“What?”
“Let me see your face again? I understand keeping the mask on in public, but please let me see you and look into your eyes every once in a while?”
He could see the mask tug around the edges from her smile. “Perhaps we can arrange that.” As they made it to the fire ring in the middle of camp, he could have sworn that her graceful, soundless steps had little inefficient bounces in them.
In the days following the revelation of Nalia’s face, Sam felt that his training was going well and that he was finally starting to progress as quickly as he knew he could. It was like a weight had been removed with the change in his interactions with Nalia. Though she still wore her mask when they were traveling, she often took it off when she was training with him.
This caused some slight issues at first. The day after he had seen her, she met him in a little clearing just off from the main camp area. When she took her mask off and attacked immediately, he botched his blocks and evasions and ended up lying face down on the ground, having somehow flown several feet from where he started. After a few more takedowns and some harder-than-necessary strikes to the body that he knew would leave bruises, he regained some semblance of control, but was still distracted.
He reveled in seeing her tight, half-hidden smile as she noticed his distraction. She was tough and strong and disciplined. She was a warrior through and through. But she was also a woman, and Sam figured that any woman, even any man, would get a little pleasure from knowing someone thought them attractive enough to be distracting.
He was glad that she enjoyed his attention, that she could have some joy at the fact that someone thought she was special. And to be honest, Sam enjoyed it that she enjoyed it. He had always loved the combat training with her—well, maybe not in those first few weeks where she beat him bloody all the time—but now it was even more of a pleasure.
The second day she trained without her mask, Dr. Walt and Rindu came out of Dr. Walt’s tent and saw Nalia sparring with Sam. Rindu’s slight frown was the same as a scathing accusation from anyone else, but it was Dr. Walt’s reaction that Sam thought was important.
Dr. Walt stopped in his tracks and stared. Shaking his head and rubbing his eyes, he looked again, and then walked over. “Nalia, my dear,’ he started, “I have not seen anything so beautiful since I was a young man. How is it that you have hidden your beauty behind that mask for so long and deprived the world of gazing upon such perfection?”
Rindu scowled at Dr. Walt. “That is not funny, to poke fun at my daughter and her unfortunate mix of features. Why would you say such cruel things to one who has become almost as a daughter to you?”
Dr. Walt’s eyes lit up with understanding. “No, no, Rindu. I’m being serious. In my world, Nalia would be a great beauty. I know that here the opinions on beauty are different, but please trust me when I say that your daughter could have her pick of any man in the world if she was in Telani. She is absolutely breathtaking!”
Rindu mumbled under his breath and walked off. Nalia smiled and simply said, “Thank you, Dr. Walt.”
Sam smiled at the confirmation of what he had told her. Now she had to believe him.
33
Nalia stole another glance at Sam as they traveled through the trees surrounding them. The path they traveled, not quite so developed as to be called a road, wound around very large and very old trees and straight through meadow areas consisting only of grasses and low bushes. She enjoyed seeing the sunlight playing across his face as they transitioned from the darkened tree cover to the bright midday sun of the clearings.
When Sam began to turn his head to look in her direction, she looked away, not wanting him to see her looking at him. A few times during the day, he sensed her gaze and turned too quickly for her to look away. In those cases, he smiled that wide, joyful smile at her and waved. She waved back, thankful that her mask covered her rapidly heating face from the others.
They played this game throughout the day, looking while trying to keep from being seen looking. The more she looked, the more she liked the way he looked. She supposed that her growing familiarity with him was affecting how she saw him. She only knew that to her, all the little details of his face were fascinating, from his flyaway dirty blonde hair to his strong jawline and the half-smile he often gave her that made her think he was a mischievous child.
She shook her head. What was she thinking? She had never felt like this before. But then again, she had never met anyone quite like him. She found herself wanting to be close to him, wanting to do things for him. It was maddening. She was Sapsyr, not some young girl with silly, fickle affection for a village boy. Who was he that he could affect her so? Who indeed.
She was confused. She felt so comfortable with him. Secure, like they could handle anything, meet any challenge. She had never needed another person for her to feel like that. She had always been sufficient by herself. Even her father, who was a solid, commanding presence, who was the very epitome of steadfastness and strength, did not make her feel as secure as Sam did. When she was with him, she felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be. No matter where that happened to be. None of it made sense to her.
One thing she had to admit, though, was that he was progressing well in his training. At times, he was almost able to strike her, if she was even slightly distracted. Which she was, often. He would get that look on his face, jaw set in concentration, cool blue-gray eyes burning with intensity. He would be fully in the moment and fully in control of himself. And then he would glance at her and he would smile that lopsided half-smile of his and her own focus would shatter. That had happened several times, and he had taken advantage of it and almost bested her. It was fair, she decided, payback from the first day when she distracted him.
Because of that loss of focus—yes, only because of that—she most often did not wear her mask as she sparred with him now. When she smiled at him, it sometimes made him lose his concentration and then she would strike like a viper. Yes, it was a good way to train him not to be distracted and never to lose focus. It wasn’t that when his eyes met hers and his hard, intense gaze softened, she felt like she was wanted, like she was needed. No, Sapsyra warriors were not affected by petty things such as that. Surely not.
