by Alan Johns
Table of Contents Introduction to The Swinging Lifestyle. 3 How to Start. 4 Why Do It? 5 Meeting People. 7 The First Meeting. 11 Soft Swap vs Full Swap. 13 Condoms & Safe Sex. 16 Fitness / Attractiveness of Other Swingers. 20 Benefits of Swinging. 23 Why Not Swing. 24 Rules. 26 General Tips About Swinging. 27 The Final Word. 31 Introduction to The Swinging Lifestyle.
This is an informative, but by no means an exhaustive look at the swinging lifestyle. This is the opinion of two veryhappy swingers! We have been in the lifestyle for several years and tried many things. Some we like, some we don’t.
This brief ebook is to give you a bit more of an insight into the lifestyle. But please remember that this is through our eyes and our account of what has worked for us. Others may havea different opinion.
We will present the different sides to the different aspects of swinging so you can make the best judgement call for you and your partner to see what will suit you best.
It is a collective summary of the different aspects of swinging that newbies may like to know about, and for the experienced – well, you may also learn a thing or two.
So grab a drink, sit down and read this together as we believe this lifestyle is best experienced as a couple.
How to Start.
The first thing you must have between you when you enter the lifestyle is effective communication between you. We are of the belief that the number one rule of swinging is the preservation of your relationship. Your relationship comes first no matter what happens. So have an open and honest discussion as to what you would like to experience from the lifestyle and how you would like to go about it.
There are many options to starting out in the lifestyle. You could try a swinger’s party, go to a club, go to a resort on a holiday, or visit an online dating site such as Adult Friend Finder which you can check out here:
http://www.swinglifestyles.net/recommends/AdultFriendFinder Plus there are many things to discuss as to whether you will be a full swap couple or not, whether will you use condoms or not, whether you will play together or separately etc… All of these topics will be discussed here.
Most importantly, you must have a complete understanding between you and your partner as to why you would want to try this lifestyle, so let’s explore that now.
Why Do It?
It is often said that life is short so we should make sure to live it to it’s absolute fullest. We should fill our life with as many pleasurable experiences as possible, and swinging, for many, is one of those pleasurable experiences. As long as no one is being hurt physically or emotionally then indulge!
For some people, swinging is a sexual adventure. From the preparations at home prior to meeting up with someone new, to the excitement and anticipation of actually meeting them. And then to actually playing with someone new and just going with the flow of the encounter, this lifestyle can give you some of the most amazing experiences of your life! The sexual tension and sexual excitement is what some people in the lifestyle thrive on.
Swinging is a very exciting experience to go through. There is no cheating by anyone when everything is out in the open so you are free to play within your boundaries. As long as everyone is happy and having a great time then it is a wonderful experience.
Some people like seeing their partner receiving pleasure – whether it be from them or from someone else. There is something about seeing your partner being pleasured that can be a real turn on for some.
Some couples may have been together for many years and felt that there are some things in life that they may never get to experience of a sexual nature. You may also have had very few sexual partners previously. Swinging is an opportunity for you to experience those pleasurable things in life but with your partner.
It can open up your horizons and give you some experiences in life that you never thought you would ever do. We sometimes look at ourselves and laugh as if to ask, “Can you believe we do this?” It is great fun and it adds a new dimension to our sex life and it is something we can do together.
Plus you know you are curious – so satisfy your curiosity and have a closer look at how much fun this lifestyle can be.
Meeting People.
The internet can be hit and miss as it is flooded with fakes and complete weirdos looking for action. There are liars and just plain freaky people. There are many single males who pretend to be a couple. There are people who are couples but have puzzling circumstances where one is cheating on their partner with the other person in the advertised couple, and they are looking for others to join them. Some people put up photos that are either not of them or were taken 10 years ago.
And there are many single men who still send us messages even though we have clearly stipulated that we only want couples or single females. But then again, despite all of this there are some honest genuine people just looking for some good fun online, so it is hard to say that the internet is not a good place to find people. If you put up a genuine profile that accurately describes you and your partner and what you are looking for in playmates, there is a good chance that someone will contact you.
Some dating websites allow you to ‘flirt’ or ‘wink’ at other couples – I guess it is like a ‘poke’ on Facebook! We are not fans of the ‘flirt’ and ‘wink’. When we receive one we then think to ourselves – “Ok, now what? Are you keen to find out more or not?” So our advice is not to waste anyone’s time and just send a simple message to others if you are interested in getting to know them more.
If you arrange to meet up with a couple but for some reason the female party is unavailable to come and meet, then be suspicious. Only meet up with them both and at a neutral location and not either of your houses.
