Good Karma

by Donya Lynne

  The good news was, they couldn’t get into her uterus. That was a relief. There were a few other tips about how to remove a stubborn ball, and it was apparently pretty common for one to dig in its heels and not come out. She eventually found a thread on a message board—a whole friggin’ thread hundreds of comments long—devoted to posts from women who had suffered the same fate. Most of them posted they’d had to get their husbands or boyfriends to fish the stubborn thing out.

  Great. Just great. She could hear that conversation with Mark now. “Hey, could you come over and pull out my Ben Wa ball?” As if it were the same as asking him to come and clear a clog in her kitchen sink or help her move the refrigerator.

  No, she would do this herself. She tried a couple of other suggestions, such as jumping up and down, as well as bearing down like she was giving birth, and still the tiny, seemingly innocent ball remained rooted firmly in place. Great. Women could squeeze something the size of a small watermelon from their vagina every time they gave birth, but she couldn’t even pop out a marble-sized ball. Maybe she just needed labor pains and someone standing over her telling her to breathe and push, and the little sucker would shoot out like a torpedo. As it was, that wasn’t happening.

  She lay down on the floor and tried using her finger again, but after another five minutes with the same results, she gave up.

  There was nothing more she could tonight. Her insides were sore and irritated after so much prodding, so she would give it a rest and try again in the morning.

  And if that didn’t work…?

  “Ugh.” She flopped her arms down on the carpet and stared up at the ceiling as a heavy chill settled inside her gut.

  If she couldn’t get Ben Wa number two out on her own, she would have to…

  “Please, God, don’t embarrass me like that.”

  But that’s what it might come to.

  Mark just might have to ride in on his white steed, his silver armor gleaming in the sunlight, and save her from the curse of the evil Ben Wa ball.

  Chapter 25

  Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

  -Voltaire

  After struggling with the ball again before work the next morning, without success, Karma dreaded the moment when Mark would arrive back from Chicago. As soon as he saw her face, he would know something was wrong.

  It was almost ten o’clock, and all she had done the entire morning was obsess over what she would say. How do you start a conversation that would end with something along the lines of, “I have a ball in my vagina and need your help to get it out”?

  Smooth. Really. Mark would die laughing.

  “You look like you’re trying to figure out how to tell someone you’re pregnant,” Jolene said, sliding up to her counter like a viper. Her eyes even looked like snake’s eyes, slit and menacing, as if she were preparing to strike. All she needed was the forked tongue. On second thought, she already had a forked tongue. What she really needed were the fangs.

  Jo tossed her blond hair off her shoulder and set down her coffee mug. “Is Mark the daddy?” she said, her voice a jealous hiss.

  Only if you count a Ben Wa ball as a fetus, you snarky bitch.

  Karma was beyond over Jo’s pissy attitude. Jo had been nothing but a venomous scourge for over two weeks. And now that Karma knew Jo’s special secret about her relationship with Jake, she wasn’t about to be intimidated.

  “Can it, Jo. I don’t need your shit this morning.”

  Okay, where had that come from? Surely the “I am beautiful” mantra she had been repeating every morning hadn’t turned her into a bitch, not unless beautiful meant bitchy.

  I am bitchy, I am bitchy, I am bitchy.

  Jo’s face wrinkled into a sour smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “You’re just upset because Mark isn’t here, yet, and you can’t fetch his coffee.”

  Enough was enough. If this wasn’t one of those times Lisa had been referring to when she told Karma she needed to put Jolene in her place, Karma didn’t know what was. “What is your problem, Jo? I don’t mind getting his coffee, and if it helps him get his work done faster, then who gives a flip if I get his coffee or not? That’s my job, Jo. And while most executives get their own coffee nowadays, some still like their admin to get it for them.”

  Jo rolled her eyes. “But you’re not his admin, Karma.”

  Karma leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “I am while he’s here. And that’s a directive from Don. So, if he wants me to get his coffee, I get his coffee. What do you care, anyway? He’s not asking you to do it. Oh, but that’s the problem, isn’t it? He asks me to do it and not you.”

  Let the gauntlet be thrown.

  “You’re just a little brown-noser, Karma.” Her words took on a more desperate tone, as if she knew she was losing this battle.

  “That’s pretty funny coming from you, being that your nose is so far up Jake’s ass that you can tell what he ate last night and check for cavities.” Now wasn’t the time to reveal what she knew about Jo and her boss, but damn, did she ever want to throw that ace on the table and throttle Jo’s world.

  Jolene gasped. “How dare you—”

  Karma got to her feet. “How dare you. Don’t you have enough work to do without bogging down your time harassing me? Oh, that’s right. You’re so busy spreading gossip around the office and causing trouble that I have to do your job.”

  Where this piss and vinegar was coming from, Karma had no idea, but after over a decade of keeping her mouth shut, she was done taking Jo’s shit—and everyone else’s. Maybe this outpouring was just her soul’s way of putting out the trash.

  Pure rage rose in Jo’s eyes, and her face colored deep red as if she were an old-school thermometer about to reach maximum temperature.

