by CORY CYR
I padded to my bedroom with quivering legs and retrieved it.
“Now put the voicemail on speaker.”
“Hey, Lincoln, it’s Robert. Good news, your publisher wants to keep you. In fact, they offered a larger salary to compensate for your complaints about Kami. They have more invested in you than her, so they terminated Kami’s contract due to client misconduct. It’s up to you. I’ll do whatever you want. But the money they’re offering and your already successful reader base is too favorable to make a move. This is a generous offer. Let me know by Monday. Have a good weekend.”
“Okay, we have our answer. Shit, Lincoln, next time, keep your dick in your pants. You know a woman scorned, yada, yada.” Lucas’s eyes went immediately to mine. “Sorry.”
Lincoln butted in. “She knows everything. I told her about Kami before they had their altercation. I should have realized she would do this. Now there’s no way to get ahead of this. I wish I’d just been honest with those fucking vultures before. Like I said, I don’t care about me. It’s you. Don’t run from me, Jensyn, please,” he begged, searching for my hands.
My instinct was to bolt. Even now, I was itching to hide. If Kami wanted to hurt me, she'd chosen the right move. Everyone would know who I used to be, where I lived, and the man I was involved with. I was grateful he couldn’t see the newspaper. It was hard enough for me.
“Son of a bitch. Oh damn, God,” he said, falling forward on his knees, dropping my hand, and grabbing his head with both hands. His face paled and contorted in pain. I fell to the floor and held him. The episode only lasted moments, but his breathing was erratic.
“What the hell was that?” Lucas demanded.
“He gets these flashes of light that cause a migraine-type of headache.”
He shook his head. “How long has this been going on, and why didn’t you tell me, brother?”
“You worry too damn much. A few months. They only last a minute or two. I can handle it.”
“Bullshit. It’s as if a stressful event brings these on.”
I nodded in agreement. I’d never put the two together, but thinking about the last few, he was right.
“Well, thanks for the cheerful news. I’ll take it from here. I’ll make that bitch wish she were never born,” Lincoln spit out, disgusted.
“Can we talk about this later? I want you to eat something, then relax a little. I think Lucas is right. It may be stress bringing on your headaches.”
He turned to me. “But what about you? I’m worried you’ll leave me now. That stresses me out more than anything.”
My face warmed because of our intimacy in front of my psychiatrist. “I won’t. I promise. I’ll always be here.” Even if I’m gone.
Lucas stood. I followed him as he walked to the door. “Please take him to see the eye surgeon. I’m worried,” I whispered as we stood at the entryway.
“First thing tomorrow, I’ll make the appointment. I’m hoping to get him in Tuesday, so I’ll be canceling all my appointments, including yours.” He patted my arm. “I am really sorry, Jensyn. I almost didn’t show up because I knew this would terrify you, but I’m glad you two have each other. I can see now how much my brother loves you and this is real for him.” He paused awkwardly. “Don’t hurt him.”
“I don’t plan to.” I’ll try my best. “Please call as soon as you’ve reached the doctor. It will take some coaxing, but I’ll have him ready to go. We’ll be staying here one more night, then returning to his place.”
“Are the feelings mutual? Do you love him, Jensyn?”
“More than humanly possible.”
We said our good-byes as he got into his car. I pushed the button to open the gates after I walked back in the house.
Lincoln had stood and was pacing back and forth, frown lines etched his forehead.
“You were out there for a while. I’ll assume the conversation was about me when it should be all about you. I could strangle her. I mean, really physically beat the shit out of Kami.” He glowered angrily. I’m so sorry. What can I do?”
“About an envious woman? Nothing. But if you truly want to do something to make this up to me, please let Lucas take you in for a checkup. Please, I’m begging you.”
He frowned, looking displeased. “If it will make you happy, I suppose. But I will expect this to be a barter situation. I need a blowjob.”
The last comment took me by utter surprise. He could switch from mad as hell to oral sex in an instance. “You want me on my knees right now?”
