by A. C. Wilson
Nearly. He was the reason she was here after all.
“I wasn’t sure if you were getting hungry, but I threw some ribs on the grill. They’re about done.” His storm blue eyes twinkled with mischief and she wondered just what he had up his sleeve. Randy wasn’t impulsive by nature so it was starting to set off warning bells in her head.
“I am hungry, actually.” Her irritation at him softened when he cracked a small grin in hearing her reply. She couldn’t quite understand what was happening. The slight altering of attitudes and personality was enlightening as well as puzzling.
“Good. I’ll meet you out back then?” Randy was still tentative, but his hope that she would warm to him was starting to show. Nora nodded at him and he left as quietly as he came into the room. Nora watched the door latch closed and stared at it for a few minutes.
This was definitely not what she was thinking would happen. She figured that he would try and push his demands onto her. She couldn’t really go anywhere, although she was sure Randy would never hold her against her will if she did want to leave. Nora thought he would tell her how horrible she was doing as a wife and how Drew would need a father figure. She was all geared up to tell him just where to stick it. She could and she would, but he hadn’t. It was odd.
Without placing the blame and making her feel worse about her position and her feelings, Randy was making an effort to understand. He was giving her things to think about, that was for sure, but he wasn’t pushing. In defense of her own nagging emotions, Nora had expected a different kind of tactic. If she dismissed him out of hand, she would have more regrets than she was wrestling with now. It just wasn’t an option.
Nora got out of bed, pulled on her jeans, her socks and her boots. She took a light sweater from her bag and tugged it on over her head. Glancing a moment in the small mirror, she rolled her eyes at her gnarled ponytail, but it would have to do. The only way to fix it was to get into the shower and she didn’t want to be late for dinner. Her stomach sounded in agreement. Nora looked around the cabin and found the sliding glass door to the patio open. She craned her neck to peer around the door and saw Randy quickly snapping his tongs at the ribs that were about to be a bit overcooked if the flames had anything to say about it. Nora bit down on her lip to keep from laughing when Randy cursed out loud as the jumping flames burnt his knuckles.
“Do you need some help?” Nora asked, her voice cracking in humor. Randy threw a helpless glance in her direction and winced again as the flames leapt up.
“This is not funny.” Randy tried to sound put out, but his belated chuckle changed the tenor of his words. She crossed the few feet between them and took the plate from his hands. He went to work in earnest before the meat was completely burned beyond edibility. Nora couldn’t help but smile at her chef. She couldn’t remember the last time he had cooked for her.
Would you have let him? She put a lid on that question until after she tasted the food. It was worth examining later.
“I hope you like your ribs well done.” Randy grinned sheepishly as he handed her the barbecue sauce. Nora could only smile in response as she took the food to the small, outdoor table on the deck. There was a bowl of salad and some sweet corn set out along with the plates and utensils. It looked great and it felt rather nice to have someone else worry about dinner. She was touched by the attempt even if the execute was shaky.
“I don’t mind. It all looks really great.” Nora said as she sat down at the table and forked a couple of ribs onto her plate. Randy took his seat across from her and lifted a spoonful of corn to his plate.
“I’m glad you like it.” Randy said softly as he reached for the salad dressing just as she put her hand out to grab it too. They brushed fingers. Nora lifted her eyes to his and neither one could deny that it sent a shiver of awareness through all of their nerve endings. Randy moved his hand away so that she could have the salad dressing first.
“Thank you.” Nora nearly whispered as she unscrewed the cap on the bottle. Randy’s gaze rested softly on her face for a moment and then slid away. As tender as the awareness was, Nora knew it was still awkward. Too many emotions roiled unsettled just beneath the surface to forget they ever existed.
Dinner followed that awkward vein and Nora struggled with what to say. She could only comment with the warmth of the weather and the relief it was after having such a cold winter. Randy reciprocated by adding his opinions of the cattle prices and the fact that the ranch might have to purchase hay for feed. It was mundane and inadequate conversation compared to the topics they should be discussing. They were in the middle of nowhere after all.
“Let me put the plates in the sink to soak.” Nora started to clear the table, finding some relief in being able to do something familiar. It wasn’t so much the fact that she did it all the time, but it allowed her to put some distance between them. The closer she got to Randy the harder it was to think clearly. The past fogged up the present and the future just seemed too far away.
Nora carried the plates into the kitchen and turned the hot water on in the deep basin sink. She touched it periodically to see when it finally got hot enough to put the plug in the drain. She barely registered that it was so quiet. Inside her head all her thoughts were careening around like a demolition derby course. She poured some dish soap into the running water and waited for the suds to fill the basin. Spying the trashcan under the counter, Nora scraped off the last remnants of their dinner into the sack. Methodically she started to put the dirty plates into the water to soak and soon the counter was clear.
Only then did she realize Randy hadn’t followed her inside nor had he stuck his head in the door to check on her. She walked around the counter and out onto the back porch. The table was cleared of all but the condiments. The grill was off and put away. She wondered just where he had disappeared and it was then that she caught a whiff of wood smoke. Something was burning and it immediately caught her attention. Following the railing along the porch to the stairs that led to the pond, Nora smiled. The beautiful orange glow of a campfire flickered between her and the pond. The light skipped across the water and suddenly the evening didn’t seem so dire.
