by Donya Lynne
Her dad stood across the kitchen from her, staring. “I didn’t know it was so bad for you, honey.”
She swiped her palms across her cheeks to wipe away the tears. “Well, it has been. But it’s not anymore. And it’s because of that man who just walked out the door.” She pointed toward the living room.
Her dad sighed. “I know it seems that way now, honey, but he’s not good for you.”
“How can you say that? You don’t even know him.”
“I know that he works with you, and that’s not right, Karma. He’s taken advantage of his situation to get close to you.”
“He didn’t take advantage of the situation, Dad. I met him before I even knew he was going to be working at Solar. I met him in Chicago when I went to that benefit with Daniel.”
Her dad frowned and turned away. “I don’t care.” He continued unpacking food. “Once he found out the two of you would be working together, he should have ended it. It’s not right.” He stopped and leaned his arms on the counter, keeping his head down. “And you lied about it.” His accusing glare skewered her heart. “On Memorial Day, you lied and told everybody you weren’t seeing him.”
He had nailed her.
“I’m sorry, Dad. But I couldn’t let him get in trouble.”
“Him?” Dad pushed against the counter and gritted his teeth. “What about you, Karma? Aren’t you worried about yourself?”
“Sure I am.” She huffed and crossed her arms. “That’s why I lied. To protect both of us.” It was a lame excuse.
Her dad exhaled heavily. “Karma, what do you think is going to happen here?” His heated gaze pierced hers again. “Do you think this boy is going to stay with you? Do you?”
Karma couldn’t find her voice to respond. She let her gaze drop to the floor.
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” her dad said, his voice calmer. “That boy is going to have his fun with you and you with him, and along the way, you’re going to fall in love—hell, you probably already have. Then, when his job here is done, he’s going to pack up, go back to Chicago, and leave you here. Alone and broken-hearted. Is that what you want? To be used like that?”
“Dad…” Karma’s voice sounded small. Her dad had no idea how right he was about so many things.
“Is it? Because I thought I did a better job raising you than that.”
“You did, Dad.” Karma willed herself not to cry. “Mark isn’t using me. It’s not like that with him. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you know what he’s doing?”
“Yes, Dad. Okay? I know what this is and what it isn’t. I know he’s going to go back to Chicago.”
“And you think he’s going to take you with him. Is that it?”
“Of course not. That’s not going to happen.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Yes.”
Her dad’s narrowed eyes and clenched jaw said he wasn’t buying it, but he didn’t push further. “Fine, but I hope you’re right about knowing what you’re doing, Karma. I don’t want to see you get hurt by that boy.” Boy. Not man. Calling him a boy was like an exclamation point. It was the judge’s gavel falling. No matter what happened from here on out, Mark’s fate was forever sealed in Dad’s eyes.
“He won’t hurt me,” she said. “Now, can we drop it and eat?” She dug the serving spoon into the lasagna as if she were digging through rock.
Dad spooned fettuccine onto his plate then speared it with a fork, turned, and walked out.
Great. Father-daughter night had just been reduced to an awkward, speechless cesspool.
Chapter 35
Not all of the puzzle pieces of life seem to fit together at first. But, in time, you’ll find they do so, perfectly.
-Doe Zantamata
Mark shut the door that led from the garage to the kitchen and flipped on the light.
Things had almost gotten out of hand tonight. Again. If not for Karma’s dad, Mark didn’t think he could have stopped from taking things all the way, which wasn’t how he had planned their first time. But she had looked so sweet, and he had missed her more than he thought. Then he’d seen the books on her dresser, and his mind ran away with him. By the time she started telling him about the fantasy from the Penthouse book, he had already been losing his restraint.
He had almost gotten himself under control, though, but then she scratched her fingernails against his scalp and kissed the side of his forehead. After that, the animal inside him had reared up and struck, refusing to be collared. In that instant, he had wanted her in a way he had never wanted a woman.
What was it about Karma that excited him beyond his ability to maintain control? That overrode every shred of reasoning he possessed? The moment he saw her, logic fled and passion ruled. In only a month, he had grown unbelievably addicted to her, and he was in no hurry to give her up.
He pulled off his shirt as he climbed the stairs to his loft bedroom, where his home office took up half the spacious room. Maybe it was time to invite her over. She had yet to visit him at the condo, and maybe on his own turf he could regain control and not let his mind wander down paths that could never be.
Tonight, for instance. He had wanted to make love to her. Not because it was part of some timetable and he felt she was ready, but because…well…it had felt right. So incredibly right. With Karma, he didn’t have to hide. She made him feel secure, which was strange, because he was supposed to be the one making her feel safe. And yet, he couldn’t deny what he felt. Karma made him forget about the pain of his past, which was something no other woman had ever done. In her way, she was helping him as much as he was helping her, which was something he hadn’t expected.
