“Are you kidding me? How could you doubt me?” Eamon says, holding his own heart and gasping like he’s shocked.
“I know, right? It’s just been so obvious this entire time,” I joke. I reach for him, wanting to feel him near me again but he shrugs me away.
“Nah, I don’t think I should let you touch me after you basically just insulted me and my romantic prowess.”
“Fine, but I guess that means you don’t get to touch me either.” I untie the string around my neck that holds my top on and let it fall to the ground, then shimmy out of my shorts. This I know we do well together, and after him surprising me in a million different ways, I hope I’m repaying the favor.
I watch Eamon’s eyes follow the heap of fabric to the ground and he pulls in a quick breath through his teeth. I turn away from him, step off the dock and plunge into the lake water. I’m able to count to five in my head before I feel his hands on my stomach, pulling me to him. Our slick bodies tangle together, my legs around his waist and his mouth on mine.
“Don’t stop,” I say against his lips.
And thank god, he doesn’t.
27
Eamon
“Alright, we aren’t staying out here all day, just so you know,” I say as I push the boat away from the dock. Tobin talked me into coming out to the Atchafalaya Basin and hunting Nutria for a while. I tried to get out of it, but he was damn persistent. I got to figure out a way to tell him that I’ve been seeing Rach. Or want to be seeing Rach. Or whatever the hell it is going on between us. But for now, I just agreed to spend the day with him and tomorrow I’ll worry about telling him what’s really going on. Maybe she and I can make sense of it at dinner tonight.
“Would you quit crying and get in?” Tobin says.
“What are we gonna do with all these rat’s you plan on catching?” I ask. I check my .22. Hunting nutria isn’t exactly hard. They aren’t small—they actually resemble the Rodents of Unusual Size in that movie Ma loves, The Princess Bride. There are a thousand of the things around, and they’re pretty damn easy to shoot. There isn’t a whole lot of sport involved here.
“I don’t know, bro, I thought you could make some purses out of their hides or something.” Tobin steers the boat into the brown water of the marsh.
I resist the urge to smack the back of his head. “That’s funny, little brother.”
“Actually, Jerry asked for them. Figured it’s the least I could do with as good as he’s been about me skipping out on work,” Tobin says. His voice is a little shamed and I hate that for him. He’s getting better, though. I think seeing Delia first hand helped, even if he didn’t talk to her. He’s come back a lot better. He even seems like he might be able to move on now.
“Sounds good, my man.”
“‘Course, if you were going to take over and be the boss, I’d surely take advantage of that,” he says.
“I bet you would, asshole. Let’s get this done so we can get out of here.”
“What’s the rush, E? We’ve got a cooler full of beer and all damn day.”
“I told you, bro. No can do. I’ll help you get a few of the little vermin, but then we gotta bail. I’ve got a date tonight,” I say. It’s not a lie.
“Ah, that’s shocking, E. I never thought I’d see the day,” Tobin says. He aims and easily shoots a big ass nutria. I steer the boat over and we toss it in.
“I know, I know. But one of us has to keep the women of Crawford satisfied, and clearly, you’ve been slacking.”
I think I’ve pissed him off for a second, but Tobin starts howling with laughter. And I think, maybe, he’s back.
It doesn’t take long before we’ve got six of the little bastards lined up in the boat with us. I’ve got a clean shot of two on the levee on our way back to the dock. “I’ll get them,” Tobin says. But I don’t give him the chance. I fire off two quick shots and hit both of them. Tobin’s eyes are on me as I watch them both fall into the water. There’s no way that we can’t get the boat over there on account of all of the stumps in the water. Without thinking, I jump into the swamp water to grab them and toss them into the boat.
“Eamon, you dumbass!” Tobin yells. “You don’t even have waders on!”
“I’m good,” I say. I hoist myself back into the boat. “It’s just water.”
By the time we make it back to shore, I’m itching and my legs are damn near on fire. Tobin was right, and I knew it. But I acted on impulse and look what it got me. I’ve got to get this damn swamp mud off of me. Now.