“You could have told me you were going to be setting something on fire.” Nora teased from a few feet away as she ventured closer to Randy. He grinned and his eyes twinkled with mischief.
Oh, he is good! Did he think of this on his own? Nora’s inner voice was always a party killer and she tried to push it away. She wanted to enjoy the here and now. She was tired of worrying about what the future might bring her way.
“Well, I wasn’t entirely sure you were going to come back out here.” He scooted over on the log he had rolled to the fireside and Nora tipped her head in acknowledgment. He wasn’t wrong on that level. She sighed as she sat down beside him.
“It has been forever since I sat around a campfire.” Nora thrust her hands out to warm them. “I honestly can’t remember when the last time was.”
“It was six years ago. Drew was just a toddler then and he stayed with your mother at the ranch.” Randy kept his voice level, but Nora knew exactly where he was going with this. Suddenly the same memory sprung into her head and it was lovely as well as heartbreaking.
“You proposed for the second time over s’mores and firelight.” Nora felt the memory blossoming and flaming to life right there as they sat. It was all as real as if they had stepped back in time.
“Yes, I did.” Randy smiled and reached under his leg. He lifted into sight a box of graham crackers, chocolate bars and marshmallows. Nora felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment and surprise.
“You forgot the sticks for the marshmallows.” Nora pointed out as she took the bag of chocolate. Randy chuckled and raised a finger.
“No, they are right here actually.” He produced two sticks all sharpened at the end. Nora shook her head and reached for one. He held it firm for a moment until her eyes reached his. She didn’t want to recognize the emotion she saw bubbling there in those stor
my depths.
Hope. Randy had it in spades and Nora felt that same slippery slope feeling. Everything about this place and this night was so well thought out. He had a plan. He was trying to win her back. She didn’t even know for sure if she could be won over.
“Randy, this is all very thoughtful.” Nora began as she tried to figure out just what to say that wouldn’t shred his feelings.
“Do you remember what I asked you that night before I asked you to marry me for the second time?” Randy put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward with his hands clasped. Nora watched him carefully and thought back to that night. She could only remember how she had been wracking her brain on how to let him down easy. Nora met his eyes and shook her head. Randy took a deep breath.
“I asked you to always be honest with me even if it might hurt my feelings. I truly believe we need to be honest with each other now.” The tenor of his voice sent shivers along her skin. It made her heart clench with apprehension.
“I can’t promise the truth won’t hurt you.” Nora’s voice wavered as did the fine line she walked.
“I want nothing that isn’t worth fighting for, Nora. I am in love with you and I firmly believe this marriage is worth anything I have to give.” Randy watched her face and Nora wavered on that knife’s sharp blade. She wasn’t sure how she had walked it for so long. Pulled between two worlds, she wasn’t even sure she belonged in either one.
“I don’t know what to say, Randy. What do you want me to say?” She felt the tears gather in the corners of her eyes. The familiar frustration flooded back in. Randy leaned back on the log and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I want you to tell me how this all plays out. How did all of this happen?” Randy was careful not to look at her, but she couldn’t take her gaze off his face. The firelight cast shadows under his eyes and he looked exhausted. She was too for that matter. Nora crossed her arms to hug her middle and just opened the gates. She hoped it wouldn’t come out a jumbled mess as it was inside her head.
“I was in love with Colt. We spent that one amazing summer together and I was just on fire for him. I had never experienced anything that went beyond the physical, but when we were together, we laughed, we joked, and we were such good friends.” Nora slid a glance in Randy’s direction, but he only stared into the firelight. She didn’t expect anything about this story to feel good for him. It was honesty he wanted though and it was honesty he would get.
“I knew that Colt wanted to be Country music singer and everyone thought he would get there. Late at night we would park down by the creek in his pickup and he would sing to me. Sometimes we would stay there until the sun was just breaking over the horizon. It was my first real love. I was dangling midair with no direction to call my own. I had quit college and come home to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.” Nora squeezed herself more tightly hoping it would anchor her. She hated feeling so adrift. She felt weak and the weakness made her feel helpless.
“You didn’t tell him you were pregnant with his baby.” It was a statement. Randy knew it was the truth. He clasp and unclasped his hands in his lap.
“How could I? A baby would have ruined his chance to reach his dream and I couldn’t do that to him. His family would have pushed him to marry me and support us. I didn’t want them to blame him and I didn’t want him to blame me.”
“Of course he is to blame! You both hold an equal amount of responsibility in creating that life.” Randy surprised her by his anger that suddenly leapt like the flames of the fire. Nora couldn’t speak. “Whether it was the right thing to do or not, you let him go without giving him the chance to decide his future. In doing so, you made a decision and married me.” Randy shifted on the log and turned towards her. His jeans brushed her own.
“What about what I want? What about what you need?” Randy’s voice became incredibly quiet and the low tones tickled her ears. Nora swiped the tear that trickled down her cheek.
