by Lia Lee
Danielle stirred in the bed next to me, and I untangled myself from her, sitting up so that she didn’t make a sound close to the phone. The last thing I needed was for her to moan or ask me something so Mark would recognize her over the phone. I didn’t even want to think what would happen if that happened.
“Thank God she’s safe,” Mark said.
“Yeah, Mark, she’s fine,” I said, saying his name out loud in the hopes that Danielle would understand who I was talking to. I glanced at her, but she didn’t seem worried or stressed. She seemed totally at home in my bed.
“Will you ask her to call me when she wakes up?” Mark asked. “I have a bone to pick with her.”
“Of course. It shouldn’t be long, now. I’ll let her know you called the moment she’s up.” Which I didn’t have to do, because she was up now, and she was aware of who I was talking to.
When I ended the call, I turned to Danielle, who blinked up at me with sleepy eyes. God, she was hot in the morning. She looked soft and dreamy, and it made me want to take her again.
But I couldn’t do that. All of this had been a hell of a mistake, and if I started something again, fucking her instead of being responsible about this, I would only make things worse. It was hard to believe, but things could get worse than they already were.
I heard the sounds of a silly cartoon filtering through the wall, which told me Tommy was up and he had taken care of himself. I hoped I didn’t have to do damage control with him, too. There were too many chances for collateral damage in this situation.
“That was a close call,” Danielle said, sitting up. She clutched the covers to her chest, and I was relieved. I didn’t know if I would be able to control myself if I saw her naked now.
“Too close,” I agreed. “I told him I came home late last night and you were already asleep. In the guest bedroom. I didn’t want to wake you and didn’t know you didn’t let him know where you were.”
Danielle nodded. “That’s a good one. Thank you.”
I shook my head. I hated lying to my friend, and this was happening more and more often. I couldn’t keep sneaking around like this behind Mark’s back when I knew that what we were doing would kill him if he found out.
“Well, good morning,” Danielle said, smiling.
I shook my head. No matter how much I wanted to spend the morning together, wallowing in the warmth of what we’d done last night, I couldn’t keep doing this. So, instead of kissing her the way I wanted to, instead of rolling over into the sheets and taking her again, I took a deep breath.
“You have to go,” I said.
Danielle’s face fell. “What? You’re kicking me out?”
“Tommy is already awake. I don’t know how to explain this to him. And your dad is worried about you. That’s on top of everything that we’re already doing wrong.”
Danielle stared at me for a moment before she nodded slowly. “Right,” she said. “That’s how it’s going to be, huh?”
I swallowed. I felt like a dick for running her out of the house after we had sex. I felt like a dick for kicking her out at all when she was such a big part of my life. But we were looking for trouble, and I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have acted on my feelings for her, just because I’d been drinking.
The thought of the alcohol I’d had brought back my dull headache as if the slight hangover had only receded long enough for me to handle the situation.
Danielle got out of bed and found her clothes strewn across the floor. I pulled on boxers and a T-shirt. Tommy was ten. He was still a kid, but he was at an age where he could start putting two and two together, and I didn’t want him to get to four.
When Danielle was dressed, she checked herself in the mirror. She ran a finger beneath her eyes to fix the makeup that had smudged slightly. When she turned to me, her face was serious. I found my wallet in my pants pocket on the floor and opened it to pay her.
“Don’t,” Danielle said.
“I always pay you.”
She shook her head. “But you don’t always fuck me. We had a great night, only for you to kick me out in the morning? Add in the cash, and the whole thing feels really wrong.”
I understood what she was saying. I hadn’t meant for it come across that way. I put the money back and closed my wallet. Danielle left the room first. I waited a moment before I followed her out. She was with Tommy in the living room, giving him a hug.
“I’ll see you soon, nugget,” she said, ruffling his hair.
“Do you have to go?” Tommy asked.
Danielle glanced at me. She wouldn’t be leaving if I hadn’t kicked her out, but it was how it had to be.
“Unfortunately, I have to,” she said to Tommy. “My dad’s worried about me.”
Tommy hugged her again, and Danielle stood, walking to the door. I opened it for her and walked her out, but things were awkward and strained.
“Well, thanks, I guess,” Danielle said when we stood next to her car. She opened the door and climbed in. She didn’t roll down the window to tell me goodbye one last time. She reversed out of my driveway and drove off without looking back. I stood outside, staring at the road where she’d left before turning around and walking into the house.
“Where did Danielle sleep?” Tommy asked when I walked in. I didn’t know what to say. “She wasn’t on the couch when I came to watch TV this morning.”
Thank God, I thought.
“She stayed in the spare room. Did you check there?”
Tommy shook his head. “We never have anyone sleeping there.”
I nodded. “It was a last-minute thing,” I said.
Tommy was satisfied with the answer. I left him to his cartoons and walked to the kitchen. The box of Fruit Loops was out, and the entire counter was spattered with milk. Looked like Tommy had taken care of himself. It was a relief to know he hadn’t tried to bother me. I couldn’t imagine how scarring it would have been to see Danielle in bed with me.
