by Donya Lynne
What had he done wrong? Why had Carol left him on their wedding day?
He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He had failed. Somehow, in some way, he had failed her. And now the life he had so carefully planned was over.
It was supposed to have been the happiest day of his life, and instead the day became his own personal apocalypse.
He had never seen the freight train coming, and then there it was, cutting him down and slicing him into pieces.
He turned toward Rob and held out his hand. “Give me the rings.”
Rob pulled the box from his pocket and handed it over. Mark opened the lid, set the diamond engagement ring inside, and snapped the lid closed.
Then he glanced at the faces on her side of the church. How many of them had known the truth? Her parents. Had they known? Her mom didn’t look too surprised. How many knew that she didn’t love him and wanted someone else? Why hadn’t they told him? Couldn’t they have cared enough to save his feelings and all this fucking, goddamn humiliation? He had become the butt of a cruel joke. A laughingstock to be pointed at and ridiculed, just like he had been in school. Only this hurt a hundred times worse, because his greatest disgrace came at the hands of the woman he loved.
He looked back at Rob. “Can I borrow your keys?”
Without question, Rob pulled them from his pocket and handed them over.
Dishonored and shamed, he cleared his throat and addressed the crowd. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but there isn’t going to be a wedding today.”
He regarded Rob and his parents then stepped down from the raised platform at the front of the church, marched up the aisle, and right out the door to Rob’s car. His was at the hotel where he and Carol were to spend their wedding night before tomorrow morning’s flight to Cancun.
He had to talk to her. Had to find out what had gone wrong and why she had done this. What had happened? Where had he failed? He had to know. Maybe if she told him, he could fix this and win her back. He couldn’t imagine his life without Carol. He loved her, and he had already planned their entire life together. They would be married, buy a home, and in a couple of years start a family. He already had names picked out for their kids, as well as for the golden retriever that would be the family pet. The next ten years were all planned. He couldn’t lose her now, and especially not without a fight.
Arriving at the brownstone she had insisted on keeping even when he suggested they move in together, he didn’t bother knocking. He barged in. He had every right to. She was his fiancée, and she was supposed to have been his wife. When he didn’t find her downstairs, he climbed the stairs two at a time and threw the door open to her bedroom…to find her in bed with Antonio, her dance partner. The man her parents had partnered her with a year-and-a-half earlier. She was fucking the guy when she was supposed to be getting married, and her wedding dress lay discarded on the floor. Talk about your slaps in the face.
“Mark!” She grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself. Antonio at least had the decency to look ashamed. Small consolation given the circumstances.
Mark staggered backward and slammed into the wall outside her room. He was going to be sick. He ran to the bathroom and fell to his knees over the commode, hanging on while his stomach emptied. He loved her. Loved her so damn much. How could she do this? Why hadn’t he seen the truth? What had he done wrong to push her into Antonio’s arms?
“Just give me a minute,” he heard her say to Antonio. Then he heard the sound of her pretty feet beating on the floor as she hurried down the hall toward the bathroom.
He was still heaving air when she entered and shut the door.
“What are you doing here?” she said.
Not “What’s wrong?” Not “Are you okay?” Not “I’m sorry.” But “What are you doing here?” As if he were to blame for her duplicity. As if he had been the one to jilt her. “Didn’t you get my note?”
Was she serious?
“Yes, I got your note!” He was finally able to swallow and looked up at her. The last tears he would ever cry trailed down his cheeks. “Why the fuck else do you think I’m here, Carol? For fuck’s sake, I thought…I wanted…what the FUCK! You left me standing there like a fucking fool!”
She looked affronted but at least chagrined. “I…I’m sorry, Mark. I truly am, but…” Tears formed in her eyes, and she averted her gaze. “Mark, I don’t love you. I don’t, okay? I’m sorry. I love Antonio. I want to be with him, not you.” She bowed her head and crossed her arms tightly over her robe as if hugging herself.
“Thanks for waiting until our WEDDING DAY to TELL ME THAT!”
“I’M SORRY!” Tears fell to her cheeks. Then she cowered as if trying to rein in her emotions. “Okay, Mark? I’m sorry,” she said more softly. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
They remained in silence a long time. Mark crouched next to the toilet. Carol hugging herself by the door.
Empty suffering expanded inside his chest. “How long, Carol?” His gut told him he wasn’t going to like her answer, but he had to know. He lifted his gaze to hers. “How long have you and Antonio been together?”
She blanched and pulled her robe more tightly around her as if he had never seen her naked. “Mark, let’s talk about this later, okay?” She glanced toward the door.
“No. I want to know right now, Carol. How long has this been going on?”
She gulped.
He stood. “Tell me!”
She jumped and looked away, fighting back tears.
He grabbed her arms and shook her. “How fucking long have you been fucking your partner, Carol!”
Her gaze jerked around at his harsh tone. “Since the beginning!” She shoved him away. “Since the beginning! Okay? I’ve been seeing him since he became my dance partner!”
He stumbled back and nearly fell into the tub. If there had been anything left to upchuck, he would have tossed the rest of his cookies all over the floor. As it was, all he could do was dry-heave.
