Experiment In Love

by Clay Estrada, Rita

  Dessert was served just as the conversation slowly dwindled to a standstill, thank goodness. The chocolate mousse was perfect, the taste and texture exquisite. Victoria’s foot finally halted its sensuous pilgrimage so she could pay attention to her dessert. Suddenly Kurt kicked her ankle lightly and she jumped. His dark eyes held her captive and a deep sweet yearning built in the depths of her stomach until it was an almost tangible, living pain. He was everything to her. She forgot that they were sitting at a table with eighteen people. She forgot everything except for her total need of the man across from her. She was lost in a bemused daze.

  “Is something bothering you, Victoria?” her host questioned, his brow furrowed. “You look as if you’re concentrating on something.”

  A slow flush worked its way up her slim neck and into her cheeks.

  “Perhaps Miss Brown is worried about something,” Kurt interjected. “Did you forget to turn something off at your apartment?”

  “Of course not!” she denied emphatically before she realized she had been given a perfect way out of the rest of the evening. “Well, perhaps,” she said in a softer tone. “I can’t remember.”

  Good grief! That was stupid! “I mean, yes, I did leave something on and I think I’d better check on it immediately.”

  “Of course. Shall I have the phone brought in here so you can call a neighbor?” Jim Borman asked.

  “Oh, no. I mean…,” Victoria looked helplessly from Kurt to her host and back again. The entire table was now quiet, listening to the conversation, curiosity plainly written on their usually carefully controlled faces.

  “I believe Victoria would like to check her apartment personally. You see, she just moved into a new townhouse and doesn’t know any of her neighbors yet.”

  “Oh, I understand,” Jim sympathized, standing. “I hope it’s not too far away for you or you’ll probably worry all the way there.”

  Kurt rose, but Victoria continued to sit, her face flushed, one stockinged foot frantically searching for her shoe.

  “Are you ready, Victoria? If so, I’ll take you home.” Kurt waited for her to respond before a wide, knowing grin split his face.

  Victoria was becoming angrier by the minute. He looked as if he would love to burst out laughing and only propriety held it in!

  Finally she found her shoe and slipped into it, then rose. “Thank you for a delicious dinner. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.” She walked regally from the room, her hand resting on Kurt’s arm.

  As they passed the end of the table one of the women leaned over and muttered sotto voce to her companion, “I wonder if he put her in the same townhouse that he had his last girlfriend in. Very convenient for him.”

  “And you’d give your eyeteeth to know the gory details, wouldn’t you, Alice?” the man answered in a tired voice.

  The warm night air fanned Victoria’s cheeks but didn’t seem to help her building temper at all. So he had put her in his last girlfriend’s apartment, had he? So he had professed his love only to treat her the same as all the others, had he? It didn’t matter that she had just realized how foolish she had been in turning down his proposal. For all she knew he could have tried that tactic with every woman interested in him. Damn him! And she had been ready to fall right in with his plans as if she had thought them up herself! What a fool she was!

  “I know what you’re thinking, Vicky; I heard that woman, too. But don’t jump to conclusions.” Kurt walked her calmly to his car, his voice even. “I’m tired of your mood swings. I want you to listen to me. From now on you’ll do what’s good for you.”

  “And you’re the only one who knows what that is, I suppose?” She had to be sarcastic or she would burst into tears.

  “Yes.” He slammed the car into gear, almost tearing down the drive and around the comer. “You don’t seem to care enough about yourself to take care of you, so I’ll let you know when you should pay attention to your wants and needs. Now behave yourself until we get home or I’ll pull off to the side of the road and we can have it out here.”

  His tone was enough to keep her quiet but, the closer they got to the apartment the whiter Kurt’s knuckles became and the calmer Victoria felt. It was funny, but she knew that although he had put her into his mistress’ old apartment, Kurt didn’t really think of her that way. He had been too persistent, too loving, to have treated her as just another woman among many. She loved him with all her heart, but her own fragile, unsure emotions kept getting in the way, not allowing her to tell him of her own commitment to them. She kept clouding the issue with excuses and fears carried over from her past, not based on a realistic picture of the present—or the future. And that wasn’t fair to either of them—not if they were to make a life together.

