by E. M. Abel
Copyright © 2013 by Elaine Abel
All rights reserved.
Editor and Interior Designer: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Preface
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Epilogue
Coming Soon
Special Thanks
To my wonderful husband, who listened to me obsess over this book for a year and never complained once.
To my kids, who lost quality time with me while I spent hours typing away on my computer.
To my incredible parents and family, who always supported and encouraged my writing even when I thought it wasn’t good enough.
To my friends, who read rough draft after rough draft just to have the story change again.
To my niece, Kenyia, my cover model, who fell hopelessly in love with Marcus from the moment I described his shoes.
To my sister, Cindy, who has supported me unconditionally throughout my life, without judgment. No matter what, I always know I have you in my corner cheering me on. Your confidence in me never wavered and that alone has given me the strength to keep going.
And last but certainly not least…
To my biggest fan and sister, Kristine.
If it weren’t for you, this book never would have come to life.
You pushed me when I needed to be pushed.
You supported me when I felt discouraged.
You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.
You spent hours reading and answered all my texts asking if you were done yet.
Most importantly, you helped me find my purpose.
For that, I will forever be grateful.
Sugar-Coated Dreams
My need for someone to hold
Harbors the poison killing my soul
Dissolving my sugar-coated dreams
Forming sweet puddles on the ground
Until they’re lifted again by the sun’s beams.
The sun is bright.
I keep hanging on to this pain
It has become my companion
Never leaving my side
Afraid it might miss a moment,
A moment in time.
When the sky is blue
And the sun is bright
When I’m smiling
And welcome the light.
I keep clearing my mind
Trying to erase all these daydreams,
Fantasies that will never come true.
I keep brushing my teeth
Scrubbing and rinsing
Trying to forget the taste
Of you.
That moment.
A moment in time.
When the sky is blue
And the sun is bright
When I’m smiling
And welcome the light.
I keep crying alone
Wiping the tears
Too proud to admit they fell
Cleansing my eyes of all the times
I pictured you in hell.
How could this happen?
I knew better than that.
When will I be rid of this pain?
I knew it was coming,
That’s why I kept running
But still you caught up
And left me in the rain.
So, maybe I’m the one to blame…
So, will I ever see it again?
This moment.
A moment in time.
When the sky is blue
And the sun is bright
When I’m smiling
And welcome the light…
Or will I be looking for you?
“Do you ever miss Japan?” Marcus asked me as we sat on the bleachers, watching our friends skate on the hot concrete.
He was sitting next to me with his elbows resting on his knees. A drop of sweat was rolling down the side of his neck, and I watched its descent until it fell beneath the collar of his gray shirt.
“Sure, sometimes,” I muttered as I turned my gaze back to the guys in front of us with my sunglasses shielding my eyes from the harsh sun. It wasn’t Japan that I missed so much. It was the life I’d had there.
Staring ahead Marcus said, “Sometimes, I think going anywhere, like somewhere new—a place with no memories, no past, just beginnings—would be better than this.”
Where is all this coming from? Marcus had never talked to me about his feelings. He hardly spoke to me at all.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded. I understood what he meant though. Leaving Japan had been hard, but it also gave me distance from my past. He wasn’t so lucky. His past was at home, waiting for him every day.
Sitting at my desk in and staring at my computer screen, I could see every pixel, just a bunch of dots glaring back at me. Could this day go any slower? I’d finished all my work, and it was only 1:07 p.m. I seriously need to find another job. The saddest thing of all was that working at Westwood Printing had become the highlight of my day.
My best friend, Hailey, had just moved out last weekend, leaving me with a half-empty apartment and virtually no social life. It was depressing. She had a new man—a successful hot man, who asked her to move in with him after only four months of dating.
I was happy for her. I really was. At least, I was trying hard to be, but my jealousy kept rearing its ugly head. If only I had been blessed with her sense of confidence and undeniable beauty, maybe I would be moving on to bigger and better things.
Snap out of it, Ais, Hailey’s voice rang clearly in my mind.
She would always say that to me when I felt down about my life. She was always positive and upbeat. She could be totally annoying, but she was exactly the kind of friend I needed. She was the yang to my yin, the light to my dark.
Being the complete opposite of Hailey, I was the tomboy who had no clue how to be the confident, sexy woman that men swooned over. I could party with the guys, and I had no problem being their friend, but when it came to getting them to see me as anything more, I was clu
eless.
