Edith choked. Unexpected and generous. The offer was precisely what Godwin needed. He could go far. But it was completely at the wrong time. ‘You want to speak with her now?’
‘The sooner, the better. The boy needs direction. He reminds me of myself at that age. We can go together.’
Edith twisted her belt about her fingers. ‘Now would not be a good time. Trust me.’
His brow creased. ‘But you were going to see her.’
‘There is...that is, someone is not well. It would upset Godwin’s mother as she would be unable to give the sort of welcome her lord requires.’ Edith released a breath. Not exactly a lie. Hilda had said that Athelstan was seriously injured. ‘But I’ll send word with Hilda that Mary should come and see you once she is free from her nursing duties.’
He nodded with a perplexed frown. ‘And you are certain that everything is all right?’
‘It will be. I know the honour you do Godwin.’
Edith hurried over to Hilda and rapidly explained. Hilda’s eyes went wide, but she agreed to take the message to Mary. Edith’s shoulders relaxed slightly. She’d bought a little time. Somehow, the solution would come to her—one which would enable Athelstan to live and allow her to retain this precious bit of happiness. Was it so wrong of her to put herself first for once? As Hilda had pointed out yesterday, it was important for everyone that Brand be contented and in a good temper.
‘It is done.’ She put her hand on Brand’s arm.
Brand tucked her arm in his and started to lead her towards the old storage hut, intending to show her the bath house his men had unearthed. ‘Your cousin seemed surprised at the request. Does she think that I wouldn’t want someone as able as Godwin in my retinue? He is the sort of boy who will go far. And I intend to give him that chance.’
‘Hilda thinks it is a kind thing.’ Edith concentrated on keeping her voice steady. ‘Godwin is a great favourite, but his mother may want him with her for a while longer. She’s barely recovered from losing her husband.’
‘His mother will do him no favours by keeping him as a little boy. He will quickly become a man, particularly now that his father is dead.’
A faint wistful note entered his voice. He had been the same sort of boy. The knowledge thudded through her. A kindred spirit. Edith knew she had to know more. Every time she’d asked before, he had expertly turned the conversation away from his childhood. Maybe she could find a clue this time to help Athelstan and Godwin.
‘This concerns Godwin rather than my misbegotten past.’
Edith rolled her eyes. ‘You came from somewhere. You didn’t spring full grown from the earth, ready to slay Northumbrians. I want to know about it.’
His lips turned upwards. ‘There is no need to discuss it. I live in the present.’
‘You see my past all around me, but you don’t want to speak of your childhood. Childhood shapes you.’ Edith brushed her lips against his cheek. ‘Indulge me. I’m curious.’
‘Why the sudden interest?’
Edith pressed her lips together. She could hardly confess to seeking an answer for her problem.
Edith took a deep breath. ‘I want to know if the rumour is true. Did your mother try to have you hung?’
‘My father was a jaarl, one of the old Viken king’s most trusted advisers.’
‘Then why aren’t you there?’
‘Because my mother was his concubine.’ He fingered the scar on his neck. ‘My father’s wife had other plans about who should inherit my father’s wealth. She did not want to follow our custom of providing for all children.’
She drew in her breath swiftly. ‘She did this to you? Not your mother, but your father’s wife? She caused you to be hanged!’
‘And charged no one to help me on pain of death.’ His mouth twisted. ‘I had made the mistake of loving the woman intended for my half-brother as well as daring to beat him in swordplay. She claimed I had stolen the sword.’
‘But someone took the risk?’
‘One of my father’s servant’s. I think he was in love with my mother. He arranged for the fake hanging. There was barely life in me when I was cut down. He spirited me away and it was a long time before I returned to Norway.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘Dead. His son Sven was my comrade-in-arms. We rose together. He was a far better man than I could ever hope to be and my father dismissed him as a thrall.’
‘How old were you?’
‘Fourteen. I sailed for Byzantium and made my name there. I suspect one of the reasons I was taken on initially was because I sported the scar.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘Her intention went awry.’
Edith pressed her hands together. His story gave her hope. He knew what it was like to be an outcast. She might be able to use that to save Athelstan if it came down to it. ‘Why did you leave Byzantium?’
‘There was nothing there for me.’ A muscle jumped in his cheek. ‘I trusted the wrong woman and was dismissed. Halfdan and his brothers conceived of the plan to invade England and it gave me a purpose. Halfdan has proved true to his word—he promised me land so that I could marry the woman of my dreams.’
‘Is that as rare in Norsemen politics as it is in Northumbrian?’ Edith asked lightly as a pain shot through her. There was someone he was in love with.
‘Yes. I value a man who keeps his word. Once my path is chosen I do not deviate.’
‘Even if a better way appears?’
He shook his head. ‘There has never been a need. I find it important to keep my main goal in sight at all times.’
‘And what is that?’
He gestured about him. ‘To have my own patch of earth where I can sow and farm without fear. Here I will put down my roots. The wanderer has found a place to lay his head.’
‘And is that all?’
