by Shan
“I forgive you,” I told her as I reached out and pulled her to me. I ran my hand over her face then leaned over and kissed her lips. Deonna looked up at me, surprised, before tossing her head into my chest and breaking down into tears.
I scooped her up from the floor into my arms and carried her to the stairs. I took them one at a time while Deonna wrapped one arm around my neck. I carried her into our bathroom and placed her down on the floor.
“You know what to do. I’ll be right back,” I told her as I went back downstairs to grab the liquor and her wine. Once I made it back up, Deonna had started the water in our Jacuzzi tub and stripped out of her clothes. I helped her inside, handed her the glass of wine, and then came out of my clothes. She poured a small amount of vanilla-scented Bath and Body Works inside the water, and then looked at me and laughed. She knew I hated that shit, but her ass loved everything that was vanilla-scented.
I walked over to the Jacuzzi tub, and she held her hand up to stop me from getting inside. She leaned over the side of the tub and grabbed my erection. She pulled it into her mouth, causing it to grow inside of her. I groaned and bit down on my bottom lip as my hand went to her head.
“Shit, shit. Suck that dick,” I said, moving my hips as my dick slid in and out of Deonna’s mouth.
I couldn’t take it any longer and pushed Deonna back and climbed in the tub. I had it custom made to make sure that a nigga as big as me would fit right inside without being all scrunched up and uncomfortable.
“Bring your ass here,” I told Deonna and reached out for her hand.
She came over and straddled me before sliding down on my dick. The heat of the water, the bubbles that roared between us, and her hot box had a nigga curling his toes. I gripped Deonna’s ass and looked into her eyes. She stared back into mine as she rode me like she had never done before.
“Ohhh, baby, shit!” Deonna crooned as I threw my hips into her each time she slammed down on me.
“Damn, you feel so fuckin’ good. Come for me, baby! Come for daddy,” I yelled before clasping Deonna’s breasts together and sucking her nipples.
“Aghhh!” Deonna screamed, seeming to go wilder as she became tighter and wetter. “I’m gonna come!”
“Make that pussy come for me. Arghhh,” I grunted as I sucked harder and harder on Deonna’s nipples, feeling her walls sucking me inside of her like a vacuum. I could feel her muscles tightly contracting on my dick. I pumped in and out of her like crazy until I shot my load inside of her at the same time she rained all over my dick.
“Don’t tell me that wasn’t the best ever,” Deonna said as her head collapsed into my chest.
“Got damn, that was the best ever,” I agreed before I tossed my head back on the tub and closed my eyes. I just hoped Deonna really was done with that nigga and not about to make me regret taking her back. One thing I knew I couldn’t take was looking like a fool again.
“Love you, baby,” Deonna said.
“I love you too.”
Chapter 22
Amber
“Little Dae, go get in the bed! I’m not going to tell you again,” I called out and went into the kitchen to fix myself a drink. After Dae’s ass was acting a fool in front of Deonna the other day and talking about Little Dae not being his, he texted me and told me that I didn’t have to worry about leaving, because he would just move out. I knew that was another one his ploys to get me to stick around and not leave, and it worked, but only temporarily.
Khi had been looking for an apartment for his new girlfriend and said that while he was at it, he was going to find something for me and Little Dae too. He felt like me having my own place would be better. He said it was the only way that I was going to build my independence and stop relying on Dae or any other people to take care of me, and I had to admit that he was right. I had been living with Dae since I was fourteen, and six years later, at the age of twenty, I realized that I didn’t know how to take care of myself. Of course, I knew how to cook, clean, and take care of other household duties, but I didn’t know anything about surviving. The little time I spent hustling with Dae didn’t last long, because as soon as we found out I was pregnant, he sent me home and told me to be a mother.
