by A. J. Pryor
“Damian.”
“Can I come in?” His voice is low, his eyes filled with something that looks a lot like remorse, and I’m still angry . . . hurt . . . embarrassed at being so easily replaced. I know I messed up, said something I shouldn’t have, but how could he move on so quickly?
I peek my head out of the door and over to his place. “No you can’t. Where’s Amber by the way?”
He grins, and . . . it’s sexy. One side of his lip curls up while his eyes brighten. I hate that grin. It makes my knees weak and gives my stomach butterflies.
“Most likely at home.”
He’s leaning against my doorframe and it’s making me uncomfortable. He’s too casual for the interaction we had this morning, too content with this conversation, as I’m getting angrier by the second. I’m feeling on the outs of some big secret and I don’t like it one bit.
“Did you need something?” I finally ask.
“I’m about to go running. Come with me.”
Is he crazy? “No.”
He stands up straight. “No?”
“Um, yeah, that’s what I said. Have fun.” Was he not on the balcony with us this morning? Did he think it wouldn’t bother me that he brought another woman home? I begin to close the door on him and he sticks his foot out to block it.
“Don’t steal my move, Offside.” I’m not wearing any shoes, but that doesn’t stop me from kicking at his Nike clad foot.
“You’re going to break a toe if you keep that up, Green Eyes.”
“So move your damn foot.”
Suddenly the door is opening and despite using every ounce of strength I have, he’s barged his way inside my apartment. He doesn’t stop as he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, continuing towards my room.
“Put me down!” Rage is boiling inside my blood stream. I want nothing to do with him right now and probably forever. My legs are kicking wildly, and my hands are slapping at his back. His grip on me is too strong and I’m much too small to fight against this.
“Ladies,” he says to Mia and Paige who are sitting in my living room, their eyes wide in surprise.
“I am not running with you, Damian. I don’t run with asshats!”
He spanks me. The cocky son of a bitch spanks me. “Don’t call me names, Addison. It isn’t nice.”
“Nice? You want to discuss nice? How about kissing your neighbor then bringing some floozy home? How’s that for nice?”
“Oh, that kiss was nice. What was even nicer was the sex I had with my drunk off her ass neighbor only to find out it was a mistake.”
“Well, Mr. I don’t do casual, you certainly blew that title right out of the park last night with your nice new girlfriend.”
“Yes, I did have a nice evening now that you mention it.”
All the fight leaves me at once. My body folding over his shoulder, my legs stilling their movements and my arms dangling down his back. He had a nice evening.
That kind of sucks.
All day I’d held onto a glimmer of hope that it wasn’t as bad as my mind made it out to be. That Amber was . . . I don’t know . . . his masseuse?
Damian slides me down the front of him, like a wet noodle who can’t stand straight. He holds me up.
“Nothing happened with Amber.” His arms are around me, his eyes searching for some sort of sign that I’m hearing him.
I look up confused.
“I know her from a long time ago. She was drunk and needed a place to crash. I slept on the couch.”
“But she was . . . practically naked.”
“I know. We have a past; she’s comfortable around me. But nothing happened.”
They have a past? Is that supposed to make me feel any better?
“A long time ago past, Addison. I haven’t touched her in years, and I’m not about to start now. Reed and I bumped into her and a group of friends last night, and we partied a little too hard. I really was doing her a favor letting her crash at my place, and this morning I was trying my best to get her out of there. When I woke up she was in my shirt, I have no idea how she got that way, but I hustled her out pretty quickly after you saw her.”
“She was . . . touching you.”
Damn, that grin appears again. “Only for a few seconds.”
“Get your running clothes on, Addison, and meet me out front in ten.”
“You know, you’re kind of an asshole when you’re angry.”
Lying in the grass at the park by the beach and staring up at the stars, she’s finally gotten her breathing under control after I made her run the last quarter mile in a sprint. Our arms are side by side, barely touching and with that comment, I take her hand in mine. My heart, which had been scattered the past few days, finally feels at rest as I feel her soft skin in mine. I don’t like that she works for Thomas and I hate that she may be put on Emily’s case, but I’ll figure out a way to make this work. I have to.
“Only when I have something to lose.”
Her thumb begins to run the length of my palm. I sit up on my elbow and stare down at her. “I don’t want to be an asshole.”
Looking in my eyes, her face softens and a small smile lifts the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want you to think I care more about my job than you or Emily.”
Lifting her hand to my lips, I kiss each finger.
“My dad is an asshole. I think the word player was created to define him.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t want to be like my dad.” Staring down into her beautiful eyes, I think she finally understands why I don’t want to just fool around. One day, I want a wife to love and kids to cherish. I want a white picket fence and a golden retriever. I want to give a woman what my dad couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give to my mom. And after Sunday, I want Addison to be the center of that life, my life, our life.
“I have no idea who your dad is Damian, but from the sound of it, you’re nothing like him.”
Lying back in the grass as it crinkles around me, I stare up at the clear dark night. “Every once in a while, when I look in the mirror, it’s my dad I see staring back at me.”
