“Matt!” Her fingers clawed at the tile as I sent her over the edge only to dive in right after her.
Parker’s body trembled with aftershocks as she slumped against me. I pulled out and then picked her up in my arms and kissed her chin, her mouth, her eyes. “So proud.”
“We’re not done, right?”
“Done?” I searched her eyes. “Parker, what’s wrong?”
“You’re done coaching me.” She stared straight at my chest like she was afraid to look at me. “And you’ve admitted you need to find me a new agent, but . . .”
“MATT!” Willow roared, pounding urgently on the door. “I have an idea about this agent thing.”
I let out a deep sigh. “Not now, Willow!”
“But I think that if you just . . . actually tell me yes or no.”
“Yes?” I shook my head. “Can we do this later?”
“It’s going to solve everything, just give me the go-ahead.”
“Go away!” I gave Parker an apologetic look.
“So that means do it?” She knocked again.
“Yes, just go!” Good luck, Jagger. Good. Luck.
“Hey.” I set Parker down on her feet. “Just tell me what’s in your head right now.”
“You.” Her lower lip trembled. “You and soccer, sometimes tacos, and randomly I’ll think about a pancake.”
My lips twitched. “Really?”
“I don’t want to be done. I don’t want this to be done.” She slid her hands down my chest.
“Parker, just because I’m not your coach doesn’t mean we’re suddenly done . . . this relationship wasn’t based on any of my job titles, or the fact that you’re an athlete.”
Her eyes lit up as she met my gaze. “So you’re saying . . .”
“I’m saying I’m not letting you go.” I cupped her cheeks with my palms. “I’m saying that you’re my girlfriend, that you’re mine. That I’m not kicking you out just because you think that for some reason your worth and our identity as a couple are based on anything other than my desire to be with you because of you. And for the record, I don’t give a fuck what people say, I just want you.”
She nodded, her arms tangled around my neck so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. “I needed to hear that.”
“I’ll tell you that every day until you believe me.”
“I may need it every day.”
My chest contracted as I let myself feel her body press against mine, let myself soar with the possibility that this was real and that nothing was going to stand in the way.
And just when I was getting comfortable with the idea that this could be our future, the ball dropped.
Because I’d completely forgotten it was hanging there in the first place.
Waiting to strike.
Waiting to destroy.
Chapter Thirty-One
PARKER
I was too excited to sleep that night.
I would get an offer this week, possibly even today, according to Matt.
The excitement was something tangible I could focus on. I knew I was already driving the entire household crazy. Every time I heard a cell phone ring I was ready to tackle the person answering it.
It just wasn’t the good news.
It was news in general that didn’t have to do with Erik or with the vandalism. It had been two days, and the police had nothing. At least it forced Matt to set up cameras around the house.
And that was the other annoying thing. Every time the Ring app went off on my phone, I jumped a foot. Apparently, it detected the slightest motion and picked up on everything from the UPS guy to a bird flying in front of the house. Needless to say, it made me feel both paranoid and oddly safe.
I flipped through a few more channels on the TV and checked my cell. It was nine a.m. the day after tryouts.
Nine a.m. and I was already driving everyone insane.
I clapped my hands in front of me, rolled my eyes, then reached for the remote again and flipped through the channels.
“. . . developing story about a love affair gone wrong.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on edge as I watched the news channel.
A girl about my age described how her doctor had touched her inappropriately. I recognized her as one of the elite ice skaters that had made it to the Olympics during the last trials. She was so pretty, young, successful, and already had her own Wheaties box.
And she didn’t look like herself as she cried in front of the reporter. It was like she was watching someone else relay the story, like she was trying to separate herself from the actual attack. I knew that hollow feeling well. If you admitted it, it had happened. A picture flashed of the team doctor. He was young, attractive, and had been one of her personal physicians for four years.
And according to her, for four years he had taken advantage of her, molested her, and when she spoke up had countersued her for ruining his reputation.
According to him, she was angry he had refused to give her a cortisone shot, and because of that she blamed him for not getting a gold medal. “I would never put my license at risk—no matter who asked me,” he said smugly to the camera as he left court. “No more questions.”
My stomach dropped. This was me. I was watching my life through someone else’s eyes, someone braver, someone willing to risk it all to protect those around her, willing to put her reputation on the line because wrong is wrong. No is no.
