“Adrienne, you don’t have to be nasty. I still love you and care about you. It’s just a few things I didn’t tell you about myself. I apologize.”
“So you can say sorry and that is just going to make everything okay?”
“Listen, once you are calm I would like to talk to you about everything. I do love you, and being my wife will guarantee you a great life for the rest of your life. I will be discreet in the future. I can’t help it. Sometimes I want to be with a man and other times with a woman. It’s something I’ve known since I was a child. I always liked girls, but there’s a part of me that also likes boys. I never understood it.”
“If you don’t understand it, how the hell would I? What? Do you think I am some desperate, needy bitch? I don’t need you. What would make you think I would be okay with this?”
I ran out of his hotel. Who was I going to tell that the man I was about to marry, the very rich man who wanted to marry me without a prenup, likes to have sex with other men? I wanted to go home to L.A., but three thousand miles was too far of a drive. I had to stay somewhere. I went to my real home in Philly. My phone was flooded with missed calls and texts from Warren. I answered his calls and he said, “Come back, I need to talk to you.”
“No, stop calling me. What do you want?”
“I need to make sure—”
“Make sure what? That I won’t say anything? Please, me outing you is the least of your worries.”
Damn, I thought I had it all figured out. I was about to marry a successful retired NFL player who was also on his way to becoming an A-list actor. Now I was back at square one again. Maybe my mom was right. She said you can’t run from one dream to the next. Everything was catching up to me. Every lie, every scheme, and every person I hurt. It came down on me all at once.
CHAPTER 75
Adrienne
I was back in Los Angeles to get all of my belongings. While I was in town, I agreed to meet Warren in a public place. He didn’t even know I was thinking about his safety when I chose to meet him at Mr. Chow’s. He sat down and took off his sunglasses.
“You begged me to talk to you. So now that I’m here, talk!” I demanded.
“There is so much I want to say to you right now.” He went to grab my arm.
“Please don’t touch me.”
“All right, what do you want to know?”
“What the fuck do you mean? I want to know why. Did you really call me here for this shit? What is there to talk about? You are gay. Everything has been a lie. The end.”
“I’m not gay.”
“Oh, I’m sorry you like men, which means you don’t want me. I should have listened to Morgan. She told me to watch all you Hollyweird men, that all of you were dick suckers. And I thought she was crazy. She was right.”
He grabbed my arm. “Don’t be disrespectful. I’m still the same man. Nothing has changed. I didn’t know how to tell you any of this.”
“You didn’t tell me this. I had to catch you.”
“I really hoped you could forgive me and we could move forward.”
“There is nothing you can say that will make me forgive you.”
“I understand that. But hear me out. There is a lot more to all of this.”
“Look, you lied to me and pretended I was the one you needed. When the reality is you don’t even like women. I don’t see why you went through with all of this in the first place. It’s a new day and time, you don’t have to hide anymore. People won’t condemn you.” I stood up and told him to enjoy his day. “I’ll give you your car back and move all my belongings out by the end of the week.”
“Don’t leave.” He snatched my arm and forcefully made me sit. Now I was upset. I’d chosen a table in the back. No one was paying attention; no one could see that I was being held against my will.
“You wanted to know. I’ll tell you. I was molested, okay. I was molested as a little boy. My dad’s friend used to come and get me and he touched me. So you would think that would make me not want to be with a man because he stole my innocence. I hated him. I was so mad and angry. That’s why I don’t get along with my dad, because I couldn’t understand why he didn’t know what was going on. He was too busy fucking all of his women and preaching that he wasn’t aware that his only son was getting abused by his best friend.
“To make up for it I made myself busy. If I had something to do at school I didn’t have to go with my dad and I wouldn’t see Mr. Gregory. I went to school and did the best I could. I wanted to be the best at everything. I didn’t want anyone to see that I might be a little different. So not only did I play football as a star running back, I was also on the debate team. I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to be everything except gay. And now that I’m an adult, I don’t know what happened. I just want someone to love me.” The tears that shot down his cheeks were real. He was crying and in so much pain.
“Warren, you don’t have to marry me. Be who you are. I’m upset because I think you should have told me.”
“But I don’t only like men. I like women, too! I’m attracted to both. I know it can be confusing.”
“But it is a different world now.”
“That’s true for white boys and lesbians. All that happy-to-be-gay, coming-out-the-closet waving-a-rainbow flag doesn’t apply to a black football player from the south. It’s not worth it. My dad is a pastor at one of the biggest churches in Memphis. So how do you think his son coming out as gay would affect his life? Huh?
“I’m sorry you had to find out all of this this way. It’s not fair and I know it’s hard for you to accept. But know I want you. Not only do I want you, I need you. I can’t have any of this come out. I just can’t. I just signed a multi-movie contract with Parx Pictures. They have signed me as an all-American guy, a football player. I know people choose to come out and live their truth, but that’s not what I want to do. And besides all of that, my mother and father can never know about his. I don’t want to disappoint them. I can’t disappoint them.”
