by T. L Smith
“No.”
Then I turn, walking away from her, away from where I should be going. And I walk straight out of the airport with only the bag on my back. My suitcase had been checked and is probably on that plane right now, the one my father bought for me. And my heart skips a beat hard in my chest. This is either one of the stupidest mistakes I’m yet to make or the smartest. I’m going with stupid, and my hands shake as I wave down a taxi.
Yes.
Stupid.
THE HOTEL ROOM I CHOOSE to stay in is fancier than any place I’ve ever been to. The bedding’s white and crisp, and the flooring is shiny black tiles. A chandelier hangs over the kitchen table, and I contemplate not touching a thing, too afraid I may break it all. I’m breaking everything else in my life lately, making it all shatter and fall to pieces.
Ordering room service, I lay on my bed and scroll through Facebook, spying on Toska. Syler’s useless to spy on, he doesn’t have any social media accounts. He once told me Facebook’s a soul-sucking place, and why would he need people to know his every fucking move. I laughed and kissed him. He was serious though, but his sister, she was friends with around two thousand guys and every photo she put up she was half naked.
A knock comes on the door. Getting up, I grab my cash and answer the door, but it isn’t room service.
“You should have left, Jaya.” My eyebrows pinch at Taj’s words. His hand shoots out, and he grips my throat hard, pushing me back into my room and kicking the door shut with his foot. My hands drop the money and reach for his hands trapping my throat, and try to pull his hands away. He’s stronger than me, and it does no good at all.
“Why?” I manage to get out.
He squeezes harder, and the back of my legs hit the back of the bed. He pushes me down on it.
“Believe me, this wasn’t a part of it. You weren’t meant to happen.”
My nails dig into his hand. He lets my throat go, and I suck in a deep rush of air. Trying to escape him, my legs come up and push me backward, so he grabs my jeans pulling me back to him. I cover my throat with my hands, and he clucks his tongue at me.
“Taj, don’t!” I scream at him.
He doesn’t stop pulling me to him. Reaching for the very expensive lamp next to my bed, I pick it up and throw it in his direction. It hits the side of his head, giving me enough time to move and put distance between us. The moment I’m standing and know I can move, my breathing begins again.
“Why are you doing this?”
“She has a video of it. Did you know that? That fucking crazy bitch has video. We had fun, Jaya, but I don’t love you. I love me more. So, I come first.” He starts walking around the bed, coming at me again.
“What if I get it? Give me tonight to get the video.”
Taj shakes his head, and I look at him, hoping he will give me this.
He stops.
“Get it. Then I plan to fucking kill her for good this time.” He walks to the door. My legs are shaking and are almost ready to give out on me. “She loved you, that was the problem you had with her, she loved you. But you loved him. She told you that night. That’s what you need to remember. He heard it all, and he didn’t defend you. He chooses her in the end, but I think you knew that, didn’t you?”
I nod my head. I do. I do know that.
A tear drips down my face as I watch him walk out, shutting the door behind him. My legs finally give out on me, and I hit the floor. My neck is sore, and my mind is weak right now.
Maybe I should have gotten on that plane.
Maybe I should have taken off as I had planned.
Maybe then none of this would have happened.
Fuck. My. Life.
A knock comes on the door while my face lies on the black tiles, my heart still hammering hard in my chest as I wait for the knocking to go away.
“Room service,” is called out, but I still don’t move. I don’t move until I know what I plan to do. I don’t move until I remember every damn detail from that night. I need to remember it.
My body was being carried, my eyes were heavy. Opening them, I saw Taj standing next to Toska while I lay in Syler’s arms. It was blurry, but I could always tell it was him. His smell was what I sensed first.
My hand moved, and he placed me down. The ground felt dirty. My hands felt cold. He brushed my hair away from my face then I felt him go. He was no longer next to me, his warmth wasn’t near me. My body didn’t shiver, but I could feel the cold nipping at my skin.
Then I felt hands on me. My clothes were being pulled from my body.
“You had to make me, didn’t you?” she whispered to me.
“What are you doing, Toska?” It was Taj’s voice coming from not far away from where my body was lying.
“Just leave, I’ll catch up later.”
“Give me the fucking tape, Toska, or I’ll swear I’ll leave you next to her.”
“It’s on the passenger seat.”
I heard his footsteps walking away, and I tried to open my eyes, but they did nothing.
“He doesn’t know I have another copy, but we don’t need to tell him that. Do we? I’ll keep that puppy for another time.” She laughed at her own words and pulled my clothes from my body, leaving me completely naked and freezing cold. “I loved you, did you know that? We could have been so good together.” She moved, and I felt my shoes being pulled off my feet.
“You picked the wrong Hunter. You shouldn’t have even looked at him the way you did. I brought you into it all, so you should have wanted me.”
I felt her disappear from touching me. I wanted to yell at her for being so stupid. Why would I pick her? I didn’t even want to pick her brother. Yet, somehow, along the way, I fell in love with him.
