by Donya Lynne
He groaned. Yes, that was what he needed.
“Make love to me,” he said, wrapping his arms around her.
He was still blindfolded, but he could feel, and he could hear. Her breasts mashed against his chest, her nipples hardened pebbles. Her palm pressed against one side of his neck, her face against the other. Her urgent gasps as she rode him bathed his skin in warmth, igniting his blood.
Gasps became hard breaths. Moans morphed into demanding groans. Urgency quickly became desperation, which reached criticality soon thereafter. Her body was a storm, riding in on the atmosphere like a squall line, picking up strength, power rising into the heavens. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her breasts pressed against his chest, and she cried out with every breath. All Mark could do was hang on in an effort not to be blown away.
And then she grew deathly silent, the calm right before the storm. She tensed and held her breath. A moment later she blew apart just as she reached around and untied the scarf. It fell around his neck, and he blinked his eyes open to the visual feast churning and crying out on his lap. Karma’s head was thrown back, her body convulsing. She clung to his neck and shoulders.
So close. He was so close. Thrusting into her, he rode the path she had left for him, and within seconds, he slammed into her as she cried in orgasm a second time, harder than the first.
As he came, he forced his eyes to remain open, not wanting to miss a moment. He wanted to experience this, all of it, the deep yearning, the incredible heights she had taken him. Then he pulled her close and buried his face against the side of her neck. He waited until the last shuddering spasm coursed through his body then slowly pulled away. Opening his eyes, he looked into hers, which glistened from the dim light coming through the windows.
She had given him a far greater gift than any he’d ever received. One greater than any he had given her or ever could. She had shown him he still had the capacity to trust. She had blindfolded him and led him through his fear to show him more pleasure than he’d ever known.
He pulled her against him once more and kissed her shoulder, her neck, and finally her lips, holding her so tightly he didn’t think he would ever be able to let go.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Thank you.” Her fingers combed through his hair.
If only they had more time together. But he couldn’t think like that. He didn’t have any more time. This was it. Their time was almost up. But he still had tonight, and he would remember it forever.
Chapter 56
Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.
-Earl Grollman
Twice more, they made love before falling into a sated, exhausted sleep, then again in the shower the next morning. Neither talked about the end of the week, choosing to hang on to the magic as long as they could, but soon enough it was time to return to Indianapolis, where they spent Sunday evening lost inside each other at Mark’s condo before falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Mark’s boss came down Monday afternoon and spent two days with him at the office, and on Wednesday night, Don took him to dinner with the other members of the executive team, so it wasn’t until Thursday night that he got to see Karma again.
“Are you going to be okay?” he said, spooning her after they made love for the last time. This was it. Their last evening together.
She nodded. “Yes.”
He heard the hurt in her voice.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded again and sighed, then turned to face him. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’ll miss having you around. It already feels strange to look into the conference room and not see you there.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I never meant for our good-bye to be this hard on either of us, but especially not on you.”
One of her tears finally dropped to her cheek, and he lifted his hand to her face and wiped it away with his thumb.
“Good-byes are always hard, anyway,” she said, working up a sheepish smile. “It’s not your fault. I knew this day would come from the beginning.”
“And yet you got involved with me anyway.” He smiled and gingerly kissed her. “Brave girl.”
She coughed out a truncated laugh. “Or a glutton for punishment.”
He hugged her close. “Or that, too.”
But he was just as gluttonous. He had let his heart slip into Karma’s possession just as willingly as she had entered into the arrangement with him, and that was something he hadn’t counted on. Unlike the other women he had dated, he would actually have to get over Karma.
His relationship with her was different. It didn’t feel finished. He wanted more. But his time was up, and that meant whether he thought he was ready or not, he had to go.
That was how it worked. That was what he had promised her. And that was what he had promised himself after being Caroled: never to lose his heart again. Mark was steadfast in his conviction if not somewhat obsessive about it, and he couldn’t make exceptions, not even for Karma.
He turned her face up to his with a brush of his fingers on her cheek so he could look her in the eyes. “When you get married, make sure you send me an invitation.” His grin held every ounce of sincerity he could muster. “I wouldn’t miss that for anything, Karma. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a good man who will worship you as the cherished angel you are.” He held her face in his palm and stared into her lovely green eyes. “You. Are. Precious. Promise me you’ll never forget that.”
“Damn you,” she said as tears flowed down her cheeks. “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve made me cry, and I promised I wouldn’t cry tonight.”
She reached to wipe the moisture from her face, but he pushed her hands away, leaned forward, and kissed the tracks of her tears. Teary brine dampened his lips, but he didn’t care. They were her tears. Tiny, liquid diamonds. Her very essence.
“Promise me, Karma. Promise me you’ll never forget how special you are.”