He stuffed his shirt into his laundry bag and changed out of his jeans into a pair of sweats. He was still hard. He had been since the moment he saw her bare, pink-tipped toes.
Kicking back on the bed, he ignored the reports lying beside him and turned on the news. But his mind wasn’t focused on the rising price of gasoline, or the shooting that had taken place on the South Side, or even on the approaching cold front. His gaze was fixed on the ceiling, his thoughts still on the unbelievable, enigmatic, ever surprising bundle of sweetness and sizzle named Karma Mason.
What had happened after he left her apartment. Had she told her father who he was? If so, had he read her the riot act? Probably so. Any good father wouldn’t want his daughter in such a relationship.
Mark could have stayed to lend support, but leaving had been the right thing to do. He didn’t need to meddle in her family life, especially since he would return to Chicago when this was all over. Standing beside her in an argument with her dad would have only created confusion.
More confusion.
He couldn’t let himself lose sight of how this would end. No matter how much he liked her or how eager he was to have her, he had to keep his head about him. This was not the time to let his emotions take over.
“What are you doing, Strong?” he said quietly, chastising himself. “You’re blowing it.” He rubbed his palms over his face. Get your head on straight and quit thinking she’s different than the others. She’s not. She’s just another woman. That’s it. And she, more than all the others, holds the power to hurt you the most. Don’t let that happen. Do what you said you’d do and leave it at that. By winter, you’ll be back in Chicago, and she’ll still be here. That’s the plan. That’s what you told her. And that’s how it’s going to be.
He decided to forego the reports until morning, went to the bathroom, hopped in the shower, and gave himself what his body had wanted for the last hour.
As he came, it was the fantasy of Karma kissing his temple, scratching her nails against his scalp and shuddering through her own orgasm that he replayed through his mind.
So much for his pep talk.
Chapter 36
Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
&
nbsp; Sunday afternoon, Mark set aside his work and sent Karma a text. How did it go last night after I left?
A couple of minutes later, she replied. Dad kind of freaked, but so did I.
How so?
Before she could reply, he dialed her number.
“How did I know you would call?” she said.
“Because you’re getting to know how I operate.”
“Ah, that must be it.”
He leaned back in his chair. “So, what happened?”
She relayed the details of the conversation with her father while he doodled her face on his notepad. Twice. When she finished, Mark set down his pen and ran his palm down his face. “I didn’t mean to cause a problem between you and your dad.”
“You didn’t, Mark. I love my dad more than anything, but he’s always been difficult when it comes to men…or boys, as he calls them. To be honest, I don’t think he would have liked you even if you weren’t working at Solar. You could have gone to Harvard or Yale and dined with the Queen of England, and he still wouldn’t have liked you.”
“Actually, I came close to going to Harvard.”
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. The business school in Chicago was more to my liking.”
“Well, even if you’d gone, Dad still wouldn’t like you. He thinks you’re using me.”
“I am using you,” he said jokingly.
“Shut up.” She laughed.
“Oh wait. You’re using me. That’s right. I got confused.”
“Mark.”
He chuckled. “I don’t mind being used.”
“I’m not using you.”
He settled back in his chair, getting serious again. “I know.”
“We’re two consenting adults enjoying each other’s company,” she said with finality.
“That we are.” The fact that her dad knew they worked together posed another problem, though. “Do you think he’ll tell anyone at Solar about us?” Her dad knew some of her coworkers and was friends with Don.
“I doubt it, but it’s possible.”
“Karma, if this has become too much for you, I’ll understand if you want to end it. I don’t want you and your dad—”
“No,” she said. “I don’t want this to end. It’s too late now, anyway. He already knows. If he’s going to tell anyone, he’s going to tell them whether we continue seeing each other or not. If I’m going to get in trouble, I may as well make it worthwhile, right?”
He smiled. “Who are you? You’re definitely not the same woman I met in Chicago.”
She giggled. “Yes, I am. I’m just a new and improved version of that woman, thanks to you.”
“You’re a lot more ballsy.”
“Is that bad?”
“Absolutely not. I like seeing you sticking up for what you want.”
“Well, I want you.”
Gratitude and humility sliced down his spine. Her words briefly rendered him speechless. He liked being wanted by her…wanted badly enough that she was willing to risk getting in trouble to keep seeing him. What a strange feeling this knowledge gave him. He couldn’t promise her forever. He couldn’t love her. She knew this. He hadn’t given her one good reason to put herself, her job, her reputation, or her relationship with her father on the line, but she was willing to jeopardize all those things to be with him.
He suddenly felt so small. He wasn’t worthy of such devotion, and yet he was more grateful than words could express.
