I said, leaning in to kiss him. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed a friend.”
He looked tired and drawn, but that couldn’t be. He slept last night and most of the day. But something was off.
I pulled him to the ladder of the tower and climbed up silently with him following.
“Talk to me,” I said, settling back against the tank and taking Nate’s hand.
“My parents want to foster Audrey.”
I surely heard that wrong. Where did that come from?
“Audrey? As in, Audrey?”
“Yep.”
“How are you with that?”
“I don’t really know.” He sighed and brought our joined hands up to his mouth, pressing kisses on each of my knuckles. “I love that they care and they want to help her. And they can. She’s got a long recovery, and they’ll get her the best doctors and the best treatment they possibly can. I hated the thought of her being alone, orphaned with nowhere to live and no one to love her.”
I squeezed his hand gently and rested my head on his shoulder.
“But I don’t know if I can walk into their house once a week, if not more, and see her there. I can barely get through a five-minute hospital visit with her, and she’s not even awake. The guilt would eat me alive. Does that make me a bad person?”
“Of course not. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.” I climbed onto my knees and straddled his legs. Grabbing his face in my hands, I held him there until he looked at me. “It makes you a human who is feeling incredibly guilty about a tragedy that was completely out of his control. And that’s okay.”
“You think?”
“Yes. You’ll finish your therapy sessions, working through your fear and guilt, and soon enough, everything will go back to normal. And you’ll walk into your parents’ house, and you’ll see Audrey, and you’ll smile and sit with her, and you’ll be her protective older brother, giving her hell and chasing away all the boys who look in her direction.”
Nate took a deep breath and smiled, and then frowned. “She better not have boys knocking on the front door.”
I laughed. “See, overprotective already.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I always am, friend.”
“But what if she doesn’t want to live with my parents? They are so set on the idea of bringing her home, I don’t think they’ve considered the fact she might not want to live with them. Or if she does, she’ll be eighteen soon enough and might want to leave then.”
“As for your parents, that’s something they need to think about. She’s fragile now and needs a lot of care, but she’s almost an adult who will certainly want to assert her independence. But speaking from experience, had your parents been around when I was in foster care, I would have jumped at the chance to live with them. The places I lived, the families who took me in were awful. They need to spend time with her. Get to know her. And let her make the decision.” I knew without a doubt that living with Nate’s parents would be Audrey’s best option if she truly had no relatives to care for her.
“You’re pretty smart, you know.” He smiled.
“I have my moments.”
“So, can we just make out for, like, five or six hours?” he asked, slipping his hands into the waistband of my shorts.
“Thought you’d never ask.”
***
I was a nervous wreck. My hands were shaking, and I had this uncontrollable twitch in my eye that made it constantly look like I was winking. I wasn’t.
Aunt Julie had cleaned the same table six times now. At least she was trying to be discreet, unlike Uncle Johnny, who was leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest and a meat cleaver dangling from his fingers.
Nate had a death grip on my hand under the table while rubbing reassuring circles on my thigh with the other.
“I’ve missed you,” Jeremy said, lifting his mug of coffee to his lips. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he winced when the scalding liquid ran down his throat. His cropped hair was a stark contrast to the shaggy black hair he had when we were growing up.
I searched his face, taking in every detail, every frown line. Every scar—there were a lot, and not just on his face. His arms were littered with various white scars, only to be disguised by the multitude of tattoos covering practically every square inch of his skin that was on display.
“I’ve missed you too,” I admitted.
“And who’s this?” Jeremy dragged his caramel eyes over to Nate, inspecting him carefully.
“This is Nate.”
“Your boyfriend?”
I shot a panicked look at Nate. I didn’t know what to say. We hadn’t classified our relationship yet.
“Just friends,” Nate said with ease.
Discomfort settled in my stomach, and a chill washed over my body. Just friends.
Just friends.
We weren’t just friends.
Just friends didn’t share a bed every single night.
Just friends didn’t sneak around behind everyone’s back, stealing kisses and touches when no one was paying attention.
Just friends didn’t have sex together.
Not against the front door.
Or on the stairs at the diner.
Or in the other friend’s parents’ swimming pool while the parents sat inside, barely twenty feet away.
Just friends didn’t make love in the back seat of the car on a deserted road by the beach.
Or quietly in the shower when the roommate was in the next room.
And they sure as hell didn’t make love on a water tower under the stars.
Twice.
Just friends weren’t so stupidly, blindly attracted to each other that when they were together all common sense was lost.
Just friends didn’t throw caution to the wind and say screw the consequences.
Just friends.
My ass.
We were so much more than just friends.