She swallowed down a sob that tried to escape as she nodded. “I promise.” She lifted up on her elbows and hit him with a serious stare. “Just as long as you promise not to forget the same.”
The sentiment caught him off guard. “I’m beyond redemption, Karma.” His mind drifted to the past that he couldn’t let go off. The pain, the heartache, all of it. “My fate is already sealed.”
“You’re wrong,” she said with certainty. “You have so much to offer. I hope someday you see that and can let go of the past to share yourself again. You deserve happiness, too.”
He thought back to their conversation about Carol two months ago. Karma hadn’t missed a thing in that conversation. She knew just how badly Carol had affected him and all the repercussions of her betrayal. Still, he nodded. “I’ll try.” He kissed her brow. “I promise.”
She nestled back down against him, her cheek on his shoulder, her fingers lazily combing through the hair on his chest. He loved when she did that, as if she wasn’t even thinking about it. Her fingers had a mind of their own and combed back and forth, back and forth. Occasionally, she would lightly tug a small thatch of hair between her thumb and fingers. The gesture was endearing, soothing, and all Karma.
For a while, they remained like that, one against the other, silent, simply existing in each other’s presence, but he was only putting off the inevitable, because he couldn’t spend the night.
He wanted to, but it was better if he left.
After fifteen minutes of silent comfort, he sighed. “I have to go, Karma.”
“I know.” But she didn’t move.
This was harder than he had intended.
Another minute passed, and then she reluctantly slid away. He sat up, and swung his legs off the edge of the bed.
“Come here,” he said over his shoulder, reaching for her hand.
She snuggled up behind him, and he took her hand and pulled her arm a
round his waist as her lips met the back of his shoulder in a tender kiss.
“I had fun,” he said. “With you.”
“So did I.” She kissed his shoulder again and squeezed him as if she could hang on forever. “Thank you.”
“No. Thank you, Karma. This was…” He glanced around her bedroom one last time, committing it to memory. “Nice. Very, very nice. Totally unexpected.”
She smiled against his skin. “Yes. It was. I’ll never forget you.”
At that, he grinned and raised her hand to his lips. “Nor I you,” he said, and then kissed each knuckle in turn. “You’re unforgettable.”
With one final squeeze of her hand, he let go and forced himself to pull out of her arms, retrieve his discarded clothes, and get dressed.
She walked him to the door, wearing the pink and cream robe he had bought her, which had remained at the condo until this week as he began packing up. After a final, lingering good-bye kiss, he reluctantly walked out of her life.
As he drove away and glanced in his rearview mirror, he could just make out her silhouette in her window, her hand against the glass.
It took a will greater than God’s to keep his foot on the gas, but somehow, he fought through the lump in his throat and held his emotion at bay until he got home and collapsed, still dressed, in bed.
Only then did he allow himself to break.
And break he did.
* * *
Karma refused to take a shower. She wanted Mark’s scent to linger on her skin as long as it could. And she didn’t think she would ever again wash the pillowcase he had used.
In fact…
She pulled it off the pillow, neatly folded it, and tucked it into her keepsake box. It was Mark’s pillowcase now, and like a T-shirt autographed by every member of the Beatles, it would never meet detergent nor water for the rest of its existence.
Of course, crying was a given. Now that he had left, and his pillowcase was safely stowed, she collapsed in a heap on the floor and cried harder than she ever had in her life.
Their affair was over. He was all but gone. She would probably never see him again, and if she did, it would likely be too painful to bear, because she knew he was moving on. Talking to him after tonight would just cut deeper and hurt worse, because he would never be hers. And she would never be his. Not anymore.
There was no way she could go to work tomorrow, either. Going in on Monday would be hard enough.
Mark. Was. Gone.
Gone!
And nothing could change that.
Or make her feel any better.
They say that misery loves company. Well, Karma had a new bedmate. She and misery were going to get good and acquainted, because she had a feeling they would be together for a good, long while.
And damn it. If her dad said “I told you so” just once, she would punch him.
Chapter 57
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours forever. If they don’t, they never were.
-Author unknown
“I wish Karma could be here to say good-bye, Mark,” Don said, shaking his hand. “I know she hates missing your last day.”
Mark didn’t blame Karma for calling in sick. He would have done the same in her shoes.
It was better this way. Seeing her here would have made it that much harder to leave, and he wasn’t sure either one of them would have been able to hide their disappointment.
“Yes, I hate not getting a chance to say good-bye to her,” he said truthfully, even though he had said his good-byes last night. “Tell her I wish her well in her new role.”
“I will.” Don gave his shoulder a reassuring pat. “Thank you for all you’ve done for us, Mark. You’ve left us in better shape than you found us, and I think all of us are grateful.”
