by A. C. Wilson
It would be so easy to lie. She ruthlessly shoved that coward notion aside. If she didn’t get moving, Nora was sure she would walk away and it served no purpose to do so.
“Randy started working at the Crossing Pines the last summer you were in Hot Springs. He moved up to be the foreman and he became part of the family. My father trusts him, my brothers like him, and he has always been there for me.” Nora wondered just where this was going. After all the time she had practiced this speech in her head, her mind was blank. There wasn’t going to be any easy way to share the biggest secret she had ever kept from anyone.
“So you married him, because your family loved him? That doesn’t sound like the girl I knew.” Colt smiled.
“I’m not that girl anymore, Colt. I had to grow up and I had to do it rather quickly.” Nora’s voice broke and she cleared her throat hoping it would cover the emotion. Too bad she couldn’t fool a professional singer and Colt’s eyes sharpened.
“You got pregnant, didn’t you? That’s why you had to grow up so fast.” Colt’s words nearly knocked her off her chair. The shock couldn’t have been more abrupt.
“Yes. Yes, I did.” Her nerves felt like they were going to scatter to the four directions before she could get the rest of the confession across her tongue.
“So that is why you married him. It makes total sense. You wanted the child to have a father and I’m sure your family expected it.” Colt started to insert so many things and none of them were completely wrong except the paternity. She didn’t know how to tell him. He looked so open and trusting. She twisted her hands in her lap.
“I didn’t marry Randy until almost two years ago.” It was the only thing that came out when she opened her mouth. Colt’s brow furrowed as he considered what she had said. He was quiet. It was her cue to tell him everything.
Spill it. Do it now. Nora!
“How old is your son?” The death knell couldn’t have been louder or more catastrophic to the axis of her world. Colt’s gaze hardened and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Drew turned seven this year.” Nora wondered if the restaurant had suddenly gotten quiet or if her hearing was failing her, because outside of their conversation, she felt locked in a sound proof box. Colt looked rather perplexed by the topic of conversation. Of course he had no idea where his line of questioning was going to get him.
“If I’m not mistaken, that would mean that he was conceived…” His words broke and he closed his mouth. In self-preservation Nora thought she should have looked away, but she couldn’t turn away from the reflection in those grey eyes. The depths looked like they had been set on fire and that bothered as well as amazed her. Silently she thanked God that Drew didn’t have his father’s eyes.
“Maybe we should go somewhere and discuss this. I didn’t mean to bring it up at dinner.” She grabbed her purse and slid her chair back.
“Did you mean to bring it up at all? Or were you just going to leave me out of it completely?” Colt asked in a hushed, but extremely angry voice. Any man worth his salt would be angry at finding out he had a seven-year-old son he never knew about.
“I was going to tell you today. You were just so busy and then I didn’t know what to say.” Nora tried to keep her voice level and quiet. Still, as rattled as she was, she knew this was not something the people of a public restaurant needed to hear.
“Don’t turn this around on me. You’ve had seven years to tell me that I am a father!” His words hissed like a whip and Nora felt them with nearly as much pain. She stood up as normally as she could from her seat and bit her bottom lip. She turned toward the door and walked with purpose to escape the wondering eyes. Nora felt like she was being watched. It was likely they only acknowledged her as she walked by, but it still felt strange. Guilt did crazy things to the mind.
Colt came out of the dining room with a blank stare on his face and it scared her. Those so expressive eyes were now flat and hard. His thin lips were pressed into a line and a muscle in his jaw ticked. He grasped her upper elbow and propelled her through the crowd to the elevators. It took just a second to find one going up and he stepped inside. Nora followed, even though she wondered if she should. There was no knowing how angry he really was and if she had been in a better frame of mind, Nora might have considered this an unwise decision. Each time the elevator ticked off the number of the floor they passed she noted it.