I shifted in my seat, putting some space between Nate and me. If we were just friends, we shouldn’t be sitting so close. He shot me a look that basically said “what are you doing?”
“Yeah. Friends.” Nate noticed the tone of my voice had hardened. His mouth turned down in a frown.
“Are you happy?” Jeremy asked.
I had been happy. Until two minutes ago.
“Yes.” I smiled, tried to make it look believable. “How are you adjusting?”
I was concerned for my brother. Being free after eight years in prison for an accident that could have been avoided was a huge adjustment. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t sort through my thoughts.
“Okay. Just looking for work.”
“Where are you living?”
“Moving from place to place. Wherever the work takes me, I guess.”
“Why did you send me away that day?” I didn’t mean to blurt out the question like that, but it was the one thing I needed to know, to understand more than anything.
“That was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. But I was scared. I was scared you were going to follow us down the dead-end path. You were young, bright, had your entire future ahead of you but stayed around for me. I didn’t want to hold you back. I didn’t w
ant to cause you pain. I wanted you to have this life. The one where you’re happy and doing something you’re passionate about. I didn’t want to burden you with my woes.”
“But don’t you see? You did. You did burden me with your woes. You did cause me pain. So much pain. All I wanted was my brother. I didn’t care the only way I could have you was from behind a glass wall. I didn’t care that I couldn’t touch you or hug you. I just wanted to be there for you. And you stopped seeing me.”
Tears flowed freely. Unstoppable.
“I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted you to forgive me for being the reason you were in prison in the first place.” My chest tightened, restricting my breathing. It hurt to finally get everything off my chest.
“Hey. No.” Jeremy was out of his seat and pulling me into his arms in a second. “Don’t think for one second any of that was on you. I chose to come looking for you. I chose to speed. They fucked up and chose drugs over their daughter. It was their fault.”
“You really don’t blame me.”
“I really don’t blame you. I’m sorry. So sorry for everything I’ve done. Do you think one day we’ll get past it?”
“Already forgotten.” I smiled into his chest and held him tight. “Have you heard from them?”
“Who?” He stiffened and released me.
I gave him a look that said “you know who.”
“No. Not since that last morning I went to work, only to come home and find your note. They could be dead in a gutter, for all I care.”
I nodded in agreement. They weren’t parents. I had no feelings toward them any longer. They meant nothing. Less than nothing.
All I cared about was getting my brother back.
Chapter
Nineteen
Nate
Jeremy stayed in town for a couple of days. And I’d never seen Harper so relaxed. Happy. She was enjoying catching up and spending time with her brother after so long. He had her full attention, and I barely saw her, but that was okay. She needed this time with him.
I was sitting on the sofa watching TV, bored out of my brain and refusing to speak to Indie because she kept trying to set me up on dates, when Brody walked in. Everyone was busy at work, and I was itching to get back myself, but Cap still had me on suspension. Apparently, my therapist didn’t think I was ready to return yet, even though I was sleeping now. According to her, using Harper as a sleeping aid wasn’t helping me get over the fire, and I still had to work through my feelings.
Whatever.
“She’s awake,” Brody said the moment he walked through the door.
“Huh?”
“Audrey. She’s awake.”
My blood ran cold, and my stomach flipped. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I nodded and changed the channels.
“Well?”
“What?” I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache forming. She was awake. She was going to find out she had lost her entire family, that I couldn’t save them. My chest tightened, and I swallowed.
“Are you coming with me to see her?”
“I don’t think I can.” I rubbed my chest and tried to steady my breathing.
“I think you should.”
I didn’t think I could face her. Not yet. It was hard enough to see her when she was asleep. But now, to see the pain in her eyes, the lost expression on her face…
“I can’t.”
I wasn’t ready. Plain and simple.
“Okay.” Brody turned and walked back out the door, no doubt headed straight to the hospital.
I grabbed a beer from the fridge and returned to the sofa and the TV. Images of Audrey in the hospital bed, or under wet towels in the remains of the bathroom flashed through my mind. I had to see her. I knew that. I just couldn’t handle seeing her yet. I didn’t want to be there when she found out what happened. I wasn’t chickening out. I’d go and see her in a few days, when she’d had time to process everything. When I had time to process everything.
I was still in the same spot six hours later when Brody returned, only I had a lot more empty beer bottles on the coffee table.
“Dude?” He eyed the table and raised an eyebrow. “Party for one?”
I grunted and took another swig of beer.
“Have you moved at all today?”
“I went to the fridge.” I raised my beer and waved it in front of him.
“That’s it?”
I nodded. “Oh, wait. No, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. Multiple times. Broke the seal.” I smiled, proud of myself for moving more than he thought.