Tobin loads up the gear while I’m stripping down. I use the bottled water in his truck to wash the mud from my legs, but it’s pointless. It’s too much. I toss my clothes into the back of his truck and have to listen to him laugh his ass off as I ride pants-less the entire trip home.
“This is funny?” I ask. “You’re the one who insisted we come out here. This is your damn fault.”
Tobin turns onto the interstate and I check the clock on the dash. Shit. I’ll need two showers to get this stuff off of me before I’ll be even close to presentable for my date with Rachel.
“E, how long you lived here? Where’s your damn mind? You know you can’t go jumping in the Basin without waders. That was just stupid.”
My mind is fifty-miles away, waiting on me. Depending on me. Wanting me. That’s where my mind is.
***
I shower as quick as humanly possible, throw on a clean shirt and a single spritz of cologne. I don’t typically wear the stuff, but if any night needs to be a little special, it’s tonight. My bike would be quicker, but Rach deserves a proper date so I haul ass in the Jeep to her place as fast as I can.
Fuck.
Her car isn’t out front of her house like it should be. Which means I missed her and she’s already gone to work.
I don’t bother getting down, I don’t want to bother her mom, and instead, tear through the back roads to her work.
I’m sweating my ass off from nerves by the time I pull up to Carl’s bar and park next to Rachel’s car. I wish I’d have thrown that damned cologne into my bag before I’d left. I smooth down my messy hair while simultaneously wondering what the hell has come over me. I’ve been late more times than I can count. I’ve pissed off a hundred girls in this town. I’ve never thought twice about it. But now, as I push through the old door to Carl’s bar, I hold my breath and hope to God Rachel is in a forgiving mood because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow without knowing things are okay between us.
“Hey,” I say, sliding onto a bar stool. Rachel’s back is to me, she’s pouring a drink for one of the other guys at the bar, but I know she heard me. There’s a mirror hanging in front of her, and I keep my eyes on her until I see the tiniest glance up--at me. I should wink or some cheesy bullshit, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
Instead, I just mouth, “I’m sorry.”
She spins around and slides the drink toward the guy two seats away from me.
“Six bucks,” she says. He slides a ten toward her and spends a few long seconds looking her up and down.
“Keep the change,” he says.
I hate it. I hate that she’s here pouring booze for these assholes. I hate that she’s stuck with a dead end job in this dead end town, through no fault of her own, when she’s so much better than all of us.
Rachel busies herself with folding bar towels and refilling peanut bowls, anything to avoid eye contact with me. When she finally has to walk past me to get the ice bucket, I reach over and grab her arm. She slinks me away, and I let her all too easily, because I have to.
“Do you need something?”
“Can we go outside and talk for a minute?” I ask, quietly.
“A drink? Do you want something to drink?” She ignores the question.
“Tequila,” I say, thinking of that night that I kissed her in this dump. How she fell asleep in my arms and snored so lightly, finally resting. “You want a shot with me?”
“Depends, are you going to stick around?”
she shoots back.
“Can we please go outside and talk?”
“Why?” she demands. “Why can’t we talk here? Is it because someone you know might hear us? Might give us away?”
That’s exactly why. And so much more. Because I’m no good at this. I don’t know the perfect things to say to smooth this shit over. All I know how to do is kiss her tears away, and fuck, that’s probably wrong right now, too. But it’s a start.
“Please, Rach,” I say, leaning in close even though everyone down the length of the bar can still hear. “Please just let’s go outside. I can explain--”
“I’m sure you can. You always can. Charm is something you aren’t lacking, Eamon LeJeune, but neither are excuses.” She laughs, but it isn’t a happy one. It’s full of pain and sadness, and I caused that. And that expression, that look of disgust and disappointment, is why I’d jump off a hundred bridges before I’d fall in love. Because I’d rather have myself broken, then do it to someone else.