“So instead of coming out, your solution is to try to hide behind a relationship with me. What exactly are you asking? You want me to enter into a sexless marriage?”
“No, I’m not asking you that at all.”
“Well, I’m not having sex with you anymore.”
“I’m not asking for sex. Everything else can be worked out. But I will make it worth your while. I’ll still make your movie, make you a producer, and give you one million dollars at our wedding and an additional million for every year we stay married.”
“I can’t do it. I don’t know what to tell you. You want me to be your fake wife.”
“No, I want you to be my real wife. You will marry me and you and your daughter will be well taken care of. I can give you whatever you want.”
“Two million dollars and you are going to make me the co-executive producer on the movie.”
“Fine. I’m going to give it to the VP at Parx. Just please do this.”
“How can I be sure of all of this?”
“I’ll put it writing. You’ll sign a confidentiality agreement and I’ll have the money transferred into your account. I will take care of you. My feelings for you have not changed. I need you, Adrienne. I have too much invested.”
Two million dollars to live a lie. I needed the money, but I wasn’t sure I could do it.
CHAPTER 76
Zakiya
The definition of faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I have faith in God, but my faith in people is down to none. Everyone around me has disappointed me.
What I began to realize is my church family was just as shady as the worldly basketball wives I was trying to stay away from. There were babies born out of wedlock, cheating, affairs, backstabbing, gambling, and stealing. People were still concerned with who has money and who doesn’t. The only difference really is Jesus, being anointed, and walking with God was thrown in the conversation.
I knew God wasn’t only in the
church. He was inside every crack and crevice of everything and everybody. And knowing that, I had been praying and praying, hoping God would speak to me. I picked up the phone. I had to speak to somebody. I felt defeated.
“Sister Talisha, it’s me, Zakiya.” I paused and then I couldn’t hold back the tears as I cried.
“Zakiya, are you okay? Whatever it is, give it to God.”
“I know, I’m trying. I’m trying. I’ve been reading my bible all day and praying and . . .”
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t take it anymore. I prayed and I prayed. I prayed hard and my husband still isn’t faithful. He still drinks and smokes. What can I do? Do I stay and continue or do I leave?” I waited for her answer. At the moment, I was afraid that she would share that I had a sham marriage to the other churchwomen. But I just knew that she had a relationship with God and that she couldn’t possibly tell me to read a part in the bible or a passage that would fix everything.
She didn’t ask me any more questions. She just went straight into prayer mode.
“Lord, we believe in you. Father God, you are the best, we know that you are present every day and that we don’t walk alone. It is you who walks besides us holds our hands and guides our steps. I’m asking you to please help Zakiya, please help her husband and family through any hardship they are going through. Please strengthen her through this storm and bless her life with your love.”
“Thank you for the prayer, because I feel like I’m losing my faith.”
“Don’t say that. You must always have faith.”
“No, I do feel this way. I don’t understand it. I’ve been helping people, praying, giving to charity. How can this whore win my husband? Why hasn’t God answered my prayer?”
“He will, be patient.”
“When? When is he going to do the right thing? When? When? When? I need help now. Right now. Because I don’t know what else to do but leave him. I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“God is perfect, man is not. If in your heart you feel like you have done everything you could have done, then remove yourself from the situation.”
I stopped crying momentarily and asked, “Do you think I am making the right decision?”
“That’s between you and the Lord. Let God lead your steps. Whatever you need to do I am here for you.”
I muttered a “Yes,” in between sobs. I knew what I had to do.
CHAPTER 77
Shanice
I should have hung up the moment I heard his voice. He wasn’t my problem anymore. Whatever was going on with his life, he needed to deal with it on his own. All those thoughts were in my head, but deep down there was a place in my heart for him. He was still my baby.
“Jabril, you ruined my party. You started a fight and now you want me to care.”
“She’s gone and she took my daughter and left the keys, her ring, and divorce papers. I need you here with me. Shanice, please come here. I need you.” The sucker in me felt sorry for Jabril, but I had my own business I needed to handle.
“I can’t come. I have an appearance tonight in Maryland. And they paid me half of my money already.”
“I’ll pay it back.”
“It’s seven thousand dollars.”
“I don’t care. I’ll give you the money to refund them.”
“I can’t, Jabril. I’m sorry.” I felt horrible for Jabril, but what did he expect. His wife should have left him. He never was home and when he was home, he was asleep and his mind and his thoughts were elsewhere.
Courtney came into my room. She was so excited I was allowing her to travel with me.
“Shani, what time are we leaving?”
“I don’t know yet. I might have to go to North Carolina. Jabril’s wife left him.”
I could tell Courtney wanted to say something, but she didn’t want to be back on my bad side.
“If you love him, go. He does love you. He came and took that ass whupping for you.”
We both laughed. “Deuce did fuck him up.” I sat on the bed. “I’m so confused. Just because she left him, does that mean I should go back to him? I do still love him, but I have Deuce.”
“It won’t hurt to just go check on him.”
