by A. C. Wilson
“My great aunt died last month and left me a sizeable inheritance. I thought buying this land and building this house would give us a fresh start. Your dad was even going to let me partner with him on the ranch.” Randy sounded so sadly hopeful and that was more of a dart to Nora’s soul than anything could be. He had done this all with her in mind. She turned to look up at the house again. It was amazing.
“Randy, what about Ashley and her message about signing the papers?” Nora was starting to feel bad about her misjudgments. She had made quite a few blunders.
“Ashley is the architect that I hired and she is also a realtor. I know you thought the papers she was referring to were for our divorce, but she was having papers drawn up for you.” Randy tilted his head and watched the words sink in.
“For me?” Confusion replaced sadness.
“I’m leaving here. I didn’t think I could win you back and so I’m having the house and land signed over to you. You can sell it or keep it. It’s entirely up to you now.” Randy couldn’t look at her. “The divorce papers should be ready any day. You just need to sign them.” The last blow to an already aching and damaged heart. She felt her lower lip tremble and she struggled to find emotional footing. All she could do was move in his direction. Suddenly he was her compass and she didn’t know what to do without him.
“I don’t want a divorce, Randy. I want you. I came here to tell you that I choose you.” She stood in front of him and only a touch away. “I am in love with you.” All noise stopped. It was so quiet that the slightest chirp from a bird would have sounded like an explosion. Randy’s eyes were shaded in disbelief and sorrow.
“I wish I could believe that, Nora. You have no idea how much.” He pressed his lips together to keep from saying more.
“You can believe it. I’m here telling you that you belong with Drew and me. I want our family.” She sniffed and hugged herself tighter. All she wanted was to be welcomed back into his arms. She wanted this all to end happily.
“I can’t trust it, Nora. Whatever happened with Colt, I’m not sure. I do know that you don’t want to be alone. I know that you’ll never admit that, but you can’t prove to me that I’m a choice.” Randy watched her carefully and Nora’s hope sunk a bit deeper.
“Colt and I are only friends. He and I will always be connected by Drew. I can’t change that and I certainly would never wish it. As for proving it, Randy, I’m here. I choose you. I want you. I love you.” Her voice was shriller with each word. Hysteria was close to the surface and she didn’t know if she could battle it back.
“That’s not enough. I’m sorry, but I won’t be second place. I can’t come back to the solidarity, the married in name only, and wondering when you will finally walk away. We are better off being done with this chapter and letting it die.” Randy couldn’t possibly be saying what he was to her. Surely she had fallen into an alternate universe and she would wake up soon. Tears streaked down her face and plopped in heavy drops. Her heart was very nearly broken. It ached like it too was dying.
“I don’t want that either. You asked me to figure out what I wanted and I want you. I need you, please.” Tears blinded her and she felt like with each breath the ground was falling out from under her. Short, shallow gasps shook her chest. “I’m in love with you.” It came out as very nearly a whisper, but her heart broke in that moment. Permanently cracked and forever altered. Randy only shook his head as he looked away.
There was some pride left after all and Nora made her way slowly back up the rise to her car. She tripped twice when her sandal got caught in her hem and she slapped the fabric to free her foot. How she got to her car and how she got home she couldn’t remember. She wasn’t even sure if hearing someone yell her name was a figment of her imagination or not. It hardly mattered now.
Chapter 27
For hours she laid curled up in her bed with the comforter pulled over her head and her pillow soaked with tears that just wouldn’t stop falling. She felt wretched and shattered. Her heart was absolutely broken. Her body ached. Her eyes burned. Her stomach growled. All of it took a backseat to the emptiness she felt hollowing her out on the inside.
How could I have been so stupid?
How could I believe that he would come back?
She was the colossal fool and it had all just come back to make sure she knew it. There wasn’t any doubt. He had stood there and told her that he didn’t believe a word she said.
