Miri smiled, as if gratified for the change in subject. "Among other things. This is also where I may consult with Madame in private if there is some question regarding finances connected to The Letter."
"Thank you. I don't believe I said that earlier and I was remiss." Will placed his hand over Miri's, deciding that perhaps he should push her just a little bit more, especially since they were alone. After all, how was he to bed her if she shied away from his touch? "You have more than upheld your end of the bargain."
"As I know you will," she responded quietly, her gaze fixed on their hands.
She fell silent and Will leaped in to fill the conversational void. "How long have you been the one selecting the lucky young woman? I thought this was your aunt's domain?"
"It was," Miri admitted, removing her bonnet and giving her head a good shake, causing pins to scatter everywhere and her long tresses to work their way loose. Will had to admit that he enjoyed her lack of pretense with him. It suited them and the situation they found themselves in. "However my aunt now approaches the age of six and eighty and her mind is no longer quite what it once was. It has not been for some time now, and Aunt Beanie recognizes she is no longer capable of making the proper decisions. A few years ago she asked if I would take charge of this enterprise on her behalf. As I have no inclination to wed myself and am decent with numbers, I was honored to do so."
There were so many questions Will wanted to ask that once more he felt overwhelmed by them all. Many were none of his business, certainly, but as she had from the moment she emerged from behind the curtain in her family's library, he found that Miri intrigued him on a very different level from most women he had known. Still, they barely knew one another as of yet, so he decided to tread lightly.
"I am certain you do an excellent job on your aunt's behalf," he replied, opting for a safe response.
"Not always." Miri shook her head again and more hair worked loose from the chignon that struggled to contain her thick mass of hair. "My first selection was a poor one. The young lady in question overspent her allowance by a good deal and constantly demanded the finest of everything, acting as if such was her right. That was not my aunt's intent when she first gifted The Letter. She simply wished to give less financially stable young women a chance to find love and happiness as she had. After that first Season?" She gestured to the room. "Since the proper wardrobe is always the first step in the process after The Letter is delivered, I asked Madame if I might be able to have a place to observe the early stages of any session with the recipient. This hidden, private room seemed like the logical place. From here, I can access any part of the salon I wish."
Will nodded. "To make certain you did not make another mistake." That also answered his question as to whether or not he and Anna had been summoned to Madame's because of what he had said the night before. They hadn't been. Therefore, perhaps his fears over Miri eventually demanding more of him were all for naught.
"Exactly." Miri nodded in the direction of where he suspected the fitting rooms must be located. "Though in this case, I know that my decision was the correct one. Even if there was nothing between us." She paused. "Please do not be angry, but when I arrived this morning, I asked Madame about your sister's wardrobe. The one you mentioned last night at the ball."
Will swallowed hard. "And?" He wasn't certain he wanted Miri to continue. It was embarrassing that she knew how destitute they truly were. Then again, she had paid him to eventually fuck her, so he supposed she likely had a very good idea.
"After looking at the invoice, I have decided that Aunt Beanie shall pay for those items which would be in addition to whatever else Lady Anna requires."
He shook his head, ready to refuse. He might be poor but he still had his pride. "Miri, no. I can't allow that."
"I insist. I would do so for any other young lady in a similar situation. In fact, I have done so often in the past. Just ask Madame. The goal with The Letter is a good match and a husband for the lucky young woman. That is my goal as well. Not bribery." There was a mulish set to her jaw that did not bode well for him and Will really had no wish to argue with her. Especially not over this and especially when Anna truly did require those garments if she was to make a decent match.
"Very well," he acquiesced slowly. "However, I will find a way to pay you back when this is all over if expenses run too high." He had no idea how or where the funds would come from, but he would find them. Even if he had to sell some ugly statuary that his mother claimed was her legacy to him and Anna.
Miri shook her head. "Will, I cannot accept your coin." Her eyes were bright in the dim light. "Anna has earned this right and I award additional funds from Aunt Beanie's trust based on merit frequently. Whether you believe me or not, your sister was under consideration for The Letter in previous years and likely would have been given the honor before this had we known how desperate her situation was. You can ask my solicitor if you do not believe me, but it is true. Nor is she the first woman to receive more than the trust initially allows. The total amount of funds bestowed is my decision and, please do not take this the wrong way, but Lady Anna is in desperate need. She could make a splendid match if a man could see past her clothing. Like it or not, that is the way of our world."
She did not add that, in the end, Anna would also receive far more than any young woman ever had or likely ever would again. Much of it coming from Miri's own pockets and not Aunt Beanie's trust. Will did not need to know that. It was better for everyone that way. Especially her.
Miri spoke with passion and Will noted how her eyes fairly glowed like precious gems in the dim light. She was so very alluring, this quiet and practical woman, more so than was likely good for either of them. He also wished he could explain this odd attraction to her but he couldn't do that either. She was not the most beautiful woman he had ever encountered nor the most curvaceous. Or the most flirtatious. She was, however, by far the most intelligent and perhaps that was the root of his fascination with her. She was not at all what he expected her to be. And sitting here looking at her now made his blood heat even more than it had earlier. So perhaps it really was time to test the waters of their sexual compatibility, and see if he could begin to discover ways he might seduce her and fulfill his end of this infernal bargain.