There was one person in particular who had been left in better shape than all the others, as well as worse.
Karma.
She was no longer the shy, timid woman he had met in Chicago, trying to be someone she wasn’t. She was well on her way to being the woman she was born to be, but because of the time they had spent with one another to help her achieve that status, she was now worse. Hurting the same way he was.
“Just doing my job, Don. And I’m happy I could help.” He shook his hand again. “Make sure to contact me if you need anything else. I’m just a phone call away.”
“That goes both ways,” Don said. “My door is open any time you’re in town, so don’t be a stranger.”
Mark made his rounds then ventured down to the lobby.
“Good-bye, Nancy.” He waved to the receptionist.
“Bye, Mark.” She flashed him her best sexy eyes, and he smiled.
“If only it could have worked between us, Nancy,” he teased.
Nancy had made no secret about how attracted she was to him during his stay.
“Story of my life.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Will we see you again?
He shook his head. “Not if you play your cards right.”
“Well then!” She got a glint in her eyes. “I’d better get started screwing things up.”
He laughed at her. “Be careful, or they might send someone else next time.”
She sighed. “It was worth a try.”
He waved and walked out the door.
As soon as he got in his car, he pulled out his phone and typed out a message. Missed you at the office. I hope you’re okay.
He refused to go until she replied. He didn’t want to be driving when her message came through. He needed to be ready.
So he waited. And waited.
And waited some more.
Karma?
Was she okay? Why wasn’t she answering? He tried again.
If you don’t reply, I’ll be forced to stop by your apartment to make sure you’re okay. In a way, he hoped she wouldn’t reply, because that would give him an excuse to see her one last time. But if he saw her, he wasn’t sure he could leave. But maybe that was what needed to happen. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe God or the powers that controlled the universe—or however Rob had described it on Fourth of July weekend—were trying to tell him something. That he couldn’t go. Not without her.
He closed his eyes. “Please, please, God,” he muttered under his breath, suddenly desperate. “If this is a sign, let me know before I make the biggest mistake of my life.” Maybe he could try a long-distance relationship. He could come down one weekend a month, and she could go to Chicago once a month, and then they could figure things out later. But first, he needed a sign. And if she didn’t answer him and he had to go see her, that would be it. That would be the sign he needed to know that God wanted him to take a chance again on love.
He was about to put the car in gear and drive to her apartment when his phone chimed with a message. All hope dissipated in a blink.
Good-bye, Mark.
The finality of her text kicked him in the gut and brought him back down to earth. Even though they hadn’t been spoken, the words drove like a dagger into his heart, and the message was clear. She was moving on, and this was her way of telling him to do the same.
He had gotten his sign. So then why was he so disappointed?
Clearing the emotion from his throat, he typed out a final text.
Good-bye, Karma. I wish you well. Stay in touch.
As much as he hoped she would, he knew she wouldn’t. He tucked his phone away and pulled out of Solar’s parking lot for the last time. And even though every instinct screamed at him to turn into Karma’s apartment complex as he drove past, he set his jaw and drove on.
She needed to move on without him, and he needed to do the same without her.
Their chapter was over.
* * *
Karma sat in the parking lot across the street and watched him leave. Tears flowed like twin rivers down her face and dropped off her chin. One even splattered on the screen of her phone as she lifted it and re-read his last message for what felt like the
tenth time.
After twenty minutes, with tears still streaming her face and blurring her vision, she finally dropped her phone in her purse, backed out of the parking space, and drove home.
Her apartment felt empty. She felt empty.
She would hurt for a while. Maybe even get depressed now that he was gone. But in time, she hoped the edges of the pain he left behind would dull, and she could move on.
But as she lay on her couch, the morning turned to afternoon, then to evening, and she began to fear the worst. She would never get over Mark. She would never forget his kisses, or the way his fingertips felt on her face, or the way he turned to mush at the sight of her black high heels as she slipped her feet into them.
Maybe she shouldn’t have responded to his text. The one in which he threatened to come to her apartment if she didn’t reply. She could have raced home and seen him one last time, because she knew he would have followed through on his threat. But that would have just made his leaving that much more unbearable. She needed to rip off the Band-Aid and let the wound heal, and seeing him again would have only delayed the healing process.
The longer she lay on the couch, though, the more she knew that no other man would ever fill his shoes—because no other man was Mark. No matter how many men she dated or slept with for the rest of her life, none would ever truly make her happy.
Why?
Because she was in love with him.
She had fallen in love with Mark Strong.
And now he was gone. She had let him leave without so much as a fight.
Now it was too late.
At seven o’clock, her phone chimed. She jumped up and grabbed it off the table, eager to see his message. She deflated in an instant. It was a message from Lisa.
Daniel and I are on our way.
She texted back. K.