“What was the argument about?”
“I told her about that guy that you saw snooping around her old house. I told about the arson, and then she got so mad because I had never told her before. But I didn’t even know her then. It wasn’t exactly my place to tell her. And yeah, maybe I should’ve mentioned it before, but there’s been so many other things going on. And just because I was told by the chief doesn’t mean it’s real. I shouldn’t be the one that told her that, anyway. But she was so angry with me.”
“Nah, you were in the right there, Patriot.”
I nodded. “Thanks, man, I think so too. Then the argument turned to the whole situation with her father. Which has nothing to do with anything, but I guess it’s just on both of our minds. He did something terrible, but she should at least hear him out. He might have changed. This might be the biggest regret of his life, and maybe he’s just trying to change things around. I’m sure that trying to find Emily was a massive step in that direction. I just want her to give him a chance.”
For a while, Brady didn’t say anything. Then I realized he might think that I was talking about our father again. I was just about to say something when he sighed. “This is a hard time for her, and she shouldn’t have gotten upset with you. But you probably shouldn’t have gotten angry either. She’s a nice girl, Grant.”
“I thought you said I must be careful of the girls in this small town. Ever since I started seeing Emily, you told me I must be careful.”
“Yeah, but that was before I saw how happy she made you.”
After breakfast, I made my way out to the ranch and did exactly what I had set out to do all day: work until I couldn’t think anymore. I did every job available, even the ones that I usually left up to Brady. I wanted to immerse myself into the work, and to not have a moment to think of anything else. And, for the most part, it seemed to work. I walked away from the ranch feeling better about everything. I might not have thought about my problems, but I somehow felt I had a clearer head.
As I walked out, I saw Harold waving me over.
“Grant, good to see you. I didn’t know you were still working here. I thought you got a job at the fire department.”
“Good to see you too,” I said as I shook his hand. “Yeah, I did get a job there. But they don’t need me every day. So I spend my spare time here, helping Brady out.”
“Wonderful. Like I said before, you’re a good worker. So, you all done for the day?”
“I’m all done.”
“Good. Want to join me for a beer?”
“Yeah, sounds good,” I said. Another reason not to think about Emily. “Let me just find Brady. I saw him about an hour ago, but I have no idea what he’s up to now. He’s probably in the barn,” I said and started to walk.
“No, he’s not there. He took a drive out to get some supplies for the ranch. I saw him as I got here. I was actually on my way to the get the supplies, but he said he’d go for me as there were a few things he wanted to get for himself. I told him I’d let you know. He’ll join us when he gets back.”
“Okay, great. Let me just wash my hands. I’ll be right there.”
I wanted to shower, but the shower was at Brady’s place, and Harold wanted to have a beer at the ranch. I reminded myself to suggest a shower at the ranch to Brady and then went to at least get my hands clean. I washed my face at the same time and made my way back to Harold. He seemed to be in a jolly mood and held up a beer the moment I sat down.
“Thank you,” I said and took a sip. “I think I drink more beer now that I’m working on the ranch. I’ve always liked it, but there’s nothing like a cold beer after a hard day’s work. It feels more like I deserve it than anything else.”
“Tell me about it. I drink less now that I’m not working out all day,” he said. Although, judging by the size of his waistline, I wasn’t so sure.
“So, how are things going?” I said. It was my first time sitting alone with Harold and I hoped the two of us would find things to talk about. He seemed to have a lot more in common with Brady the last time, and I silently urged Brady to hurry up. I had never been that good with people I didn’t know. I just hoped he was a talker because I’d rather sit with someone that talked a lot than in awkward silence.
“Not bad, not bad. I hear you had a fight with your girl,” he said.
I looked up in surprise. “How did you know about that?”
He laughed. “Small town syndrome.”
“Yeah, but still. That was so quick.”
“Nah, I only just found out. I was talking to Brady and I mentioned something about you and that girl, and he mumbled something that sounded like you had been arguing or something.”
“Oh wow, thanks, Brady,” I said sarcastically. “I had no idea he was prone to gossip.”
“He’s not. It really was in conversation, and I barely know anything. And poor Brady looked like he regretted saying anything too. Like I said, he mumbled and then changed the subject. So, want to talk about it? Help an old man from going insane. I don’t get a chance to talk to people most days.”
I didn’t want to talk about it, but Harold seemed desperate for conversation, and I felt bad. I gave him a rough outline on what had happened without going into too much detail. It was still a very personal argument, and I didn’t need him to know everything. Also, I didn’t think it was too fair to Emily if I walked around telling people our problems.
Harold sighed once he’d heard the story. “Relationships aren’t always easy, are they?”
“Nope, that’s for sure. But we weren’t in a relationship.”
“You weren’t? So, what were you?”
“I have no idea. I guess we were just seeing each other. We hadn’t really spoken about what was going to happen. I suppose I wasn’t looking for someone as I didn’t know I’d be hanging around here for such a long time. But we just naturally gravitated toward each other. And, with all the issues she’s been having, there just hasn’t been all that much talk of the future.”
