Butch

by Trent Jordan

  “You know that’s hard for me.”

  I smirked.

  “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that you could have just chosen to kill him. But you didn’t. You saw someone who acted poorly and dealt with it… maybe a little more than I would have liked, but you didn’t do anything irreversible. You chose to stop. And that tells me that you aren’t a monster. You are human.”

  Brian snorted, but it was the kind of snort meant to deflect some sort of rising emotions in him.

  “You say that like I’m a nice guy,” he said.

  “No,” I said. “I say that like you are capable of being a nice guy. You just need to try and bring this side to the forefront whenever you can. With me. With the club. With everyone. Doesn’t mean you have to be chirpy and cheerful all the time. It just means that you smile when you can and look to do good when you can.”

  Brian’s eyes locked on me in a very intense, intimate way.

  “Do you mind if I do some good right now?”

  I knew exactly what he meant. It was funny, in a way. I wouldn’t even call what he had said innuendo, though I certainly knew what was about to happen next. It was just… an honest question.

  “Not at all.”

  That was all the cue Brian needed. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Our bodies gradually came closer and closer together until I just lifted my legs and straddled him, holding his head in my hands as I pressed my lips on his. I ground my hips into his, feeling him swell down below, and I gasped at the feeling.

  It was strange to realize right there that for as much as we had been through, we actually hadn’t had sex since that first night where he’d taken me back from the family-friendly club party. The sex then had meant nothing more than the opportunity for some physical release; it wasn’t anything deeper than that in any sense of the word. But now, seeing the growth that we’d gone through, knowing the support we had for each other, feeling how much the other meant to the other…

  This wasn’t going to be great sex. This was going to be intimacy like I hadn’t had since Shane and I were on good terms.

  And in a way, this was already going to be better, because it wasn’t masked by the naivety of youth. It wasn’t like with Shane, where I just immediately assumed we were meant to be without any grounding. With Brian, I knew that we would last because of what had happened so far.

  It was almost like we’d gotten our uglier parts out of the way first, confessed our darkest parts beforehand, and now could move forward into the light.

  “By the way,” Brian said.

  “Hmm?”

  I pulled back from his face with a curious smile on my face.

  “I told you there was something you wouldn’t get to ever know,” he said. “But I’ll tell you something if you swear to never share it with anyone.”

  “Of course.”

  He smiled. He really, genuinely smiled. He smiled like a good person would.

  “My real name is Adam Joyner. That’s who I am. And only you know it.”

  I’m the only one that knows it.

  I felt like Brian—or, Adam, rather—had just made himself far more naked than he ever could have by taking his clothes off. He’d revealed the most vulnerable part of himself, the side that not even his biker friends knew—perhaps no one in the state of California knew of.

  Certainly, there were other elements of his past that I just didn’t know about right now, but I now knew the most important thing. I knew who the man in front of me was.

  And as bizarre as it might have sounded to say, his name didn’t matter as much as the fact that I finally knew him.

  And that was the sexiest, most romantic thing that he’d done.

  “God, Adam,” I said, moving in for a smooch.

  It wasn’t long before we were moving off of the couch and toward the bedroom. Just like that, we’d gone from general buildup of something sexual to something somehow simultaneously romantic and incredibly light and funny. I was both moaning and laughing as he picked me up and carried me through the hallway before placing me down on the bed. His hands clawed at my clothes, and with dexterity and strength, he had most of my clothes off in a matter of seconds. I was left with just my underwear as he moved back over on top of me, sliding his way down my body from my lips to my neck and everything down below.

  And I had to say, for a guy that didn’t say much and kept a lot of secrets, he sure had a way of continuing to throw surprises at me. Right now, the surprise was in the fact that he was willing to slide himself down between my legs and have me first. I was so used to being the toy that got the men off that I had almost forgotten that I could be a selfish lover too.

  “You sure you don’t want me to go first?” I said, still not entirely comfortable with the idea of being pleased like this.

  But Adam just looked at me with a coy smile.

  “You already did,” he said. “You did something much better than make me feel good. You made me feel accepting of myself.”

  For something that had decidedly nothing to do with sex, that was a surprisingly arousing thing to hear—that I had made such a difference in Adam’s life.

  But whatever time I could have spent thinking about what that meant quickly went by the wayside when Adam removed my underwear and wasted no time pressing his lips onto my sex, sliding his tongue out and tracing the outline of my clit.

  “Holy fuck,” I muttered breathlessly. “God, Adam, yes.”

  Our first time was quick, a little forced, and with nothing behind it. Here, Adam seemed to be almost meditative about the way that he pleasured me. Every action seemed thoughtful and slow; it was a pace that I was most certainly not accustomed to, but I think that just made it all the more pleasurable. It was like my body hadn’t gotten good at knowing how good this felt, and so it was overwhelmed with the pleasure that he was producing in me.

  Even the little things that Adam did seemed to work like magic. Whether it was the way his calloused hand rested on my thigh as he held me close; whether it was the way his facial hair brushed against the bottom of my pussy; whether it was the way his other hand moved up and down my stomach and chest, it was like he could do no wrong. He was the Midas of sex right now because everything about my body felt golden.

