by Melanie Rawn
“I know,” he murmured.
“No, you don’t. You think I gave him what had been yours. That was the way a little girl loves. Tallain was my husband, my lover, the father of my children. We made a life with each other. For each other. That kind of loving is still his. It always will be. I can’t give that to you.”
“Tallain’s gone. I need you now, Sionell. I love you.”
“Don’t.”
He pulled away and sat up, staring down at the pale triangle of her face with its broad brow and cheekbones, small round chin. He called Fire to a candlewick on the bedside table and by its light saw bleak warning repeated in her eyes.
“You’ve had your revenge on me, then,” he said bitterly.
“It wasn’t revenge or spite. All I meant was that you shouldn’t love me, because I don’t love you.”
He refused to believe it. No woman could make love with such passion and then deny it with such terrible calm.
“Then why?” he demanded.
“Tonight I needed you, too. For a time. I’m not sure why. But don’t ask me to love you, Pol. I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t.”
Her shoulders moved in a tiny, silken shrug. “Whatever you like. It doesn’t matter.” Sitting up, she gathered her hair and knotted it at her nape. “I think I’d better leave.”
“No.”
“We both have children. You have a wife.”
Pol’s heart froze. He had forgotten that Meiglan even existed.
Sionell went on speaking as she reached for her clothes: “It may seem a little late to worry about that. But with luck and some work, no one need know. We can forget this ever happened.”
“No!”
She faced him, her eyes cool and eloquent. He watched as she began to hide her body, her arms, her shoulders, beneath fine silk garments, softly woven wool.
“No,” he repeated fiercely. “I won’t let you.”
He didn’t let her answer. He took her mouth again, wanting to steal her breath and her sanity and the heart he knew was his. Must be his. He could taste it on her skin, feel it in the quiver of desire that betrayed her, hear it in the low whimper of despair. He knelt and seized her waist, lifting her onto his thighs, and laughed in triumph as her legs circled his waist and her nails dug into his shoulders deep enough to scar him. They both cried out as their flesh joined once more. Her spine arched, her head falling back, long hair sweeping across his thighs.
“Forget this,” he taunted, moving powerfully. No frail flower, this woman, to be touched like crystal. She was his match in body and mind and the heart that was his no matter what lies she told.
But when he could breathe again, he was sprawled alone on the tapestry with only the slowing thud of his heart and the feel of her on his fingers to tell him she had ever been there.
• • •
“Pol, you look horrible,” Sioned observed before anyone else at the high table could say anything. “I told Kierun not to wake you with breakfast, but you didn’t sleep at all, did you?”
By being the first to proclaim how awful he looked, Sioned effectively put Chay, Tobin, Ruala, Meath, and Kierun on notice that whatever explanation he chose to give for his appearance, she would believe it—and they’d better believe it, too.
All the same, a warning glittered in her green eyes. Pol rallied with an effort and dragged the broken pieces of himself together. He rubbed his unshaven chin, hoping his face conveyed the proper degree of ruefulness.
“I didn’t sleep. I sort of . . . um . . . passed out.”
“You Desert types are all alike,” she scoffed. “Blood so thin and dry that even water makes you drunk.” She hooked a finger at Kierun. “Fetch his grace some breakfast—something that won’t curdle his stomach.”
“You’re in luck, my lord,” the squire said. “The Isulk’im sent supplies the other day, including a nanny goat. So there’s fresh milk to sop your bread in.”
Pol had no trouble looking slightly ill. He couldn’t vouch for what Kazander fed his goats, but whatever it was produced milk with a taste that could politely be described as “pungent.”
“Ahh, just bread, and some taze,” he said.
Having created the necessary excuse for Pol’s haggard face, Sioned ignored him and turned to Ruala. They and Meath resumed a discussion of scheduling faradh’im to search for Chayla on the sun and moons. Pol nibbled bread and blistered his tongue on honeyed taze, ashamed of himself for having forgotten the reason he’d hurried back to Feruche.
Eventually the great hall emptied but for Sioned and Pol, and the servants cleaning up breakfast. They stayed tactfully out of earshot.
“I won’t ask you what you said to each other,” Sioned murmured. “But neither of you looks happy.”
“She’s been here this morning?”
“Finishing her meal just as I came in.” She hesitated. “If you want to talk about it. . . .”
“There were enough words. We beat each other up fairly well last night. I’m surprised you don’t see the bruises.”
“In your eyes, Pol.”
Yes, it would show there.
Mother, he wanted to say, I’ve done something terrible. Unforgivable. I’ve fallen in love with the woman I should have Chosen long ago, only I was too stupid to see it. But now it’s here in front of me, and I love her, and she loves me—even though she won’t admit it. But there’s Meggie. I still love her, but it’s not the same. What in the Name of the Goddess am I going to do?
