by Lia Lee
I would have to man up and take responsibility for my actions. It had been easier to be “the man” when it had come down to sex. Now that it was time for rational decisions, it seemed so much harder. It had been so much easier thinking with my dick than my head.
Still, it had to be done. On the way to work, I prepared a speech, running it over in my mind again and again, cementing the words I had to say to her.
I arrived at the office the same time I always did, nodding at Clarice at the front desk and walking to the elevator. As usual, Danielle slipped into the elevator with me. This time, she was the one to press the button to close the door, closing us in alone together. For the first time, I wished another employee would jump into the elevator and save me from being alone with her. But I was being a coward again.
“Morning, Rodney,” Danielle said sweetly.
I opened my mouth to tell her what was on my mind straight away. It was best to get it over and done with. But Danielle held out a Starbucks cup to me. I frowned, taking it.
“It’s a café latte grande,” she said. “With no sugar and skimmed milk.”
I didn’t know what to say. It was my favorite. “How did you know?”
Danielle shrugged. “It’s my job as your secretary to bring you coffee, right? I asked around.”
“Thank you,” I said hesitantly.
Danielle smiled again, and it was a sexy smile. I had a feeling I would find any of her smiles sexy after Saturday night. I had to tell her that we couldn’t be together again, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was being a sweetheart this morning. Also, I was the one that instigated things between us by kissing her. Yes, she had been seductive as hell, but I could have said no. I just hadn’t wanted to. I still didn’t.
The atmosphere in the elevator was thick again, with sexual tension in the air. It was even worse than before. God, help me, but I wanted her. I wanted her badly. I didn’t tell her that we couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. But I didn’t act on my desires, either. I didn’t touch her. Point for me.
Today, it felt like forever before the elevator reached the top floor. She was too close for comfort, and I could practically feel her body heat radiating from her. She smelled like she had Saturday night, a mixture of perfume and her natural scent. A mixture that made me horny. I couldn’t get Saturday night out of my head. I flashed on how quickly she had come for me and how delicious it had been to be the one to make her fall apart.
I pushed the thought away. I couldn’t think like this. Dreaming about her and fantasizing about her were what had gotten me in this mess in the first place. If I hadn’t indulged in dirty thoughts about fucking Danielle, I would never have made a move on her when I was drunk. This was all my fault.
When I glanced at Danielle, she was staring straight ahead. It was almost like she was waiting for me to make the first move. I was relieved. Today, I could keep myself in check. Or at least, I hoped so. With the desire as thick in the air as it was, and with Danielle looking sexy as fuck again, I wasn’t sure how long I would last. But I had to put a lid on it. I had to keep control of this situation before I lost myself completely. Because if that happened, I knew exactly what I would do.
Her.
The elevator finally opened on the top floor, and I stormed away, leaving the elevator first without letting her walk before me. Danielle followed behind me. I furiously unlocked the office door, walked through to my partition, and closed the door behind me, shutting myself in without saying another word to her. I closed all the blinds so I wouldn’t look at her. I put my hands on my hips and finally breathed.
I was being a total dick. I knew that. Storming away from her like that and shutting myself in the office like a child was rude. But I didn’t know what to do, and I needed time to think about it. When I had been away from her, it had been easy to decide it wasn’t a good idea. The moment I was around her, all rational thought disappeared, and all I could think about was the curve of her body, the taste of her pussy on my lips, and the feel of her body tight and contracting on my cock. I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts.
I threw myself into my work, taking care of emails, documents, phone calls. I made two long-distance calls and one conference call, phone calls I had been putting off for a while. There was no motivation to work like running away from something else.
When I finally looked at the clock, it was almost noon. I was relieved time had passed so quickly. Half of the day was already done, and I had made it through. A knock on the office door brought Danielle to me when she opened it. I swallowed hard.
“I hope I’m not bothering you,” Danielle said brightly, neutrally. “I have a message for you from Harry Fontana. He tried to call when your line was busy.”
I beckoned to Danielle, who stepped farther into my office. She walked toward me, and I couldn’t help but notice her rolling hips, her sexy stride, and the way her blouse clung to her breasts. I had never seen what they looked like. I hadn’t taken off her bra on Saturday night. It made me want to strip her clothes off her now, including the bra so I could see her totally naked.
Don’t. I scolded myself for thinking dirty thoughts. I couldn’t think about undressing her, about kissing her, or about tasting her again. Thinking about fucking her on my desk was the wrong thing to do. And yet, my mind ran away with me again.
I wanted to push up the skirt she was wearing, push her panties to the side, and bend her over my desk. I wanted to watch her round ass jiggle as I fucked her from behind. I had a perfect image of what that looked like pinned to my frontal lobe. I may have been drunk, but I hadn’t forgotten a single detail from that night.
“Thank you,” I said shortly and turned my attention to the file in front of me, even though I had already taken care of this particular document. I had effectively dismissed Danielle. Instead of turning around and walking away, making it easier for me to watch her ass move side to side as she walked and closed the door behind her, Danielle stayed. When I looked up at her again, her arms were folded over her chest, and she looked unhappy.