He sighed. ‘Where is this conversation leading, Edith? If you must know, I intend eventually to send to Norway for a bride. I told Halfdan I would do so once I had land when I entered his service.’
Her stomach churned. ‘Then you have an intended?’
‘In a manner of speaking. There is a woman with whom I had an understanding. Her father gave me leave to ask if I ever became a jaarl. I suspect he never believed it would happen, but everyone knew my intention.’
Everyone but her. The small fantasy that he might come to love her and want to marry her died. She hadn’t even realised that she had had that dream until it was gone. She raised her chin and refused to show how much his words hurt her. ‘And when were you planning on telling me?’
‘Why should I? It has nothing to do with us.’
Edith clenched her hands together so tightly that her knuckles went white. ‘You should have said something. It would have made a difference.’
‘Why?’ He seemed genuinely astonished.
‘Because I could never do to another woman what was done to me.’ Edith fought against the urge to weep. She never cried. ‘That’s why.’
‘I intend to look after you. I never shirk my responsibilities.’ He frowned. ‘I know what it is like to be the son of a concubine.’
Each word tore into her soul. She had been living in some sort of dream. She had thought after the passionate night that he was bound to ask her to marry him. It was the most sensible solution. Now she discovered that she was someone of no consequence to him, a warm body in the night. His heart already belonged to someone else. It shouldn’t bother her but it did. Once in her life, she wanted to be loved.
That she even had feelings for him was such a new and raw thing to her. It wasn’t love, she told herself. Love was supposed to be comfortable like what her parents had with each other. This was completely unsettling.
‘But you still intend to send for her despite what has passed between us? You intend to treat me like your f
ather treated your mother. Why? To humble me?’
His eyes flashed fire. ‘Do not equate the two.’
‘I see.’ Edith gathered as much dignity about her as she could. She wanted to sink to the ground in despair, but that would only be fuelling his masculine pride.
‘You were not living with some false hope that I would marry you?’
She pressed her lips together, counted to ten and regained control over her temper. She’d been so foolish. ‘I hardly know how to answer that.’
‘I was clear before we began, Edith. You are my concubine for a year. After we are done, I will give you and your baggage train safe passage to wherever you want to go. I gave in to your sensibilities and wooed you.’
‘And men don’t marry such women?’ The words escaped from her lips before she had a chance to think.
‘You are being impossible, Edith. First you question me closely about what I want from life and then you react badly when I tell you. If you don’t want to know the answer, refrain from asking the question. You should be pleased that I was honest.’
That sort of honesty she had little need of. She’d been living in a fool’s paradise.
‘And you are seeking to dismiss me, like you dismiss a child? What precisely did you have planned?’
‘I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I like to live each day at a time.’
‘But you were going to make the decision soon.’
‘You are being unreasonable.’ He reached for her. ‘It is the shock.’
Edith twisted out of his embrace. A kiss now would make matters worse. She had her pride. ‘Unreasonable? You treated me like a brainless child.’
‘A jaarl has to marry, Edith,’ he said slowly, his accent becoming thicker with each word. ‘That is beyond question. It has to be someone who will enhance his standing. Halfdan must approve the marriage. He wants his earls to marry well. You should hear him on the subject. For Halfdan, the ideal wife is from Norway.’
With each damning word, she felt smaller and smaller. Of course she no longer had standing or position—the failed rebellion had seen to that. There was no reason for him to marry her. He desired her, but didn’t want to marry her. He didn’t even want her to stay after the year was done.
She hadn’t even realised that she had hoped for something like a loving marriage. She had been so naive in building dreams. Somehow, she thought they’d go on this like this for ever when all along he’d been planning this to be a short-term thing. She felt used and betrayed. She had thought what they shared was special and unique and that he felt it in the same manner that she had.
‘Thank you for making your position clear,’ she choked out around the increasing lump in her throat.
‘I didn’t want you to harbour any false hope.’
‘That is my concern.’ She kept her head up and her face a careful mask. Silently she was pleased that she’d had so many years of dealing with Egbert and knew how to conceal her emotions. Right now, she wanted to scream and shout at him that he was being unfair. He had demeaned her and what they shared.
‘And you need not worry. I would hardly install a wife here while you are in residence.’
Edith drew in her breath sharply and counted to ten before she trusted her voice. Install a wife? He made it sound like he was offering her a huge favour. She’d hope that as a courtesy to this unknown woman, she’d be gone. ‘That is supposed to keep me sweet? You will make sure we have ended before you marry.’
‘It is the best I can offer. I will see you have nothing to fear for the future either.’
She winced as if he had slapped her.
Brand frowned. What did she want? His head on a silver platter? He had behaved honourably. He could have allowed her to have illusions, but it was better to have the truth. It was hardly his fault that some day he would have to marry and produce an heir. He would never humiliate her in the way his mother had been humiliated. ‘You will do as I say, Edith.’
‘We have an agreement, Brand, and I will honour it. I expect to be released when my year is up.’ Each word was clearly enunciated.