“But you like her, don’t you?” Harold asked.
“Of course. I like her a lot.”
“Despite everything?”
I smiled. “I suppose so.” Despite being upset with her, it didn’t really diminish what I felt for her. I knew that if she walked in right then, I’d probably want to go up and kiss her.
“You know, sometimes it’s worth swallowing your pride and going to talk to her. People say stupid things when they argue. Things they don’t always mean. Trust me, I’ve been there plenty times, and it’s the worst feeling when you realize you said something in anger. But it happens. And it sounds like she’s going through a pretty rough patch lately. She probably needs you now more than ever. And, to be honest, you probably need her too.”
“I’m surprised to hear you say this. I thought you hated the idea of love.”
“You thought that? I suppose I don’t blame you. I’m always spouting off about how much I hated my wife. It’s not all that true, you know. Sometimes I just say that to make myself feel better about her going. We had the kind of relationship where we could always joke around like that, anyway. We always made it look like we couldn’t stand each other, but when nobody was watching, we were the complete opposite. I’m not saying we were perfect, and I do sometimes wonder if we were really meant for each other, but there was definitely more going on than people could see on the surface with us. Don’t get me wrong, Grant; I’m a pretty happy guy, but . . . I get lonely sometimes.”
“It sounds like she was a very interesting woman,” I said to Harold.
“She was a character, that’s for sure. And she didn’t make my life easy. But the good ones never do, do they?”
I was just about to answer when Brady came back. I noticed that Harold’s demeanor changed immediately. All talk of his former wife halted, and all talk of love came to a complete halt. Clearly, he didn’t like to talk about things like that with Brady. Suddenly the entire conversation changed. The banter was ba
ck, and nothing real was mentioned again. I didn’t mind. The very real conversation had only made me feel things I didn’t want to feel at the moment. I’d worked hard all day to avoid just that. But still, I couldn’t stop thinking back to what Harold had said about his life. He’d loved her, despite what he said. And now, he was lonely without her. I wondered how much he regretted the things that he said to her, or didn’t say to her. And, no matter how much I tried to forget about Emily, I couldn’t stop thinking that if I never saw her again, her last image of me would be of fear. I shouldn’t have said the things that I said or reacted so quickly. Not with Emily. Never with Emily.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Emily
I woke up feeling sad that morning after remembering my dream. In the dream, I’d been sitting in the park having a picnic with Grant. The two of us were laughing and then he leaned in and kissed me, and when I pulled away, two familiar figures came walking toward me. My mother and my gran. They were both alive and well, and happy to see me. They sat down to the enjoy the picnic with us. Then my mother looked at me and said, “Where’s John?”
“Dad?” I replied.
“Yeah, he’s meeting us here. Didn’t the two of you go for dinner the other night?”
“Yes. But . . . I . . . I told him that I didn’t want to see him again.”
“But why? Oh no! He’s going to be so disappointed.”
Then, as I was about to say something else, my mother vanished, and so did my grandmother. I turned toward Grant and reached out for him. But as I touched him, he dissolved into a sprinkling of fine dust which got taken away with the smallest gust of wind. I looked around at the park, and I was all alone.
I was relieved when I woke up and realized it was all just a dream, but I still felt the heaviness of what had happened. Terra must’ve seen that I looked upset because the moment I got to work, she demanded to know what was wrong. I told her about the dream and how good it had been to see my mother and grandmother again.
“It felt so real. They were right in front of me, smiling at me. And when I told them that I didn’t want to see my father again, they looked so disappointed.”
“Do you think it means something?” Terra asked.
I shook my head. “Probably nothing more than just a little message from my own sub-conscious. But, I think I’m going to call my father and meet up with him. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to stay in his life or anything. But I’m going to at least hear him out. Then, I’ll decide whether I can forgive him or not.”
“You are? That’s great news, Em!”
“So, there’s no point me asking you if you think this is a good idea or not, is there?” I said.
She chuckled. “I know it’s crappy, Em. But some people wait their whole lives for a second chance with someone, and they don’t it. I want you to have this second chance. Even if you don’t reconcile with him, I think it will give you a peace that you never had before.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I said. “Thanks, Terra. I know I’ve been a right pain lately.”
“Nah, you have every right to be. I’d be an emotional wreck too. You’re actually doing very well. Have you spoken to Grant yet?”
I shook my head. “No. He hasn’t called. And I haven’t called him either. Going to concentrate on one thing at a time. And maybe Grant and I just need a bit of breathing space for a while. Okay, let me get ready for work. I’m going to message my dad now before I chicken out.”
I got out my phone and typed out a message. Then I deleted it, and did it again. It took me about four tries to finally type out something I was somewhat happy with.
Hi, it’s Emily. I’d like to try that again. Free tonight?
I shoved the phone into my pocket and set about getting ready for the day ahead. I felt my phone vibrate, but I was too scared to look at it. Instead, I prepared everything for my upcoming meeting and then went to make myself a cup of coffee. Terra was in the kitchen doing the same thing when I got there.