“Karma, you risk too much for me.”
“It’s worth it.” The words sounded familiar. “Remember when you told me that? That night in the parking garage when I asked why you would risk getting in trouble just so we could see each other, you told me it was worth it. Now I get it. I understand now what you meant.”
That night felt like so long ago and yet like only yesterday. He had been in control then. He had known what he was doing, and the course with Karma had seemed so simple. So cut and dry. In those first couple of weeks, he had guided her as he’d wanted, leading her, teaching her, molding her. Their conversations had been almost clinical at times, so one-sided and bleached of intimacy. Now, he didn’t want to mold her. He liked her just the way she was.
What had started out as two adults simply seeking pleasure from one another—one the teacher, the other the student—had transformed into something much more complicated. What had once been impersonal was now deeply personal. His emotions were involved in a way he hadn’t bargained for.
She was in control now. Every day, he felt his authority slip further out of his grasp, right along with his heart, and he couldn’t walk away if he wanted to. His discipline waned. Before he met Karma—and after Carol—he had been a stalwart, emotionless vacuum, able to turn on and off at will. Women liked that about him, because it made him a challenge. Now, he was switched on all the time. Thoughts of Karma invaded every moment, and for the first time in years, he struggled to contain himself. He wanted Karma. This was no longer about helping her come out of her shell or about teaching her what she’d been missing. Their relationship was about sharing. About being together. About the smile she gave him every time they talked or texted. About how her cheeks reddened every morning when she saw him walk around the corner at the office. About the way her arms felt around him and the way his felt around her. It was about so many tiny little things that felt so incredibly monumental.
The teacher had become the student. He was changing, and it was because of her. But he didn’t want to change. Change scared him. One day, she would leave him if he didn’t leave her first, so he had to keep things in perspective. He couldn’t let her steal his heart. She already possessed too much of it. If she took the whole thing, it would only hurt more later when she gave it back.
“You’re good for me, Mark,” she said, snapping him from his thoughts. He had absently doodled her face a third time. “Like I told my dad, I’m different now, and you’re the reason why. Not because you’re my boyfriend, but because you’ve made me see myself differently. I don’t want to lose that when I feel like there’s so much more to learn.”
He didn’t feel he could teach her anything else. She was perfect as is.
“What if your dad does tell Don? What then?” The irony that he was now the one voicing concern was further proof of how far the control had slipped from his grasp.
“I don’t think Dad will tell him, but if he does, he does. As you said before we got involved, ‘we’ll deal with it.’”
It would be easier if she ended it now, because then he wouldn’t have to later. The thought of leaving her at some unknown but foreseeable point by year’s end wasn’t something he relished. That was like looking forward to his next bout with a stomach bug. He knew it was looming out there somewhere, and he knew when it hit it would be the most miserable few days of his life, but there wasn’t much he could do to stop it.
“I don’t want you to end it, either,” he said honestly. Would it be easier if she did? Yes. Did he want her to? No.
“Well then…good.” She sounded pleased.
Mark stood and strolled across the room to the window, eager to regain at least some of the control he had relinquished. “Speaking of Don, he and I have to fly out east tomorrow morning to talk to the leasing company about warehouses. We’ll be gone until late Thursday.” He drew the curtain aside and looked out over the courtyard behind his condo. “So, I was hoping you and I could spend some time together next weekend.”
All. In.
The brief silence that came through the connection before she answered was enough to indicate she knew exactly what spending time together next weekend entailed. He wanted more, and it was clear she was ready.
“I’d like that,” she said.
“It’s a date then.” He let the curtain drop and made his way back to his desk, where he picked up his pen and began doodling again. “I’ll call you later in the week to make plans.” Taking the lead put him back in the driver’s seat
.
“Okay. I’ll…um…keep reading my books.”
The tip of his pin swirled and drew a pair of heart-shaped lips. “That would be a good idea, but don’t worry,” he smiled as Karma’s face began to take shape on the scrap of paper a fourth time, “if you miss something in your reading, I’ll be more than happy to give you hands-on instruction.”
“Such a devoted teacher you are.”
“I just want you to get your money’s worth.” He drew a button nose on his caricature.
“But I’m not paying you.”
“Oh, yes. That’s right.” A pair of large, luminous eyes came next. “Well then, I suppose I can only claim perfectionism as my motivation. I am nothing if not thorough in my teaching methods, Miss Mason.” Even as he said the words, his heart wasn’t in them. He was no longer the teacher, even if she didn’t realized it.
“And I am nothing if not your eager apprentice, Mr. Strong.”
“Why do you always make me sound like Yoda?”
She laughed. “I don’t know.”
“Does that make you Luke Skywalker?”
She giggled coyly. “No. I’m Princess Leia. You can show me your Force.”