“What are you into?”
“Um…as in…?”
“As in what kind of stuff do you like doing? Hobbies?”
“Oh!” Damien ignored the burn in his cheeks and started talking. About herbs, flowers, when to plant parsnip, when to collect it. He talked about graphic novels, his favourite artists, the ones he found overrated. The words just came spilling out of him. The alcohol, the overwhelming environment, Gonzalo’s dark eyes. Damien didn’t know the reason, but his mouth didn’t want to stop.
Gonzalo didn’t seem to mind. He nodded and smiled and asked questions.
“You sure can talk,” he said at one point.
Damien looked away. “Oh, you can go if you—”
“I’m good here,” Gonzalo interrupted.
Damien smiled.
When Olive came to collect him, she wasn’t nearly as drunk as Damien thought she’d be.
“Can you even drive?”
“Friend’ll drop us. Sleep at mine?”
“Sure. Will your fos—”
“They won’t care—they like you. They’ll be cool in the morning.”
“Okay.” Damien went to get up, but Gonzalo stopped him, offering his phone. Damien looked down at it, confused.
“Put your digits in, man. We can hang some time,” Gonzalo said. Damien’s heart jumped. He couldn’t remember the last time he made a friend without running on the momentum of a difficult situation.
“Uh, sure,” Damien said, doing as asked. Gonzalo smiled at him when he handed the phone back.
“See ya,” Gonzalo said with a wave. Damien returned the gesture, following Olive to the house. When they were inside, Olive turned around with her eyebrows raised. Damien shoved her.
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Shut up anyway.”
Olive snorted. Damien felt light and warm inside.
**********
Late on Damien’s seventeenth birthday, he Skyped with Hakan. It was the middle of the day where Hakan was, due to the time difference, and he’d just arrived at the dorm from classes.
“You had fun then?” Hakan asked after Damien told him about his party. Damien thought he was a little too old for birthday celebrations, but the Salgados always insisted. Damien didn’t really protest.
“Yeah. It’s funny ’cause Olive gets on so well with Lallo. Looking at her, you’d think she wouldn’t be good with children, but she’s great.”
“Honestly, Lallo loves the attention. I don’t think having a twin like Dee is going to be easy. I mean, I love her, but…”
“Yeah,” Damien laughed. “I get what you mean, especially if you’re as quiet as Lallo. He’s quite a lot like you in that way.”
“In what way? Quiet?”
“Yeah, like, introspective. When I first started visiting here, you know when I didn’t actually live here and I was starting to get to know you guys, I always thought that you stood out in how much you didn’t stand out, you know? You, Lallo, and your dad are definitely the quiet ones in the bunch.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Hakan said with a little, thoughtful noise. “What did you get for presents?”
“Oh, remember that book we were talking about? The—” Damien cut himself short as Hakan turned to the side, looking off-screen. Damien could hear an indistinct voice.
“I’m talking to a friend from home,” Hakan said to whoever he was talking to.
“It’s okay, I can go,” Damien interrupted.
Hakan turned to the screen. “No, I wanna talk longer. If you want. Are you going to bed?”
“Not yet.”
“Let’s talk a little longer, yeah?”
“Okay,” Damien said.
Whoever Hakan was talking to said something else. “Alright, see you later,” Hakan said, before turning back to Damien.
“Who was that?”
“CJ. Remember I mentioned him? He lives in my hall.”
“Oh, yeah. You sure you don’t want to—”
“No. It’s cool. We don’t…we haven’t talked in a while. It’s nice.” Hakan shrugged. Damien couldn’t help but smile.
“Yeah. Um…what was I saying?”
“You got a book for your birthday?”
“Oh, yeah,” Damien said and picked the conversation back up.
**********
Damien and Koko obtained their driver’s licenses a little before Damien’s birthday. Damien struggled to accept the offer to use the old car Nadie and then Hakan used to drive, but eventually capitulated under the weight of Mia and Cameron’s exasperated and fond insistence.