"Then perhaps I can find some other way to repay you for this kindness." Even though he had just sworn not to do that.
Slowly, Will shifted closer to Miri until their knees brushed lightly. He noticed the way her pulse jumped in her throat and the way her body shuddered a bit at his touch, but she did not shy away as he expected. She was either an experienced courtesan, which he doubted, or she truly was interested in gaining scientific knowledge of passion through first-hand experiences. With him.
"What...what did you have in mind?" He had flustered her. Good. A flustered Miri was an off-balance Miri, or so he hoped. She was far too intelligent for her own good. And his.
He grinned at her, the images from earlier dancing through his mind with unabashed glee once more. "I was hoping we might start with a kiss. Just a small one, but still a kiss."
He watched the delicate muscles of her throat work as she swallowed hard. "Don't you think this is a little early? We have only just met."
"I am not the one who placed us on a time schedule, love. That was entirely your doing." Will slid closer until he had caged Miri on the settee between his arms. There was enough room for her to wiggle free beneath his grip if she chose but at present, she did not seem inclined to do so. "And so, unless you have any strenuous objections, I believe that I should start earning my keep."
Will meant to keep the kiss light and teasing. After all, this would likely be her first kiss ever, but the moment his lips touched hers, something inside of him ignited and he found himself reached for her, cupping the back of her head with his hands and pulling her closer. Closer than he would have dared imagine only a moment ago. Still not close enough, he shifted, reclining his body so that Miri's slid benea
th his easily. Then, when he was satisfied and his hard body pressed firmly against her softer one, he titled her head and traced the seam of her lips with his tongue.
Beneath him, he felt Miri stiffen for an instant before she relaxed against him as if on instinct, unknowingly arching up to press her breasts hard against his chest. Still, there was something wrong. Her movements felt unnatural. It felt as if she was mimicking something she had seen someone else do and he pulled back, desire still running rampant through his body. Desire that, given their positions, he knew very well she could feel.
Miri looked up at him with those beguiling eyes and once more, he saw them shimmer with the beginnings of unshed tears just as they had last night when he had unknowingly hurt her feelings. "Did I do it wrong?" she asked worriedly. "I have studied all of Rayne's naughty books and some others he thinks I do not know about. I have looked at the illustrations and I thought I was doing this right. Please, Will. Tell me what I did wrong. I wish to know."
"Shhh, love." Will smoothed a hand over her hair in comfort. "You did nothing wrong. Not at all. But Miri, love, kissing is about feeling. It is about what you feel for me. Or think you feel, even if you don't understand what your body is trying to tell you. It is not about what is in some book or other. You need to feel it. In here." He traced the outline of a heart above her breast and was gratified when she shivered. Though to her credit, she did not look away.
"I don't...feel, Will. Ever." She bit her lip and he could see her unshed tears begin to dry. "Not as others do, I am afraid. I don't even know how to describe passion, so I sincerely doubt that I have ever truly felt it. I am happy and sad and...other things, but there is no depth to what I feel. I fear I am incapable of such a thing. It is as if I only skim the surface of emotions and even then, only the most basic of them. I am empty inside, devoid of feeling. As others have pointed out, there is something wrong with me. Therefore, I cannot do as you ask. I'm sorry." She huffed out a breath and pushed against him. Will let her go. "Perhaps this is a bad idea."
She would have gotten up and walked away from him then, he was certain, but he placed a hand over hers, stopping her. "Or perhaps it is the best idea you have ever had. Truly. No matter how it came about."
"I cannot see how that would be the case," she scoffed, though she no longer seemed ready to run from him. "Even you are not desperate enough to make love to a frigid cripple. Nor would I ask you to do so."
"Enough!" Will sliced through the air with his hand, surprising her and she blinked at him. "You are not a cripple, Miri! I have known you but a day and already I know that you are stronger than any woman I have ever met."
Frowning, she raised the hem of her gown a bit, as if daring him to look at her deformity. "But my leg...my foot..."
"Are a bit twisted. Yes. I know, love. I have eyes, and I can see them for myself. But they are merely a part of you. They are not all of you." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. "Last night, you told me that I was easy to talk with and that you enjoyed speaking with me because the first thing I mentioned was something other than your foot. So why do you make that same foot an issue now when you know damn well that in my eyes, it is not an issue?"
She chewed on her lip, much as she had last night when he had insulted her. "Because I am afraid," she replied finally, her eyes meeting his. "I am afraid that I will be miserable at this, at the art of lovemaking. Because I cannot feel. It is why I agreed to pay you so much to teach me. Because I, Lady Miri Bexley, am an abysmal student when it comes to life and people. Not when it comes to my stars and telescopes and maths, mind you. No, those things are easy for me. But people are not. They never have been. And people require emotions that I am afraid I do not possess."