  By the time they reached her apartment Victoria had been properly chastised by her own conscience. By the time they reached her door she was more than ready to confess her sins and ask him to marry her. But when he turned around to put the safety lock on, then turned on all the lights before standing in the center of the living room to stare at her as if she were the last person he wished to see, she lost the nerve to say anything!

  “Kurt…?” She sounded as hesitant as she felt. How could she explain?

  “Don’t say another word, Victoria,” he gritted between clenched teeth, gazing at her as if frustrated beyond belief. “I’ll be damned if I can figure you out. What do you want from me? You won’t be my wife, so whose fault is it if people think you’re my mistress?” He walked to the window, and then turned, his hands clenched in his pockets, to face her once more. “When I met you I fell instantly in love, despite your silly disguise. You seemed to be innocent, sensuous, understanding, intelligent and loving. Everything I had ever wanted, and I could hardly believe my luck. I honestly believed that every barrier you built, I’d be able to tear down in time. I thought you were frightened of a deep relationship and tried to go gently. What a big mistake in judgment I made. Now I see that you’re just like any other woman, selfish, wanting everything and giving nothing.”

  She bristled. “Yes, I’m selfish! I want to think that the man I’m with is one hundred percent with me, too! How do you think I feel knowing that your previous mistress used to occupy these same premises? Even though you moved my furniture and me into this townhome without my permission, am I supposed to be thankful she’s not here now?” She took a deep breath before continuing, her anger turning into a full-force gale. To think that she had been ready to apologize!

  Well, not anymore. “Let the big ox have it” would be her motto from now on!

  She glared at him. “You’re no different from any other man! Just because you have money you think you can snap your fingers and everyone will kowtow to your every whim! Well, not this girl! This girl is moving out next week and letting someone else have this romantic little hideaway! So you’d better start looking for a replacement!”

  She stared wide-eyed at him, a hand to her mouth as she realized what she had just said. A terrible feeling of fear cloaked her, suddenly making her see that the path she had just set herself upon—a life without Kurt—was unbearable. She didn’t mean it; she would make him see that she didn’t. Victoria took a step toward him, her hand out in supplication. “Kurt, I…”

  His face was expressionless, his voice stiff. “Don’t say any more, Victoria. I think you’ve said enough for both of us. And now I think I’ll leave.” He walked to the door before looking over his shoulder at her, his gaze distant and somber. “Somehow I knew that everything I thought I saw in you was just a pipe dream. I’ve never kidded myself before. It’s a shame I did it this time.” He hesitated for only a moment, “Goodbye, Victoria Branden Brown.”

  His tone was as final as the slam of the door.

  ***

  “How long have you been a male stripper, Chet?” Victoria questioned without curiosity. She was interviewing a young man who danced at one of the Los Angeles nightclubs where only women were allowed in the audience. The only men were
the dancers and waiters, and women flocked to sit and squander dollar bills on their favorites.

  Chet was one of those dancers. After sending query letters to several magazines and newspapers, Victoria had received enough interest in an article on the phenomenon to set up an interview with him. Last week it had seemed like an interesting story to write. Today it was boring. All Victoria really wanted to do was sit in a darkened room and cry out her misery. It had been two days and Kurt hadn’t called or come by. Obviously he didn’t want to see her again…

  “I’ve been on the stage for about three years now,” he answered, popping his gum and looking as bored as she felt. “I started because I needed the money for college and it paid well.”

  “You have a college degree?” Her voice rose an octave. She hadn’t counted on this bit of information.