“And Taj, you don’t know him. But he, well... he wouldn’t even pick me. Can you believe that? So I recorded him dealing in drugs. Nothing as major as he has on me, but he likes to keep his hands as clean as possible, and a video is anything but clean. I told him I was going to pass it to your father. Oh yeah... we all know about Stephen. He investigates all those crimes we carry out. I watch him sometimes to see if he knows. I even planted your hair at the last crime scene. Somehow, though, you never got arrested. Guess he probably covered for you...”
She kicked some water, and it landed on my already cold body.
“It kind of takes my fun away when I do that. It was the smartest and the stupidest thing I did, bringing you in.”
I heard a rustle of footsteps, then I heard her in my ear, her breath on my face.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. If you do manage to wake up, kill yourself, it will be easier for him. Or, alternatively, I will do it when I return. Either way’s fine. You won’t have him any longer.”
Syler’s voice was the last thing I heard, but I couldn’t make out the words as I drifted off again.
Chapter 25
My Love is not Yours to Give
Going into a home where I’m unwelcome is not going to be fun. I should be going back to my own home considering that’s the place where my father will be. Except, he thinks I boarded that plane because when I said goodbye to him, I checked my bags and got my ticket. But now, I’m in a rental car sitting across the road from their house contemplating life and how utterly stupid I am.
I remember a book I read once. It was about a girl that cried a lot over a boy. Over the silliest things. Things like she had to go to meet his friends, or that he didn’t say he loved her on the first date. I rolled my eyes so many times I lost count, but now, now I see it. I see why she was so invested. Maybe not to the extent that I’ll start crying at everything that happens, though. The only way he gets my tears is when he doesn’t know about them. When he takes my heart away from me, and I can’t seem to get a firm grasp on it or hold it back.
I watch from the car window. The sun is setting, and it’s falling dark fast. Toska leaves first, dressed in her work uniform. She doesn’t glance my way as she starts walking. She doesn’t even look at the car as s
he walks straight past me, but I see every part of her. Toska is lost in her cell and you can’t see what’s really inside. All you see is the simplicity of a redheaded girl with big green eyes, dressed like a normal person. There’s nothing out of the ordinary at all. But what you’re seeing is a lie. You see, you have to crack away the layers and dig deeper to see the inside of someone, and inside her is anything but pleasant. Everything about her is cracked and broken.
Inside me is broken as well. Everything’s like a puzzle that’s half-completed and needs to be finished, yet I have no one to finish it for me.
“Spying doesn’t suit you, Mouse.”
I jump so high my head almost hits the roof of my car. My hand flies to my heart as I turn my eyes toward the door of my car to see Syler leaning in and watching me.
“Fuck!” I say quietly, trying to calm my heartrate down.
“We did that, a lot of fucking actually. Then you left.” He steps back, so he isn’t leaning on the door anymore and then just stares at me. His eyes appear like they are searching for something, and his demeanor is anything but composed. Calming myself enough, I take a deep breath and manage to move to open the door. Sliding out of the car, I lean my back against the closed door. Syler is taller and towers over me but it doesn’t matter, I’m not stuck in the car now feeling vulnerable.
“You deserved that! Actually, you deserved a lot worse if we’re being honest.”
One side of his lip quirks up into a half-smile. “I’m liking the bite to your voice. Maybe we haven’t been so bad for you after all?”
I look past him and in the direction where Toska left. She’s gone now, but you never know with Toska, she could come back at any second.
“She doesn’t look beaten down,” I say to him.
After all, he did leave me to save her yet again.
“Oh, she is. But Toska doesn’t do pity. She covers it with makeup and clothes. Much like you cover your feelings with talk.” I laugh at him.
“You find that amusing?” he asks me as I go quiet.
“I find this whole thing ridiculously amusing. If I’m being honest with myself, this whole situation... you, her, me... it’s all a fucked-up story. One that should never have been written.”
He tucks his hands into his pockets as he watches me. “What if I wanted it written?”
I shake my head at him. “You’re as fucked as she is then.” I shrug my shoulders. “But then again, maybe you are, and I was just too blinded by the pages to tell.”
“You think our story is only for books?” He leans forward, the wind picks up, and his smell is blown my way. His scent is my downfall, and I could live off it if that were possible.
What is that smell anyway?
Possibly my kryptonite.
They should bottle that shit, and sell it as perfume.
“Maybe only for a horror story,” I reply.
His eyes hold mine, his stare intense. He’s thinking, he always does that when he’s deep in thought. Syler always used to think before he spoke, his words were used so carefully, but now he seems to tell me how it is. It should have been a sign then.
“I think you have errors on your pages. Maybe you need an editor to fix them, Mouse. I’m a damn good editor with the devil’s hands.”
“Those hands give me nothing but ellipses and question marks, Wolf.”
He smirks at my words. “You think I don’t see, but I see just as bright as the fucking cover page of a book, Mouse. I see you. It’s the words of that book that fuck with me. That make me second-guess everything. You are my story, and it’s one that I don’t want to be told. Can you not work that out?” His words cut deep, it’s the deepest he’s ever been with me, and it’s not even in words we both understand, it’s the words that we’re skirting that are the true words.
One word we both aren’t accustomed to.
Love.