She looked terrified and panic-stricken and Will wanted to do nothing more than pull her into his arms and reassure her that she was perfect as she was. But that was what a beau would do, a man who was truly courting her. He was, in the end, being paid to seduce and fuck her, to teach her what she did not know or understand and had no hope of learning elsewhere. Therefore, his tactics needed to be different, to match what he was to her.
Leaning towards her, Will brushed the backs of his knuckles over the bare skin at the base of her throat. "Oh, I am quite certain you possess the necessary emotions, love. You are not cold or frigid or any of those other wretched labels you place upon yourself."
As expected, Miri shivered at his touch. She also leaned back towards him, just as he had hoped she would. "How...can you tell?"
"Because a cold and unfeeling woman would not have made such a counter offer to me, no matter how desperate she was to taste passion. She would have gone off to one of the brothels that offer male prostitutes and made her discovery that way. She would have gone to a place where there was no risk, where a lack of passion is the order of things. No, something inside of you decided in an instant that you desired me - Will Davenport, an impoverished earl - and not some cold encounter in Covent Garden with a male whore who might or might not be skilled in the trade. That told me all I needed to know about you, Miri. Right from the very first."
He traced a vein in her throat with the pad of his thumb and he could feel her relax even more. "You can't be certain of that," she protested. However the tremble in her words let him know that she was anything but certain.
Shifting again so that he rose over her, this time when Will caged her within his arms, he left her no room for escape. "I can be very certain," he breathed as he placed a small line of kisses along her jaw and towards her ear. "For I know true depth of emotion, Miri. Both good and bad. I have experienced those feelings and thus, I can see that same potential for deep emotions in another." Another line of kisses, these back down to her chin. "And I see it in you."
This time when he kissed her, Will did not push. Instead, he brushed his lips back and forth slowly over Miri's, allowing her to grow accustomed to his touch. And when she sighed as he nibbled on her full lower lip, he was certain that he was plunging headlong into disaster. He also found that he didn't care a bit and would gladly crash and burn for the pleasure of teaching Miri Raynecourt about the art of seduction and the passion of making love.
Chapter Six
"You will not go disappearing on me again tonight, Miri. Do I make myself clear?" Standing at the edge of the Marquess of Lansdale's enormous ballroom, Miri could almost feel the anger in her mother's glare. The dowager was in something a mood this night after learning that Rayne was not going to indulge her in yet another lavish summer house party for all of her friends. Instead, he and Sarah were going to reside at Fieldown, their country estate. Any house party her mother wished to host, he had said, could be done elsewhere at one of the small estates. Which meant that Lady Ophelia was in a fine temper and ready to take her frustrations out on anyone who crossed her path.
Therefore, Miri was not about to test her luck where her mother's patience was concerned.
"Of course not, Mama," Miri agreed easily, though not too easily, for to give in too much would also arouse her mother's suspicions and certainly bring down her wrath. "I would not dream of it." Well, Miri would dream of it, of course, but she wouldn't do anything about it.
As expected, her mother snapped her fan closed in a huff. "Do not take that tone with me, young lady. You might be of age, but I am still your mother, and while you live under my roof, you will do as I say! Lord Blackthorne will be here tonight, and I'll not have you discourage him with any sort of your usual foolishness. He has expressed interest in you and that is a rare thing! I will not risk annoying him with you disappearing as you usually do at these affairs. And none of your nattering on about telescopes and stars and all of that bloody nonsense. There is a reason we have banned you from the roof as of late! We cannot afford to offend the gentleman. Or rather you cannot! He might be poor but he is well bred and an earl. Fortunes can be replaced. Bloodlines cannot."
Miri wanted to point out that both she and her mother lived under Rayne's roof and that
her mother was no longer the countess but rather the dowager countess. However, she did not. After all, she was still Miri's mother, and Miri had no wish to bring down her mother's ire any more than she already had. Especially since Sarah had once more been filling Lady Ophelia's head with all sorts of nonsense about danger and scandal and the troubles from Mrs. Witherson's following her to London from Lower Puddington. Any more interference from her mother would make conducting The Letter business all that more difficult.
After all this time, Miri's mother still had no idea that it was Miri herself and not Aunt Beanie that conducted all of the business surrounding The Letter these days. Oh, she gloried that such a charitable gesture was connected to her family, to be sure, but she knew little of the particulars. She had never cared to, which was exactly how Miri wished to keep things, just as Aunt Beanie had before her. The less her mother knew, the better. It was yet another reason why her mother's push for Miri to find a husband rankled. There were more important things in life than marrying a man she did not love and bearing him children she did not want. Especially if one could not even begin to imagine such things in one's future, let alone actually desire them.
That was also the reason why Miri had meant what she told Will earlier in the day. She was simply not capable of true and deep emotions the way other women were. If she were capable, then she would likely desire children as all other women did. She also would have been flattered by the attentions of the men who attempted to court her over the years. Instead? Miri had shied away and developed a dislike for humanity.
Yes, she was tormented about her lame leg, but there was more to the situation than just that. At her most basic level, Miri was flawed, perhaps even fundamentally so. At her core? She was damaged. If she wasn't, why would she have all but demanded to be allowed to pay Will to court and bed her? No normal young lady would have done something so shocking and scandalous.
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