  It was of no surprise when the feeling of impending orgasm started to arrive, but that didn’t mean that it diminished the quality of it. Actually, because he was going slow, that made the tension’s increase move more gradually, and so by the time I was ready to blow…

  My entire body was shaking…

  My thighs were trembling pre-orgasm…

  And then everything clinched tight in the split second before it all rushed through my body.

  And I had the momentary snapshot of his eyes looking up at me with not lust, not desire, not anything but… love.

  If Adam ever needed to know the truth about what kind of a person he was, whether he was a monster or someone capable more, he only needed to remember that moment and the way he looked at me. Because when he looked at me with love, and when the orgasm slammed through my body a half-second later, I fell in love too.

  “Oh, fuck! Ohhhhh!”

  My body swayed under his control as his arms latched down on my hips, refusing to let me go as he ate me out all through the entirety of the orgasm. I crested through the warmth that he provided me, and I felt like I had gone to heaven without having to die or even experience any pain. It was like I’d found life’s cheat code to the greatest pleasure ever.

  All of which was to say, it was about damn fucking time!

  “Oh, my God,” I said when Adam finally stopped, ending the rolling of his tongue only because I pushed him away before the already overwhelming sensation just became too damn much for me to handle. “How the fuck…”

  I couldn’t even make complete sentences anymore. Adam had done me in so well that my brain had just become mush. I had become a sexually gratified zombie.

  “Feeling good?” he said.
>
  I just laughed. That was the understatement of my lifetime. Good didn’t describe it. Great didn’t describe it. I wasn’t even sure there were words to describe what I felt.

  I just… knew.

  I had never felt this good with anyone else, and as embarrassing as it was to say, it wasn’t like I lacked for practice. But with Adam, I just knew that he was going to be around for a while.

  Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. That was probably true. But it was also true that he would not have been serious—perhaps not even to the point of loving me—if he had not revealed his true name to me.

  And as I slowly started to gather my strength back, as the implication of what had just happened hit me, I knew it was time to return the favor—and there would be more than a little extra verve to it compared to before.

  “Now it’s your turn,” I said. “And you better enjoy it as I did.”

  Adam started to take off his shirt, so I decided to be a nice lady and get ahead by helping him get undressed. I reached for his jeans, yanked them down, and kissed his thighs as his cock sprung out over my shoulder. I slowly made my way up to him, kissing his hips, then moving across. I took his girth in my mouth, whisking my tongue over his tip, and then stroking in a similarly slow manner to what he had done.

  Oh, the way he reacted, I knew I was getting to him. There was just one difference between the two of us.

  One orgasm wouldn’t force me to stop. But it would cause Adam to have to wait. So, yes, I was going to be a selfish lover.

  In a bit.

  “Oh, fuck, Thea…” he moaned breathlessly. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I had to laugh. That might have been a little bit of an exaggeration.

  “All you’ve ever wanted?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Yes,” he said. “A beautiful woman who was all mine whom I wanted for a long, long time.”

  God, if I wasn’t so aroused, I might have become emotional. Instead, I felt like I wanted his tongue right back on me for a second round, and I proceeded to make work of his rock-solid dick as he stood.

  Every time he moaned, it was like validation that this slow approach was working. But I couldn’t have it work too well.

  “Why don’t we make this an even trade?” I said as I rubbed him. “Let’s see if we can get each other to come together.”

  Adam didn’t need me to elaborate. He lifted me, kissed me, and then hunkered over me.

  “I don’t have protection right now,” he warned.

  “I don’t care,” I said. “You’re the only man I’m going to be with from here on out. And trust me, I’m clean. I made sure of it so no one would kick my ass for it.”

  Adam and I shared a brief laugh before he slid into me. With an orgasm having already taken place from his mouth, the entry was smoother than normal, but that didn’t mean it didn’t produce an unreal amount of sensation throbbing through my body—almost like I hadn’t even come the first time around.

  “Oh my God,” I whimpered.

  I knew Adam had size, but it was like he kept going and going and going into me. And then, when he finally retracted, he slowly picked up the pace.

  But the time for going slow and being sensuous was over. I wanted him to fuck me—and I mean fuck me.

  I grabbed his hips, pulled him into mine, and pushed against his until he got the picture. He was, thankfully, a rather fast learner.

  “Ohhh yes, Adam, yes!” I screamed as he continuously pounded me deeper and deeper.

  With his weight on me, his kisses coming in fast, and his thrusting rhythmic and unending, I was left to collapse into the bed as the second orgasm overtook me. The only reason Adam slowed down was that he was afraid of coming too soon, a point that I just laughed at when he said it.

  “I already came twice so far. You think I’m going to worry about you doing so?”

  Adam looked me in the eye, kissed me again, and then pulled out… only to flip me over.

  “I’m going to control you and hold you while I come,” he said.

  “Is that a promise?”