Ugh, I need to stop! Come on, Asia, think positive. Think positive.
As my pep talk was starting to work, I realized I was slouching in my chair, pouting like a two-year-old. Quickly straightening my back, I forced a big fake smile onto my face. When I caught a glimpse of my reflection on the now blank computer screen, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny over here?”
I turned around to see Nick’s bright blue eyes peeking over the adjoining cubical wall. With his eyebrow raised, he appeared to be worried about me. He probably thinks I’m losing it.
“Nothing. I’m just laughing at myself.”
“Well, you are pretty hilarious.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back to my computer.
“Oh, come on, Asia! I’m just kidding. What’s wrong?”
Nick leaned away from the wall and then gracefully pushed his desk chair over to my side.
He was gorgeous and lean the type of guy who belonged on a runway. With his high cheekbones, straight nose, eyelashes any woman would die for, and a perfect set of lips, he had a face that could be in magazines. Of course, he was gay, which also meant his wardrobe was flawless.
Why do I surround myself with these people? They only made my situation seem that much worse.
“When was the last time you got laid, Asia?” Nick asked, giving me his skeptical look.
My cheeks automatically got hot. Why does the mere mention of sex turn me into a thirteen-year-old adolescent? And why does it always remind me of Marcus?
“Well?” Nick asked impatiently.
I bit my bottom lip, feeling too humiliated to respond to his question. My answer would probably give him a heart attack right here in our office.
“If it takes you that long to respond, Asia, you’ve got real problems. I mean, I know you have men lined up. So, when was it?”
I scoffed at his comment. “Yeah, look at the line going out the door. I hardly have time to keep up!” I responded, my voice reeking of sarcasm.
“Whatever, girl. If you were my type and you cleaned yourself up a little, you know I’d be all over you like white on rice!”
Yeah, too bad I’m not a guy.
“Thanks, Nick. You sure know how to make a girl feel special.”
Nick chuckled, ignoring my attitude. “Seriously, Asia, you’re beautiful, you’re exotic, and you have a body to die for. If you let down your hair and stop wearing boy clothes, men would be lined up. Let me give you a makeover, girl! Please? I would have so much fun! And I promise that you won’t end up looking like a drag queen!”
Nick had been asking to make me over since the day we met. At first, it had seemed like an insult, but now, I knew it was just his way of playing dress-up. Once Nick got an idea in his head, it was impossible to shut him up.
As I glanced down at my white button-up shirt, black pants, and flats, I thought I actually looked alright today. At least I had ironed my shirt this morning. Growing up with a widowed father and two older brothers, Rob and Shaun, probably hadn’t helped me in the style department, not to mention the how-to-act-like-a-sexy-and-confident-woman department.
The truth was I didn’t really care about clothes and shoes and purses. That was most likely why I had never had many female friends. Hailey was my only real girlfriend, and the only reason we became close was because she had dated Shaun.
I usually spent most of my time skateboarding, surfing, smoking weed, and getting drunk with Shaun and all his friends. Hanging out with guys who saw me as the little sister always made me the friend and never the girlfriend.
In college, guys had tried to ask me out, but it was obvious they had only been interested in getting into my pants. I knew how guys’ minds worked. I’d grown up living with them, and I refused to get used like that again.
It wasn’t just my fear of getting hurt that held me back. I was scared of letting people get close to me. I wasn’t self-conscious about my body. In no way was I model material, but I felt comfortable in my own skin. It was everything else I always doubted.
Living with only men hadn’t been the environment for sharing feelings and crying over a bucket of ice cream. I’d been raised to suck it up and keep moving, so that was what I did.
“Um, hello? Earth to Asia!”
“Oh…sorry.” I shook my head and snapped myself out of my self-examination. “I was just considering your offer.”
“Really? Okay, girl, that’s all I needed to hear! Bring your little Asian ass to my apartment first thing tomorrow morning. Understand?” Nick ordered as he pointed at me, trying to look authoritative.
It didn’t work, but at least he tried. Bless his heart.
“I just said I was considering it, Nick. Keep your panties on.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s not like you have plans. I know Hailey moved out, and it’ll be another month before she comes up for air.” Nick smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.
I shook my head and laughed. As much as I wanted to argue, I couldn’t. He was right. Damn. I hate it when he’s right. “Fine.”
