“Opposites attract they say.” She always looked nervous when I brought this subject up, but she still hadn’t given me an answer that made sense.
I still wanted to know why so I continued to press.
“Mom, this is more than opposite personalities here. Your lifestyles are polar opposite. You really are a lady and he is….well, we both know what dad is. Was it Brock, mom? When you and dad got back together Brock was what, two or three?”
“He was three.”
“Is that why you got together with Dad? You felt bad for Brock because he lost his mom and he was left with your dad for a father?” Not that Brock ever appreciated my mother, but that was another long, depressing story.
My mother looked at me like her heart was suddenly aching. I regretted bringing up my brother. I hadn’t thought about him for a while and I suddenly wondered where he was. I hadn’t seen him around. I looked at my mom’s face again and decided it wasn’t the time to ask.
She sipped her coffee and took the little knife in front of her and cut up a cinnamon roll. I waited. I knew my mother and if she was going to answer me, she was going to do it in her own good time.
Finally as my hair turned gray she said, “Dax there is so much more to it. I didn’t get together with your father or stay with him because of Brock. I fell in love with him and I know you have a hard time understanding that because we’re so different, I can’t help how I feel and I can’t even explain it. I fell in love with Brock too. His Mama walked away from him and even though he was so young he knew that she didn’t want him. He suffered for it. He was being raised in that bar by a bunch of bikers….it was amazing and terrible at the same time. You really have to give them credit. None of them had a clue what they were doing and they did it all very poorly, but they tried. Anyways, I know you don’t believe this but the truth is I stayed with your dad all of these years because in spite of everything I love him.”
It was so hard for me to fathom. If she’d told me yes, it was my half-brother Brock that kept her around back then, I could have understood it better. She should have been having tea with the ladies down at the quilting parlor. The problem was that she had never been able to have any friendships with decent people because of my dad. The women in town judged her by the husband she kept.
“Okay, I’ll try to accept that and move on,” I told her with a grin. Accepting it and understanding it were two different things. Turning back serious I said, “I was watching security tapes at the bar. Dad said that I could. I told him I was trying to figure out who was in on the robbery four years ago. What I was really looking for was evidence that I was set up.”
She didn’t say anything. She only nodded. I’m sure she was pulling up the memories of conversations she’d had with my father that were supposed to be private and suddenly realizing they were all on tape.
“I came across one of those tapes. It was a day or two after I got arrested and you came in to dad’s office and you were upset. You asked him how he could set up his own son. You wanted him to do something and he told you that there was nothing he could do and he had nothing to do with any set-up.”
“I remember that, yes,” she said, looking sad.
“Mom, do you have any kind of proof that I’m innocent or that I was set-up?”
She reached over and put her hand on my cheek.
“Dax, don’t you think if I did I would have used it to keep you out of prison?”
“Yeah, I do. But I couldn’t figure out what made you go there that day and confront dad if you didn’t. What made you so sure I hadn’t done what they were accusing me of?”
“Honestly, I hadn’t been able to see you yet so I wasn’t sure. I knew that if you were trafficking drugs it was for the club and your father had gotten you into it. I wanted to believe you didn’t have anything to do with it, but like I said, that was before they let me see you and there was always the small chance you were talked into doing something you didn’t want to, making one last run for them. You’re a good kid, but you weren’t perfect,” she said with a grin. “They try to make it sound so romantic and make you boys think it’s glamourous when in reality it’s all a bunch of crap.”
“I do know that,” I told her. “So once you did talk to me, you believed me, right? You knew that I didn’t have anything to do with any of this?”
“Yes, of course I believed you. You’ve always been an honest kid and you’ve turned into an honest man. Even when you were little and you and Terrance and Brock would get into trouble, you were always the one I could count on to tell the truth. That year, leading up to you leaving for school, your dad was a mess. He acted like you walking away from this club and your title as heir to the throne was akin to Prince William doing the same. He always planned on you replacing him because he said that Brock was too impulsive and hot headed to be a leader. Your intelligence and spirit was the reason why I wanted you to walk away and go to college and the reason why he wanted you to stay here and lead this stupid club. He was a mess the three months you were gone until you came back for winter break. He didn’t think you would come back. When you did, I thought he didn’t want to let you go again. He talked you into going that day, right? One last run before you went back to school again until spring break. It always seemed awfully convenient to me that you would be the only one carrying anything. I mean, I’ve known these guys for a long time and on any given day they have guns, knives, drugs and drug paraphernalia on their person. It just so happened that no one was carrying anything at all illegal that day. I found that hard to fathom. I strongly believed that you were set up and I still do. Your dad has denied it over and over and my suspicions are all I have.”
“I found an email from Terrance to dad the day before I was arrested. It said “It’s all set up and ready to go.” I didn’t want to believe that my best friend and my father, two people I should be able to trust beyond all others had conspired to do this to me, but I confronted Terrance and he finally admitted that he got an email telling him what to do. He says it came from dad. He of course wants me to believe he had no choice because he feared for his own safety. I think…no. I know if it had been me, I would have gone to him. I would have risked the wrath of the club over betraying my best friend.”