Finally the doors rolled open and Nora took a deep breath as she proceeded Colt out. He walked her to his suite, took out his keycard and opened the door. Without waiting for her to join him, Colt walked into the room and opened the mini fridge. Nora pulled a face wondering just how alcohol was going to solve the problem. She closed the door and turned to find Colt opening a bottle of water.
Surprise! Okay, so you don’t know him well. There were times she truly hated that tiny voice in her head.
“Colt.” His name rolled off her lips in a plea and he only watched her. A thrill zipped up her spine and she shivered. It was hardly the power of sexual awareness. It was more like prey giving acknowledgment to a predator. It didn’t sit well with her.
“Why now, Nora? Why tell me now that I have a son?” His words were sharp and she steeled herself against the jump.
“Please don’t think I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to call you a thousand times.” Nora sat her purse on the table by the door and walked further inside the room. Her hands were free now and she opened her palms. “You wanted to become a musician so badly and I couldn’t destroy that dream. I was trying to be as selfless and I was selfish.” She brushed a tear off her cheek.
“Seven years, Nora! Not once did you pick up the phone or send an email to me! I haven’t heard from you since I left Hot Springs.” Colt ran a hand through his dark hair in frustration. Nora could only retaliate.
“I haven’t heard from you either. It wasn’t like you ever reached out to me.” Nora tried to take a deep breath. “Was I ever more than just a summer fling?” It was a question she had always wanted to know the answer to. Colt looked taken aback as he stared at her with his mouth half open.
“Hell, I don’t know.” Colt ran his palm over his jaw and around his neck. “It was seven years ago, Nora. We were just kids then.”
“Yes, kids who had a kid. I know this is a lot to take in. I don’t expect you to be thrilled about this. Drew needs you to know about him.” Mentioning the boy’s name made Colt pause for a moment and Nora welcomed the reprieve. Everything in the room was so quiet, except for the occasional noise outside in the hallway, the hotel was peaceful.
Too bad I don’t feel that way. Nora tried to block out the thoughts running, screaming through her head. There was a small mercy in knowing she had not said everything that came to mind.
“Have you told him about me?” Colt’s voice was hesitant as if he were afraid to know the answer. Nora shook her head. She wasn’t sure she could handle the questions her seven year old would have once he discovered his father. It also made her gut wrench to think it would change Randy and Drew’s relationship too.
“It isn’t like Drew has never asked about you. I didn’t know what to say to him and I didn’t want him hurt if you never wanted a part in his life. Drew has my father, my brothers, and my husband for male figures. He wouldn’t have been wanting in anything other than his real dad.” Nora ran her hands up her arms as if the atmosphere had suddenly taken on a chill. She knew that it came from inside rather than outside. Colt looked pale and about ready to be sick. She had made such a mess of things.
“I need to go get ready for the show.” His words were course and he wouldn’t look directly at her. He looked at his watch on his wrist and nodded his head. “Yeah, I got to go.” He skirted her as quickly as he could and swiftly left the room. Nora watched the door close as if in slow motion. The sound of it latching might as well have been a slam as loud it felt to her ears.
“Well, shit.” Nora closed her eyes, her hands still supporting her elbows and bowed her
head. If only she could just make herself disappear. If only the world would set things to rights. If only she hadn’t just made a mess of every relationship she had. Life just kept throwing lemons at her and by God she was running out of vodka.
Vodka. There was an idea she hadn’t had in quite some time. Maybe should could just sit at the bar and wait for Colt’s show to be over. Then maybe he would talk to her again and they could smooth the waves.
If smooth is even possible at this point. Nora rolled her eyes and moved towards the door. She had spent so much time rolling around in the guilt, the pain, and the constant nagging of her conscience that she might not be right for any guy. Maybe she was better off alone? It was something she was going to have to think about with some degree of finality.
Chapter 13
The drive from North Platte to Hot Springs was definitely quicker than the drive from Hot Springs to Deadwood. Randy shook his head as he thought about his brother-in-law and how Garrett had tried to school him in the ways of being romantic. It had bordered on ridiculous really! Randy had his own reservations about how romantic Nora wanted a guy to be. She was surrounded by this tough hide that no one seemed to be able to puncture unless she let them. He certainly hadn’t been able to in the six years that he had been around her.