Damien parked in the makeshift parking lot, making sure not to bump any of the other cars.
“That took you about ten years. Congrats,” Koko said sarcastically as they got out of the car.
“Shut up.”
“Wow, what a zinger.”
Damien tried to shove at Koko as they walked but she didn’t even budge.
“God, you guys suck.”
“Feel my mighty power, puny human,” Koko said, laughing. Damien tried to outpace her, but it only resulted in them racing to the ticket booths, Damien out of breath and Koko like she’d taken a leisurely stroll there.
“Nice stamina,” Olive said to Koko from where she had been waiting with Gonzalo.
“Damien…not so much,” Gonzalo said.
“I hate all of you,” he panted. He really needed to build up some strength if he wanted to compete with werewolves.
“Let’s get some tickets, losers,” Koko said, striding ahead.
Damien held his still aching side. “I really hate you all,” he grunted.
Gonzalo slung an arm around Damien, pulling him close. “Surely not me.”
“Especially you. Traitor.”
“The truth hurts, little man.”
“I’m not little.”
“Let go of the denial, Damien. Accept who you are,” he said in a pseudo-philosophical voice. Damien elbowed him in the side and was morbidly pleased at the pained grunt.
They had decided to go to the fair held by a nearby town at the start of every summer. Damien had been excited. The fair had first started after his parents died, so he’d never been. He was glad, in a way. He didn’t want the experience affected by memories from his past.
They bought their tickets and then had them punched at the entrance. Inside, the fair was all bright, flashing colours, the sweet smell of candy floss and waffles, the noise of the rides and stands. Damien looked around with wide eyes, feeling twelve instead of seventeen. When he turned to look at Gonzalo again, he was looking back at Damien with a smile.
“You like it?”
“Yeah!”
Gonzalo laughed, squeezing him as they ventured deeper inside.
Koko and Olive, being the adrenaline-junkies they were, dragged them straight to the biggest of the rides. They chatted or played games as they waited in line. Damien almost liked those bits the best.
“Okay. Fuck, Marry, Kill animated, animal Disney characters,” Koko said, cackling.
“You are sick in the head,” Gonzalo complained.
“Oi. There is no judgment in Fuck, Marry, Kill.”
“There is a lot of judgment in Fuck, Marry, Kill. Actually, that’s like ninety percent of the game.”
“Whatever. You gonna fess up, or what?”
Gonzalo put on a contemplative face, humming. “Let’s see…well, I’d obviously fuck Bambi,” he started, but was interrupted by the rest of them groaning.
“Ew! Gonzalo!” Damien moaned.
“And you call me sick!” Koko said, faking a retch.
“Excuse me. I thought there wasn’t any judgment in this game?”
“Sorry, buddy,” Olive said. “You’re going straight to jail.”
“Well, it was nice knowing you all. Damien, don’t visit me in prison. I don’t want the other inmates to get any ideas.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Damien exclai
med. The two girls cackled. “No, seriously, what the—”
“Oh, my sweet, summer child. My sweet, twinky, summer child,” Koko cooed, slinging her arm around him.
Damien gaped. “What?”
“Babe. Boo-boo. Fragrant cherry blossom of the night. You are a top’s wet dream. Like…the eyes. The freckles. Your fluffy hair. Like, seriously.”
Damien’s mouth hung open. “How do…I don’t…I mean…” He started blushing.
Koko smirked at him, but then her expression turned serious. “Shit. Did you not want people to know that you like guys?”
“How do you know?”
“Um…’cause it’s super, ultra-obvious?” Koko said.
Damien blinked slowly.
In the grand landscape of his life, the fact that he was gay had been dwarfed by the colossus of his other worries. The very fact that Hakan was his first crush alone was enough to distract him away from sexuality-related worry. That, combined with the fact they lived in a liberal town and there were many pack members who were openly in same-sex relationships, including Nova, had meant him being gay didn’t really blip his radar of insecurities.