  He grinned, pleased that he had surprised her, and his boyish dimples creased his handsome face. He was really beautiful to look at, with a magnificent body and a very disarming personality when he decided to turn on the charm. She had seen him do so to an older woman in the bar the night she set up this interview. The woman had practically melted in her seat, promptly paying him a hundred dollars for the favor of his kiss.

  “I have a degree in Secondary Education. I’m ready to teach history to little junior high school students…as soon as I’ve finished having my fun dancing for my supper.”

  “What kind of schedule do you maintain to stay in shape?” His build was flawless. He looked as if he were in training for body building, as did all the dancers.

  “I pump iron, that’s lift weights, three times a week in a gym near my apartment. Other than that, I can pretty much do what I want or eat what I want. Dancing three nights out of seven means I can lose at least five or ten pounds a week if I’m not careful.” Again he grinned disarmingly. He apparently sensed her interest and began to pour on the charm. After all, her apartment was expensive and although she was young, you never knew…

  Victoria could almost see the thoughts cross his face and a sudden pang of loneliness seared through her. Where was Kurt and what was he doing right now? Was he taking a beautiful actress to lunch? Was he flirting with someone over a glass of chilled wine, wondering if she would be warm and soft in bed? Was he missing her half as much as she pined for him?

  “Say,” Chet exclaimed, pushing himself out of his seat and toward her, “are you all right?”

  The concern in his voice brought a film of tears to her eyes and she blinked rapidly. “I’m sorry. Dust got in my eyes,” Victoria lied, wiping her lids with the backside of her hand and giving a curious, sad smile. “Go on with what you were saying.”

  Chet leaned back on his heels, his eyes searching her face for the answer to her sudden tears. But he found none. Instead he realized just how lovely the young girl in front of him was. She was clear-skinned, with beautiful big brown eyes and long dark hair that reached all the way down her back. Maybe she didn’t have much going financially, but she was a knockout!

  “You know, you’re really pretty.”

  Victoria gave a watery chuckle. “So are you.”

  A teasing light shone in his bright blue eyes. “I know. I’d better be; it’s my stock and trade.”

  “Oh, but you have teaching to fall back on,” she quipped, attempting to match his lighthearted mood.

  “And even though you’re beautiful, you have your writing to fall back on,” he reminded her with just a touch of seriousness. “And now it’s my turn to ask the questions. What made you decide to earn a living this way? Isn’t it a little unusual? After all, you could have been a secretary.”

  “Writing was always my first love. Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to write.”

  “And now you do.”

  She nodded agreement. “And now I do.”

  “And is it as great as you thought it would be? Are there any flaws that you see up close that you weren’t able to see before?”

  “Lots.” A vision of Kurt flashed before her eyes. She would never have met him if it hadn’t been for her writing. And now, with her writing, she would attempt to fill the enormous void that he had made by leaving her to face the rest of her life alone. Her eyes saw far into the future. “Without it I would be lost.”

  “But not for all the right reasons, I suspect,” Chet muttered, still concerned. He had come here to do an interview and see what would come of it, imagining what a kick it would be to see his picture and name in print, wondering if some big-time producer would ask him to star in a film. Now, here he was, suddenly worried about the interviewer! “I think I smell a love affair gone sour.”

  “So much for good-looking noses.”

  “The nose knows,” Chet persisted. “Was he mean and nasty? Did he leave you for another woman? Did he ignore you and leave a mess in his wake? Any of the above?”

  She couldn’t help but chuckle. If she didn’t she just might cry, and that wouldn’t do. “No, to all of the above. I was a fool and he was a perfect gentleman.”

  “Then he should be here now.”

  “He got tired of my temper tantrums.” There, she had finally admitted it to herself. That was exactly what had happened. Again a pain seared through her. The loss was so great…

  “Listen lady, I don’t know how they do things here but, in my territory, if you want someone you go after him.”

  Victoria couldn’t smile. Her eyes had a hurt, glazed look. “If I did that in my territory, he’d turn his back on me.”