“No, I was thinking after breakfast.” I picked up a decorative pillow and threw it at him, smacking his crotch. “See, your aim is perfect. Good with your hands and mouth. I clearly have gotten the best of both worlds.”
“How can you go from being infuriated to collected? I don’t get it. If you didn’t have balls, I’d swear you were a woman. So many mood swings. And we never have to barter for anything. You’ve already given me everything I want. But if you want to make me happy, go to the eye doctor for me. And just so we’re clear, sucking your dick is my pleasure.”
I chuckled as his robe lifted. He was an easy mark. It didn’t take much on my part to ready him. I supposed it was a perk of being a young male.
He padded toward me, carefully moving, arms outstretched to clear any obstacles. “Did I ever tell you that hearing you say filthy things makes me hard as a rock? And the blowjob, it’s for medicinal purposes. It’s my stress reliever.”
Rolling my eyes with a laugh, I captured his arm and put mine through it. “Come on, pervert. Let me make you breakfast. Then we’ll work on de-stressing you.” I escorted him into the kitchen and made omelets with fruit.
We continued our conversation outside while eating. He promised to go to the doctor as well as see his attorney. He was hell bent on retaliation against Kami. I wanted to let this go because I knew she might do worse. The article didn’t mention their affair, but future articles might. Right now, he was too angry to think about what could happen down the road. This was just the beginning. Once word got out to all the news outlets that he was truly blind, there would be a flurry of gossip. It would be brutal. I was already being accused of using a man as self-gratification because he couldn’t see my disfigurement.
After we finished breakfast, we spent the rest of the day lazy and sans clothes. He even talked me into skinny-dipping in the pool. We made love under the sun, in the water, and again in the bathtub. Tomorrow, we would go back to his place, and the reality of the press would become tangible. We couldn’t stop the onslaught of the media frenzy, but I prayed we would be able to weather the storm. I had come a long way because I no longer worried about myself, but now was concerned about the man I loved and the career he could lose.
Chapter 18
We drove back to his house early the following morning. There was already paparazzi camped on the curb. Because the street was narrow, this was a clear parking violation, one I would be notifying code enforcement about. I’d tipped my hat down and pushed up my sunglasses in order to hide myself from the invasion of camera flashes. Lincoln couldn’t see them, but he felt my flinches.
“Bastards. I hope they all go to jail. Goddammit.” His voice hardened. He had me call the police after we rushed into the house.
After my phone call, Lucas called. He’d gotten an appointment for late that afternoon, and he asked me to have Lincoln ready and willing.
The ready part I could promise, the willing, not so much. “Your brother is picking you up at three to go see the ophthalmologist.”
He began to brood. “So soon. You’ll come, too?”
“I can’t go with you. We talked about this. Lucas will be there. I’d only be in the way, and right now, there’s too much public scrutiny around us. It’s difficult for me to go into a doctor’s office or hospital. I hate them. It’s a constant reminder of my past. A past I’d like to suppress. Besides, it will be easier for you to leave with your brother. As much as you are the famous author, it’s my face they wa
nt to capture.”
His hand combed through his hair. “This whole thing is my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have complained to my publisher about Kami, but after hearing her words about you, I lost it. I never thought of the repercussions.” He sighed with exasperation. “You’ll be here when I come back?”
I reached for him, embracing his waist. “Of course. I doubt those pieces of crap would let me leave anyway. You should be thrilled. I’m being held hostage.”
“Oh, Jensyn, I want you here of your own accord. In a week, they’ll move on to harass someone else. You and I aren’t very interesting. Unless they catch us fucking. Now that would be a story and, boy, would those pictures piss off Kami.”
I pushed against his chest, looking up to his set chin and grin. “Not funny. Now I’ll be paranoid anytime we’re together, thinking there are paparazzi lurking with cameras.”
