by A. C. Wilson
“Now maybe you should tell me what Garrett has to do with all of this.” Nora looked pointedly at her friend and Rayne’s eyes sparkled with mischief.
“Randy has been talking to Garrett about everything. I think more to have an ally than to find answers.” Rayne ignored Nora’s eyes widening. “You know that everyone loves Randy. We’ve hated to see all the trouble you two have had.”
Nora couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Garrett usually wasn’t the meddling brother as that was Matt’s position, but now everyone was seeing what truly lay between them? Her stomach turned.
“Every marriage has problems, Rayne. Every flaw isn’t always visible. Besides I didn’t set out to hurt Randy or anyone else for that matter. I just seem to have lost me somewhere.” Nora sighed as she leaned heavily back against the couch cushion and averted her gaze to the junk that was on the television. She certainly didn’t need twelve knives that cut through a block of wood.
“I know what it is like to feel lost and to think that maybe running away might give you some freedom. It doesn’t though, Nora. It only pushes those you care about further from your life. Being without love will surely destroy you.” Rayne had gone through so much and her life was nothing to wish as your own. Until Garrett had come along, Rayne has essentially lost everyone she had ever cared about in one manner or another. Nora almost felt like her problems were petty.
Almost. Her concerns were still legitimate and immediate. Nora closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the couch. She was so tired. All the emotions were exhausting.
“You look tired. Do you want me to stay tonight?” Rayne asked and Nora shook her head before opening her eyes.
“No, I’ll be fine. I’m going over to talk to Drew tomorrow and then we will see where this goes with Colt. Then I need to figure out what is going to happen with Randy. I’m pretty sure he’s having divorce papers drawn up as we speak.” The last words made her heart ache as nothing else she had said did. It was odd that the thought of battling Colt for Drew wasn’t as agonizing as knowing her marriage was over.
“Do you know that for certain? I can’t believe Randy would give up so easily.” Rayne sounded so sad. Nora tried to push back the guilt but it came like an avalanche.
Some things you just cannot change.
“No, I’m not completely sure, but we didn’t exactly end this prescribed vacation on good terms. Besides I did see a message on his phone from another woman about signing papers. He said she is nothing to worry about, but I don’t know what else they would be.” Nora felt slightly restless as she sat forward and then slowly got to her feet. Rayne did the same.
“Don’t count him out just yet, Nora. Randy isn’t the type to give up, especially on you.” Rayne stepped forward and gave Nora a tight hug. It was rare for Rayne to embrace anyone other than Garrett and Nora was caught off guard by it.
“Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.” Nora smiled and walked Rayne to the front door. Once Rayne had left, Nora locked the doors and turned off the lights. As she put on her pajamas and crawled under her quilt, and after the lights were off, it was only then that Nora allowed herself to feel the deep pang of loneliness and longing.
Drew came bouncing into the kitchen of her parent’s home. Nora sat at the huge oak table with a mug of hot coffee and she wished for a distraction to postpone the conversation she would have to have with her seven year old. Dark hair and blue eyes spoke eloquently that Drew Johnson was her son. Of course Colt had dark hair, but she hadn’t seen any other physical resemblance. She remembered how thankful she was when Drew had kept his blue eyes instead of taking on the silver of his father’s.
“Hey Mom! You’re home.” Drew smiled in his cheerful way and stole a banana from the fruit bowl on the table. Nora pushed out a chair and her son plopped into it. She smiled at her son’s intake of food. It was like trying to feed a goat! He was a bottomless pit and she was certain he would be just as tall as his uncles when he was grown.
“Did you have fun while I was gone?” Nora asked as she brought her cup up to her lips. Caffeine would have to kick in soon or so she hoped. Sleep had been illusive once again last night.
“Yep! Grandpa took me riding and Grandma made me help with the garden. I don’t like pulling up the old weeds, but Grandma said she would make brownies for me.” Drew grinned and Nora couldn’t contain the laugh. For some reason all of their conversations ended in something about food.