“Okay…well…it’s fine I guess. Just out me to the world,” Damien said finally.
“Shit. Damien, I’m—”
“It’s fine. I didn’t think to tell anybody ’cause…I mean, it’s just a weird conversation. Like, who goes around telling everybody what kind of people they’re attracted to? It’s weird. I don’t get why I’d have to do it. So…I’m glad it’s obvious. But. Like. How is it obvious, exactly?”
“You always talk about guys that way. I honestly think you talked about Tom Hardy for a straight hour the other day.”
“Um, because he’s—”
“Please not again,” Koko moaned.
“Whatever.” Damien looked at Gonzalo and Olive.
“Yep. We knew too,” Olive said.
“And I’m bi, dude,” Gonzalo said.
“And I love vagina,” Koko said.
Damien looked at her. “Yeah, I knew that.”
“Yeah, I know. I just like saying it once a day.”
Damien laughed. They all looked at Olive. She held up her hands.
“I only get wet for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ,” she said, pressing her palms together. Gonzalo covered his face with his hands as Koko and Damien laughed.
They went on rides until they couldn’t take it anymore and then sat down until they could stomach food. Damien convinced Gonzalo to split food with him and they ate at the picnic tables set out in the dining area, under the black sky.
They headed over to the carnival games when they were done, Gonzalo and Damien complaining that they couldn’t take another ride, especially with their stomachs full.
They all watched as Koko tried to hit a series of targets and missed almost every one.
“I thought werewolves were supposed to have good eyes for movement?” Damien teased under his breath.
“You do better, then!”
Damien paid for the privilege and then picked up the pellet gun. He missed the first two, but the next eight he landed, one after the other. Damien whooped out a cheer and then gleefully chose a giant stuffed wolf to give Lallo and Dee when they got home.
Gonzalo whistled under his breath, impressed. Olive clapped as Damien brandished his prize. Koko scowled playfully.
“What the hell. That thing was totally rigged!”
“Yeah,” Damien agreed. “The pellets went slightly to the right, so I adjusted.”
“Damn,” Gonzalo said. “You’re smart, huh?”
“Nah, not re—”
“Yes, you are, you fucking dumbass. Don’t. Say anything,” Olive said, putting her hand up as Damien opened his mouth. He clicked it shut.
“Right, let’s see how many other games Damien can unrig,” Koko said, pulling him along.
Damien let himself be dragged, not thinking to hide his smile.
**********
Hakan arrived for the summer holidays on the day of a full moon night. They all greeted him, the family members embracing him tightly and rubbing their scent on him with cheeks and hands.
Damien gave him a quicker hug, although no less tight. When Hakan pulled back his nose wrinkled slightly.
“Who do you smell like?” he asked.
Damien sniffed at his own shoulder. “How should I know?”
“That’s Gonzalo,” Koko piped up. “Damien’s boyfriend.”
Damien gave her an incredulous look. “What the hell are you talking about?” Damien asked. Koko made kissy faces at him as Hakan frowned. “You are more insufferable every day,” Damien told her.
“Damien and Gonzalo, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S—” She yelped as Damien pinched her on the side.
“Wait. So is he—” Hakan started, but Koko was already chasing Damien through the house, half-moon shifted as Damien laughed.
The full moon run was one of the best that Damien could remember. There was something celebratory in the warm air filled with the sounds of crickets and howls.
Hakan was especially full of energy, playful like he used to be when he was younger. He hopped around Damien and stuck with him the whole night. Damien could barely run from laughing, but it didn’t matter.
He could feel the Ousía of the pack in the full moonlight.
They arrived back at the house in the watery sunlight of dawn. A thick spread of cushions and pillows was waiting for them on the living room floor. The transformed and clothed werewolves collapsed on the soft pile, tangling with each other in what Damien secretly called a puppy pile. Damien was always pulled into the mix. In truth, it was his favourite part of the full moon.