He tilted up my chin as if to gaze into my eyes. “I already took care of everything. A security company will be here tomorrow. Camera surveillance along the fence line, motion detectors, and video. This place becomes a fortress, like you’re used to. I will always take care of you. Besides, I’ll need you need to watch the video feed even though they’re making alterations to the other stuff, because I’m optically challenged.” He chuckled.
He spent the next hour talking to his manager by phone. By the end of the conversation, he had decided for the time being, it was best to stay with his present publishing house instead of reaching out to find a new one. Thereafter, we gathered up the final pages of the new book and placed the entire thing into a large leather pouch. He discussed several things on another phone call to his publisher regarding dropping off the completed manuscript and setting up a meeting with the replacement editor. He also told them he would explain his medical issues at that time. Lincoln could no longer keep his blindness private, as he’d been outed by Kami, so it was in his best interest to try to make it work for him.
Lucas showed up at two. He had to literally drive through dozens of media people, television vans, and cameras. “Good God, you would think you two are royalty.”
Lincoln laughed. “Well, I am a prince, and this here is my queen,” he spouted with his hand resting on my shoulder.
“If she’s a queen, then that would make you a king, asshat,” Lucas retorted.
He waved his hand. “Whatever. Can we just go and get this over with so you two mommas can stop worrying and henpecking me?”
“Hey, blame your queen. I didn’t know shit about any of this until yesterday. It’s not nice to keep information from your brother. Thank God you have a woman who cares enough about you. Although, I don’t understand why”—he laughed—“she asked me to do this. Yeah, we should leave now. It may take some extra time to drive our way through these freaks.”
“I’ll be waiting for you.” I ran my palm down his arm and squeezed his hand.
“We’ll stop after and grab some takeout for dinner. Chinese okay?”
“Sounds great,” I replied, standing on my toes to kiss him.
“PDA. I like that.”
“It’s only your brother,” I commented.
After they left, I watched television for a while, then listened to music, then sat down to read. It was almost five. Maybe there was traffic or getting the food was slow. It could be a million things.
I peeked out through the blinds, and much of the media had gone home for the night. Only a few remained lying in wait. I began to stroll from room to room. I checked my phone, picked up an old magazine, and lay on the bed. It would be dark soon. I closed my eyes briefly, for what felt like only minutes, but they flashed open when I heard the door slam. As I rolled off the bed, I could hear loud voices as arguing ensued. The clock said 6:30.
“Hey, what took so long?” I asked, still under the haze of sleep as I stumbled into the living room.
Lincoln shuffled past me, angry curses falling from his mouth. The house shook on its foundation as he slammed the bedroom door.
“Maybe you should wait to talk to him,” Lucas said, visually shaken.
“Please tell me what happened. You’re scaring me.”
“There is some swelling behind the optic nerve. That’s why he’s getting the headaches. They ran a bunch of tests, and they may have to operate again to alleviate the pressure if it doesn’t subside on its own. But they seemed fairly adamant that his sight would not be restored. His blindness is permanent. He’ll never see again.”
I choked on a silent sob as heaviness filled my chest. A feeling of dread permeated my entire body. This was what I prayed for, but now that it was his reality, it hurt so bad. Dear God, you never listened before. Why now? My heart ached, knowing he knew I’d wanted this. Only because I never believed it was a possibility. I’d always thought he would get his vision back, and I would do what I did best, run. But here was my best-case scenario, and I didn’t want it. I loved him too much. I’d walk away from what we had if he’d regain his sight. Please, Jesus.
Tears blurred my eyes and ran down my cheeks. “I prayed for this. The one time God heard my prayers,” I admitted to Lucas. The many times I had begged him to help me when I had my accident, to no prevail, until now.
He put his arms around me. “Oh, Jensyn, I'm not going to disparage you because of what you wished for. I understand why you would ask for this. I get it. But all of this has nothing to do with you or some higher entity. It’s just something that happened. Lincoln always knew this was a possibility; he knew it might be the outcome. Once he calms down, he’ll be okay. He’d already begun to come to terms with his blindness, and I know having you here will make things easier.”