“Is something wrong?” she asked. She didn’t sound as upset as she looked.
I sighed and looked toward the full-length windows. It was easier not to make eye contact.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I started. “But what happened between us on Saturday night can never happen again.”
When I glanced at her, she was frowning. “I know it’s not standard procedure,” she started, but I shook my head until she stopped talking. I didn’t want to hear her reasoning. I didn’t want her to have the slightest chance of changing my mind.
“I am your boss, Danielle. You work for me. It’s not professional.”
“Do you have an office policy against it?” she asked.
I shook my head. I couldn’t lie about it. “No, but it’s the principle that counts. Besides, it’s about more than that. Your dad is my best friend. Your dad. And he’s an investor in the company. He puts money into my business. I have a business and a personal relationship with Mark. How do you think that comes across?”
“Comes across to whom?” Danielle asked. “No one knows about you and me, and it came across to me that you wanted me on Saturday night. It had nothing to do with business.”
She was right, but I couldn’t buckle on this.
“I know you want to argue with me about this, Danielle, but we can’t do it again. You understand, don’t you?”
Danielle nodded slowly. “I guess I do,” she said. She sounded a little deflated, but I was relieved to hear those words from her mouth. “If this is what you want, I won’t hold it against you, but I won’t forget it ever happened, and I won’t apologize for it. I don’t regret it at all, not one bit.”
I watched her as she delivered her speech, and her stubbornness was attractive, too. Dammit, was there nothing about this woman that would put me off? Through the open glass door, we both heard the phone on her desk ringing.
“I guess that’s
my cue,” Danielle said, turning around.
She walked toward the door, and I watched her leave. I couldn’t help it. She might have told me that she understood, but she was doing nothing to be less seductive. She swayed her hips as she walked, flipping her hair over her shoulder, and as she turned to close the glass door behind her, she gave me a look that held smoldering desire.
Naturally, that made me want her more than anything. Fuck, I was in trouble.
Chapter Eight
Danielle
Rodney was right. We shouldn’t do it again. We shouldn’t fuck again. It hurt like hell when he’d said it to me. There was only one thing worse than rejection, and that was feeling like it hadn’t been good enough. Of course, I knew that wasn’t the issue. There was no way it hadn’t been spectacular for him, not if it had been spectacular to me.
Still, being told that once was enough felt like a slap in the face. Maybe I was just being sour about it because I wanted more–a lot more. I wanted as much as I could get of him. Now that we had crossed that line, now that I had gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit, I wanted it all.
At first, I hadn’t thought anything would happen. Rodney had always been my dirty fantasy, but the sexual tension had been bearable then. Now, I knew what it was like to be with him, to have him worship my body before taking what he wanted. To be denied now would be pure torture.
Which was why I wanted to do it again. I was hooked now. I understood Rodney’s reasons, and I agreed it couldn’t be a regular thing, but how much could one more time hurt? One more time would make me happy. Then, if he really didn’t want me anymore, I would back off.
How could I make it happen?
I thought about Lisa and what she would say: tease him until he can’t help but take you. Tease him until he can’t say no.
It could work. After all, Rodney had made the first move that night. I hadn’t kissed him, and I hadn’t dragged him off the bedroom. That had been all him, which meant there had to be more where that had come from.
If the sexual tension in the elevator yesterday had been anything to go by, this wasn’t nearly over for him. Which meant I had something I could work with.
On Tuesday morning, I wasn’t early the way I had been since I’d started working at Berry Software. I arrived at eight on the dot so I wouldn’t have to ride in the elevator with Rodney. I couldn’t stand the sexual tension if he would end up rejecting me. I couldn’t stand being that close to him if it wouldn’t lead anywhere.
I waved at the lady at the front desk, who gave me her usual expressionless face, and I stepped into the elevator with three people I didn’t know. We rode together in silence, not knowing anything about each other, not saying a word, and I was aware of how flat and empty the atmosphere was.
I stepped out of the elevator on the top floor and walked to my desk in Rodney’s office. He glanced up, and I lifted my hand in a wave. He jerked his chin up in acknowledgment, and I walked to my desk to start the day. I felt Rodney’s eyes on me for a moment, and I willed him to stare longer, but by the time I sat down behind my desk, his eyes were on the work in front of him again.
When I had been at college with Lisa, I had noticed that the harder it was to get me, the more men were interested. Men seemed to love what they couldn’t have. When Rodney had taken me to his bedroom, I had gone willingly. Maybe that had been half the problem. The fun was over. There was no pursuit. If I played hard to get, being stand-offish to Rodney instead of throwing myself at him, maybe what he wanted would be the one thing he couldn’t have.
Me.
Less than an hour later, Rodney called me into his office.
“Could you get me the contact details for a few people?” he asked, handing me a list of names. “It’s in the files somewhere.”
“Sure,” I said. I turned toward the door.
“Thanks,” Rodney said. I glanced over my shoulder to see if he was staring. He wasn’t. He didn’t call me back, either.