“I need to get into your house,” I say, changing the subject. His head drops to the side as he notices I’ve stopped talking about us.
“What do you need in the house, Mouse?” His arms cross over his chest as he examines me with his eyes.
“I need the video.”
He turns then starts walking inside the house. I follow him in, stepping over the threshold of his front door. Nothing has changed, it's still exactly the same. He goes straight into her room then comes out with a small tape in his hand, handing it to me straight from his outstretched hand.
“Just like that? You didn’t even ask why?”
“Just like that, Mouse... just like that.”
I take it, slipping it into my jeans pocket then looking back up at him. His hand comes out and touches my neck. I instantly jump back, the memory too fresh of what Taj just did. No one is to touch me there.
“Give it back to him. I’ll deal with her.”
I nod my head. He must already know, and it doesn’t surprise me.
“Then tell him not to touch what’s mine again.” He steps closer, and I step back until I reach the front door, watching him as I go, making sure I put enough distance between us.
“You treat everything you own as well as you treat me?” I ask him just to be a smart ass.
“You’re special, Mouse. You’re a curveball and I’m trying to learn. It’s just, I’ve only started to figure you out.”
“So not just one you carry to a creek then dump there for your sister to strip naked and leave to die.” His eyes go wide. “Yeah, I remember it all.”
“Then you will remember that she threatened to kill herself... you or her. I’ve always chosen her, Mouse. Maybe not so much anymore.”
I didn’t know that, I can’t remember that part.
“I see... you didn’t hear it all, did you.”
My eyes land on him and I don’t blink just listen.
“Toska’s only done it with you. She cut her wrist. Did you see that? While you were in the car. I was so fucked up I didn’t even notice, Mouse. She was crying, asking me ‘why her’ then she cut both of them and started bleeding all over my seats. ‘You choose her or me’ she said. And at that moment, she was all I knew. You were, well, you. I had no idea what to do. I knew I’d find you, I knew I would. But I wasn’t ready to lose her.” His words knock me back even further. If I weren’t already away from him, they would have slammed into my heart and stopped it beating. Toska’s good at manipulation, she’s done it her whole life to Syler.
“She’s your sister,” I whisper, because it’s the only thing I can think of to say. “She needs help. Help you can’t give her.”
He nods his head. “Don’t you and I, though?”
“Possibly. But do we plan to go out every weekend chasing a high that includes killing those we fuck?”
“I only like to fuck you, Mouse.” I smirk at his words despite the situation. “You’re still breathing, aren’t you?”
“That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.” I look behind me, to my rental, knowing I should leave before he ends up between my legs yet again. “I have to go, Syler.”
“I know, Mouse.”
Turning as I walk out, I attempt not to look back, but as I do, I find him standing at the door watching me get into my car, stalking me like the Wolf he is. My heart skips a beat as I get into my car and drive off.
Dialing Taj’s number, he answers on the first ring.
“Meet me at Ringo’s bar.” Then he hangs up.
Gazing into the rearview mirror, Syler’s house is out of sight, and my hands are sweating on the wheel. That was the most honest talk we’ve ever shared, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around exactly what he meant.
If he chooses me, would I even try?
The smartest thing would be to walk away.
But I’ve tried that several times and failed each time.
What’s the right answer?
It’s anyone’s guess.
Chapter 26
You Choose Me?
Taj is easy to spot when I enter the loud nightclub. He h
as his own taped off area near the bar, with a few people surrounding him. The guards stand in front of me not letting me through when I walk up to him. Taj’s voice of approval comes from behind them, and they step clear, letting me through. He smirks then averts his eyes to my hand. Standing from his seated position, he walks over to me holding his hand out, waiting for me to place the contents in his.
“You won’t go after him?” I ask. Taj knows who I’m talking about.
“He was the one who made the copy, she’s too dumb for that.”
I nod my head because I know it as well.
“But no... for you, as an apology, I won’t.”
I smile at him. My eyes roam him then stop on his hands, those very deadly hands that were wrapped around my throat not too long ago, ready to end my life.
“You won’t see her again,” he says in a deadly voice.
He waves at me in dismissal.
The guards wrap around him, but I can just see his dark eyes.
“If you were smart, Jaya, you would make him leave with you, and never look back.”
“I feel like every time I see you, you’re telling me to leave.”
He turns and disappears before he reappears between the two men who are ready to usher me out.
“If you listened when I first said it, you wouldn’t have had any of this to worry about. Now, look where you are.”
“If I listened, I probably wouldn’t have remembered in the first place.”
He smirks at my words then waves his hand at me. “Try to have a good life, Jaya. I expect you to live it to the fullest, and I hope to never see you again.” Then he disappears from sight. If I cared for him the way I cared for Syler that may have hurt more than it should, because it felt like he was telling me to live my life and not trying to scare me off. No, he did that already with his hands around my throat. But that just proves one thing: Taj puts himself first and always himself even if he likes someone. And that’s fine for him to do, as long as you don’t love him, which I don’t. Because that would be a really fucked up relationship, and I already have one of them to deal with. Or whatever you want to call us, because I don’t even know anymore, I just know it’s not what we thought would come of it.