Reed’s the only other person that knows how much I’ve tried to avoid my father’s way of living. I know Addison regrets what happened last weekend, but she deserves to know why I freaked out on her. If I’m ever going to convince her that I’m exactly what her life needs, I need to start trusting her with who I am and why I behave the way I do.
Lifting my arm over her body, she snuggles into my side, her head moving onto my shoulder and her legs entwining with mine. She fits so compactly under my arm, her body melting in my side, and I’m as content as I’ve ever been in my life.
“You’re really taking her there?”
It’s impossible not to smile at the big blue eyes that stare up at me.
“That’s the plan. The show comes to Venice in three weeks.” Emily is looking at my iPad, watching clips from past American Ninja Warrior episodes. The minute I heard they were filming down in Venice Beach, I called in some connections and got two tickets to a show.
It’s been one week since Addison and I began to build back what we once had. One week since I held her in the grass and told her about my father. One week and I want her more now than I ever did before. Maybe it’s because I know exactly what she feels and tastes like. Or because in the few days that I was so mad I lost my fucking mind, and I never want to be that out of control again. Whatever the reason, I’m going to do whatever it takes to win her heart. I’m going to make sure she never wants to hear from that douche bag Matt again and that in the end, she chooses me. Because the reality show she’s entered is called life, and I plan on being her winning prize.
“Do you think she’ll say yes?”
“I’m not giving her a choice to say no. But it’s a surprise, so don’t mention anything if she comes to visit.”
Emily slides her fingers over her mouth like it’s a zipper then flicks her fingers like she’s throwing away a key.
“Nice, I like that promise.” I fist bump her and sit back in my chair.
“Who are you surprising?”
I turn at the sound of the voice that I’d know anywhere. “Mom. What are you doing here?” Standing, I give her a big hug. Fifty-two years old and eight kids later, my mother looks the same as she did when I was in high school. Her short blonde hair and blue eyes are such a contrast to my own dark appearance.
“Thought I’d drop in and surprise you all. I haven’t seen Emily in a few weeks and something must be wrong with your phone because I haven’t heard from you in a while either.” Her eyes widen accusingly and I have to chuckle at her attempt to guilt trip me.
“Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, he’s got a girlfriend, Mrs. Walker.”
I shoot Emily a look, warning her to zip it, but she smiles back at me with a big toothy grin.
“Really? Tell me all about her. And Emily please call me Carol, sweetie.” My mom isn’t even talking to me. She’s sitting next to Emily’s bedside trying to get the juicy scoop from her. It’s ridiculous.
“And he’s bringing her down to Venice?” My mom’s eyes pop up to mine asking for confirmation and I give her nothing. “Well let’s hope he’s smart enough to bring her by to meet the family.” She sits back and begins rummaging through her purse. “Now, enough about Damian, I brought you the first book in the Harry Potter series. Do you want me to read it to you?”
Emily’s eyes sparkle as she nods and lies back down.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m going to let you two catch up. Call me and we can have dinner when you’re done.”
I give them both a kiss on the head and head out. I love my mom. She’s probably the best mom in the world, and when all is said and done, I can only hope Emily finds a mom just like her.
“So tell me about Addison Peacock?”
My mom stayed with Emily for a few hours until she fell asleep. Meeting me at one of the Mexican restaurants on State Street, she’s put her menu down and is staring at me with pure curiosity in her eyes.
“She’s my neighbor and no, she’s not my girlfriend.”
Nodding she takes a sip of the blended strawberry margarita in front of her.
“But she must mean something to you.”
Placing my menu on the table, I look my mom right in the eye. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Uh oh. This doesn’t sound good.” She slowly puts her drink back down.
I don’t really want to talk about my love life with my mom. Especially when at the moment there isn’t much to tell. But she is my mom, and I don’t want to shut her out either. Huffing out a frustrated sigh, I throw my menu on the table.
“Okay, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up.”
She stays silent, her soft eyes silently telling me to continue.
“Addison means a lot to me. I don’t want to mess it up. So, I’m taking it slow until she’s ready. She’s had a rough few years and needs some time, but yeah, there’s something there.”
Smiling she focuses her attention back on the menu until the server appears to take our order. And that right there is why I love my mom so much. She doesn’t ask me another question about Addison, doesn’t pry, doesn’t question my decisions or my thought process, she got what she wanted, confirmation that there is a woman in my life and that I’m working on it. She knows if I need advice, I’ll ask. My mom is fucking perfect.
We spend the next few hours catching up on Emily and how her treatment is going, how Thomas is trying to keep me at a distance, and how my own attorney is working on getting me some sort of temporary guardianship so that I can have a say in what happens to her. Although none of it looks good from my standpoint.
“That poor little girl. There has to be something else we can do.”
When I learned Megan had a daughter, I kept that information between Reed and me. When she ended up sick two years later, I called my mom, pushing the guilt and shame to the side I knew I needed her advice in figuring out the best way to help Emily. My mom lives in Malibu with my stepfather and I still have two brothers in high school that need her, but when she can drive up and visit, let Emily know she’s cared for, she makes the effort.