“Are you drunk?”
“Not nearly enough.”
Brody flopped into the seat beside me and tilted his head back with a groan. We sat silently for a while, me drinking my beer, and Brody staring at the ceiling until I asked the question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to.
“How is she?”
“Scared. Heartbroken. Hurt. Sad. Lost. Confused. Numb. I don’t know, man. She was quiet, in pain, and just alone.” Brody sighed.
My heart plummeted. I couldn’t begin to imagine how she was feeling, and I hoped to god I never had to.
“She wants to meet you,” he said quietly. I wasn’t even sure I heard him right.
“What?”
“I sat with her for a while, talked to her about what happened, and she wants to meet you.”
“She actually spoke to you?” I was shocked. I would have thought she’d be wary of a stranger visiting her or too upset to talk.
Brody’s face lit up. “Yeah. She remembered me.”
“Huh?”
“She remembered my face from when we rescued her and my voice from the times I read to her.”
“Right,” I said. I could maybe believe she remembered his face when we carried her outside, but his voice? She was asleep the entire time.
“Strange, yeah? She said she thought she was dreaming about someone reading to her.”
“Weird,” I agreed. “And she wants to meet me?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“She remembered you being there too.”
“What? In her dreams?” I laughed.
“At the house, idiot.”
She remembered me? I smiled and decided the least I could do was visit her. I guessed I should, if my parents were serious about taking her in as a foster child. And I was pretty sure they were, which meant I needed to help them in any way I could. If by visiting Audrey and getting to know her, making her feel comfortable around me, maybe when it was time for her to meet my parents, it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she’d be open to the idea of living with them because Harper and my parents were right. The system was shit, and putting her into foster care with an unknown family could have disastrous effects on her. My parents would give her everything she needed, and she’d be well looked after.
“I’ll visit her tomorrow.”
“I’ll come with, if you want.”
“Thanks, man,” I said and stood to gather all my empty beer bottles from the coffee table. And then I turned it Brody, my drunken brain talking for me. “Do me a favour?”
“What?”
“Drop me at the roadhouse?” I asked, swaying on my feet.
“Why?”
“Because I really want to see…” Dammit. I paused, took a breath, and tried again. “Johnny. I need to see Johnny.” I couldn’t say Harper. I wasn’t in the frame of mind for that conversation yet. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.
“Johnny?”
I nodded slowly, biting my lip to stop from talking further.
“Why?”
“Food. Burgers. He makes them. I need them.” I rubbed my belly.
Brody laughed and snatched his keys from the coffee table. “Let’s go.”
We walked into the diner. Well, Brody walked, I stumbled. The fresh air hit me and amped up the effects of those beers.
I was surprised to see a couple of customers sitting and eating at the booth and another at the counter ordering. I’d never
seen anyone in here before.
Brody waved at Julie, who proceeded to shout to Johnny that she needed two more burgers for us, and then he led me over to the booth. I couldn’t be trusted to walk by myself, since I didn’t notice the tables and chairs on the floor in front of me.
Harper was cleaning tables, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. As if she sensed me watching her, she turned and focused on me. I took a step toward her and only stopped when Brody called, “Hey, Harper.”
My drunken brain almost had me walking over and kissing that pretty mouth of hers. That would have been a disaster.
She put the cloth she was using into the pocket of her apron and came over to us. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I smiled.
She bit her lip. “Hi.”
“Hey,” I said again.
“Okay.” Brody clapped once. “Now we’ve got that weird greeting out of the way, can we sit before you fall over?” He nudged me into the booth then slid into the other side.
“Hi, friend.” I rested my head on my hands and smiled up at Harper.
She narrowed her eyes and frowned. “Are you drunk?” she said before turning to Brody. “Is he drunk?”
“Yes,” Brody answered, and at the same time, I shook my head.
“No. I’m Nate.” I laughed at my own joke because it was funny.
“I’m getting you some water,” Harper said and walked over to the counter and returned with a bottle of water for me.
I guzzled down the water, drops sliding down my chin. I was thirstier than I thought. Harper reached a hand out and touched my jaw briefly, as though she was going to wipe the water drops away, but her eyes widened and she gasped, pulling her hand back like I’d burned her.
I frowned.
“How’s your brother? Do we get to meet him?” Brody asked, oblivious to anything that was passing between Harper and me. And that might have been because the alcohol was affecting my suave-ability. I tried to smoulder and look sexy at Harper, but she sucked her lips into her mouth and tried not to laugh.
“He’s good. He’s leaving tonight. Soon, actually.”
“Oh, okay. Was hoping to get to know him. Maybe next time.”