“Everyone doesn’t have your sense of right and wrong, Dax…unfortunately. Terrance grew up with a father who was an officer in the club and no mother. He was taught club first, family second, friends third.”
“What ever happened to thinking for yourself?” I asked.
“That goes out the door when you take that stupid Smokin’ Joker’s blood oath. You’re supposed to let your dad and Mack and all the others do your thinking for you. You’re strong enough to think for yourself. Terrance, not so much.”
“You’re defending him,” I told her.
“Maybe, a little. I’m angry with him for doing that to you, of course. But I can’t help thinking about that poor, sweet kid he was. He wasn’t as lucky as Brock. He was raised by that club.”
I didn’t want to argue with my mom, but I really didn’t want to hear her defend him so I changed the subject and said, “I’m going to confront dad, face to face.”
“What are you going to say?” My mom looked worried, but I didn’t think she would try and talk me out of it. She knew I had to do this and I thought she would be as relieved as me to get to the bottom of it all.
“I’m just going to lay it all out and see what he says.”
“You know that your father would never admit it, right? He’ll go to his grave denying he had anything to do with setting up his own son.”
“I know, but I have to give it a shot. Maybe he’ll have proof that he didn’t do it.”
Mom smiled sadly and said, “That would be nice.”
Chapter Four
Olivia
I lugged the full duffel bag out of the apartment and loaded it into my car that morning. I sat there for the longest time, trying to figure out where I was going to go and what I was
going to do. Finally, I drove over to my Uncle’s shop. After Dax was arrested and I quit school, he’d given me a full-time job. I was making enough that I could afford rent and utilities and food. It wasn’t a great living, but it was a living. I didn’t have that any longer and I had a few hundred dollars in the bank that I had saved just in case something happened. It didn’t matter though. I was glad I’d broken up with Terrance. I didn’t want to be taken care of with drug money. I didn’t want to be with a guy who would betray his best friend at the drop of a hat and lie to his girlfriend about it.
I hung out with my uncle for a while. I didn’t tell him what was going on. He’d done so much for me over the past two years. I wasn’t going to ask him for anything else. I made lunch for him and two of the guys who worked at the shop.
After they ate and the employees went back to work, my uncle asked, “Are you doing okay, Olivia?”
“I’m good,” I lied.
“Okay, I know Dax is out. He’s not bothering you, is he?”
Not like you think. “No, he’s not bothering me. Terrance and I are having some troubles though so don’t worry if he comes around looking for me. I won’t be staying with him at the apartment any longer.”
“Do you have a place to stay?”
“Yeah, I’m staying with a friend,” I lied again. “I should be going,” I told him. I wanted to be with people I cared about, but I was tired of dumping on them. Maybe this one I should handle on my own.
He kissed my cheek and said, “Call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will. Thank you for always being there for me.”
“Bye sweetie, take care.”
“Bye,” I said. I went out to my car and sat for ten minutes, trying to figure out where to go.
I finally started the car and drove around for a while, trying to clear my head and figure out what I was going to do. I ended up at the park in the foothills where Dax and I used to go all the time. I sat under our tree and tried to let my mind wonder back to the good days. The times when it seemed like we had the whole world at our fingertips.
I lay back against the stump and thought back over my life since I met Dax. The conclusion I came to was that it was all good and headed in the right direction, before I walked away from him. I abandoned him and I betrayed him by being with Terrance. I was surprised he would have anything to do with me at all.
I thought back to the night before and the way he had just taken me into his arms and fucked me and let me stay. I wanted to believe it was because he still had the same feelings for me as I did for him. I am bright enough to know however that with men, sometimes the feelings they have below the belt are the ones that matter most. I guess the real test would be if he would take me in now, after we already had our reunion roll in the hay.
I pushed myself up off the ground and looked at my watch. It was getting late in the evening and it was the middle of the week so the bar shouldn’t be too crowded. It usually started breaking up by eight or nine on the weekdays. I drove over there and wondered if Dax would take me in or turn me away. No one could blame him if he just told me to go. It would be sweet revenge for what I had done to him.
Even though it was late, I was surprised and happy to find Cookie and Buster were the only two in the bar. I smiled at Cookie and went as fast as I could past Buster, hoping he would keep talking and not see me. I was carrying my duffel bag and a backpack. I could just hear the rumor mill starting up as soon as Buster got wind. I went to the room where Dax had been staying and I knocked. The room wasn’t big, if he was in there, I’m sure he heard me. I tried the door and it was locked. Frustrated, I turned around and saw Dax walking towards me down the hall.
He grinned. That was a good sign. He had the cocky look about him that he had since he got home. It was a new look, but it was kind of sexy.
“Hey gorgeous, you back for more?”
I raised an eyebrow. It must have been when it registered with him that I was holding my bags because he said, “Oh, shit.” That was probably not a good sign.