“Well, when you come up with a brilliant plan, let me know.”
We eat dinner, and she’s able to get a few more details about Addison out of me. My mom has always had a sixth sense of knowing how to fix just about any problem and she’s never failed in being there for me . . . ever. So, while I’m sad to see her go, I feel a new sense of awareness, like I can see the world a little clearer now.
For the first few weeks of Damian’s arrival in my apartment building, I looked forward to our morning routine. Watching him drink his coffee shirtless on our respective balconies and wondering who was going to come out with the craziest coffee mug was the highlight of my day. But ever since we came to some sort of truce over our one night of life altering sex, our nightly routine has become my favorite part of the day. For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every night going for a run, then we eat dinner, and in some form or fashion, I always end up lying between his legs, my back to his front as he wraps his arms around me, and we gaze up at the stars.
He hasn’t kissed me since the night he left me standing breathless on our front porch, and talking about sex is out of the question. But I now know more than ever, that what we shared that night was so far from a mistake, that if I could take those words back, throw them out to sea and anchor them to the bottom of the ocean, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I messed up and I have no clue how to make it any better.
“I think I may lose my job,” I say as I snuggle further into his body, his strong arms embracing me.
“Why? Did you take the sex for money offer you told me about a few weeks ago?”
I gently jab him with my elbow and he grunts in reply. “Thomas keeps asking me to work on Emily’s case, and I keep finding reasons why I’m too busy. That excuse is only going to last so long.”
Damian’s arms squeeze me tighter. “Quit. Come work for me.”
I sit up a little and look back at him. “You mean fight for custody of Emily for you?”
He shakes his head. “No, I already have a team of attorneys working on that. I’m not getting Emily, but they’re trying to find some way for me to have a part in her life, guardianship or something like that. Maybe getting my mom involved.”
“Your mom?” This is all news to me. I assumed Damian had attorneys, but he’d never mentioned it before.
“Yeah, my mom’s raised eight kids, she and my stepdad can certainly afford to bring Emily into our family. I don’t know. It was a thought I had the other day and my team is trying to figure it out. But I’m sure I have a place for you in Extreme Mindlessness.”
I’m going to ignore that comment for now. First, I’m not interested in working for a fitness company and second, there’s no way I’m going to work for Damian. There’s too much that can go wrong with that scenario. I am however interested in this new development with his mom. Part of me thinks this idea is genius, the other is slightly hurt he never ran this idea past me before. I know Damian is close with his mom, but I had no idea they were close enough to discuss Emily’s future or that his mom would want to be a part of it. This is a huge reminder that he hasn’t let me inside his inner shell, and I don’t like the feeling one bit.
“Why are you scowling?” he asks as he sits up and his hands cup my face.
“I’m not scowling. I’m thinking.” I pull my face back slightly so he can’t touch me and his eyes open wide in surprise.
“Are you thinking about pouring that glass of wine over my head? Because you don’t have such a nice look on your face.”
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
He looks confused. “In what way?”
“In every way.”
“Addison, where are you going with this line of questioning?”
Debating how best to say this without soun
ding like a schoolgirl, I finally just blurt it out. “My feelings are hurt that you’ve been working on some plan for Emily, and you didn’t tell me about it before.”
My insides are angry, my throat thick with tension that I’m risking my job for him and yet he hasn’t given me the decency to let me into every part of his life. I know we’re not a couple, but dammit, except for the sex, we’ve been acting like one for the past few months. If he wants me to give him more than one night, he has to give me a little more of him. He’s got to give me something to let me know I’m not going to wake up one day and find him gone. I’ve already lived that nightmare once and I’m not interested in living through it again.
He doesn’t answer me, instead he grins, and his arms slide around my sides as he pulls me down on top of him. His breath is warm in my ear. “Addison, I literally came up with that plan this morning. But it is such a fucking turn on that you care so much that you’d get mad at a little late information. And if we were having sex, I’d do you right here on this lounge chair.”
Yes! Desire slams into my body at the thought of Damian taking me right here and instantly I have never wanted to have sex so badly. In this moment I know, I want this—always. Us as a team. I’ve always wanted to be a part of a team; maybe that’s why I’m obsessed with reality television. People working together to make stuff happen.
Matt was supposed to be my team. Then Paige and Mia became my team and I love them, but there is a void that I’m ready to fill, a loneliness that has been crawling all over the outer edges of my heart for years now. I never thought I’d get here, moving past the hurt and betrayal that I’ve lived with for so long. Damian was right when he said I needed to have sex, life-altering sex to move forward. I haven’t thought much about Matt for the past two weeks. And surprisingly, my phone’s been blissfully silent. For someone who claims to have left his wife for me, I’d think he would work a little harder at getting my attention, do everything in his power to make me believe he really wanted me. But Matt is not a man who can be trusted, and I need to remember that.