“I’m sure she appreciates your help. Your uncles used to leave me to do that stuff and they got to go round up cows on horseback.” Nora smiled and took another drink.
“Boys are better, Mom.” Drew piped off and grinned when she swatted at him. He peeled his banana down further and took a big bite.
“Buddy, I wanted to talk to you about your dad.” Nora began, but Drew cut in with a look of confusion.
“When is Randy coming? Are you mad at him?” Such questions from her observant boy shouldn’t have thrown her for a loop, but they did. She swallowed hard.
“I was talking about your real father. Remember when we talked about Randy being your stepdad and not your real dad?” Nora felt all jumbled up inside and she knew this wasn’t coming across quite like it was in her head.
How do you explain this to a seven year old?
How do you explain this to an adult?
“I guess.” Drew took another bite of his banana and left Nora to search for the right wording.
“Your real father is here and his name is Colt Cavanaugh. He would like to meet you, buddy.” Nora set her coffee down and turned to face Drew fully in her chair.
“Colt?” Drew asked around a mouthful of fruit. Nora nodded her head.
“He’s a pretty neat guy. He is a singer and travels around the country playing his songs. He likes to fish and ride horses.” Nora felt like an advertisement and it was in that moment that she realized she didn’t know Colt as well as she thought. An entire summer spent in the guy’s arms didn’t make her an expert on him.
“Can Randy still be my dad?” Drew’s look of uncertainty hit Nora as she stared into those familiar blue eyes. Her heart might as well have been filled with lead, because it sunk to her feet. Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked them back.
“He loves you, Drew. You will always have Uncle Garrett, Uncle Matt and Grandpa too. Now you could have Colt too.” Nora prayed she was handling this right, but it was uncharted waters.
“I love Randy. I want him to be my dad.” Drew looked so serious and as if the weight of the world had been rested on his shoulders. He looked at his mother with quiet determination.
“Can you maybe give Colt a chance to be a friend at least? He would really like to know you.” Nora didn’t want to plead Colt’s case, especially since she was still so unsure of what he was going to do. He was Drew’s father though and it was hard for her to keep them apart. Drew deserved to know where he came from.
“I guess so.” Drew started to fidget in his chair and Nora knew this conversation was at an end. Her son couldn’t sit still and this had been a pretty serious talk. He would need time to process and so would she.
“Thank you, buddy. We will head home here in a bit. You’ve got school tomorrow.” Nora took her cup in hand and got up from the table. Drew bolted from the room. Rinsing out her coffee cup in the sink, Nora let her mind drift back to what Drew had said. He wanted Randy as his dad and he loved him.
Randy hadn’t come home last night, which was partially why she was awake. The house was so quiet and she could only wonder what he was doing. Several times she had picked up her cell phone to call him or text him, but after the things she had said she wasn’t sure he would be open to talking to her. Eventually she had passed out with her phone in her hand and when she woke up, there were still no messages. There was only one thing she could think to do and she had pulled up his number. Her fingers trembled as she typed.
I’m sorry.
Nora walked outside onto the wrap arou
nd porch that looked out over the yard to the horse barn. She could hear hooves on the packed ground and turned to see her dad come around the trees from the pasture. She loved to see him precisely in his element with his cowboy hat pulled low and a looped rope in his hand. Travis Johnson waved at his daughter as he turned Miss Sioux’s head.
“Good morning.” Travis said as he halted the black and white paint just shy of Nora. The mare tipped her nose out to Nora and snuffled as a palm slid over her soft muzzle.
“Hi, Dad.” Nora didn’t really want to meet her father’s eyes. He knew too much as it was and she wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. It would be brilliant and profoundly insightful, but she wasn’t ready. “I was thinking of going for a ride.” Miss Sioux shook her mane and shifted under the saddle.