“Send the message?” she asked.
“I did. And I think he replied. But I’m too afraid to look.”
“Go on, do it while you’re with me. You’re not going to be able to concentrate on work if you’re wondering what the message says.”
She was right. I took the phone out and handed it to her.
“You check.”
She looked at the message and smiled. “He wants to meet you.”
“He does?”
“Of course he does,” she looked at the phone again. “He’s happy with tonight. He says you must just name a time and a place and he’ll be there.”
I couldn’t figure out if I was happy or not. “Where should I meet him?” I asked.
“Why don’t you go to Tony’s? It’s a very casual place.”
“Yeah, great idea. Okay, I’ll make the booking. Thanks, Terra.”
“You bringing Grant with?”
I shook my head. “No. I think I need to do this one on my own this time.”
“Yeah, good idea. You’ve got this. And if you need anything, just call and I’ll be right there. Okay?”
“I will. Thanks, Terra.”
“Oh, hey, and before you go, I was wondering if you’d heard from Brett at all? I was thinking the other day that he hasn’t been around lately. What’s going on with Wendy?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. He didn’t make the last appointment and didn’t say why. I just got a text saying he couldn’t make it. No reason or anything. Wendy is due this week again, though, so we’ll see what happens. I’m glad though; I needed the break from him. Maybe he realized he was coming off too intense.”
“Yeah, maybe. What a creep. Maybe he’ll just stop coming altogether.”
I thought of little Wendy and frowned. “I wish Wendy would just come without him.”
Even though I didn’t have Wendy that day, I did have two amazing little kids to work with. Twins, Erik and Daniel, had been with me for six months, and I always looked forward to their visits. Even though they were identical, it didn’t take me long to figure out the one from the other. Erik was shy and reserved, but very creative. While Daniel was confident and more logical in his thinking. Each lesson had to be created to suit both their personalities, which was sometimes quite a challenge, but one that I enjoyed. At the end of their lesson, I talked to their parents to discuss their progress. They were loving parents. Normal parents. And when they left, I stared after them and wondered what it would’ve been like to be a part of such a normal family. Then I thought about my wonderful mother and grandmother and felt guilty. I may not have had a father, but at least I had them.
“All okay?” Terra asked when she caught me staring outside.
“Yeah, everything is fine. My next appointment canceled. Mind if I go home early and just get ready for this dinner?”
“Of course you can. Go for it. And call me when you’re done, okay? No matter what time it is. I want to hear how it went.”
I gave her a hug. “I’ll do that. Thanks, Terra.”
I got home, took a long bath, and got ready for the night ahead. I thought about phoning Grant but then changed my mind. He still hadn’t contacted me, and right now I didn’t need to add more worries to my evening. I couldn’t deal with two issues when the one was already so huge. I shook off all thoughts of Grant out my head and got ready for the dinner.
I got to Tony’s early that evening. I wanted to get there before him so that I could have a bit of wine before he arrived. But, as with last time, he was already waiting for me. And again, he looked nervous. He stood up when I arrived. I smiled, and we both sat down. There was no hugging or shaking of hands, but we were both polite. That was a start.
“Thank you so much for meeting me again, Emily. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry about the last time. It was just too much to handle. I honestly never believed that this day would come. I feel so unprepared.”
He smiled sadly. “That’s all my fault. You’ve got every right to be angry. And if you never want to see me again, I understand. Obviously, I hope that won’t happen, though.”
We ordered a glass of wine and a bowl of house pasta, neither one of us wanting to spend time looking through the menu. I didn’t have much of an appetite, anyway, but the food would at least give us something to occupy ourselves with.
“Can I ask you something?” I said after taking a big sip of wine.
“You can ask me anything.”
“What are you hoping to get from this?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. Of course, my biggest hope would be that we could walk away father and daughter. I’d like a relationship with you, and I’d like to be there for you for the rest of your life. But, I understand that might not happen. I guess just being able to contact you now and again, to see how you’re doing, to be there if you need. Well, that would suffice too.”
“I’m not sure what I want,” I said.
“I understand. And there’s no rush for you to decide.”
I nodded. “So, what do you for a living now? And where do you live?” I asked as I realized I didn’t even know the most basic details about him.
“I live about an hour away,” he said and named a town I knew well. “I’ve only been there for the past few months, though. Ever since I decided to track you down really. And, as for work, I’m a writer.”
I thought of my grandmother and smiled. “A writer? That’s cool. Novels?”
“Seven novels so far. I write under a different name, though.”
“You do? Why?”
“There was another writer with the same name and my agent thought it would be a good idea. Uh, I brought one of my books here for you to read. If you’re interested.”
“Of course I am,” I said and realized I meant it.
He fished out the book from his bag and handed it to me. My hands trailed over the cover, and I smiled as I put it into my own bag.
Dirty SEAL (A Navy SEAL Romance) (The Maxwell Family) Page 20