“I can check on him. Make sure he’s cool. He’s going to pay me the money the promoter already paid me, so I can pay the promoter back. Don’t worry, I’m going to still give you the money I promised you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“No, Courtney. I’m going to give you your money. I have to figure out how I am going to get out of this club date without upsetting the promoter and April. Then I can’t let Deuce find out.”
“Just say you’re sick.”
I had Courtney take a picture of me looking sick and posted it onto my Instagram. I called April and told her. She told me she would handle everything for me and to send her the money in the bank.
* * *
Charlotte was ten hours away from Philadelphia. I could have flown, but I drove and talked Jabril off the cliff the entire ride. So why was he on the phone when I got there ordering flowers for her?
“I’m confused; what do you need me here for if you begging her to come back? I have a man and I don’t have to put up with this.”
“Calm down, Shani. It’s not like that. I just don’t want her to take me for everything I have.”
“Well, tell me how it is.”
“I love you, Shanice, but I love her, too, but me and her are never going to work. We are just two different types of people and I want to be with you.”
I waited years for Jabril to tell me he loved me. And now that he finally had, I didn’t know what I was going to do.
CHAPTER 78
Monique
6 months later
Praying over my nephew’s bed every night for two weeks brought me back to reality. My reality is family first. Faheem survived being shot, but will walk with a limp for the rest of his life.
I was so shaken up by Faheem getting shot that I had to fix my relationship with Kadir immediately. Nothing in my life was more important than him.
I moved Mom Laura and CeCe to North Carolina with me. I didn’t want any of my family in the city anymore. I even asked my mom to move down, but she said she was okay.
Faheem is going to school down here, too. He transferred to North Carolina A&T.
I put all my energy into Kadir and his career. He’s been on the cover of Slam magazine and he’s been named one to watch by ESPN writers. I want Kadir Hall to be a brand, get endorsements, have a legacy, and be able to enjoy his wealth. We’ve put ourselves on a budget and are not spending as much. With that said, I couldn’t make my son look bad anymore, so I ended my relationship with Dele. I’m Kadir’s mom and he is my son, but we share the same last name and I represent him, so Dele had to go. It wasn’t easy, but I did what was necessary. Dele told me I was making a horrible decision, but I couldn’t think about me—I had to put Kadir’s interest first. I think about Dele from time to time. I still love him, but Kadir didn’t approve, so it couldn’t be. No matter what happens, it’s me and Kadir against the world. It has been Monique and Kadir since he was born. And no one will ever come between us. No one, not even Abigail, who is finally gone for good. Kadir is dating a nice girl who is a sophomore at Howard University, studying biology. She wants to be a pediatrician. He met her All Star Weekend; her name is Laila. At least something good happened that weekend. I like Laila and I’m trying not to get too attached to her, but hopefully one day I will have a daughter-in-law who is a doctor.
Carl stays in Philly and I have started dating again. There isn’t anyone special yet, but when I do meet someone, I will make sure he is Kadir approved.
CHAPTER 79
Tiffany
My days are consumed with the morning news, game shows, reality shows, and then repeat. One day I dream of living on my own again, finding love, making my own money, but not right now.
I have not left my home in six months f
or several reasons. One, being afraid that someone would see me. I’ve gained one hundred and thirteen pounds. My mother and I don’t speak. She is repulsed by me. She probably wishes Damien had killed me or that I was in jail with him so she wouldn’t have to be bothered with me.
I don’t know what haunts me more, him or my conscience. I hear Damien’s voice every night when I’m resting. Him saying, “Don’t leave me. I need you, Tiff.” I knew he had abandonment issues and maybe I shouldn’t have left him.
I knew he didn’t have any real family and yet I still bailed on him when it got rough. But part of me feels like I didn’t make him do anything, especially not rob banks.
With all that said and done, I take full responsibility. No matter what anyone says, I should have never left him. I should have helped him manage his money better when we had millions. I should have been working and helping him build businesses; instead I spent and spent.
As for Warren, I always knew he was gay. I asked him when we were in college, and without hesitating he said he didn’t know. He told me he liked both. Once I caught him with my bi friend. I was okay with it, because he promised me he would only do it with me there. And I believed him. Until I caught him again, and that made it easy for me to leave him to be with Damien. He always wanted a beard and he got one. I’m not a beard, I’m just a secret keeper. He pays me monthly for my silence and I’m glad to have income.
CHAPTER 80
Shanice
A few hearts had to break for us to be together, but shit happens. Jabril had to see me with Deuce to appreciate me, and I had to leave Deuce to be with Jabril. And none of it would have happened if Zakiya had stayed with Jabril.
That was her choice to leave. He wouldn’t have ever put her out or left her. She just should have known that Jabril is never going to be a traditional husband, though. He’s into a lot of shit that she isn’t. You got to be able to be yourself in a relationship. In me Jabril had a confidante, a freaked out chick, his lover, his side chick, and wifey all rolled into one, and I wasn’t faking. I was really who I was.
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