  Chet’s brows rose. “Why? Men love being chased, too. I bet he’s praying for you to make a move right now. If he’s half as wonderful as you think he is, he should be miserable and just waiting for you to beg him to come back,” he reasoned. “Trust me, I’m a whiz at things like this. I've got a kind of second sight when it comes to people. And I’d bet a night’s tips on this one.” Chet leaned back, his look deceptively casual. “That is, if he’s what you really want.” He shrugged. “Maybe he’s not worth taking a chance with your ego after all.”

  Victoria’s mind whirled with this new possibility. Kurt had always had to make the initial moves, circumvent her arguments and put up with her temper tantrums. Could he just be biding his time to see how much she cared? Could he...?

  “Do you think so?”

  “Sure.” Chet said, his voice filled with confidence. “And if he isn’t, then give me a call and we’ll do the town together. I know a classy lady when I see one.”

  Chet stood and held out his hand, smiling down at her. “Tell you what. Take your chances with the guy and go after him. If it works you owe me the biggest and best story you can write, promoting me as the next Valentino.” He winked. “Deal?”

  “Deal,” she finally said with a smile, her hand slipping into his. “And whether you’re right or wrong, I’ll write that story,” she promised, giving him her first real smile.

  It took three hours for Victoria to realize just what a coward she was. She had always had a temper. However, over the past few years she had thought she had learned how to control it. But with Kurt she had proven she couldn’t control her emotions time and time again. And now she couldn’t even apologize properly for her own lack of control.

  It was because of her that they had gone from the expectation of ecstasy to breaking up so completely so quickly. Why hadn’t she had the sense to keep her mouth shut? Was she so self-destructive that she had to wreck whatever happiness came her way?

  She was behaving like an abandoned child again, and that had never done well for her.

  Was there a flaw in her character that wouldn’t allow her to see what she wanted until it was too late to do anything about it? Apparently so. For so many years she had accused her parents of wrecking her happy home, but it had always been just the same. It was only the fact that she knew more about her parents’ relationship that had made it different. The hard truth was that they hadn’t changed. She had. And she had thought she had known everything. How sanctimonious teenagers could be!
>
  And now, looking back, she realized that she had carried her juvenile emotions into an adult man to woman relationship that meant more than the world to her. She had acted and reacted like a child. No wonder she had lost him.

  Then the solution came to her. A small smile played around her mouth as she envisioned the scene that would begin in Kurt’s office. It had to work. It would work!

  CHAPTER NINE

  The Newstime Tower stood silhouetted against the dusty pale blue of the Los Angeles skyline. Victoria strode straight through the thick glass doors. She looked totally chic and very much a part of the scene, wearing a sleek black dress with a high collar, short capped sleeves and a slit up one side to expose a barely decent length of tan leg. Her long dark brown hair was piled in a loose, chic and very attractive knot on the top of her head, fastened with large wooden stick-pins.

  She walked straight into an elevator and rose quickly to the executive suite. But as Victoria walked down the long carpeted hallway toward Kurt’s office, her spirit began to falter. What if he wouldn’t see her? What if he wouldn’t accept her? What if he didn’t want to have anything to do with her, ever again? What if he really thought that she was just too juvenile for him? What if he wasn’t willing to take the time to show her the right way to grow, to learn, to satisfy? She gave a deep sigh. And all this was because it had taken her seven years longer to grow up, behaving like an adult instead of a spoiled brat than it should have!

  She hesitated just outside the glass door that led to the reception area of his office and peered in, seeing his secretary talking on the phone as she scratched something on a memo pad. Victoria’s hands were clammy with perspiration; her nerves stretched tight. Her eyes darted about the area, unconsciously seeking a place to hide if necessary. What would she do if she couldn’t get past Kurt’s watchdog?

  She straightened her shoulders. It was time to grow up and face that the rest of her life that was at stake. She’d get past his secretary if it killed her! She had to!