But she did like to look in his eyes. Especially when she was not wearing the mask so he could look directly back into her eyes. What she saw in the depths of those gray eyes with designs of green and yellow within them made her want to stop everything and just fall into them.
It was still a wonder to her that just the look of her naked face could distract him. It was hard to believe that his world had such a different definition of beauty. She could see it there, in his eyes, though. He did think she was beautiful. She did not know about such things, but sometimes that softness in his eyes, that little glint of light when he saw her, made her think he really cared for her. But that was ridiculous. She was a warrior. He could not see her as a woman, as one to heap affection upon. No, she must be mistaken. But still…
She shook her head again. What was wrong with her? She was on a quest to avenge her mother, to literally save the world from the most powerful man alive. She had no time for fancies and affections. She would meditate when they stopped for the night, regain her balance. She would put out of her mind him and the infinite depths of his eyes, and the feel of his hand (and his lips!) on her hand, and the way she liked to watch him move—more and more like a warrior every day—and the way he made her feel, and… Stop! she chastised herself.
She looked up just in time to see him looking at her. He smiled and waved, but his smile quickly melted away into concern as he noticed her body language. She glared at him through the mask and turned her head from him. How dare he tie her mind up in knots like this. It was unfair that he would have that kind of power over her.
She spent the rest of the day until they stopped studiously avoiding looking his way. She even succeeded, mostly. By the time they stopped, she was exhausted from it.
Whe
n it came time to train him, she took her mask off and readied herself.
“Is something wrong?” he asked her, concern painted on his face.
“No. I am…it is…you should warm up. I will press you hard today. You deserve it for confusing me so.” She wished she could call that last part back. She had not intended it to come out to begin with.
“What? What did I do? What are you confused about?”
She squared her shoulders and faced him, matching his stance. “I cannot think around you. My head is filled with silly thoughts and I cannot seem to focus. Perhaps I am becoming ill.”
“Oh Nalia,” he said, stepping up to her and taking both of her hands. She hoped he didn’t feel that she was trembling slightly. Facing down a dozen trained warriors did not make her as nervous as she felt right now. “You confuse me, too. I don’t know if it would be better to run away from you or to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I know what I want to do...”
Embarrassed, he dropped her hands. “I mean, I’m confused, too. I think over these last weeks we have become friends. More, though, I want to be with you all the time. I can’t stop looking at you, even with your mask on, because I have memorized your face and can picture it even when you’re wearing the mask.
“But sometimes, you seem to be really irritated with me and you seem not to want me around. I don’t want to irritate you. Nothing makes me happier than being able to do something that makes you smile. So please, tell me what you want me to do so that we can ease this tension. I like it that when we don’t get caught up in all the confusion, we can just be together and be comfortable, whether we’re sparring or you’re training me or we’re just sitting there quietly. What can I do that will make it easier for you?”
She thought about it for a moment and decided she did not know. “Just be my friend, Sam, and my student, and we will figure out the rest. We both need to focus on the Gray Man and our quest now, with no distractions. I am sure we will find our balance. I am sorry for seeming irritated. I am irritated most of all with myself because I am confused and not in control of myself.”
He looked into her eyes again with those depthless orbs, sincerity and tenderness all but leaking from them. “That sounds like a good idea to me.” He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Anything for you.”
She felt heat travel from her cheek and radiate down to her core like liquid fire. Then it traveled back up her back, between her shoulder blades as goose bumps. She froze, reveling in the feeling.
Then she saw that crooked smile of his appear on his beaming face and he stepped back, drew his staff—in the form of the two fighting sticks—from the loops on his back, and assume a ready stance. “Ready?” he asked.
Her smile met his and she felt peace and energy return to her. “Ready” she said. And then she attacked.
*****
Rindu, standing just outside the clearing where they set up camp, watched Sam and Nalia sparring. More importantly, he watched their interaction before sparring. He had been watching them for the last several days, noticing the game they were playing, each trying to look at the other without being seen. He smiled.
It was probably not the appropriate time for the two to become attached in such a way. Distractions could be fatal when dealing with the likes of the Gray Man and his minions. But he loved his daughter, and he was happy to see her smile. He had not seen her smile, or in any other way indicate happiness, for many years.
Since the death of her mother, Nalia had thrown herself into her training, becoming harder every day. She erected an impervious barrier around herself and did not let anyone in. She softened it slightly when they took in Cristin, but then when the woman betrayed them, Nalia buried any semblance of human compassion deep, where no one could touch it.
He knew that he himself was not the man he was. When his wife was murdered, he felt as if he has lost the reason for his existence. If it was not for Nalia, he would have traveled to the Gray Fortress and tried to kill the Gray Man right then, no doubt dying. But he did not, because of his daughter. He was a harder man now than he was before, but he recognized his lack of emotion. In fact, he purposely shunned emotion of any kind, as a protection. But he could resurrect human feeling when necessary, such as when dealing with his daughter.