He thought about it. Nora wouldn’t have a tough exterior without a soft middle and that was where he wanted to be. He wanted to know that she shut out the world, except for those that she truly loved. Randy wanted Nora to love him. He wanted her to fall in love with him and that would be the goal of this hair-brained scheme Garrett, Travis, and he had cooked up. Randy hoped like hell that Nora wouldn’t hate him for this.
Trace Adkins came on the radio as Randy cruised down the highway. He recognized the song even before Trace started to sing in a smooth, deep voice.
I can’t see you but I can feel
Like a scar that just won’t heal
Blue-eyed gypsy, you’re still with me
Everywhere I go
Lonely Won’t Leave Me Alone was such a fitting song for the length of time he had known Nora. Desperately he wanted her with a single-minded focus that scared him. He had never wanted anything so much as he wanted Nora Johnson. In the cruel way that life can sometimes be she hadn’t really wanted him in return. Oh, he knew he had worn her down with his relentless and dogged determination. It was something he could admit to himself even if he couldn’t admit it to anyone else. Nora was like a drug that he had sampled and couldn’t get out of his system. It fell somewhere between annoying and border line anger when he thought about it. He thought once he had fallen in love, that the woman would become a part of him as vital as his next breath.
So much for that. Randy sighed and watched the miles pass as the highway lines zipped past his truck. He was only an hour from Deadwood and it would be close to dark before he pulled into town. Travis had filled him in on his conversation with his daughter, or as much as he was willing to supply. For meddling in his daughter’s marriage, Travis wasn’t one to share confidences easily. If he and Garrett had gone to this much work to change the game, Randy could only suppose that things were about to get rough. He also figured this was where Colt Cavanaugh fit in to the equation.
Drew Johnson was a special boy and his entire family loved him to pieces. He had his mother’s searing blue eyes and ironically, his father’s dark, almost jet black hair. Now that Randy had met Colt, the looks weren’t just a telltale sign, but the smile too. He imagined that if he had spent more time in Colt’s company, the man would bear a further resemblance to Drew. Randy had always tried to be the father Drew never had and it was a fast friendship they had founded.
Randy had taken Drew fishing, helped him make a treehouse in the backyard, and had been there to watch every T-ball game. Hell, he had even been there to see Drew off to his first day of school. Nora had been a mess, but Randy had never been so proud. It was one of the best memories he had and he kept it close to his heart. There was no way in hell that Colt Cavanaugh was going to take that away from him. Randy wasn’t about to let Colt have Nora either.
Not without a fight! The fire burst into flames inside him and he found there was a purpose for that dense focus. Nora was his wife. He was in love with her and God help him, he couldn’t walk away. It wasn’t within him to withdraw and slink away like a beaten wolf.
Randy tried to put it out of his mind. It wasn’t an easy thing to do when he was the only one in the truck. Thankfully his cell phone started to ring at just that moment. He glanced at the screen and shook his head at the insane timing Nora’s family had. He touched the speaker button.
“Hey, Matt, what’s up?” Randy asked as he watched a semi-trailer pass him. Randy shook his head at the closeness with which the vehicle slid back into the lane.
“Rumor has it you are going to get my sister.” Matt’s voice sounded a bit strange and not entirely happy. It wasn’t Matt’s MO to be grouchy, even with his wife expecting their first child.
“I am headed to Deadwood now. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do when I get there.” Randy hoped the fib didn’t shine in his voice. He knew what he was going to do when he got there, but he wasn’t sure what he was going to find. There was a plan in place and deviating wasn’t an option.