He kept his mouth shut. He had the feeling there wasn’t much Sioned didn’t know about it, anyway.
“Your grace! Your grace!”
They each looked up at the call. A woman wearing riding clothes and the blue-and-black headscarf of Feruche around her shoulders strode into the hall. She was breathing raggedly, her cheeks pallid with shock.
“Your grace, the princesses are but half a measure behind me. We saw them while we were out looking for Lady Chayla, and I rode back to tell you—”
“Princesses? Oh, Goddess—Meggie!”
“Your grace—”
But Pol didn’t wait to hear the rest. Sioned watched him hurtle from the chamber, yelling for a horse to be saddled for him immediately. The guard turned to Sioned, agony in her dark brown eyes.
“He doesn’t understand!”
Her heart gave a sick sideway twist. “What happened? Tell me what my son couldn’t stay to hear.”
“Your grace, it’s not as he thinks. The princesses—”
“Tell me,” Sioned ordered, certain that she didn’t want to know.
• • •
There was no horse saddled but the one the guard had ridden in. Pol kicked the lathered mare to a full gallop once he was outside the gates. Half a measure. Why had Meggie returned to Feruche? What had gone wrong?
There were two horses ahead of him, moving at the slow walk of numb exhaustion. They looked half dead. The riders—one man, one woman holding a child before her in the saddle—slumped with heads down, huddling in their cloaks with hoods drawn up. Pol drew rein so sharply that the horse nearly foundered. He leapt from the saddle, crying out Meiglan’s name.
But the woman who lifted her head to look at him was not his wife.
The child stirred in her arms. Jihan saw him, gave an incoherent sob, and scrambled down from Alasen’s horse. She ran to him and he caught her up in his arms. She was shaking so hard he thought she would shatter.
“Hush now, little one, it’s all right,” he soothed, stroking her hair and rocking her as she cried. “I’m here, Jihan, you’re safe with Papa now. Shh.”
“Pol. . . .”
He looked up. Alasen slid bonelessly from her saddle. She was filthy and bruised, and tears streaked the dirt on her face. Laroshin had dismounted, hobbling around to take her reins. His face was wet, too.
Holding Jihan tighter as she wept against his shoulder, he asked, “Meiglan?”
Alasen’s green eyes were liquid with grief and guilt. “P
ol—I’m so sorry—she’s not . . . with us.”
“What do you mean? I was told the princesses—” His blood ran icy in his veins. “Princesses,” he repeated dully. “You and Jihan.”
“Yes.” She was crying now, her voice thick, her body trembling with exhaustion.
“Where is she, Alasen?”
“She—both of them, Meiglan and Rislyn—the Vellant’im took them, Pol. Somehow we were betrayed. We lost most of our people trying to—but there were so many of them, Pol. So many.” She wiped her face on her sleeve, smearing tears and dirt on her cheeks. “They weren’t harmed. There was an order not to hurt them. Miyon said he’d—”
“Miyon? Her own father?”
Alasen nodded bitterly. “He’s dead. I saw it happen. I—” She swayed against the mare’s shivering shoulder. “I’m sorry, I—”
Laroshin caught her as she fell, stumbling on his injured leg. Pol heard someone call out behind him, felt Jihan flinch. He held her to his heart and buried his face in her bright tangled hair, and wept.
• • •
Much later, when Jihan was tucked into bed with sleep woven around her, Alasen told the whole of it. Sioned watched Pol, but she also watched Sionell. They looked at each other only once. That was enough. It was too much. The anguish and the guilt were living things writhing in the air between them.
As Alasen spoke, death came to Pol’s eyes. Warrior’s eyes. He would kill and kill until he was awash in blood. Sioned recognized the look. She had seen it in her mirror when Ianthe had taken Rohan. Terrible, and terrifying.
Alasen didn’t look at him. Her gaze never left Sioned’s face.
“Dannar will be here soon,” she finished wearily. “We rode ahead. He and Draza. . . .” She seemed to lose track of what she was saying; she gave a start, forcing herself awake again. “I’m sorry. It must be the wine.”
“Yes, dearest,” Sioned told her. “Go on.”
“I think some of our people followed the Vellant’im. I don’t know where they are now. We came here. I thought it best.”
“Yes,” Sioned repeated gently. “It was.”
“It was all I could think of to do. I—I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes filling. “I should’ve learned long ago—and you would have known sooner, and—”
Sioned understood. “It’s all right, Alasen. You did the right thing.”
The younger woman shook her head, gulping back tears. “Don’t tell Ostvel,” she pleaded. “He mustn’t be worried about me, not when he has so much to—”
“Hush, dearest.” She flicked a glance at Sionell, who nodded and went to coax Alasen from her chair.