When Sam joined them, Rindu’s heart felt lighter. Not only did it prompt the group to go and finally confront the Gray Man, but Sam seemed to the mage to be what a son would have been, had he been given the opportunity for more offspring. And his potential, his potential was incredible. These things gave him hope and allowed him to feel emotion again. Allowed him to give himself permission to feel again.
Now that Nalia was also feeling, he could see the small child he so loved, the girl with constant wonder in her eyes. She had always been curious, she always needed to know everything. He took great joy in seeing her every day, training, growing up, becoming the person and the warrior she now was. What he had just seen in her eyes made him think that the little girl who he had not seen in so long was finally coming out into the open again.
Chances were good that none of them would survive their quest. At least she would find happiness and maybe love before that happened. He could clearly see the rohw signatures of the two combatants even at this distance and she was glowing more powerfully than he had seen in many years. She was finding her balance again, and it was good.
34
For the life of him, Sam couldn’t figure out how he had generated the powerful pulse that threw back the road block and swept all his enemies away so forcefully. He had asked Rindu, but the Zouy, as enigmatic as ever, simply suggested he go back to juggling the pebbles he now used to replace the seed pods. Infuriating.
In his daily practice with Rindu, Sam was learning and developing new ways to use the rohw. Rindu was explaining something new they would do in training. “I want you to imagine the rohw passing through your arms, Sam. Hold them straight out in front of you, close your eyes, and picture the rohw entering your body through your feet from the ground, circulating up through your body’s channels, and out of your hands. Do not open your eyes until I tell you to do so. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” Sam said.
“No matter what you hear, no matter what you feel, you are to focus on the rohw flowing through your arms and out of your hands. Nothing else. You have shown that you can concentrate acceptably, so do not let your focus lapse now.”
“I won’t.”
Sam closed his eyes and began his rhythmic breathing, picturing the energy as it traveled through his body. Soon, he was mesmerized by the familiar breathing pattern and by watching the energy flow in his mind’s eye.
He felt something cold on his arms. Just a shadow of a feeling, but it was definitely there. His body wanted to shift attention to it, but Sam fought the thought and redoubled his efforts at focusing on the energy flow.
The pressure on his arm grew more insistent. Again, he increased his concentration. More pressure. More concentration. Three more times his body threatened to take his focus from his task, but he maintained his concentration. Sam realized he was sweating from the exertion of just maintaining focus. The drip of sweat that traveled slowly down the side of his face almost dashed his concentration, but he persevered.
“Sam,” Rindu’s voice sounded as if it was far away. “Sam, I want you to slowly open your eyes. Sam. Sam, open your eyes.”
What the Zouy was saying finally registered in his mind. He slowly opened his eyes, slowly enough that the light did not hurt. They had been closed for some time, after all.
As he was able to focus, he saw, stacked up on his outstretched arms, a large pile of flat stones with a larger log on top of the topmost stone. Seeing that, and realizing it was impossible for him to be holding it up, his arms gave way under the weight and the stones and the log came crashing down.
He jumped back to avoid being struck by the crashing weight and looked toward Rindu, off to his right. The Zouy stood there with a smi
rk on his face. Dr. Walt stood with a look of open wonder on his. Nalia was there as well, mask off and displaying a proud smile. Even Skitter was there, though he had jumped back when Sam dropped the load he was carrying, fur standing straight out like a bottle brush.
“What was that about?” Sam asked.
“What did you see,” Rindu asked in return, “as you opened your eyes?”
“I saw a lot of weight on my arms. More weight than it is physically possible to hold up, especially with outstretched arms.”
“What you say is true.” Rindu’s single eyebrow raised. “It was more weight than it is physically possible to hold. But you were not holding it physically.”
Sam was incredulous. “Are you saying that I was holding those, that it wasn’t a trick or that you weren’t helping me?”
“It was you. More accurately, it was your rohw, the energy you were borrowing and channeling from your surroundings.”
“But that’s, that’s impossible!” Sam cried.
“Nevertheless, you did it. You did it, that is, until you opened your eyes and saw what it was that you were doing. Then your belief that it was impossible made it so. It is as the two stones, one that could fly across the water and land safely on the other side and one that sunk like a rock. The skipping stone believed it could get across the water, but the sinking stone did not.”
Sam waited to see if there was any more to the parable. After a full minute of silence, he shrugged. “Ok. So, how to I keep myself from holding back like that? How do I do impossible things without thinking they are impossible?”
Nalia chimed in. “That is the secret to achieving your potential, in the use of the rohw and in all other things. To do, you must first believe. If you believe, perhaps nothing is impossible.”
Sam remained silent.
She continued. “Sam, I know that it sounds like some parable or superstition, but it is the truth. I remember my father trying to explain it to me, but when he did so I was very young, so I did not yet believe things were impossible. This made it easier for me. For you, you must be able to control your belief and you will see that you are capable of amazing things.”
Vibrations: Harmonic Magic Book 1 Page 23