“It’s a great day to blow out the webs. You could take Sioux. She’s still ready to go and I need to run into town.” Her father swung down from the saddle and held the reins in his hand until Nora came around to take them. She tried not to feel annoyed by the mention of webs even though she was certain it was on purpose.
“Thank you.” Nora stuck her boot into the stirrup and pulled herself up. Miss Sioux nearly pranced with her new rider and Nora turned them towards the back pasture. There weren’t any cattle this time of year and she could use the space to think.
“Have a good ride.” Her father waved and walked toward the house. Nora touched her heels to the mare and cantered out of the yard.
The wind in her hair and the steady gait of her horse was all Nora needed to finally breathe. She prayed for clarity and she hoped for a future where she could find love. It wasn’t just love, but to experience being in love. Matt had found it with Andy and Harper. Garrett had found it with Rayne. Her father had it with her mother. It was something worth having and she wanted it desperately. Nothing for her could be that simple though. It was the hard way or no way.
Riding along the fence just seemed like the natural course, but it soon brought her up short. Miss Sioux slowed to a trot as Nora tried to understand why she was here.
Crossing Pines. The two pines were still there. The brutal winter storms hadn’t broken them. Giving into the path she had already made without actually knowing it, Nora followed the cattle path to the trees. She could see the spot and it had only been less than two years, but it was there. The exact spot where she had said her vows to Randy and he had shared his with her. Her heart stilled and then it quivered in her chest. For that moment everything seemed possible.
Her husband wanted her son as his own and he had never questioned her about Drew’s father. He worked hard for them and maybe he worked too many hours, but he was always there when they needed him. Her family loved Randy and he even got along with her brothers. The times that they had been intimate, she had never doubted that she was cherished. That familiar ache clenched with longing and she swallowed hard. She was almost afraid to be in that vulnerable place with him again.
“Fancy meeting you here.” The voice made her jump as she realized someone had joined her and she hadn’t even heard them. Garrett was riding Goliath, the big sorrel and halted next to them.
“What are you doing out here?” Nora asked and mentally shook her head at her tone. It was snappy and breathless. Another testament to how out of sorts she was.
“I was wondering the same, but I think I know why you’re here now.” Garrett crossed his wrists over his saddle horn and leaned forward. She could have smacked that stupid grin off his face.
“Aren’t you Mr. Clairvoyant?” Nora bit back and looked back at the trees.
So she was a bit touchy today and who wouldn’t be?
“Naw, just watchful and in the loop.” Garrett sighed. “He’s an absolute wreck, Nora.”
“Who is?” She asked, but she knew who it was they were speaking about. It wasn’t Colt.
“I think the time for games it over, sis. You’re going to lose something pretty great and a damn good man if you don’t figure this all out soon.” Garrett kept his voice soft, but his tone was firm. She didn’t doubt his words, but they still grated.
“Maybe you should mind your own business. I’ll handle mine.” She threw back at him as if she were a cat backed into a corner with nowhere to go. For a moment they locked eyes and she challenged Garrett to take this conversation further.
“Fine, if that’s the way you want it.” He began to turn Goliath away, but stopped a few steps away. He turned in his saddle. “I would have thought you would have acknowledged by now that you are in love with Randy. I’m sorry you are too proud to admit it.” Nora’s mouth dropped open as she watched her brother ride away. Anger swelled within her and his gall to say such a thing to her. He hadn’t stayed to note the rain of fire she wanted to throw down on him for being so damn judgmental.
For being so damn right. Nora felt the air leave her lungs and her hand covered her mouth. She stayed that way for an interminable amount of time as she tried to make sense of the flurry of thoughts. As much as she wanted to fight against it, her brother had spoken the truth. She was in love with Randy. She was in love with her husband. Nora couldn’t even put voice to it, but she wondered if she was too proud to tell him.