She blinked as if recognizing Sionell for the first time. “I’m so sorry—Lyela and Rabisa—”
“I know. You told us.” Sionell’s voice was low and soothing. “Come and rest now, Alasen.”
Hollis and Ruala went with them. Sioned found herself alone with Chay and Maarken. And Pol.
He pushed himself to his feet, bracing his fists on the table.
“We’ll find them,” he said in a clear, cold voice. “All of them.”
Then he turned on his heel and left.
Sioned felt a bitter, musing smile twist her mouth.
“What?” Maarken asked softly.
“I was just thinking how much he has the look of his grandsire about him.”
Chay frowned. “How would you know? You never met Zehava.”
“No,” Sioned murmured. “I was thinking of Roelstra.”
INDEX OF CHARACTERS
ALASEN of Kierst (696-). m719 Ostvel. Mother of Camigwen (Jeni), Milar, Dannar.
ALLEYN of Dorval (724-). Daughter of Ludhil and Iliena.
AMIEL of Gilad (716-). Cabar’s only son and heir. Dragon’s Rest 729; knighted 737. m737 Nyr.
ANDREV of Goddess Keep (724-). Andry’s son by Othanel. Tilal’s squire 737-.
ANDRY of Radzyn Keep (699-). Lord of Goddess Keep 719-. High Kirat 711-713; Goddess Keep 713-. Father of Andrev, Tobren, Chayly, Joscev, Merisel.
ARLIS (710-). Prince of Kierst-Isel (Isel 727- [regency to 730]; Kierst 737-). Stronghold 722; knighted 730. m730 Demalia. Father of Roric, Hanella, Brenoc.
ARNISAYA of Gilad Seahold (708-). m731 Edirne of Fessenden. Mother of Lenig.
AUDRAN of Dorval (728-). Son of Ludhil and Iliena.
AUDRITE of Sandeia (670-). m692 Chadric of Dorval. Mother of Ludhil, Laric.
AURAR of Catha Heights (715-). Chiana’s niece. Fostered at Swalekeep 732-.
BETHEYN (707-). Sorin’s unofficial betrothed. Radzyn 731-.
BIRIOC of Catchwater. (716-). Miyon’s son by a Merida noblewoman. Remagev 735-736.
BRANIG (706-). Tutor at Swalekeep.
CABAR (687-). Prince of Gilad 701-. Father of Amiel, Selante.
CAMANTO of Fessenden (705-). Eldest son of Pirro; not his heir.
CAMIGWEN (Jeni) of Castle Crag (720-). Daughter of Ostvel and Alasen. Fostered at Stronghold 734-.
CHADRIC (664-). Prince of Dorval 720-. m692 Audrite of Sandeia. Stronghold 677; knighted 683. Father of Ludhil, Laric.
CHAYLA of Whitecliff (722-). Daughter of Maarken and Hollis. Fostered at Remagev 736-.
CHAYNAL (668-). Lord of Radzyn Keep 689-. m690 Tobin of the Desert. Father of Maarken, Jahni, Andry, Sorin. Battle Commander of the Desert 695-.
CHIANA (698-). Roelstra’s daughter. Fostered at Goddess Keep 698-704. m719 Halian of Meadowlord. Mother of Rinhoel, Palila.
CLUTHINE of Huntsmoor (695-). Halian’s niece; Isaura’s sister.
DANIV (721-). Prince of Syr 737-. Stronghold 734-.
DANLADI (694-). Roelstra’s daughter. Fostered at High Kirat 705-. m720 Kostas of River Run (Prince of Syr 724-737). Mother of Daniv, Aladra.
DANNAR of Castle Crag (726-). Son of Ostvel and Alasen. Dragon’s Rest 737-.
DENIKER (705-). Devri. m735 Ulwis.
DRAZA (709-). Lord of Grand Veresch 732-. m729 Jeriana. Father of Ezmaar, Ianel.
DUROTH (718-). Son of Miyon.
EDIRNE of Fessenden (707-). Pirro’s younger son and heir. m731 Arnisaya of Gilad Seahold. Father of Lenig.
EDREL of River Ussh (715-). Dragon’s Rest 727; knighted 735. m737 Norian of Grib. Kerluthan’s brother.
ELSEN of Grib (710-). Velden’s only son and heir. m731 Selante of Gilad. Father of Vellanur.
EVARIN (716-). Giladan School for Physicians 733-735; Goddess Keep 735; Master Physician 736.
EZANTO (713-). Son of Miyon.
FEYLIN (684-). m706 Walvis. Mother of Sionell, Jahnavi.
GEMMA of Syr (694-). Princess of Ossetia 724-. m719 Tilal of River Run. Mother of Rihani, Sioneva, Sorin.