  But Karma was beyond caring. She’d endured enough. For the first time in her life, she actually looked in the mirror and saw someone who wasn’t flawed. Someone she liked. She felt empowered, more confident…maybe even a bit angry—no, furious—that she had wasted so many years as a victim. Over a decade of resentment and pent-up frustration needed an outlet, and lucky Jo, she was in the right place at the right time to catch the mental fallout.

  And goddamn it! She had a tiny fucking ball stuck in her vagina! This was not the day to fuck with her!

  “How dare you,” Jo said again, apparently too stymied to come up with something original. She picked up her coffee and took a step back. “You have no idea what—”

  “Oh, just stop it, Jo.” Karma leaned forward. “You’re lazy. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. If you worked as hard doing your job as you do at getting out of it, you’d be employee of the year.”

  Jo gaped, but Karma wasn’t finished. She was digging the hole now. She might as well shovel down to the requisite six feet to make a grave.

  “You’re a gossip, a troublemaker, and a liar, Jo. And you dump your work off on everybody else, especially me. Everyone sees it, and I can’t believe I’ve put up with it for so long. You’re the most unbelievably lazy person I know. How you’ve survived this long without getting fired is beyond me.” Well, not anymore. Now that she knew about her and Jake, Karma had a pretty good idea how Jo still had a job at Solar. She speared eye daggers at Jolene, only barely keeping a lid on her knowledge of Jo and Jake’s affair. “Now, get out of my face before you really piss me off.”

  Speechless and blowing steam out her ears, Jo spun and marched off, disappearing around the corner in a flurry.

  The tongue-lashing had been long overdue. Karma had stood up for herself. She had finally had enough and unloaded.

  And then reality hit.

  What had she done?

  She had just pissed off the office gossip. And even though she had major ammo on Jolene, Jo could still cause big problems with her big mouth.

  Mark wouldn’t be pleased with her behavior.

  Shit just got real.

  As if she didn’t have enough to worry about with th
e black Ben Wa ball from the fires of hell stuck in her vagina, had she just kicked a sleeping dog?

  * * *

  It was thirty minutes later when Mark appeared at the end of the hall. He turned the corner, smiled, then frowned when he saw Karma’s face.

  “Good morning, Karma.” He gave her a hard look as he passed.

  “Good morning.”

  He was going to kill her for how she had behaved with Jo.

  As soon as he sat down at the conference room table, he took out his phone.

  An instant later, her phone vibrated with a text.

  What’s wrong?

  She typed out a quick response. I need to talk to you.

  A couple of minutes later, Mark poked his head out the door. “Karma, could you join me, please.” He turned and headed back to his chair.

  She grabbed her notebook and a pen and hurried into the conference room.

  “I need your assistance on a confidential project, if you don’t mind,” he said, not looking at her. “Could you shut the door?”

  She closed the door then joined him at the table.

  With their cover in place for anyone who might have overheard, he looked up and smiled. “That’s a lovely outfit. Green is a good color on you.”

  “Thank you.” His compliment didn’t do anything to ease her mind.

  He sat back. “Okay. I see this is serious. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  The Ben Wa ball had become the least of her worries after her exchange with Jo.

  “I’m fine. Sort of.” She sat down and sighed. “But something happened.”

  “Okay?” Mark said cautiously. “Tell me.”

  “It’s Jolene.”

  Mark’s left brow arched as if he knew all about Jolene already. “Let me guess. She’s stirring up rumors about you.”

  Karma nodded. “Not just me. You, too.”

  Mark cocked his head. “I already know. I was hoping it wouldn’t get to you, though.”

  “You know?” Of course he knew. Mark was all but a mind reader, wasn’t he? The guy had serious skills of perception that bordered on the supernatural. Look at how easily he’d figured Karma out that night they went to St. Elmo’s.

  He nodded. “Not much gets past me, Karma. And it wouldn’t be the first time someone tried spreading rumors about me.” He studied her. “What happened?”

  Karma took a deep breath. “Ever since you turned her down for drinks, she’s been trying to stir up trouble, and she’s making inappropriate comments about how you’re my boyfriend, and then today she got…well…she made a comment that caused me to snap.”

  “Snap how?”

  Karma hung her head and let it all go in a string of anxious babbling. “I sort of blew up. I’d just had enough of her crap, and, as you know, she’s been antagonizing me since we were kids, and I was done, just over it, and I told her she’s lazy and how she’s lucky to still have a job. I’m so sorry. I just blew up. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never done anything like that before and it’s so unlike me but now she’s probably out there spreading horrible gossip about you and me and what if someone believes her and you get in trouble and…” She paused long enough to breathe and looked up.

  Mark had leaned back in his chair, a half-suppressed grin plastered on his face.

  “What?” she said.

  “Are you finished?” he said benevolently.

  “Aren’t you angry?”

  The patient look on his face, along with the small shake of his head, surprised her. “No. Should I be?”

  “I thought…I just…”

  “You thought I’d be mad at you for putting a notorious, lazy gossip in her place?”

  She nodded. “Well, yes.”

  Mark leaned forward, elbows on knees. “If I didn’t think it would draw attention, I’d applaud you.”

  She was so lost.