Chapter 22
Randy stared at the bare bones of a basement, framed structure that was to be a house, and the rock wall already created for a patio behind the house. He looked at the landscape of pine trees standing tall several hundred yards behind the house and rising up over a hill. The soft short grasses mingled with the dried tall grasses as the wind whistled through them. It was still early enough in the morning that the workers hadn’t arrived yet. Slowly he circled the house, noting the size and length. Four bedrooms, two and half baths, a full basement, with walk out balconies from the master bedroom upstairs and a full wrap around porch outside to sit on in the evenings.
Randy crammed his hands into his jean’s pockets and kicked his toe into the dirt. He had dreamed of sitting on that porch with a cold glass of iced tea or a steaming cup of coffee and his wife would be there right beside him. They would talk about their days, their children, and hopefully, someday, their grandchildren. His heart was definitely the worse for wear and his stomach was knotted so that he could hardly bear the thought of food. It was going on two days since he had talked to Nora, but Garrett was keeping him in the loop as far as Drew and Colt were concerned. Parts of him felt like a coward for stepping back onto the sideline and the broken part said there was nothing else to do but move on.
Ashley Waverly had met with him yesterday to talk about the construction project. The woman Nora had been so fixated on was at least twenty years older than Randy and much more the mothering type than the mistress type. It was still a secret he had kept from his wife in order to hide a bigger secret until the perfect time came to reveal it.
Well so much for that idea.
“It’s going to be a beautiful house when it is finished.” The man’s voice came from behind him and Randy bowed his head. He knew it would be coming to this at some point.
“I hope so.” Randy blew out a breath and looked at his father-in-law. Travis Johnson stood there with his cowboy hat pushed up on his brow and his keen blue eyes took Randy in. If Randy had no idea how kind hearted Nora’s father was he might be worried about the reason for this visit.
“Garrett let me know that he was keeping you in the loop as far as this custody thing is concerned.” Travis looked a bit uncertain as to how to go about conversation. Randy didn’t blame him. It was rather awkward when it came right down to the truth. Randy nodded in response.
“I thought that it might be best to let Nora and Colt hash it out from here. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t need my input.” Randy had hoped to keep all bitterness out of his voice, but it attached itself anyway. It was nearly impossible to deny and it had been brewing for some time.
“I see.” The simple reply moved a suspicious bone in Randy. Nora’s father had been like a father to Randy and he knew that this man
gave well-honed advice.
“You do?” Randy asked, his eyes widening in confusion. Travis took his hat off and tapped it against his leg. It must have been a nervous tick because neither the hat nor the jeans were dusty. Travis nodded and then looked at Randy.
“Ah, son, life can be a sneaky broad sometimes and I mean that in the nicest way.” He chuckled and looked back to the bare structure of the house. “I’ve been married for a third of my life and I can tell you honestly that life still throws us obstacles. They’ll beat you if they can and the only way that happens is if you let them.” Travis raised his hat as Randy opened his mouth to speak. “Nora is not a saint. Lord knows she’s a trial and error sort of process, but she needs you. She needs a man who is patient, mostly rational, and steady.”
“Right now I don’t feel like any of those things.” The words flew out of his mouth before Randy had a chance to think about them. This wasn’t exactly a good time to spout off at his father-in-law, the man who had been like a second father to him and the man who had given him a chance without knowing anything about him.
“I would be surprised if you did, Randy, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t.” Travis’ voice was soft and almost a murmur against the wind.
“I never wanted to disappoint anyone, especially your family. Nora doesn’t want this marriage and knowing that, I’m thinking it would be better to bow out. I’ve talked with Ashley from Waverly Architecture and they are going to finish the construction. Garrett has reluctantly agreed to look over their shoulders and sell the property once it is completed.” Randy felt sick to his stomach saying all of this out loud. He had Travis and the Black Hills Legacy Group help procure this piece of land that fit nicely into the Crossing Pines Ranch. The house was designed with Nora’s dreams and wishes in mind and Randy had hoped this would be the place for them. It was the only place he had wanted to be and now it was a place he couldn’t be.