HALIAN (680-). Prince of Meadowlord 722-. m719 Chiana. Father of Rinhoel, Palila.
HILDRETH (673-). Itinerant Sunrunner 700-731. Court Sunrunner at Dragon’s Rest 732-. m705 Ullan. Mother of Feneol, Aldreth.
HOLLIS (691-). Goddess Keep 707-718; Court Sunrunner at Kadar Water 718-719. m719 Maarken of Radzyn Keep. Mother of Chayla, Rohannon.
IDALIAN of Faolain Riverport (718-). Mirsath’s brother. Balarat 732-.
ILIENA of Snowcoves (697-). m721 Ludhil of Dorval. Mother of Alleyn, Audran. Sister of Lisiel, Yarin.
ISAURA of Huntsmoor (700-). m719 Sabriam of Einar. Mother of Isriam. Halian’s niece; Cluthine’s sister.
ISRIAM of Einar (721-). Sabriam’s only son and heir. Stronghold 734-.
JAYACHIN (702-). Master merchant from Waes. Unofficial athri of refugees outside Goddess Keep. Mother of Ondiar.
JIHAN of Princemarch (730-). Rislyn’s twin. Daughter of Pol and Meiglan.
JOHLARIAN (682-). Court Sunrunner at Faolain Lowland.
JOLAN (702-). Devri. m722 Torien.
KARANAYA of Faolain Lowland (711-). Cousin of Mirsath and Idalian.
KAZANDER (711-). Korrus (“battle leader”) of Isulk’im. Remagev 728-729.
KERLUTHAN (706-). Lord of River Ussh 729-. m734 Lesni. Brother of Edrel.
KIERUN of Lower Pyrme (725-). Elder son a
nd heir of Allun and Kiera. Dragon’s Rest 737-.
LARIC of Dorval (698-). Prince of Firon 719-. m721 Lisiel of Snowcoves. High Kirat 710; knighted 718. Father of Tirel, Larien.
LISIEL of Snowcoves (699-). m721 Laric of Dorval. Mother of Tirel, Larien. Sister of Iliena, Yarin.
LUDHIL of Dorval (694-). m721 Iliena of Snowcoves. Fessada 705; knighted 714. Father of Alleyn, Audran.
LYELA of Waes (709-). Tallain’s cousin. At Tiglath 720-.
MAARKEN of Radzyn Keep (693-). Lord of Whitecliff 719-. Graypearl 702; knighted 712; Goddess Keep 712-719. m719 Hollis. Father of Chayla, Rohannon. Chay’s eldest son and heir.
MEATH (673-). Court Sunrunner at Graypearl 698-.
MEIGLAN of Gracine Manor (710-). Daughter of Miyon. m728 Pol of Princemarch. Mother of Jihan, Rislyn.
MEVITA (714-). m731 Rialt. Mother of Polev.
MIRSATH of Faolain Riverport (716-). Lord of Faolain Lowland 737-. High Kirat 728; knighted 736. Brother of Idalian.
MIYON (689-). Prince of Cunaxa 701-. Father of Meiglan, Birioc, Duroth, Ezanto, Zanyr.
MYRDAL (645-). Commander of Stronghold guard 675-703.
NATHAM of Snowcoves (727-). Only son and heir of Yarin and Vallaina.
NAYDRA of Princemarch. (673-). Roelstra’s daughter. m705 Narat of Port Adni.
NEMTHE (689-). Dorvali silk merchant.
NIALDAN (703-). Devri.
NORIAN of Grib (718-). Daughter of Velden. m737 Edrel of River Ussh.
NYR (718-). m737 Amiel of Gilad.
OSTVEL (673-). Second Steward of Goddess Keep 695-698; High Chamberlain of Stronghold 698-705; Lord of Skybowl 705-719; Regent of Princemarch 719-726; Lord of Castle Crag 719-. m(1)698 Camigwen; m(2)719 Alasen of Kierst. Father of Riyan; Camigwen, Milar, Dannar.
PALILA of Meadowlord (723-). Daughter of Chiana and Halian.
PIRRO (683-). Prince of Fessenden 716-. m704 Lennor. Father of Camanto, Edirne.
POL (704-). Rohan’s son by Ianthe of Princemarch. Ruler of Princemarch 725-; Prince of the Desert 737-; High Prince 737-. Graypearl 716; knighted 725. m728 Meiglan of Gracine Manor. Father of Jihan, Rislyn.
POLEV (733-). Son of Rialt and Mevita.
RABISA of Tuath Castle (712-). m732 Jahnavi of Remagev. Mother of Siona, Jeren.
RIALT (701-). High Chamberlain at Dragon’s Rest 726-730; Lord Regent of Waes 730- (courtesy title). m(2)731 Mevita. Father of Mistrin, Tessalar; Polev.