“Okay, I deserved that,” I say. “But it wasn’t my fault. T and I were out on the Atchafalaya and the traffic on the way back, doll, it took us hours to get back to town. I wasn’t late on purpose, I swear to you.”
“Whatever you say, Eamon,” she says. She folds a small towel, shoves it into her apron pocket and looks away from me. She’s in a small, black skirt and lace top, which makes me feel worse because I know she put it on for me.
“What about your mom? Her surgery is tomorrow, right? What time should I pick you guys up? I want to be there with you.”
Her eyes snap back to me. “Eamon,” she scoffs. “Are you kidding me? I can’t depend on you.”
“Rachel--”
“I don’t want you there,” she says. She picks up the ice bucket and walks for the back door.
“Okay. You’re right. I should go.” I throw back the shot of tequila and slide a twenty dollar bill toward her before turning my back and walking away.
28
Rachel
I lean against the faded siding of Carl’s as I listen to Eamon drive away, and blink furiously to keep from crying. I don’t get it. Everything in his eyes and the way he touches me, and watches me says he feels the way I do, but when he actually has to do something outside of his own world, he can’t do it. Once. One time I want him to set his shit aside for me. The basin isn’t going anywhere, he could have told Tobin no. He could have put me first.
“Rachel?” Carl pokes his head out of the door, and his face falls at the expression on mine. “Go on home. I can deal with this.”
“But, I--”
His brows go up. “Go. Call one of your girlfriends and go home. You’ve been distracted, and I know part of it is that you need some actual time off. Not just a weekend. And not just some recovery from the other night.”
I slide off my apron and hand it to him, only just realizing that tears have soaked my face and the front of my shirt. The worst part is that I know Eamon would hate that he made me cry. He would do anything to make it better...except for showing up on time to begin with.
Carl pulls out my tips and hands the bills to me. I know I shouldn’t take them but I really need the money.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Go take care of yourself, Rach. I can’t have you here like this. You left me in the lurch last weekend, and you haven’t been yourself since you got back. I want to give you an extra chance, but you need to make sure you can do this job, okay?”
Each word pounds into me. Make sure I can do this job... I ball my hands into fists I’m so frustrated with myself.
I push off the building and slide off the lace shirt off, leaving me in my tank. I was stupid for getting dressed up. Stupid for thinking Eamon had it in him. Stupid for a lot of things. Even when I climb into my car and sit, I wish Eamon had stuck around. That we could try our night now. But it’s too late. I’m hurt and he probably feels like an ass. I just don’t know how to let him go, and mostly because I don’t want to.
And then fear grips at my chest because I can’t lose this job.
When I get home, Mama’s already asleep, so I turn on some music real quiet, and start cleaning the clean kitchen. It’s always tricky staying on top of everything after one of Mama’s surgeries. Maybe I can get ahead now. I check my phone every few minutes, but don’t get anything. I pick up my phone to send Eamon a text, but don’t know what to say. It’s all winding up inside me making it hard to breathe.
I turn on the music just a tiny bit louder, close my eyes and try to forget my night.
***
The hospital is full of bustling bodies like it always is mid-morning. I slump low in my chair, knowing I still have hours before Mama’s . It’s silly that I’m here but I can’t imagine going shopping or getting the oil changed while my mom is drugged up and passed out so they can cut away some of the scar tissue around her spine. It just seems wrong.
Kelly found out for sure that she’ll be sticking around this winter, so working more hours at the shooting range is out. I quit my job at the paper, and they hired a sixteen year old who they pay a lot less than they paid me, so that’s done. The job working with Doc will only last through the summer, and Carl isn’t sure if I should be working there anymore. If I’m honest, I’m not either. I don’t want to deal with drunks. I just want things to be a little bit easier.
I feel like I’m carrying a huge load of lumber and trying to keep the weight balanced, but I don’t know how to do that. I can’t do it alone, and I don’t have anyone to help me. Maybe I just expected too much from Eamon because I need a shoulder, and he was the closest one.