I scolded myself for being a careless father. I drank too much and ended up doing something I regretted. I was only lucky that it hadn’t turned out worse than it already was.
I started wiping up the milk, putting away the cereal, and putting dirty dishes in the sink from last night. I thought about how I had acted when I had gotten home after my meeting. I’d had too much to drink, and when that happened, I acted foolishly. I did things I shouldn’t, like fuck Danielle. And I said things I shouldn’t.
I froze as last night rushed back to me. I remembered the words I had said to her. I had been too drunk to think about the consequences of my actions, but not too drunk to remember what I had done and what I had said.
I had told her that I cared for her and that I was falling for her. I hadn’t only left it at sex, which was bad enough after we’d agreed we wouldn’t do it again. I had practically told her I was in love with her.
Shit. What was I going to do now? No doubt, Danielle would have been thrilled to hear those words come out of my mouth. She was only twenty-four. What if she had never been loved before by another man? What mess had I gotten myself into?
My headache worsened the more I thought about it. I would have to talk to her about it and tell her it was a mistake. All of it. The sex, the confession, letting her stay over. I was the adult here, and I had to start taking responsibility like one. I couldn’t keep saying I couldn’t do this, and then still end up doing it.
Fuck, I felt like such an idiot. Regret and embarrassment set in. I hated this part of drinking, the part where I knew I had made a complete fool of myself.
Chapter Twenty
Danielle
I was nervous about going home after my dad had called Rodney to find out where I was. Rodney had said that my dad had bought the lie, but even if he had, I would still be in trouble. It was ridiculous. I was twenty-four. How could I be in trouble for not sticking to some kind of curfew?
I parked in front of the garage and dug in my handbag for deodorant. I sprayed it all over myself, h
oping to eliminate any smells that might give away what I had really been up to last night.
When I climbed out of the car, the front door opened, and my dad stood there with his arms folded, like he had when I was a teenager. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
“You have some explaining to do, young lady,” my dad said.
“Can we at least go inside, or do you want to have it out in front of the whole neighborhood?” I asked. I wasn’t in the mood for this. I was already snappy.
My dad hesitated but then nodded once and went back into the house. He knew I was right. We could hardly stand in front of the house and fight, and I knew it was going to be a fight because there was no reason for him to reprimand me like a child.
We walked into the kitchen, and I sat down in the breakfast nook. My dad stayed standing, leaning his hip against the counter and folding his arms again as if it was the universal symbol for, “I’m pissed off with my child.”
“Where’s Mom?” I asked.
“She went to the gym.” My dad was short with me. I didn’t bother asking where my brother was.
“Do you mind explaining to me why you think you can stay away all night without letting me know?” my dad asked. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? You know you’re supposed to text me and let me know what’s going on in your life. You don’t get to just shut me out because it’s convenient.”
“God, Dad. Don’t you think you’re blowing this out of proportion a little bit? I was babysitting, not out drinking myself into a stupor at a club.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know, would I?” My dad was raising his voice. “I didn’t get any text telling me where you were, and I didn’t think you were babysitting the entire night. For all I knew, you could have been on your way to a club and been jumped or attacked.”
I groaned. “Rodney told you what happened, Dad. I’m sorry that I fell asleep, but I am an adult. I’m capable of making my own decisions now.”
“You still have to let me know where you are. I still have a say in your life as long as you live under my roof.”
I hated this speech, the one where my dad told me he had the right to call the shots in my life, even though he didn’t anymore.
“I have a job,” I said. “I’m old enough for all sorts of responsibilities, but you can’t trust me when you don’t get a text from me every couple of hours. When are you going to accept I’m grown up?”
“Yes, you’re right. You’re growing up, but you still live at home, which makes you my responsibility, and I’m not going to sit here worrying about your life when you can simply send me a text to let me know that you all right.”
My dad wasn’t going to let this one go, and I wasn’t in the mood to keep fighting. I’d had the best night of my life, followed by the worst morning of my life, and my dad was only making it worse.
“Well, you know what?” I asked. “Maybe I’ll just move out. You won’t have to worry about me being your responsibility anymore.”
I stood up and stormed out of the kitchen before my dad could say anything in return. I knew I had hurt him by saying that I would move out, but I’d had enough of everyone treating me like I wasn’t old enough to make my own decisions.
By Monday morning, my dad and I still hadn’t spoken. I was still angry with him for treating me like I was a teenager, and he still felt rejected because I had said I would live my life without him. I supposed we would have to speak about that at some point, but I didn’t have what it took right now.
Rodney hadn’t spoken to me since Saturday, either. He had kicked me out of the house, and he hadn’t even bothered to call afterward. I had thought we had shared something special on Friday night, but it was starting to look like he only regretted it once again. I was starting to wonder why he bothered sleeping with me at all if he was going to regret it every time.
This last time, I had thought it would be different. He had admitted his feelings to me. He might have been drunk, but the truth often came out when people drank. I wasn’t just going to forget that he had said it altogether.