  He didn’t say another word as he forcefully pulled me back by the hips. I could barely believe the power that he had in his body, but I sure as hell was aware of how real it was.

  And then he was inside of me, and I wasn’t aware of much. My head fell to the bed, my hair a fucking hot mess, as I closed my eyes and just rode out the pleasure within me. Oh, it was so fucking good.

  When Adam finally started to reach the point of climax, I actually almost felt it before he said anything about it. It was like he swelled an extra inch in me, maybe not literally, but certainly in how I perceived it. I begged for him to come, telling him that I wanted his seed inside of me. Adam had gone into full animal mode by this point, barely able to communicate. I looked back and saw his face contorted, and his cock felt on the verge of exploding.

  “Come for me, Adam,” I said, panting. “Come for me!”

  “Fuck!” he yelled as it happened all at once.

  His whole body seemed to shake as he unloaded inside of me, the warm seed spilling into me. Oh, fuck, yes. I hadn’t had this feeling since years ago, and I relished having it back again. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, yes.

  “Fuck! Ah! Ugh!”

  Adam’s orgasm lasted quite a bit longer than I would have anticipated, but when it finally did die down, I was left with a feeling of utmost satisfaction. Now that was an orgasm.

  Not what we’d done weeks before.

  But right then.

  “Come here,” I said, rolling to my side and inviting him to cuddle.

  Perhaps unable to even articulate the words to say anything otherwise, he did as commanded, more or less collapsing to the bed. I kissed him on the cheek and wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to say I loved him after what I’d felt, but I was afraid doing so would be a little too much, a little too strong for him.

  “That was incredible,” I said.

  “I know.”

  I chuckled, also lacking words. It just seemed appropriate that after something that had felt so magical and so strong, we would just… be.

  And then Adam said something that my mind wasn’t sure I’d heard right, but my gut knew it to be true.

  “I love you.”

  Even if that wasn’t what Adam had said, I decided to hell with being cautious. We’d come—literally—this far, what were three words going to do?

  “I love you,” I said right back.

  As it turned out, both nothing and everything.

  Nothing, because nothing more needed to be said or done for us to know how we felt about the other.

  Everything, because that’s what Adam had finally become for me.

  And what I, after a miserable period of time without anything to look forward to, had finally become for him.

  For Adam.

  Epilogue

  Life on the home front was great and, honestly, settled.

  But life at work was anything but.

  It was our first regularly scheduled officer’s meeting since we’d killed Red Raven, and even though we had all accepted that Red Raven’s death was a necessity, it still felt odd to only have five people in the room. There hadn’t even been a discussion about who would replace Red Raven; that was a question that had no reason to be addressed until larger issues were addressed.

  Like, for example, what the hell we were going to do with the first bombshell that Lane addressed.

  “This is not going to be a fun meeting,” he said. “Because I only have bad news today.”

  He swallowed.

  “Reports suggest that Lucius has fully recovered from his injuries. He was seen out in public with his daughter, Lilly, seemingly unconcerned for his safety. For better or for worse—who the fuck am I kidding, for worse—because of all of the in-fighting and club drama that we had to deal with, we missed an opportunity to strike back. We should consider the Fallen Saints to be back at full strength.”

  At least everyone in the roo
m understood the gravity of the situation. No one seemed caught off guard or flustered by the news, though that certainly didn’t mean that we weren’t going to get news that didn’t bother us.

  “Furthermore, attempts to reach out to Cole since our last standoff have been met by silence on all fronts,” he said. “I… I think it’s fucking bullshit what happened, and I’m still pissed at him, but at this point, we can’t even argue. I have tried using all channels available to us, and we got nothing.”

  He sighed.

  “It appears that the Gray Reapers are going to operate on their own, but it also appears that they will not be joining us in any way. For all intents and purposes, we are on our own.”

  If that was true, then we were beyond serious trouble—the odds were probably stacked against us such that it would require nothing short of a miracle to save us.

  The truth was, the only way for us to have the manpower in a battle against the Fallen Saints was by joining forces with the Gray Reapers. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was the only way short of somehow getting the U.S. Army on our side.

  “So, we’re pretty much fucked,” Lane said. “Does anyone have any suggestions?”

  No one said a word. At first, I wasn’t going to say anything, either.

  But then something Pink Raven—or, rather, Phoenix—had said stuck with me. I remembered how he had called me the club bitch, existing only to do what Lane said.

  Well, I may have been its Sergeant-at-Arms, but I wasn’t going to be its bitch. Not anymore.

  “You have to make peace with your brother,” I said.

  Lane groaned.

  “Butch, come on, serious proposals.”

  “I am making one,” I said.

  I let the silence articulate exactly how serious I was for a few moments.

  And then I spoke more than I think I ever had in a club meeting.

  “We have under twenty people in the club right now. The Fallen Saints have far more. We have now suffered two major defections in the last year and a half or so, ever since your father’s death. I cannot speak for Phoenix. He is probably gone forever. But everyone else can return if peace is made with your brother. But you have to make the effort. You have to make amends. You two must come together.”