Damien stretched on his side on the soft nest and Lallo immediately curled up as close as possible, pressing his face against Damien’s chest. A moment later, Hakan was at his back, smelling of earth and snuffling into Damien’s neck. There was no awkwardness or heat. It was family. Pack. Comfort. Damien had come to realize how important scent and touch was for werewolves, how they came hand-in-hand. It was their way to build bonds, to show affection, to feel at peace in a world in which they weren’t alone.
Damien closed his eyes and wasn’t alone.
**********
“Man, I love how W.W. reflexes don’t translate into video games. Or arcade games. Sucka!” Damien laughed as Hakan lost again at Space Invaders.
“W.W.?”
“Werewolves,” Damien whispered. Hakan rolled his eyes at Damien’s attempt at subtlety before turning back to grumbling at the game.
“I don’t know why not. My reflexes and eyesight are better!”
“Oh my God, you big baby. It must be so hard for you not to have a physical advantage in this one area of your life. Really, I’m crying for you. Look at me. I’m crying.” Damien pouted dramatically.
Instead of scowling like Damien had expected, Hakan grinned at him. Damien frowned.
“What’s with the smile? What are you plotting?” Damien asked suspiciously.
“What, I can’t smile?”
“Not like that.”
“It’s nothing. I’m just…I don’t know,” Hakan turned away, starting another game.
Damien moved, leaning a hip on the machine so he was looking more at Hakan than the screen. “No, what? What is it?” he insisted.
Hakan shrugged, fingers moving on the controllers for a few seconds. “It’s nothing. I just like seeing you so…I don’t know. Open.”
“I’m always like this.”
“You weren’t before,” Hakan said, more quietly now. Damien tensed before letting out a long breath.
“Yeah, well. I guess you bring out the sass in me,” Damien said. Hakan snorted, but his smile was so genuine that it made Damien ache.
The tinny sound of another loss rung out from the machine. Hakan sighed.
“Let’s go get some food,” Damien suggested. Hakan nodded.
They settled in one of the booths with their burgers, one
for Damien and two for Hakan’s werewolf metabolism.
“I thought for sure he was gonna throw up. He was green. It was gross,” Damien laughed. Gonzalo had been sick for days after attempting a steak-eating offer at some diner where you’d get your meal free if you could finish an absurd amount of food. Gonzalo had not won.
“How’d you meet him, anyway?” Hakan asked, taking a bite of his burger.
“Party.”
“You go to parties?”
“Excuse me. What are you implying? But…yeah, no, not really,” Damien laughed. “I went to this one, though. It was like fate,” Damien said in fake dreaminess.
Hakan didn’t laugh. “So, what, he approached you…?”
“No, I approached him. Why are we getting so detailed?”
“Just wondering. You approached him?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know! He was just sitting there and I was feeling weird and…I don’t know, I guess there was just something about him.”
Hakan took another bite of his burger. “Well…I’m glad that he’s, you know, that you’ve made a friend.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Damien rolled his eyes. “There is no way you’re eating that many fries. You got like three portions!” Damien said, pointing at the extra plates.
“I’m hungry.”
“I want some.”
“You literally have some on your own plate!”
“But yours are crispier. I like them crispy.”
“Urgh.” Hakan slid the crispy fry plate towards Damien.
“Score!” Damien picked up a few, sliding them through the ketchup before stuffing them in his face. Hakan shook his head, but his smile was back.
Damien watched Hakan for a moment, framed by the gaudy purple booths, the psychedelic carpet, the tinny sounds of the old games, the highlight of neon on his dark hair and skin. He’d started growing stubble on his jaw and it made him look a little wilder.
Damien looked away. How he had ever thought he could have that just for himself was a mystery, but being there was enough.
**********
The scorching day had chased Damien and Gonzalo out of the sun and into Gonzalo’s room. The house was quiet and empty, his parents at work. There was no air conditioning, and they’d opened the windows and turned on the fan to move the heavy air around.
In This Iron Ground (Natural Magic) Page 17