Even though someone may have an awesome profile that seems a perfect match for you, and you think their photos look extremely attractive to you, don’t get your hopes and expectations too high for when you finally meet up. Just meet up with them with the intention of meeting new friends and then if all is well and good you can take things further with them when you are ready to. Also bear in mind that they may not be attracted to you either when you meet face to face. So meet up with no expectations and then you will not be disappointed.
Some people prefer the club scene or party scene where there are real people right in front of you. You can speak to them and interact with them and you will know very quickly if you would like to pursue things further with them or not. The club or party scene can also be good to find out more about the network of people who go and you can learn about the other places and events in your area.
With the internet there can be constant emails back and forth and planned meetings that don’t work out, so this can cause some people frustration. We have not found this and we prefer to go at the pace of the internet messages back and forth. After all there is no urgency for us to meet people, so when it happens it happens. The few parties we have been to we knew nobody so we had to really put ourselves out there to meet and get to know others. It was almost like there was urgency for people to meet and hook up with other playmates as the night was getting on. At least with the internet we know what we are looking for and there is no time bomb ticking for us to hook up with others.
Here is some advice with regards to placing an online profile: • Join up as a paying member right from the start. Sure you can join up for free to all of the sites out there but you are restricted by what you can and can’t do. If you join for free you cannot send someone a message, and that is essential if you want to find out more about them. So become a paying member if you are serious about finding others to play with.
• Put up a simple basic photograph of you both together. If you are concerned about privacy then put the photos into the private gallery section t
hat the site should have. Then these photos are only released to others if you allow them access.
• Your profile should include the following information with correct grammar and avoidance of spelling errors: your marital status, your sexual orientation, whether you are soft or full swap, and exactly what you are seeking in your playmates. If penis size or body shape is important to you then say so.
• Write in a manner that shows your intentions and be clear about your expectations of the other couple. The only problem with being so pinpoint specific is that you may end up never finding any one at all, so you may need to broaden your expectations and desires slightly.
• Look for people who can put a decent profile together and not just a two-line description. Start off with a few messages over the site and then arrange a meeting at a coffee shop or even a restaurant.
It does take time to find the most compatible people for you but they are out there! A social is another great way to meet new friends in a pressure free environment. It is basically a meet and greet at a venue with no sex on the agenda. The good part is that swingers can meet others and get to know them in a little more detail before deciding to take things further.
The First Meeting.
If you are meeting up with a couple for the first time, meet up for a coffee at a neutral venue. You can always even specify that nothing will take place to take the pressure off. You could set a time limit of about 30-45 minutes so you can then leave with a clear conscious if you are not interested in the other couple. On the other hand if you are enjoying yourself then stay longer and get to know them more. But at least the pressure is off you right from the start.
Then after the first meeting, you can go home and discuss with your partner how you felt about the other couple you have just met. If you have an uncomfortable gut feeling then talk about it with your partner and discuss if you want to potentially meet up with them again or not.
If the other couple does not want to meet up for coffee first but you do, then they are probably not compatible with you in the first place because you need to find a couple who has respect for you and your feelings. If they get upset and want to just play on the first date, but you do not want to, then discuss that with them. If they respect it then fine, but if they don’t then move on to someone else.
When you decide to jump into your first sexual experience with another couple, set your expectations low so you are not disappointed if the experience is not as great as you would have liked. But then again if you have a great night with the other couple you will be pleasantly surprised. If things work out and you all enjoy your night together then that is a great result. But if you did not enjoy it, learn from the experience and discuss what you did and did not like, and what you would do differently next time. Then plan for another attempt at meeting another couple at another time. The great thing about swinging is that the worse case scenario is that you go home and have sex with your partner!
There's no right or wrong way to start out in the lifestyle. However you both want to start and whatever feels right for you both is your own 'right' way to start. A swing club is great place to start and works well for many new couples. You can go along with no expectations and see how the night unfolds. You can just play with each other and watch what happens around you. Observe how the dynamic of the environment works, and you never know, you may find a couple who want to take things further with you, so be prepared for that.
An erotic resort is another way to dip your toes into the lifestyle. In this environment you can see how you will handle being naked in front of others. OK it’s not quite swapping for sex, but at least you can be in an adult environment with no pressures upon you to do anything. There are lifestyle resorts where swingers frequent so this can be a great way to start out. You will be on holidays so you will be in a relaxed carefree mood. So why not give the lifestyle a try on your next holiday?
Soft Swap vs Full Swap.