  He got up and walked to the window, turned, and crossed his arms as if he was putting on his professional persona. “I’ve known about Jolene since day one. I’ve met with and talked with almost everyone who works here. In my own way, I’ve asked them lots of questions about job functions, personnel, performance, who they think goes above and beyond, who doesn’t, and who causes trouble.” He returned to his chair and put his hands on the back. “I can assure you, those who matter, and even more who don’t, know Jolene causes trouble and dumps her work on you. And I can assure you, those same people hold you in much higher esteem—and value—than they hold Jolene. If Jolene tries to spread rumors about you and me to tarnish your name, you’ve got some serious allies here who will put a stop to it. She’s created a lot of enemies with her gossip, because she’s targeted everybody. Like you, I’m surprised she’s still here, and, between you and me, if I get my way—and I’ve no reason to think I won’t—she won’t be here after I’m gone. But that stays between us.”

  Had he just confirmed that one of the functions he was performing was to recommend layoffs?

  “I won’t say anything. But Mark, what if she does? All it takes is one person to cast doubt.”

  Mark sat back down. “Don’t worry about Jolene. I’ll deal with her. Leave her to me. I know things about her that could get her into serious trouble.”

  “So do I.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Like what?”

  “Like…” She glanced at her feet. “Well, um…”

  “Do you know about her and Jake?”

  Karma looked up. “How do you know about that?”

  “I’m good at what I do,” he said slyly. “I am very perceptive, and I listen to what people say, as well as what they don’t. I knew about them within my first week here. If she wants to cause problems, I won’t play around with her. Or him. They’ll both be gone so fast it will be like they were never here. I’ve been given carte blanche regarding personnel and who stays and who goes, and while I don’t abuse my power, I’m not afraid to wield it.”

  Well, then. How was that for having an army behind her?

  “So, you’re not angry?”

  “Not at all.”

  “And you don’t think I should apologize for what I said? You know, to try and smooth things over?”

  “Only if you want to. That’s your call. But I wouldn’t if it were me. She had it coming.”

  Whew. This convo had gone better than she thought it would, but now she had to figure out how to tell him about her other problem.

  “Do you feel better?” he said, giving her that winning smile she’d come to love.

  “A little, yes. But…”

  His brow furrowed. “There’s more?”

  She squeezed her eyes closed and covered her face as she bent over in an attempt to hide. This was so embarrassing.

  “Miss Mason? What else have you done?”

  “I need your help.” She spoke against her palms.

  “You need my help? With what?”

  She slapped her hands into her lap and looked up. “I-did-what-you-told-me-and-used-those-little-Ben-Wa-ball-things-and-now-one-is-stuck.” The words tumbled out so fast they all sounded like one long word mashed together.

  “It’s what?” He blinked hard, his eyebrows shooting high into his forehead.

  “It’s. Stuck.” She hissed through clenched teeth.

  “How long has it been stuck?”

  “Since last night.”

  He threw his head back and laughed.

  “Thank you. I’m glad you’re so amused by my situation.” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

  “I’m sorry.” He composed himself. “Okay. So let me see if I have this straight. You need me to help you get the ball out? Is that what you’re saying?”

  Flames shot up her neck and into her cheeks. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. I can’t get it out. I’ve tried everything.”

  He licked his lips and fought back a smile. “You do realize what this will entail?”

  She blew out a heavy breath and closed her eyes. “Yes.”

 
; “Are you ready for that?”

  She opened her eyes to find him staring, one brow arched and eyes wide as if he wanted to convey just how familiar he would have to get with her anatomy to do what she was asking.

  She nodded. “I don’t have a choice. I’m desperate. Believe me, if I could get it out on my own, I would.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll be very professional.” He winked. “This won’t be the first time I’ve had to assist a damsel in distress in removing a Ben Wa ball. They can be a little tricky. However, I have a feeling this will be the most fun I’ve had with the task.”

  She groaned and hung her head. “I’m so mortified.”

  “Don’t be. You don’t see me complaining, do you?”

  “Of course not. You’re too busy having fun at my expense.”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll stop teasing.” He paused, and it looked like he wanted to take her hands in his, but he didn’t. That would be too risky. Even their discussion was risky, although they spoke in hushed voices. “So, okay. I’ll pick up dinner—it’s the least I can do, right? I mean, if I’m going to put my fingers inside you, I should at least feed you.”

  “Ha ha.” She sighed. “You’re funny.”

  He chuckled. “I’ll be over around seven. I’ll take care of everything. Promise.” He held up his right hand as if taking a Boy Scout oath. Would he want a badge after he removed the ball?

  “Thank you.”

  He gazed at her for a long moment, and she got the distinct impression that he wanted to kiss her. Right there. Just take her in his arms and kiss her. Then he cleared his throat and nodded. “Okay. You’d better get back to work. We’ll talk later.”

  She stood, picked up her notebook, and went to the door.

  As she opened it, he said, “Thank you, Miss Mason. The end of the day is fine on that. No rush.”

  She glanced over her shoulder. “It won’t take long. I should have it finished within the hour.”

  No one was around, and Don was traveling today, but the cover-your-ass was necessary, just in case.