I had to drop out of school my sophomore year to take care of my child, and I had never even attempted to go back. And since talking to Khi, I felt like going back to school to get my GED was something that I should focus on. Khi agreed that he would pay my bills for me while I attended school and picked up some kind of trade. I had always dreamed of being a pharmacist when I was a young girl, and I was really thinking of becoming a pharmacy technician now and being a pharmacist later. I was still young and still had time to take charge of my life. I knew that no matter what happened with Dae and me, I could always count on Khi, KaeDee, and Deonna to look out for me and Little Dae. We were gonna be fine, and I was looking forward to claiming my happiness. For too long, I had loved Dae without it getting me anywhere in life but beat, walked all over, and cheated on, and I was done. I had finally reached my breaking point.
“Mama! I heard something,” Little Dae said as he walked into the kitchen. I placed my hands on my hips and cocked my head to the side. I swear whenever it was time for bed, this little boy had every excuse in the book on why he either couldn’t sleep or why he needed to get up.
“Um, look, little boy. I’m about to prop my feet up and relax, and you’re about to go to bed. I’ve been taking care of you all day, and now it’s Mommy’s time. There isn’t going to be any eating, any unnecessary trips to the bathroom, no boogie man under the bed or in the closet, and yes, Mama is okay, so I don’t need you getting up to come and check on me.”
“But, Mama, I heard something.”
“Daelan, what did—Oh my God! Daelan, get down!” I screamed as I grabbed him and threw him to the floor. I rushed and crawled to him, covering him with my body as bullets flew through my home. “Don’t move, baby. Stay down.”
“I want Daddy,” Daelan cried as he squirmed underneath me, and at that moment, I wanted him too. I had never been so scared in my life. It was times like this that I knew getting away from this man should’ve been my first priority a long time ago. He should’ve been there with us. He should’ve been there to protect our boy, but I could only wonder what woman he had caused problems with now.
It sounded like we were in the middle of a war as bullet after bullet continued to rip through the walls and windows. They were loud, they were fast, and they were destroying everything that they hit.
“Hmmm!” I moaned as I felt a fiery feeling burning through my back. I didn’t want to scare Daelan as he continued to lie underneath me, so I bit down on my bottom lip to mask the pain that I felt.
“Mommy!” he cried, and I did my best to rock him back and forth and keep him calm. It seemed like the gunfire was never going to stop. Blood dripped from my mouth as tears fell from my eyes.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Daelan asked when the gunfire finally ceased.
“Don’t move. Don’t move, baby,” I told him once I heard the sounds of glass crunching and footsteps coming our way. “Shhhh.”
“Check the back,” I heard someone say, but I tried to lay as still as possible.
I heard a group of footsteps run through our home and the sound of someone coming toward Little Dae and me. I was suddenly grabbed by my hair and pulled away from my son.
“Ahhhh! Dae!” I screamed.
“Is that nigga here?” he asked me.
I stared into his brown eyes, and he stared back into mine. I had never seen him before, but I could tell that Dae had finally fucked with the right one. He knelt down in front of me and grazed his eyes over me before he locked them on little Daelan and then back on me.
“It’s empty,” a dark-skinned guy said as he came and stood behind the guy that was in front of me.
“Where is he?” he asked me again.
I felt myself getting weak. More blood dripped from my mouth as Little Dae scooted tow
ard me and wrapped his arm around mine. “I . . . I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
“You don’t know? Or you don’t wanna tell me?”
“I don’t know. I promise you . . . I don’t know.”
“The bitch fucked my sister, got her pregnant, and then tried to kill her. That nigga gonna have to see me, ya feel me? You can protect that nigga if you want to, but I’ma keep coming back until I get him. I don’t care who I hit in the process.”
“Please,” I cried. “I don’t know. You can check my phone. It’s over there. I haven’t talked to Daelan in a couple of days. I need an ambulance. Please, I can’t leave my baby here alone. Please don’t let me die.”
“Don’t let you die? You mean like how he left my sister to die? Bitch, fuck you and that ho-ass nigga. I’ma hand you this phone, though, so you can hit that li’l bitch up and tell him Tamar said he gunning for him. And hard,” he told me as he stood to his feet. The dark-skinned guy that was with him handed Tamar my cell phone, and Tamar dropped it on the floor in front of me. “Tell that nigga don’t hide now. Me and the goon squad on that ass.”