Nick’s eyes lit up.
I knew he had been expecting more of a fight, but to be honest, I was a little excited to see what he might do. It couldn’t hurt.
At five thirty, I unlocked the door to my apartment, not looking forward to another Friday night of watching crappy TV alone. The apartment felt so empty with Hailey gone.
The walls were bare, except for the one mirror hanging by my front door. The only things in the living room were my comfy red couch, a dark rosewood coffee table, and a matching bookshelf. My dining room had a small wooden table that sat four, and that was it.
My version of decorating was putting framed photos of me with my friends and brothers on my bookshelf. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to decorate. It just never really felt like a priority, and Hailey had handled all the decorating when we’d moved in. I guess it’s time for me to step up.
Just as I was putting my purse down on my couch, I heard my cell phone ring. I looked at the screen to see that it was Hailey calling.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Asia! Happy Friday!”
“Hey, Hailey. I’m surprised to hear from you. I thought for sure that I wouldn’t get a call for at least another week.”
“Whatever! Just because I moved out doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend,” she said, sounding offended.
“I know, I know. I just thought…you’d be busy.”
“Never too busy for you, Puffy.”
I sighed. Oh god, not that nickname again.
Hailey and our other friends from high school had pegged me with that annoying nickname. Apparently, I would always puff out my cheeks when I held in smoke, and since we had smoked a lot of pot back then, they saw it often enough to give me that ridiculous name. Every time I would take a hit of a joint, I heard it. At least for me, it had gotten old quick, but they seemed to think it was hilarious.
“So, what are you doing?” Hailey asked in her usual cheerful tone.
“Nothing. I just got home. What about you? Enjoying the perks of living with your man?” I smiled as I heard Hailey giggle over the phone.
“Yes. Definitely. This place is huge! And John’s been great. He’s taking me out for dinner tonight.”
I could feel a little jealousy creeping up, but I quickly pushed it back down. “That’s great, girl. You deserve it.”
She did deserve it. Hailey had been through some rough times with her previous boyfriends—otherwise known as the douche-bag squad, which unfortunately, included Shaun.
“Thanks, Ais. So, what do you have planned for the weekend? You wanna do something?”
“Well, actually…” I braced myself for what would come next. “Nick is giving me a makeover tomorrow.”
“What? Oh my god, Asia! Are you serious?”
Just like Nick, Hailey had been nagging me to work on my wardrobe for years, too.
“Yeah, I’m serious.”
�
��Well then, we’re definitely doing something. I’m dying to see what Nick does! This is going to be great! I’ll text you.”
I sighed and decided to give in—again. “Okay.”
“Bye, Ais.”
“Bye.”
After hanging up the phone, my stomach started to growl. Should I have Chinese, pizza, or the salad I’ve had in my fridge for the past three days? Decisions, decisions. Forget it. I’m going out!
After grabbing my purse and my keys, I headed out the door before I could change my mind. As I walked on the sidewalk, I glanced down at my work clothes, wondering why I didn’t change into jeans before I left. This outfit made me feel like I was wearing a costume. It wasn’t me. The problem was that I wasn’t sure what was me.
At the age of twenty-four, I knew I couldn’t dress like a tomboy forever. The truth was I felt like I had moved on from that part of my life—well, at least somewhat. But I also didn’t feel like a sophisticated woman either. It’s time for a change.
When I looked up, I observed the groups of people walking by—women in sundresses and heels, men in business suits, teenagers listening to their iPods, and couples holding hands. It seemed like I was the only person walking alone.
After a few blocks, I saw a sushi bar across the street. Being half Japanese, I usually didn’t like sushi places because they very rarely got it right, but this place looked authentic enough. Besides, I decided the new me was going to try new things without my usual skepticism.
As I made my way across the street, approaching the flashing red neon sign written in Japanese kanji, I noticed a group of guys in suits standing near the entrance of the restaurant. When I got to the door, my hand touched the handle just as one of the guys was reaching for it.
When I met his deep dark blue eyes, it took me a second to look away. My entire body tensed, and I instantly felt butterflies in my stomach. I quickly glanced at my shoes and then peeked back up through my lashes.
This man was gorgeous, and he was staring at me. As his smile widened, I could see his teeth were perfect and white, and he had very sexy dimples. It was hard to tear my gaze away because his eyes were so captivating.