“Damn it, you’re as cryptic as Garrett! I’m only going to say this once so you better listen up. If you hurt Nora in any way, you’re going to have hell to pay.” Matt’s protectiveness wasn’t easily pricked and Randy wondered what had aroused the beast. Matt Johnson was usually a happy, sunny person. His humor and his upbeat personality made him well liked anywhere. Tonight something was definitely up.
“I have no intention of hurting Nora physically or otherwise. You know how I feel about her, Matt. That has never been a secret and I’m not about to hide that now.” Randy tried to keep his own anger in check. It was difficult not to feel ruffled by the accusations.
“I know how you feel, man. I also know how my sister feels about Drew and if Colt really is Drew’s father, Nora is going to feel like she should be with him.” Matt sounded resigned to the fact that Colt might take Randy’s place, but Randy hated it.
“That’s not going to happen.” Randy could only refute it verbally, because he honestly knew Matt had a point. Nora had been the rebel of the family, always doing what she wished. When Drew came along the rebel was gone and Nora had tried desperately to mold herself into what she thought others expected. Too bad that they all saw her hurting and did very little about it.
“Randy, I’ve never asked anything of you. I hate to do it now. I’d never ask you to step away, but if she really wants Colt in their lives, I think you should do it.” Matt’s voice might as well have set fire to his house, because suddenly Matt’s words threatened everything he loved.
“What the…,” Randy bit back the cuss word that nearly escaped. He had to remind himself that it did little good to start planning outcomes. So many things were up in the air. “I appreciate your concern for your sister, Matt. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I would never stand in the way of what she truly wanted. I’m not going without a fight though.” There were a million things he wanted to say. Right now, it just didn’t seem like a good idea. It wouldn’t change anything anyway.
“I just needed to say it.” Matt paused and Randy could hear his brother-in-law sigh. Randy hated to ask, but he wanted to know something.
“Matt, if Harper’s father would have walked back into the picture before Andy was pregnant with your child, would you have let him take your place?” Randy wondered why Matt was taking this position when he was very much in the same boat.
“Luckily that will never happen.” No, it wouldn’t. Matt need never worry about being usurped by Harper’s biological father, because the man no longer lived. To Matt’s credit, Harper’s uncle, Lance Harper was starting to come on regular visits to see his only niece. In honesty, Randy would be fine with Colt visiting Drew as well. It was over Drew’s mo
ther that a claiming war had started.
Hadn’t it? Was there a competition for Nora? Randy knew he had spent too much time in his head. His thoughts were starting to skew the facts. He needed to get to Deadwood as quickly as possible. He needed to see what was really going on.
***
Nora listened to Colt Cavanaugh and the Fleet Street Band play up on stage in The Grand. She had to admit that Colt looked completely in control and undoubtedly in his element on stage. He had glanced at her once early in the concert, but that had been the last time. It was almost like he had purposely shut her out.
Again. Maybe it was a coping mechanism. Maybe he needed to block that part out in order to perform for his adoring fans. Nora chuckled sarcastically to herself and took another sip of her drink. The screaming girls in the front row were all but throwing themselves at him. Nora rolled her eyes. No man in his right mind would leave all this to take up with a family he didn’t know about until now. She was sure she had made the right choice in keeping Drew a secret from Colt. A little boy needed stability and a nurturing environment.
Haven’t I provided that? Didn’t I do everything right? The evil voice in her head was starting to get drunk and it caused it to become more vindictive than harpy. She had had that stupid little voice for so long that it had become like a snide troll handcuffed to her wrist.
Nora gulped down the last of her Porch Crawler, or at least that is what the bartender called it. It had lemonade, vodka, and lager with pretty swirls of lemon in the glass. She stared longingly at the half melted ice cubes. This was her fourth drink.
Uh…maybe the fifth drink? Aw, fuck it! Who cares?
Nora wrinkled her nose at the little voice and sat back in her chair. She watched the flashing lights from the concert and wished she were dancing. She used to love to dance. The sensation of floating and flying with the firm anchor of a partner. Smiling at the bartender, Nora signaled for another round. He only nodded at her and wiped down the bar top.