I smiled, not knowing what else to do and said, “Surprise, I dropped in for a visit.” I was met by a look of distress and I suddenly thought I had made a mistake in coming there. He hadn’t said anything and he was still looking at me so I said, “I left Terrance and I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, looking glad that I had left Terrance at least. “You can stay here, of course. We’ll just have to figure out a long-term plan for you soon. We can’t have you living in the back of a bar indefinitely.”
He opened the door with his key and let me in. I dropped my bags against the wall and we looked at each other. It was uncomfortable. Neither of us knew what to say at that point. What were we to each other? I guess that since I had abandoned him I couldn’t claim friend status. I had just left my boyfriend who used to be his best friend so I couldn’t claim girlfriend status. We had slept together, but I had done that on impulse. I wasn’t going to do it again either so I couldn’t claim lover.
Definitely uncomfortable.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. That was good, when all else failed, go with food. The truth was I had so much to think about today, I’d actually forgotten to eat and I was starving.
“Yeah, I am, actually.”
“Let’s go see what we can find in Cookie’s kitchen. It might just be a frozen hamburger patty or two.”
“Whatever is fine,” I told him.
I followed him out and was relieved to see that Cookie and Buster had left. Dax wouldn’t let me follow him in the kitchen, he told me to have a seat and he would do the cooking. I sat there and let everything run through my head again. I wondered if I should have asked my uncle for my job back or if I should go back to school, or both. I could smell Dax cooking and every once in a while I’d catch a glimpse of him as he walked past the little window. I still got a tickle in my belly every time he smiled at me. I wondered if it would ever go away. I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to.
After a while he came out with a plate. It had a jalapeno and cheese burger on it, cut in half and curly fries with garlic and cheese. It was my favorite and he knew it. The tickle in my belly moved up towards my heart.
“Thanks for making all of this for me.”
He leaned on the counter and grabbed a fry off my plate saying, “I didn’t do it all for you, why do you think it’s cut in half?” He grinned at me and I almost told him that if he asked, I’d gladly sit and watch him eat it all. Coming around the counter and sitting down next to me he said, “Just like old times, huh?”
His nearness was making me tingle all over. He was so damn hot. Sometimes I hated what he did to me, mostly because I didn’t know what to do with it. He was right though, this was just like old times. The jalapeno cheese burger and cheesy garlic fries was what I used to order when we would come in together and hang out with his friends and family back in the day. I wish we could close our eyes and tap our heels and go back there. That way, we could move forward cautiously, knowing what to look out for along the way. It sucked that there were no do-overs in life.
“You want a beer?” he asked.
“No, maybe just water,” I told him. “I can get it.”
“Nope, I’m the waiter for tonight. You stay, I’ll get it.”
He went behind the bar again and rummaged in the little refrigerator. He came back with a bottle of water in his hand. He sat it down in front of me and looked at my face.
“So, what happened with Terrance? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “I just packed my things and told him we were through. He tried to talk me out of leaving, but I made sure he understood that I wasn’t going to forgive what he did or the fact that he lied to me about doing it.”
Dax was nodding and then he asked, “You were there all this time?”
“No, I got my things and hung out at my uncle’s shop for a while and then I drove up to the park.”
&n
bsp; “You should have called me.”
“I just needed some time to think and clear my head,” I told him.
“So when you showed up last night…what was that about?”
I smiled and shrugged. “A moment of weakness?” I said, like it was a question almost.
“Oh, weakness? That’s what people are calling it these days? What about tonight? Are you still feeling weak?” He was grinning and I knew he was kidding…mostly.
“I think I’ll give the break-up some time before I let myself get all weak in the knees again, thank you very much.”
Still grinning, he said, “Okay, but keep me posted, all right?”
“Shut-up,” she quipped.
“How’s the food?”
“It’s good.” I wasn’t kidding It was like comfort food to me and I needed it.
“Good, I’m glad you liked it. Maybe I have a career as a short-order cook. I talked to my mom today about seeing her confront my dad on the security tape.”
I stopped mid-bite. “What did she say?”
“She said that at first, she was afraid that maybe they had talked me into something, but either way, she still blamed my dad. She believes that I didn’t do it though. That means a lot on its own. Remember that whole first few months when I started school, what a hard time he gave me? I held my ground and refused to do what he wanted me to do and that pissed him off. My mom said she thought maybe he had been trying to force me into having no other choices besides the club.”
“Wow, did you tell her about Terrance and the emails?”
“Yeah, she has a soft spot for him. She didn’t come right out and defend him, but she mentioned again about how he only had his dad as an example, blah, blah, blah.”
“I thought about that too,” I told Dax, honestly. “He did get dealt a bad hand in life, but I don’t think it’s a valid excuse. At some point as an adult you have to stop blaming your crappy childhood for everything and take responsibility. Terrance is perfectly satisfied with his life. He has no ambition, no desire to change it.”
Dirty SEAL (A Navy SEAL Romance) (The Maxwell Family) Page 81