Rodney and I ended up in the elevator together again. This time, I had listened to his warning and dressed more conservatively. Lisa had suggested I challenge him on his threat, and Rodney had proven that he might follow through. Besides, I was starting to give up on my seduction plan.
“You look nice,” Rodney said when the elevator doors closed.
I looked at him, my mouth dropping slightly. I couldn’t believe him. “I look nice? Is that it?”
I couldn’t believe that after everything, that was all he had to say to me. I was irritated with him. I wished he would grow up and stop beating about the bush. I wished he would admit his feelings to me. If he was in love with me, I deserved to know.
“Is something wrong?” Rodney asked after we were silent for a moment.
I nodded. “Yes, something is wrong. I’m hurt by how you treated me, kicking me out of your house after you admitted your feelings to me and then made love to me.”
Rodney cleared his throat. “First of all, that wasn’t making love. Second, I was drunk.”
“You weren’t so drunk that you didn’t know what you were doing. You certainly weren’t too drunk to get it up.”
Rodney shook his head, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling. That only pissed me off even more. Why wasn’t he willing to speak to me? To tell me how he felt or what he was thinking? Was I really not worth anything more to him than a good fuck?
“It doesn’t matter what I said or what I feel. We can’t be together anyway.”
“Why not?” I challenged. Surely, if we both felt something, that was the next step to take? I was so tired of everyone telling me what I couldn’t do.
“You know why,” he said. “It will cause bad press for the company, and I can’t afford that right now, not with the launch of the new software coming up in a few weeks. I have a reputation and a client base I need to consider. Besides, your father is an investor and my best friend. What do you think will happen if he finds out that you and I are dating?”
“I am an adult, Rodney. I can do what I want to, regardless of what my dad thinks.”
Rodney shook his head. “How do you think it will look to the public? You’re my secretary, and that’s not even touching on our age difference.”
“So? Then I’ll leave the company if it’s that big of a deal. If that justifies every excuse for us not to be together.”
Rodney took a deep breath and blew it out so that his cheeks billowed. “I don’t want you to leave the company,” he said. “You’re good at what you do.”
I frowned. “Well, that’s an excellent reason not to want to lose me,” I said sarcastically. “You’re the owner of this company. You’ve built a life for yourself. You’re obviously a go-getter, someone who doesn’t back down from a fight. I don’t understand why you’re willing to let something like this slip through your fingers because of what everyone else will say.”
“It’s not that simple,” Rodney said.
“Of course, it is. If you care about someone and they care about you, you make it happen. You’re looking for every reason why this won’t work, but what about all the reasons why it will? You’re ignoring all the good things we have.”
“You’re making it sound so simple,” Rodney said. “But it’s not. There are things to consider. Things I can’t just change because I feel like it.”
The elevator pinged, and the doors opened. I’d had enough of this conversation and this game that went in circles without promise of an end.
“You know what I think?” I asked Rodney. He shook his head. “I think you need to stop being a pussy and fight for what you want.”
I stepped out of the elevator and marched to the office. I didn’t look back to see what effect my words had on him. Right now, I didn’t care.
Chapter Twenty one
Rodney
I had been shocked when Danielle called me a pussy. I’d never had a woman tal
k to me like that. I had always known she was a strong woman, outspoken and defiant, but she had never shown it before, not with me.
It had bruised my ego. There was no way it couldn’t have. She’d told me to my face that I wasn’t being a man. If I hadn’t been so offended, I would have admitted that it was hot as hell. There was something attractive about a woman that had the balls to stand up and say something like that. And to me of all people, when I was her boss and her superior in so many ways.
But that hadn’t been true for a while now, had it? She may have been working for me and she was half my age, but Danielle had been my equal in every way since we had fucked the first time. It was what I liked about her so much. It was what made this so hard. In the business world, Danielle wasn’t my equal, which meant that if any of this came out, the press would eat me alive.
I was in the media more and more now. I was in tech magazines, and I was being watched by the paparazzi. When I was on the verge of releasing new software, all eyes were on me. It was a rollercoaster of publicity. Some weeks, I was out of the public eye completely, and others, I was a hot topic of discussion.
Right now, they were all watching me, and I had to be careful of the moves I made.
It wasn’t just about that, though. I couldn’t act on my feelings for Danielle because of her father. Unlike my popularity in the media, which changed from month to month, my friendship with Mark never did. He was my best friend, and Danielle was his daughter.
Why could she not see why I was doing what I was doing?
By Wednesday, I was starting to see the how things were going to be between us from here on out. She had given me the cold shoulder for two days now. I had hoped it would blow over, but it hadn’t. I guessed it was wrong of me to assume she was fickle enough to forget about our little fallout in the elevator and fawn over me again in such a short amount of time, but a man could hope.
Which was also wrong of me. I wasn’t supposed to hope she would start drooling over me again when I’d been trying to get her to stop all this time. Except, I missed it. I missed her trying to mess with me and trying to get me worked up.