As soon as Tamar and his men left, I grabbed my cell phone and called 911. I told them that I had been shot and that I needed them to send help quick. I could feel my body shaking, and I felt so cold, but I refused to give up. I held onto Little Dae, and he held onto me, and we sat and waited.
Only minutes had gone by before I heard glass crunching in the distance. I pulled Little Dae as close to me as I could, thinking that they had come back. Little Dae started to cry again, and I rubbed his arm to try to calm him down.
“Amber! D.J.!”
Just like this nigga to show up in the aftermath of the fury he had caused. I released more tears and more blood as Daelan stepped in the kitchen with a pistol in his hand. Looking up at him, I saw the tears that stained his cheeks as he removed the hoodie from his head. He pulled his dreads from his face and knelt down and held his arms out for Little Daelan to come to him.
“Oh, fuck, Amber,” Daelan said as he scooped his son into his arms and came to me. “You hurt?”
“This is your fault, Dae. Your fuckin’ fault. Our son could’ve been killed,” I cried, losing more blood.
“Who did this shit to you? Let me get you to the hospital.”
“No! Get the fuck away from us! Put him down and get the fuck out! I swear, even if I don’t make it, I don’t want you coming anywhere near him! Get the fuck out before they come back looking for your ass.”
Daelan dropped our son and stood to his feet. He used the back of his hand to dry his tears as he coldly stared down at me.
“Fuck you then, bitch! Not like the nigga is mine anyway. I hope your dumb ass lay there and die for always judging a nigga after the fucked-up shit you did to me!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I cried as Daelan ran to me and wrapped his little arms around me. His little body shook, and I did my best to bring him comfort as I ran my hand across his back. I brought my hand to cover my mouth as I began to cough uncontrollably. I had yet to hear any sirens and hoped that they would get there fast. I didn’t know how much time I had left, but I felt myself fading away with every minute that ticked by.
“You know what the fuck I’m talking about, Amber. You fucked him. I saw you! And then you gave birth to that nigga’s baby and tried to put that shit on me!”
“I’ve never had sex with anybody but you, Daelan. Why do you do that? Why do you put all your shit back on me when you fuck up?”
“Because you fucked him. You was in his bed, and I saw what you did with him. Don’t lie to me, Amber. He looks just like that nigga, and I have to live with that shit every day when I look at him. I think of the shit I seen you do with that man, and every time I look at that little boy, that’s all I see. That’s why I’m never home. That’s why I can’t stand to fuckin’ touch you or look at you. That’s all the fuck I see, and that shit is killing me. It already has, and this is the result of a nigga that’s dead inside, man.” Daelan cried as he broke down like I had never seen before.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as I covered my mouth with my hand again and cried uncontrollably.
“He looks just like my uncle Lee! Admit it! Fuckin’ admit it, Amber.”
I looked at Little Daelan, and my heart broke into pieces. ’Til this day, I thought that no one knew what happened to me that night when I was left alone at home with Daelan’s grandmother and her son, LeeRoy. The boys were taken to visit their father at the jail that morning, and because the drive there was six hours long, they weren’t expected to be back until late that night.
I lay on the floor, asleep in my usual spot, when LeeRoy came into the room to wake me up. He told me that Daelan was in his room and that he needed me to come and help him with something. I didn’t think anything of it and went to see what was up. As soon as I was in the room and noticed that Daelan wasn’t there, LeeRoy had closed the door behind him and blocked me from leaving. I was only fourteen years old at the time and scared to death, and the moment I went to scream, LeeRoy told me that he would kill me, and I believed him. He was a big man, standing over six feet tall and weighing at least 220 pounds.