How did I become a liar? Surely that is what he was thinking. By keeping her feelings to herself and keeping secrets, she had become untrue. Randy couldn’t believe the truth. Nora pulled the covers tighter around her body, but it couldn’t keep her from shivering. It was hardly cold in her house, but she felt frozen to the bone. She could only hope she was ill and that she was dreaming all of this. Surely she would wake up and realize it hadn’t happened. Her inner voice mocked her as she lied to herself. Nora curled up and sobbed anew into her poor pillow.
A heaviness weighed the mattress down and it startled Nora awake. A hand touched her back and rubbed it in slow circles. Trying to escape the grogginess, Nora knew who it was. It was a relief to not be alone. Still Rayne would have threatened to maim Randy in some way completely believable. Andy would have sat and cried with Nora. It was doubtful that she had enough tissues for that torrential downpour. No, this was the person she needed right now.
Mom. The one person who could hold her and never have to say a word. Nora prayed that she wouldn’t at least and if she did, then she prayed it was “I told you so”. The gentle massage lulled Nora back to sleep.
The smell of grilled cheese and tomato soup attacked Nora’s nose and her stomach growled. It was clearly upset at being ignored for so long. She hadn’t eaten in a day or maybe more. There was no telling what time it was. She was supposed to work an early shift tomorrow or today. Mentally shrugging, Nora thought she would give her notice. Maybe it was time to move on. She could make jewelry and turn it into a successful business. Nora rolled her eyes. Clearly she was hallucinating from starvation. Flipping the covers off of her head, Nora squinted at the light from the bathroom. It was all but dark in her room otherwise. Digging out her cell phone, she saw that it was nine o’clock at night. Nearly twelve hours later and Nora felt ten years older.
“It’s about time you woke up. I was about ready to find a bucket of cold water.” Lacey offered a small smile at her attempt to lighten the mood in the room. Nora hated to tell her that this was anything less than a funeral. A life taken too soon and not allowed to thrive. Her stomach turned over.
“I’m hungry.” Nora struggled to sit up and she pushed the pillows into a pile behind her.
“I made your favorite.” Lacey held out the mug of tomato soup and the plate with a halved grilled cheese. Nora’s mouth watered in response.
“Thank you.” Nora tried to muster some appreciation. Slowly she dipped a corner of her sandwich into the rich soup. Her mom sat down on the bed. The house was quiet, but Nora thought she could hear the television on in the living room.
“Garrett called me. He told me what happened.” Lacey supplied to one of her daughter’s unspoken questions.
“Everyone else was too afraid to come inside.” Nora couldn’t blame them really. She didn’t even know how she would react losing something like this.
Does anyone really know how they’ll react?
“Everyone is worried, Nora. We love you.” Lacey’s words make Nora’s barely banked tears spill over. Her soup cup trembled.
“He’s gone. I pushed him away and he went.” Nora bit her lip to keep from breaking down. The pain was barely registering. Her mom wiped the tears away only to find them replaced by more.
“Nora, some people never find love. They never know love. It is sad really to think that life can dismiss it so easily. But it does and our lives go on. Pause for a moment to grieve for it and then move forward.” Lacey watched her daughter carefully and Nora knew her mother must be right. What she didn’t know was
actually how to do that. It seemed like such a tall order tonight.
“I wish I could brush past this like I have so many other things. I just don’t think my pride is going to help me this time. I finally realized that what I have is what I have always wanted.” Nora felt so wretched and heartsick.
“Love doesn’t make sense, my dear girl. It just is its own entity. Often we don’t know what we have until it is gone.” Lacey stood up from the bed and smoothed her shirt.
“That’s a cliché.” Nora watched her mother and then looked down at the soup again. Suddenly she wasn’t as hungry as she thought.
“All the great advice is usually some form of cliché. Anyway, I need to get home and check on Drew and your father. I’ve left them to their own devices for too long.” Lacey raised her brows and Nora completely understood. Drew would still be challenging her father to checkers.