“I’m sorry! Damn it, but I didn’t know how to tell you.” Carol started crying in earnest. “I tried, but I just…I couldn’t.”
“Why?” Mark struggled to breathe. That one three-letter word began looping through his mind. Why? Over and over. “Why, Carol?”
Never before had he felt such pain in his chest. He had to be dying. Had to be losing his heart. He couldn’t breathe. Everything felt numb and lost its luster. Carol had lied for a year and a half. All this time, she hadn’t loved him.
Beautiful Carol. The first and only woman he had ever truly loved. And she had never loved him back.
The only answer Carol gave him was silence, and he was too fucked in the head to give a damn.
Without another word, he vowed never to fall in love again, and he meant it. He was the type who, once he set his mind on something, followed through, and right now, his mind was set on never losing his heart again. He would never set himself up to be burned so badly ever again. He left her home, quit his parents’ studio for good, and turned his attention wholeheartedly toward his young career as a consultant…after a brief bout with depression, of course.
That had been six years ago, and until those stupid kids had stolen the necklace he had planned on giving to Carol on their honeymoon, as well as the wedding bands and the engagement ring he had tucked away, he had been doing a decent job forgetting the worst part of his past.
Sure, Karma had begun to awaken old ghosts weeks ago. But never like this. Never in such a painful, heart-splitting way. Those damn kids had stirred old emotions, old fears. The fact they had broken in and tossed his home was inconsequential in the face of deeper wounds.
Now, sitting on Rob’s couch, nursing a brew, it was like not a day had passed. The pain was just as raw, and the memories much too fresh.
A part of him died that day. Or rather, he had tucked the details of that day away where they couldn’t hurt him anymore. Now, a barrier existed around his heart. One that he steadfastly guarded. He was as com
mitted to his vow to keep hold of his heart as much today as he had been in Carol’s bathroom. He couldn’t risk letting go again. He couldn’t let himself fall in love. The price was too great. Look what Carol had done to him, all because he had trusted and loved her.
It had taken months to recover, but really, he never had. Even now, he suffered what felt like post-traumatic stress disorder any time he entered a church. He had to take a Valium just to attend a wedding. Without it, his heart raced, he broke out in a cold sweat, and panic gripped every cell in his body.
That would never be him. Not again. The thought of putting himself out there like that was too painful. Some wounds never healed. They just scarred over. But the damage was still there, under the scar tissue, wreaking havoc.
The doorbell rang and jarred Mark out of his biting reverie.
Rob hopped up. “That’s dinner.” He hustled to the door.
Mark reached inside his bag and pulled out the velvet-lined box that housed the rings. He had held on to them because, at the time, he couldn’t even look at them. Tucking them at the bottom of the small chest on his dresser had been about as much as he could stomach. After a while, he had forgotten about them lying dormant like landmines waiting to be triggered.
Today, those fucking kids had triggered them, and his heart was exploding all over again.
Rob set a couple of pizzas on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to retrieve two more beers, plates, and napkins. While he was gone, Mark pulled his ring free from the velvet slot inside the case. The decoratively etched silver was dull, as was the ribbon of gold that ran all the way around the center, but when he slipped it on his ring finger, it still fit.
“What the hell are you doing?” Rob stopped dead in his tracks as he re-entered the living room.
Mark looked up and yanked off the ring. “Nothing. I…” He frowned as he stuffed the ring back into the box and tossed it inside his bag. “I just…”
“You know how long it took for you to get over that bitch, Mark. Don’t go there. Okay? Just…you should get rid of those damn rings.” He sat down and handed him a plate before opening one of the pizza boxes. “Sell them to a jeweler or some shit. Or toss them into the fires of Mordor. Whatever works.”
Mark scowled and grabbed two slices, dropped them on his plate, and sat back. “I’m fine. I’m not fawning over the past and wishing for a fucking do-over or anything.”
“I hope not, for your sake. That woman is poisonous.” Rob tipped his beer bottle in Mark’s direction. “Take my word, she’s like poison ivy and you’re severely allergic. Do not go there. Even in your mind. Or you’ll be scratching for months”
“I’m not, Rob. Trust me.” But where Mark’s thoughts were taking him was a place just as dangerous, because he was imagining what would have happened if he and Carol had never met and he and Karma still had. Would he have had his chance at happiness then? With Karma? Because then he wouldn’t have been damaged goods.
But he didn’t need to get soft and think he and Karma had a future, no matter how much he liked her. That was perilous territory for his mind and heart.
After dinner, Rob disappeared to his bedroom and changed. A few minutes later, he came back to the living room and stopped by the couch. “I’m meeting a friend for drinks. You want to tag along?”
Mark was in no mood to go out. Not only was he bent ten ways to Sunday, but he was also dead ass tired. “No. I’m beat.”
“You know where everything is.” Rob grabbed his jacket. “Don’t wait up.” Then he pointed to Mark’s duffel. “And leave that shit alone.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fine. Just don’t bring anyone home and we’ll be square. I don’t think I could take it tonight.” Mark tried to smile, but he wasn’t feeling it.