I snatch a worn magazine from the small table next to me and absently flip through it when someone takes the seat next to me. I shift, but it’s irritating when there are a ton of empty chairs.
The smell of Eamon invades my senses. Work, metal, sweat... I snap my head to face him and he carefully takes one of my hands in his. “I know you said you didn’t want me here, but I’m here anyway.”
I start blinking again, trying to hold in tears.
“No, no, no...” he whispers as his rough thumbs touch the corners of my eyes. “I wanted this to be a good thing. Me being here.”
“It is.” Only I sort of choke on my own words as I try not to cry. I know he has work today so he must have left early. For me.
He swipes at my face a few more times in exaggerated gestures as he smiles. “I’m working on them, baby. Just give me a sec.”
I bat his hands away and start to lean into him but remember we’re somewhere public and maybe he won’t want it.
“No. It’s good.” He wraps a strong arm around me, pulling me toward him until I’m resting on his shoulder. “Here.”
I breathe in deep and it’s better than good.
“Nope,” he teases. “I can do better.”
Eamon scoops me up and plops me in his lap, wrapping an arm around me while resting my head on his shoulder.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper.
“I don’t want to fuck up,” he whispers back.
His small bit of honesty pierces me so deep I’m afraid to breathe. To move. To do anything that will make this moment disappear.
“I can’t believe you came all this way.”
“Wanted to help, Rach.”
“You are.”
We sit together, Eamon stroking my hair, my back, wrapping his arms more tightly around me. He doesn’t speak. I don’t speak. The silence between us feels like comfort and home and all the things I’ve loved about him for years. When my body gets stiff, I finally sit up, leaving the warm spot on his chest.
“Food?” he asks.
“Cafeteria’s this way.” I tilt my head toward the hallway with the food I’ve eaten way too many times.
Eamon stands and we start to walk. “You wanna talk, Rach? I feel like you have a lot going on.”
I open my mouth to tell him no, thanks when his hand clasps around mine, and I stumble a step for realizing he meant to do it. We�
�re okay.
I’m not able to formulate anything into words until we’re sitting down and then it all comes out in a rush. Arnaud’s house and the mystery money, and how we have none. How Carl might fire me if I can’t get my shit together. How my job with Doc Jansen is sort of temporary. How Kelly isn’t going to school so I can’t take over her spot. How I’m still checking locks every night even though I’m okay. I walked away from that guy and that situation. How I wish more than anything that I could live in the dorms and go to school full time and just be a normal twenty-two year old. But that’s not possible in my world, and it frustrates me to no end, because it was never my choice--it was made for me.
It all comes out in a rush as Eamon watches me, nodding and thinking and looking more broken over my situation than I want him to. But it’s good. He’s here. With me.
“I wish I could make this disappear for you,” he says quietly.
“We could find a closet somewhere,” I tease as I grab his thigh under the table.
Eamon’s grin is immediate. “You’re such a fucking cool girl, Rach.”
“Don’t forget it.” I smile wondering how much I care about everything else when Eamon and I are like this.
He glances at his watch. “Your mom’s out soon, yeah?”
I take his hand and look at the time. “Soon, yeah.”
“I gotta go finish my work day. I warned Jerry I’d be taking a day-long lunch break, and I got a lot of stuff to finish up.”
I wrap my arms around him as we stand up and he stiffens for a minute, probably because we’re in the cafeteria, but then relaxes and holds me as tight as I need him to.
I follow Eamon out to his Jeep. The outside air feels so good after sitting in the arctic hospital all day. I still have thirty minutes to kill and lean against the side. Eamon steps close, putting his legs just to the outside of mine.
“How do you plan to distract me now?” I ask as I raise a brow.
“Without getting arrested for indecent exposure?” He steps closer so that our hips are touching and then slowly leans in closer until our fronts are touching in more places than not.
I nip his neck. “Getting arrested suddenly seems like an okay idea.”
My Fate for Yours Page 13