“Does he know?” Nora asked her mother and Lacey shook her head.
“Neither one does. They think you are sick.” Her mom smiled and touched Nora’s face. Their relationship had been rocky for most of their lives, but Nora was thankful for her mom then. Lacey stepped away.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I took some extra clothes for Drew.” Lacey walked out of the bedroom and Nora called to her.
“Lock the door, please!” Nora wasn’t sure why it would do any good to lock her front door. She just wanted peace tonight and if she knew her family couldn’t come charging inside, she would have it. She would face tomorrow when tomorrow came.
Nora checked her phone again and decided to plug it in to charge. Setting her soup and grilled cheese down beside her bed, she caught a glance at herself in the mirror. It was enough to scare people to death! So she went into her bathroom and turned the shower knobs to the perfect temperature. Steam started to rise in the room guided by the fan. Nora was just about to pull her clothes off when she heard a couple knocks on her front door. She screwed up her face in wonder at who could be here. Then as she stood there listening, she heard the front door open and shut.
“Mom, I thought I asked you to lock the door behind you?” Nora came out of the bathroom and walked across to the bedroom door. “Did you forget something?” Nora asked when her mother didn’t answer her. Nora came out of the bedroom intending to see Lacey and instead she was riveted to a single point just outside the door.
Randy. Nora closed her eyes, waited and then opened them to still see him standing there. Her heart squeezed and sped up. It felt like a hamster on a supersonic wheel and it just wouldn’t slow down. His head was slightly tipped and his hat hung low over his eyes. Nora couldn’t see all of his face.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was hoarse and grating. She didn’t mind it. It sounded like she had been crying all day and she had been.
“I needed to see you. I want to talk to you.” Randy sounded as miserable as she did. He lifted his hand to remove his hat and Nora gasped before covering her mouth. He offered her a slow, lopsided grin.
“What the heck happened to you?” Nora asked as she stared at his face. Randy’s naturally handsome face was adorned now by a black eye and some bruising up his cheek bone. It looked painful besides the eyelids being nearly swollen shut. His fingers gingerly touched the battered skin.
“I may have earned a couple of right hooks from your brother.” His sadness turned into a boyish mischief and Nora almost wanted to smile in return.
Almost. She stood her ground and made no move to advance. He didn’t either.
“You deserved it as far as I’m concerned.” Nora hardened her voice and put the walls back up. She couldn’t forget what he had said to her hours ago. She couldn’t get the pain out of her heart or her body. Only then did she realize she was standing in her living room wearing an oversized t-shirt and her underwear. It didn’t exactly make for a fair fight.
“I agree. He had every right to be angry and so do you. I do need you to listen to me and hear my side of this. After I finish if you want me to leave, then I will.” His eyes pleaded with her to listen to him and Lord help her, she couldn’t turn away. She knew she ought to stick to her guns and walk on. It was that funny fluttering in her heart that persuaded her.
“Fine.” Nora murmured with some reticence. He couldn’t think she was already mesmerized so soon. Randy walked over to the couch and thinking better about it, he walked over to stand in front of her. They didn’t touch. She could feel his quick breaths on her face.
“First, I want to apologize for being such an ass. I had convinced myself that I should stay away and let you be happy. It made me miserable to wake up day after day to the notion that you weren’t going to be mine much longer. Second, I was afraid you had come to tell me that we were over. I expected it and Garrett said it looked likely that Colt would win. I talked your brother into keeping my secrets and for that you must blame me and not him. He was always telling me to share everything with you.” Randy was rambling and Nora let him go on. It was tough to follow, but she figured he was being truthful. If she slowed him down, he might realize he shouldn’t be sharing everything.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to pull you into my arms and hold you tight when you told me you loved me. It was too good to be true. Then I realized that I had to know if you actually felt that way. I had to test you.” Randy shook his head in a mournful way. Nora felt her temper rising.