“He’ll hate me. He knows I wanted this. I told him because he wanted honesty. Well, look at what transparency got me. He’ll never get over me wanting him to stay blind. It will always be in the back of his mind, and eventually, he’ll reach his limit and punish me.”
“You don’t know the true Lincoln Bass yet, not really. That man loves you so much that he’ll accept his fate. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but eventually he will, and you and he will have a good life. I knew when I put you two together that you could fill each other’s void.”
The truth hit me full force. “So you did plan this? Your brother and I presumed you had. I guess I’m a little surprised because of the age difference and what an emotional wreck I am.”
“Age. It’s only a number. And Lincoln was a basket case after his accident. I hoped you could help each other. I’m happy it worked out, and my dream is the love you share can get him past his grief right now, because he is grieving. The surgeon took away his hope, so he’s going to mourn the loss of his eyesight all over again. Not only as the adventurer, but as the writer. Both things will be paused for a while.”
“You look tired. Go home to your husband. I’m spending the night anyway. There’s no reason for both of us to be here. I’ll take care of him. I may not be in tomorrow, but I’ll make my appointment Friday. Let’s play it by ear and see how he is.”
“If you’re sure. And please remember he’s hostile right now and is going to lash out to whoever is here. Just know he doesn’t mean it.”
He’ll mean every single word, and I’ll take the hit because I deserve it. “It’ll be all right,” I said, walking him to the door. “Thanks again for being with him. I’m sure he appreciated it.”
He shrugged as he went to his car.
I stood with the door open, watching him go through the gate. I twisted my hands together, undecided on what I should do. Maybe I should sleep on the sofa and give him time alone. But then I didn’t want him to confuse me giving him space with me not caring. He already recognized I wanted this.
You did.
I couldn’t take back what I’d said. I didn’t know how I was going to make this better.
I went into the kitchen and got a glass of wine, prepping for a conversation. More like a confrontation. Once I drank the last of it, I padded to the bedroom, knocking softly.
&n
bsp; I knocked once again, pressed my ear against the door, but heard nothing. Maybe he’d fallen asleep. I pushed the door open as slowly and quietly as possible. He was outside, smoking. He hadn’t lit a cigarette in almost two weeks. I wasn’t disappointed, just surprised.
I silently crept to him. His normally vibrant, two-toned, jewel-colored eyes were damp. I sucked in a deep breath.
“Happy now? You got your wish. Maybe we should crack open a celebratory bottle of champagne. My fucking world will be dark forever.” His tone was cold and cruel.
I put my hand on his back, but he shrugged it off. He didn’t even want to be touched by me. I cringed at the loss. “I’m so sorry. Even though I thought I wanted this, I never believed it would happen. The guilt is killing me. I know you’re never going to feel complete, not like this. I would give anything to take back what I said, but you know the truth, Lincoln. It wouldn’t change a damn thing. I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to hate myself? Because I do, more than you know.”
He crushed out his smoke, then reached out to touch my face. With both hands, he caressed every single flaw. He’d done this once before, but this felt different, more fastidious. It was as if he were drawing a mental picture of me.
“You didn’t do this, Jensyn. You hoping for this outcome didn’t cause it, but I also don’t know if I can spend my life in complete darkness. I’m freaking out right now.” Desperation strangled his voice. “I told you I’d be all right with this, but the truth is I hadn’t prepared. I’d always trusted this would be temporary. That when I finally could see, we’d have everything.”
I kissed his fingertip as it outlined my lips. “We do have everything. You’re alive. We both are, and we’re together. Isn’t that enough to celebrate? We found each other, and we’ll make it through all this chaos. Oh, Lincoln, I know what it’s like to mourn a loss. To fall in a pit so deep you aren’t able to crawl out because you’d rather die. I didn’t have you back then, but you have me now, and we can survive this together. The media crap, your blindness, my face, all of it. I’ll do whatever is necessary to help you through this. I’m not going anywhere—unless you don’t want me anymore.”