One thing for you to think about when entering the swinging lifestyle is to decide if you are going to be soft swap or full swap. What is the difference? Basically soft swap is everything up to penetration. Full swap includes penetration. There are many thoughts and opinions as to people who are soft swap only, but there still are many couples that only soft swap. It is up to you both to decide what you are comfortable with.
So what are the benefits and pros and cons of each pathway? Psychologically you may feel that you are comfortable with seeing your partner having oral performed on them, but to see them having intercourse with another may change your mind set.So there is no problem with starting out as soft swap and seeing how you feel after the experience. If you want to take it further next time then fine, but don’t jump into a situation you may regret later on.
If you are a soft swap only then there is less pressure for the male to need to get and maintain an erection to perform. After all, a solid erection is needed for penetration, but if you struggle to get an erection then you will not be under any pressure. You should just make sure that your oral skills are up to speed!
You have chosen to become swingers so you are within your rights to choose what your involvement will be. You just need to be upfront and open with your potential playmates as to what your involvement and expectations are going to be. Some other swingers who are a full swap may not want to play with you, but then again there will be some that will want to play with you. An example is that we personally are a full swap couple, but if we are connecting with another couple who is soft swap only, and we are getting along really well, then we will still play with them. This can happen when we are at a resort where we meet people during the day and we are having a great time getting to know them. We just enjoy the whole swinging experience whether it be full or soft swap. And sometimes soft swap can be just as much fun!
Some people say that an orgasm is the goal of having sex. Some women are unable to have an orgasm through penetration, but they are able to through oral or fingering. If this is the case then why is there a need to do full swap? Sex is a pleasurable experience whatever happens. For some, the goal of playing with others is to have the physically intimate experience with someone you feel comfortable with.
Soft swap does seem to be in the minority of swingers so it may take you a little longer to find some compatible couples. So take your time and wait to find a couple you are comfortable with. It can be hard enough to find other couples where all four of you are compatible in the full swap world, and that is where the majority lie. So it may take you a little longer to find a compatible soft swap couple, but persevere.
Even if you are a full swap couple just let the experience unfold. Don’t try to force or rush the time you spend with your new partner or you may end up not enjoying the experience. Just let it happen and if intercourse happens then great; if not then no drama – as long as you are all enjoying yourselves.
Make sure you communicate with your playmates very early in the piece that you are soft swap couple. They will be accepting of it, but as to whether or not they want to continue with you is their call. The only problem with being soft swap is if you don’t communicate that with your playmates.
Some couples start out as soft swap and slowly move to full swap over time. You may meet some couples on your journey that will be patient with you and take their time with you. But as long as they respect your decision to be a soft swap couple then that’s all you can ask.
Other swingers are generally respectful of others regardless of whether they are soft or full swap.
Condoms & Safe Sex.
Sex with swingers without a condom? Often referred to as ‘bareback’ sex. Do all swingers wear a condom? Is it expected of you? The answer is not so clear…
There are many risky activities in life. You could go skydiving, bungee jumping, deep sea diving etc… and all of those activities have risks associated with them. But it is funny how no one ever criticizes these people for these activities they choose. Bareback sex is a lot less risky than some of
these extreme sports activities yet the practice can be criticized. Bareback sex is a very debatable topic in the lifestyle, so you both need to decide which path you choose to go down.
There are a number of reasons why some people will not use condoms: • Condoms do reduce the risk of contracting an STD but they are not a 100% defence.
• It feels so much better to have sex without a condom, as your senses are not dulled by having to wear one.
• If one or both of the people having sex have been surgically fixed then there is no risk of a pregnancy, so there is no need to wear a condom if this is primary objective of doing so.
• Some males are unable to maintain an erection for long enough whilst wearing a condom due to the reduced sensitivity.
You are advised to go out and test some condoms as not all condoms are created equally. There are a number of condom manufactures and they all make a variety of types to cater to all men & women. If lack of feeling is a problem then use a condom that is ultra thin. Practice wearing one at home with your partner in an effort to overcome any issues you have with maintaining an erection. If you have a latex allergy then use a non-latex type. There are so many different variations of condom out there that you are sure to find something to suit. It has been said by some in thelifestyle that you will have a better chance of finding the perfect condom for you than finding a couple that would be willing to have sex without one.
One thing to try when wearing a condom is to apply some lotion to the head of the penis to increase the sensitivity in the nerve endings. Just apply a little amount on the head and then put the condom on. This helps the penis to slide around in the condom,which can produce a greater sensation. Just be aware that there is a greater chance of the condom slipping off, so the user needs to keep that in mind.