He asked me to undress, and when I refused to do so, he told me that he was going to hurt Daelan—hurt him again, the way he used to hurt him all the time when he was just a little boy. At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about, but when I figured it out, I did what I had to do for Daelan. I took off my clothes and lay down in that bed with that grown-ass man. I allowed him to have his way with me, because as long as it meant that he would never have his way with Daelan again, I did that.
After he was done with me, I left his room, took a shower, and went back to lay on the floor in my usual spot. I cried that night, but not for myself. I cried for Daelan, because I could only imagine the pain he felt after being violated by a man that was supposed to protect him. No one was there for him, but I felt great knowing that I was going to be there for him. I was willing to protect Daelan every chance I got, as long as he wouldn’t have to endure no shit like that again. When Daelan came and laid beside me that night, I never mentioned it to him, and he never said anything to me.
The following day, LeeRoy left the house and never returned. Each day that passed, I pushed what happened further and further into the back of my mind. I wanted to forget that it had ever happened. I had never told Daelan that I knew what LeeRoy did to him. It was a part of my life that I thought I had deleted.
Looking at my son, I knew that he looked different, but I just thought that one day he would begin to look like his father. That time with LeeRoy happened one time, and as a child becoming pregnant with a child, I would’ve never thought this was even possible. I didn’t mean to deceive Dae. As much as I loved my son, I would have never brought him into this world if I had known that he was a product of rape from a man that had caused so much misery in the hearts of me and Dae.
“Admit it, Amber!” Dae yelled, breaking me from my thoughts.
“He told me that if I didn’t sleep with him that he was going to do it you . . . again,” I finally admitted aloud. “I did it for you. I did it to protect you.”
“Shut the fuck up! That nigga never touched me! Shut the fuck up! Don’t you ever tell nobody no shit like that! He never touched me! You fucked him because you wanted to, you lying, trifling bitch!” Dae yelled as he backed away from me. He shook his head dejectedly before he turned around and ran out of the house.
I shook my head and cried so hard. I guess we had both been ignoring our demons and the source that they had come from for our own selfish reasons. I felt so bad for Daelan, though. I never once considered how much what happened to him affected him, but now that I sat back and thought about everything he’d done, it started to all make sense.
Chapter 23
Daelan
The Next Day . . .
I looked around before I pulled my car to the gas station
and pulled up to the pump. I had been hiding out in a motel out by the airport before catching my flight that would leave in the next few hours. I was headed out of the country to muthafuckin’ Dubai to lay up and get my got-damn mind right. Wasn’t shit nobody could do to help me. This shit was all on me, and I wasn’t gonna get right until I accepted some shit and decided that I was gonna stop denying my past. I had fought with it since I was six years old, and no amount of women that I ran through was ever gonna erase what the fuck happened to me. I just wish I hadn’t denied it for so fucking long. I had ruined the lives of many because I was always on the path of destruction, tearing down any and everything that ever got in my way.
“Shit!” I sighed and shook my head. All I could think about was the shit that Amber had said to me and how she had allowed herself to go through some ho-ass shit for her nigga. Tears came to my eyes just thinking about how bad I had treated that girl. I had walked all over her, abused her, neglected her for plenty of women, threw the shit in her face most times just to hurt her, and did everything in my power to break her down. I wanted to destroy her because of what I had witnessed that night when I saw my uncle enjoying my girlfriend. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t fighting him, or none of that shit! They looked like they was enjoying each other, and that shit fucked me up. I made sure I dropped that nigga in the back of the liquor store for the shit he had done to me years prior, and then, for the shit I saw him doing with my girl. I tried my hardest to move on from it and act like none of it had ever happened, because I really loved Amber, but seeing Little Daelan look more and more like that man turned me into the man I was today.
I wiped the water from my face, and then took in a deep breath. I wanted to check on Amber, but I knew she was right. Going near her could cause her—or even worse, Little Dae—to get hurt, and that would kill me if something happened to them. Even though the kid wasn’t mine, I still loved him like he was, and I would never stop loving him. I just had to get myself together so that I could love him and his mother the way they were supposed to be loved. I just hoped that I would have another chance to do so.