“Test me?” The words darted out of her mouth with a force she couldn’t take back. He was making no sense at all.
“It sounds bad and it was impulsive. I just know you so well. You look at everything with a practicality that is almost sterile. You let your mind rule over your emotions.” Randy looked into her eyes and she couldn’t quite believe this.
“And that’s a bad thing?” Nora asked, trying to make sense of this crazy tale. Randy shook his head emphatically.
“No, no, I had to see if your emotions would overrule your mind. I knew if you could be so upset, then you really do love me.” In his own convoluted way, it sounded plausible, but that would mean that he had deliberately hurt her. Someone who could do such a thing to someone they loved was capable of anything.
“Are you serious or were you just getting back at me? Were you hurting me because I hurt you first? Randy, this could be a vicious cycle that has no way out.” She felt anger flare within her and she forgot that she was half naked in the living room.
“No, I wasn’t hurting you because you hurt me. I needed to know for sure that you weren’t settling for second best. I won’t be ignored anymore. I won’t be pushed away when you don’t want to talk about it. I want us. Right here. Right now. For the rest of our lives.” His stormy eyes flashed with intent. Nora had seen this side of him when he was dancing with her in Deadwood. He was out of his comfort zone, but he did it so they would have a fighting chance. She could stay angry. She could walk away. She could start all over, but Nora didn’t think it would ever amount to anything precious. So she made up her mind.
“Randy,” she watched his face to see his reaction. “I am in love with you.” She didn’t smile nor could she breathe when he pulled her roughly against his chest and kissed her hard. All of his pent up ardor found her pressed against the bedroom wall and Randy kissing her as if it would be their last. Nora didn’t care how rough he was. She didn’t care if he left marks on her come morning. All she wanted was her husband. She was in love with this cowboy.
She swept her tongue along with his and forced her fingers to rake and grip his hair. She could feel the belt of his jeans bite into a yearning, tender place as he picked her up to straddle his waist. Her legs wrapped around his back and she held on for dear life. Pinning her back against the wall, Randy nipped and sucked on her neck. His teeth grazed her earlobe sending delicious shivers down her spine. She couldn’t catch her breath and the panting only seemed to send him higher. Randy ground the bulge in his jeans into her body and Nora ached. The frenzy was nearly mindless and the only focus was reaching that cataclysmic end.
Nora saw the flashes of light behind her eyelids as he continued to tease and excite.
“Nora. My sweet rebel.” Randy whispered hotly in her ear. She felt like she would burst into a ray of white light at the sound of her name on his lips. Without replying verbally, Nora pulled his mouth to her lips again and kissed his deeply again. The slick wet heat of their mouths only made the expectations soar higher. She could feel his fingers slip under her shirt and unhook her bra. It loosened and immediately his hands were palming her breasts.
Nora broke the kiss, arching her back and pressing her chest into him. His calloused hands rasped her sensitive nipples. She was sure that she would go up in a puff of smoke if they didn’t speed this up. There was plenty of time for slow and sweet. Right now, she wanted that bossy cowboy to set an impossible pace until neither one had any memory of tonight but this.
Epilogue
Five months later
The dictionary definition of rebel is a person who resists any authority, control, or tradition. Well that had been his wife and at times, Nora was still every bit of that fiery rebel he loved. She thrived on control and hated when people would try to categorize her with labels. Her failure to label herself was more than inspiring. It gave him hope that others would see it as a strength and not a weakness. Humanity was not comprised of complete, neat little packages with cookie cutter shapes. It is what makes everyone special.
Their marriage and relationship was better than they ever could have imagined it might be. He was happy and so was his glowing wife. Drew even noticed the drastic change. Randy was tremendously relieved not to have to sleep on the couch anymore. If it happened from time to time, it was because they both had fallen asleep holding each other. Even the sharp tongued gossips had curbed their suggestions and when he did hear something juicy, it ran along the lines of when they would have their own special edition. He hoped it wouldn’t be too long.