He could have spent the night in his own place, but the apartment was completely trashed, and he really needed a break.
“Don’t worry. It’s not that kind of meet-and-greet.” Rob left, and Mark clicked through the channels until he came across a replay of one of last season’s games on the NFL channel. For a while, he simply stared, unmoving, trying not to think about the break-in, Carol, and the six-year-old rings sitting in his duffel bag.
What he did want to think about was his sweet, precious Karma, even though he knew doing so was seriously risky business with the haphazard tumble of jagged memories ripping his mind apart.
He took out his phone and dialed.
“Hello?” Karma’s voice immediately made him smile, and he relaxed for the first time in hours.
“Hi,” he said.
“How’s your apartment?”
“A mess.”
“How are you?”
He smiled. “I’m a mess, too, to be honest.”
“Why? What happened?”
He couldn’t admit he was thinking about Carol and that his mind was in a state of waste. “It’s just this whole ordeal.” He sighed and lay back on the couch. “My place was pretty much trashed.” He rubbed his palm down his face. “I had to call all my banks and credit card companies and cancel all my accounts. It’s been a crazy afternoon and evening.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, “Did they catch whoever did it?”
“It was a couple of kids who live in my building.”
“Oh wow. Did they take anything?”
“Just some jewelry.” No need to tell her that wedding bands and a diamond necklace that had been meant for another woman were part of the loot. “How are you doing?”
“Okay.” She sounded lonely.
“I’m sorry about this weekend,” he said. She had taken tomorrow off so they could get an early start on their time together since he had planned to spend next week in Chicago. He had a couple of meetings to attend with his boss and needed to give a progress update on Solar. And now he needed to add handling the fallout of today’s break-in to his to-do list.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Things happen.”
“Is there any way you can come up to Chicago next week so I can make it up to you?” Since the holiday fell on a weekend, Solar had given the employees both Friday and Monday off, but he knew that Karma hadn’t taken vacation like a lot of the other employees had to take full advantage of the long weekend while their kids were on summer break.
“I wish. But I have to work. Jolene already took the week off, and there’s a quarterly review coming up in a couple of weeks I need to do the presentation for, so I have to be here.”
Mark laid his head back against the cushions. “What are you doing right now?” He imagined her lying on her bed.
“I just got off the phone with my dad and was about to sit down to read.”
“And how’s Dad?” He loved how her eyes always lit up when she talked about her father. They had a close relationship, even if it was strained now because of him. “Are you two getting along better?”
She laughed quietly. “He’s still not keen on the idea of me seeing you, but he doesn’t hassle me about it anymore. But we’re going fishing on Monday, and my parents invited me to their house this weekend for fireworks and a cookout.”
Her plans sounded relaxing and peaceful. He could use some of both after the day he’d had.
Mark turned off the TV and sprawled on the couch. “Sounds nice. I’m not much of a fisherman, though.”
“I can teach you.”
“Oh? Are you good?”
“Good enough. But don’t ask me to tie any fishing knots. I suck at them.”
“I doubt you suck at anything.”
She laughed. After a moment, she said, “So, what are you doing?”
“I’m at a friend’s house, thinking about all the things I haven’t taught you, yet.”
“There’s more? And here I thought we were doing pretty well.”
He felt much better now that he was talking to her. “We are, but yes, there’s always more. And there’s certainly a lot more in those books you’ve read about how to please a man that you haven’t shown me, yet.”<
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“Do I not please you?” she said flirtatiously.
“You please me just fine. More than fine. I think I’ve become quite addicted to you, actually.” It was the truth. Karma was something special. “You’ve just teased me so much about all this reading you’ve done that I think I need another demonstration soon so I can examine your technique firsthand. You know, so you can show me something new.”
She giggled and warmth untied the remaining knots in his neck and shoulders. “I’ll see what I can do the next time I see you then. How’s that?”
“I can’t wait.”
“I hope I don’t disappoint.”
“There’s no way you could disappoint me, Karma.” He smiled. If not for Carol, he could easily have given Karma his heart.
They talked idly for a while, just small talk, nothing too deep or serious. Hearing her voice, her laughter, the smile in her tone, Mark felt at peace for the first time since this morning. “Well, I should let you go,” he finally said nearly an hour later. “But thank you for cheering me up. It was a rough day.”
“I know it was, and I’m glad I could help,” she said. “Is there anything else I can do?”
“Come to Chicago tomorrow.” The words were out before he knew he’d spoken them.
She laughed. “What?”
“I know you can’t.” If only she could, but it was out of the question. “That’s just wishful thinking on my part.”
“I guess, but don’t say such things. I might think you’re serious.”
“I’m dead serious,” he said. “but I know you can’t.”
“Well, it’s a nice thought.”
“Yes, it is. I’ll let you get back to reading. Good night, Karma.”
“Good night, Mark.”
He hung up and set the phone on the coffee table before grabbing his duffel and heading to the bathroom, where he changed into his sweats and brushed his teeth. Then he made himself comfortable on the couch.