‘So where will you go?’ he asked through clenched teeth. ‘Where will you find refuge? Who will take you? I will see you safe and settled. You can have a small cottage with a little land. I intend to be generous, Edith.’
‘That is my concern!’ Edith glared back at him, her hands balled into fists. ‘When I go, I’ll no longer be your problem or in need of your generosity. Perhaps I will go to Wessex. I have some distant relations there. Or maybe to a nunnery on the coast where my second cousin twice removed is the abbess. But I won’t stay here, hanging around like a bad smell.’
Brand raised an eyebrow. ‘Two places at once?’
‘I haven’t decided.’ Edith’s cheeks flushed. ‘It depends on many things. When the time is right, I will know where I will go. You never said that I had to decide immediately. You are seeking to change the terms. That is not allowed, Brand.’
‘I should have some input,’ he said with icy politeness. ‘There might be other considerations—a child.’
‘You should have nothing! The trouble with you is that you want everything and give nothing in return.’
With great difficulty, Brand swallowed his inclination to shout. If he gave vent to his anger, Edith would have won. He concentrated on taking slow even breaths. Edith was impossible. When she had calmed down, she’d see that he had offered her the truth, rather than the pap of a lie. She should see that he respected her enough to give her honesty rather than sweet meaningless nothings.
He was in no hurry to marry and he’d never have a situation like his father had. But he’d not offer false hope. A year was a long time. Brand refused to think about how empty his life would be without her and how much he looked forward to waking up with her by his side or sparring with her with words. The solution would come to him. Edith would listen to reason.
‘When the time comes, I will lead the party that provides you with safe passage,’ he said when he trusted himself to speak reasonably. ‘You will have to tell me some time.’
‘When that day comes, I will inform you of my destination, but it will be far from here.’ She turned on her heel and started to stride away.
‘I didn’t give you permission to go.’
‘Do I have to ask?’ She stopped and made a mocking curtsy. ‘Very well, may I go, your lordship?’
‘You are impossible. Go. Get out of my sight. I don’t care where you go. Just go!’
Chapter Ten
Edith stood silently in Brand’s chamber, listening to the sound of heavy drinking filter in from the hall. Tonight, she’d pleaded a headache and had retired to bed. The message was curt and she thought designed to provoke a reaction, particularly as one of the serving women breathlessly confided that the king’s messenger had arrived.
Brand had not bothered to check on her, but instead sent word through one of the serving women that this was acceptable. He understood that she was not feeling her best.
Acceptable? Understood? Who was he to dictate if what she did was acceptable or not? Even now, her blood fizzed at the thought. She wanted to storm down and shout at him. She refused to be dictated to. She might have agreed to stay as his concubine because she’d no choice, but that did not mean she was his slave!
When she’d returned earlier that evening, Hilda had reported in a hurried whisper that Athelstan had refused to see her, but declared his intention through Mary of staying. This was his home, where his forefathers were buried. He would remain as long as he had breath in his body.
He had also heard of her liaison with Brand and did not approve. Hilda reported in breathless tones that everyone was speaking of how she’d become the Norseman’s whore. The entire village.
Edith stared over at the bed. One of the reasons she had s
tayed, rather than protecting her modesty through retirement to a convent, was to ensure the safety of her people. She’d known some would point their fingers and judge, but she hadn’t expected it to hurt so much.
She had to do something to help Athelstan and his family, something solid, rather than paying lip service to the ideal.
‘A man is judged by the quality of his actions, rather than the words he mutters,’ Edith whispered. ‘I’ve always proclaimed it and now it is time to prove it.’
She made her way onto the stone wall at the back of the room and counted in the darkness seven stones along. Her fingers curled about the edges of the stones and she pulled. The stone refused to yield. She redoubled her efforts and there was a great scraping noise.
Instantly Edith froze. Listened. The noise from the hall grew louder. The strains of the saga of Ivar the Scarred echoed in the room. She had first heard the saga two nights ago and thought it fantastical then. It seemed even more so now. Sweat poured down her back.
She spat on her hands and tried again. The stone suddenly gave way and she fell back onto her bottom with a deafening thump.
She sat on the ground, listening. The hall had gone deadly silent. Her heartbeat resounded in her ears. When she thought all was lost she heard a great roar of laughter and the music of the harp started again. Safe.
Placing the stone to one side, she reached back into the cavity. Rather than the quantity of silver and jewels she’d expected, a single silver cup remained. One solitary cup, pushed to the back and lying on its side. She thrust her hand in the space again and felt around more, desperately searching.
Her mother’s jewels, including the brooch of the hare with sapphire eyes that she’d loved seeing her mother wear, had to be there. She’d put everything there the afternoon after Egbert departed. Nothing remained except the cup.
Edith tapped her finger against her mouth and tried to keep the great hollow from opening inside her. That hoard was supposed to see her through if anything dire happened.
Egbert would have taken the entire lot if he had discovered the hiding place. Edith made a face. He couldn’t be the one. She’d waited until he was gone before she retrieved everything and placed it here.
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