At lunch time, Rodney came to my desk.
“I’m going out to lunch,” he said. I expected him to ask me to go with him. I was ready to decline. Rodney didn’t ask. Instead, he said, “You can take your hour, but when you’re done, I need you to look at those files that were delivered earlier. I need to set up a meeting, and I need you to keep minutes.”
I nodded. Rodney nodded, too, and turned away from me, leaving the office. He had been strictly professional, talking about business and nothing more. How was I supposed to play hard to get, to reject him when he wanted me, if he was pushing me away first?
He couldn’t be this serious about not wanting to do it again. Surely, having a friendly conversation with me wouldn’t be a problem? We were working together, after all. I had hoped I could change his mind by being distant enough that he wanted me again, but he wasn’t taking the bait. Instead, he was doing the same to me, not allowing me to be desirable by pushing him away.
When it was my lunch time, I pulled out my cellphone and texted Lisa.
Up for a drink? I need to vent.
She replied almost immediately. Anytime.
Maybe Lisa would have better advice for me. She was the queen of playing hard to get, and she went into relationships and one-night stands with the exact same attitude: unattached. Guys thought she was irresistible, and that was exactly what I needed.
I met Lisa at the same bar we always went to when we wanted to catch up or ask advice.
“Please tell me this is about a guy,” Lisa said. “I need a bit of drama to feed on.”
I laughed. “Are you bored?”
She nodded, rolling her eyes. “Bored out of my mind. So, tell me what’s up.”
I waited for the bartender to bring us our cocktails, and I sipped the strawberry daquiri I had ordered before I took a deep breath.
“I slept with him,” I said.
Lisa’s eyes sparkled. “Who?”
I waited for her to put two and two together. Her mouth rounded into an “O” of surprise before she broke into a smile
“You sexy bitch!” she exclaimed.
I laughed, shaking my head. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult,” I said. “But I have a problem.”
“No problems yet. Tell me everything first. Was it good?”
“Oh, my God, Lisa. It was great. It was better than I thought it would be. He’s so good in bed, it’s insane.”
Lisa giggled. “I love gossip like this. I can’t believe you did it. It was Saturday, when you went to babysit, wasn’t it?”
I nodded.
“I knew it! Alone, late at the night, with the man of your dirty dreams, eh?”
I shook my head, feeling on the spot with how she was going on about it.
“Can I tell you what I need to vent about now?” I asked.
Lisa nodded, sipping her cocktail. “Shoot,” she said.
I sighed. “He told me we can’t do it again. Because he’s my boss and my dad’s best friend.”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “So typical.”
“Right? So, I thought I would play hard to get. But he pushed me away first, and it’s not working. Honestly, it’s pissing me off a little. I’m not just a piece of meat, you know?”
“But you want to be,” Lisa pointed out. “It’s just because he doesn’t want it that you’re pissed off about it.”
I chuckled. Lisa was right, even though I didn’t want to admit to it. I hadn’t thought about it being anything other than my dream come true when we had done it that night. I hadn’t considered it being about dating at that point. I didn’t know what I wanted it to be now, either. I only wanted him to want me again.
“So, you need to up your game,” she said. “Don’t just play hard to get. Be seductive as hell at the same time. Tease him until he can’t help but jump your bones.”
I laughed. “I thought about you saying that, you know,” I said. “I don’t think I managed it with your flair, though.”
“Of course, not,” Lisa said. “I
t’s my thing.” She stuck her nose up in the air before she grinned at me. “But it can be your thing, too. You just need to play it right. Want to know how?”
I nodded. “It’s what I’m here for.”
Lisa grinned. “You usually tell me I’m being too much. Just the right amount this time?”
“Just tell me,” I said, laughing.
Lisa nodded and leaned toward me, assuming an air of importance. “You need to turn up the heat so that he notices. Make him look. I’m talking low necklines and short skirts, double meaning conversations. Everything about you should scream sex.”
“I can’t do that. I work in a professional office.”
“So, make it happen. You can have a blouse that gapes when you bend over, right? You don’t have to be a slut about it, but you have to play it right. Let him know what he’s missing out on.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can do it. It seems so dishonest to lure him into sleeping with me again when he told me it can’t happen again.”
Lisa shrugged. “Hey, it’s your choice. If you want to play the good little secretary and do as you’re told, that’s your business.”
“You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that?” I asked, but I was laughing.
Lisa knew exactly what she had to say to make me take that next step. Telling me I was being a goody-two-shoes was as challenging to me as it was to some others to call them “chicken.” I hated being seen as the one that followed the rules. I liked breaking rules. I liked going against what I was told.
I wanted to go against this rule, too.
“Thanks,” I said, and Lisa and I clinked our glasses together.
“Just promise me one thing,” Lisa said.
“Yes?”
“I want as many juicy details as possible. And make it graphic.”
I laughed. “You’re as dirty as they come.”
“Well, if I can’t get any, I have to live vicariously through your love life. That’s how friends help each other out, you know.”