“I think you’ve been pretty clear about what you want.” Nora hiccupped once past the emotions thick in her throat. She could feel Randy’s eyes on her face. It was tense with the variety of emotions electrifying the scene. It was all magnified to a breaking point.
“Not clear about everything.” It was all she heard from Randy before she found herself caught up in his arms with his mouth to hers. It was a shock to say the least. Everything froze with the intimate touch. She closed her eyes and focused on the gentleness of his hands and the reverence of his lips. It was like a dam broke inside of her and she brushed her fingers across his jaw and up into his hair. It was all Randy needed to justify his action as he got to his knees in front of her.
Nora kissed him with a ferocity that scared her. The fear trembled at the raw passion ignited in that kiss. It was borderline madness as they touched and kissed each other as if it would be the last time.
Will this be the last time I kiss him? Nora could have sworn until a sailor blushed as the thoughts trickled back into her head. She had been without this intimacy for so long that she thought she might explode into pieces. Her body ached to be held and her fingers itched to explore him in every way imaginable. She pulled back from his kiss and tried to focus on the world still made fuzzy by the madness.
“Nora.” Her name was like a prayer on Randy’s lips. She hoped when it was all over that he wouldn’t pray he never met her.
“I can’t…we can’t…,” Nora pushed from him and darted around him. She couldn’t look back. She couldn’t see her husband on his knees. She really couldn’t be with him until she knew what she wanted, but it didn’t mean it didn’t tear her apart to leave him there.
Chapter 17
Randy tried to slow his wild breathing as he sat there on his knees in front of the log. He could hear Nora’s quick footsteps as she passed over the lawn and up the stairs of the porch. His emotions were stretched to the limit and the demands of his body were nearly painful. Randy closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was past his ability of his sex to hold back the rock hard cravings he had for a woman.
Nora. His wife. Randy turned slightly to sit down on the ground as he brought his knees up and his arms draped over them. He stared into the dancing flames. No other woman had ever wrapped him up so tightly that he couldn’t think of anyone else. The first day he saw her up on that horse Randy hadn’t wanted any other girl. Nora Johnson was perfection. She was the rebel princess he knew he had to have and with a dedication almost scary in its execution, Randy had pursued her.
Randy sighed and tilted his head back to look up at the stars. That big, wide, inky black sky twinkled with tiny gems. It made him feel small in the scheme of things. All life would go on if he lost Nora, but he was almost sure that he would never be the same again. He was afraid that if he told her, she would laugh at him or worse, think he was a fool.
A fool. Perhaps he was and he didn’t even know it. Perhaps it was dangerous to love one woman so much. Perhaps it was fatal to never share in exact words what she meant to him. He ran his fingers through his dirty blonde hair and closed his eyes. He thought he had been pretty clear about his feelings. He worked hard. He provided for them and he was always there when either Nora or Drew had needed him. Words had never come easily to him and when he knew what he wanted to say, the words seemed paltry and second rate.
Randy ran his fingers over his jaw and across his lips. Nora’s lips had been there minutes ago and he couldn’t mistake the ardor with which she kissed him back. It confused him. He wanted to ask her when things had gotten so complicated, but he was pretty sure they had always been. Somewhere along the way after she had said yes and married him, he had stopped telling her all the things she needed to hear. It was like a punch to the gut having to admit it to himself, but right was right.
The logs in the fire snapped with a flash and a hiss. Tiny sparks flew into the sky and danced around him. He watched them and wished that Nora had stayed. She would fit nicely tucked up under his arm as he would pull her cl
ose to his body. Randy wanted to tell her that he admired the strong woman that she was. She had taken charge of her life when it had mattered most. Nora was a rebel of epic proportions as she put her own needs aside, prepared to be an amazing mother and raised her son alone.
Randy pressed his lips into a thin line as he realized that trait he loved about his wife was also the one that would ultimately destroy them. Nora would not admit that she needed his help. She wouldn’t make room for him to shoulder some of her worries and let him take care of her. It was all he wanted to do. He wanted to provide for his family both physically and emotionally. Maybe even have their own child someday too. It was a dream that seemed pretty farfetched now considering how Nora and he were less than intimate.
Taking a deep breath, Randy couldn’t take sitting around much longer. He quickly put the fire out and started the short walk up to the house. The kitchen lights were still on, but he wasn’t sure where Nora had gone. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t want to talk to him. Taking the path carved out around the house to the driveway, Randy went to his truck. Reaching under the front wheel well, he took out the magnetic hide-a-key. It was probably poor judgment to have hid the keys as well their cellphones, but it had been for a good cause.
Unlocking the truck door, he pulled the phones from the front seat. He held Nora’s in his hand and stared at it for a moment. Randy couldn’t quite ignore the voice in his head that said if he gave it to her, she would call Colt. It was possible that this was all for nothing, but he wasn’t ready to admit it. There had to be more he could do. Sadly he was drawing a blank. Setting Nora’s phone aside, he picked up his own and turned it on. One text message popped up on the screen and he clicked the icon to see who had left it. Randy shook his head and couldn’t help the grin. Of course it would be Garrett who had texted him.