“Sources are confident this is going to be a long battle between the two, since Miss Davenport didn’t come forward until recently, when allegations that the doctor had been mistreating other women were discovered.”
I needed to do something.
Say something.
My body vibrated with rage.
My cell went off again.
Stupid Ring app.
I flipped off the TV.
My brain was going a million miles a minute. Was I just as bad as Erik? For not saying anything? For not going to the right people? I thought I had when I told my therapist, without realizing she was sleeping with Erik and had been for months.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
This was supposed to be a happy day.
A happy week.
And still, he haunted me.
Would it always be like this?
“Parker?” Matt’s voice sounded different. I jerked my head in his direction and waited for the good news. Instead, he looked uneasy.
“I didn’t make the team.” I hung my head.
“No, I’m not sure about the team yet, but I did just get a phone call from Darius. He wanted to know if he could stop by and talk with you. I told him he was welcome to come. He was already in the car and should be here in five or ten minutes.”
My chest felt heavy as I tried to read Matt’s expression. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He stared at me for a few brief minutes before saying, “He asked about our relationship.”
“As in our working relationship?”
“As in our romantic relationship . . . he wanted to know if it was a trend . . .”
“If what was a trend?” I fired back. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t know how he knows, Parker. God knows we were careful, but someone tipped him off about Erik. All he knows is that according to an unnamed source, you pursued your coach in order to further your own career—and all he knows from that same source is that you are living under my roof, under my care, while I coached you, and that last night we were seen at a stop light kissing, with you in nothing but your sports bra.”
My mouth dropped open as terror threatened to split me in two. The very man I wanted—I needed—to tell me it was going to be okay was looking at me like it wasn’t, like we couldn’t come back from this. Like I never would.
“Matt . . .” I licked my dry lips. “I need you to be my agent now. Tell me what to do, how do I handle this?” Tears welled in my eyes as my throat got thick and heavy. “I don’t know how to lie to him and I don’t want
to. I don’t want to lie about us, but if I don’t—”
“I get it,” Matt said softly. “And I’m going to make it easy on you, Parker. Choose your dreams.” He didn’t touch me, didn’t walk over to me and pull me into his arms. “I’m not the reason you’re here, you’re the reason you’re here, your talent, your tenacity—it’s you. Worry about you. Not me.”
“But . . .”
He silenced me with a sad smile.
“That can’t be the only option!” I jumped to my feet.
“It is the only option,” Matt said through clenched teeth. “Right now you’re just another one of my athletes ready to sign what should be a seven-figure deal with one of the best teams in the US. As your agent, it’s my job to tell you that another option doesn’t exist!”
“You mean we don’t exist.” I hung my head as a solitary tear dripped from my cheek onto the expensive concrete floor.
Matt braced my shoulders with his hands, his face filled with agony, his smile gone. “When he walks in that door, the only thing that matters is your soccer career.”
I reached for him, fisted his shirt in my right hand, and pulled him close. “And when he walks out?”
Matt’s eyes fell to my mouth. “I wish I knew.”
The doorbell rang.
He crushed his mouth to mine then.
And I hated that kiss.
I hated it more than I hated anything.
Maybe even Erik.
Because it tasted like good-bye.
“I’ll get it!” Willow yelled in her usual everyone-must-be-wearing-ear-plugs-so-I-need-to-double-the-effort fashion.
Matt hung his head, and we broke apart. I counted the seconds from the time his fingertips left my skin, from the moment he backed away, and then, when he left me standing in the foyer to greet the coach, I had to ask myself, Was this the most important dream I had?
Or had Matt given me another one?
I was too confused to think.
All I knew is I wanted both.
The man, the dream. They weren’t complete without each other, I just didn’t know how to have both while still protecting him, protecting us from my past, my reputation, without killing his and my future with my new team—that is, if they still wanted me.
“Parker!” Darius waltzed right in and shook my hand. “I hope you got some rest last night?”
My mind flashed to images of Matt and me in the shower, him licking down my neck, my hands pressed against the cold hard tile as he filled me, as we became whole and just stayed that way as water cascaded over our bodies.
“Yeah,” I croaked. “I crashed pretty early.”
Next to me, Matt didn’t as much as smirk. He was back to being the asshole agent who’d screw his own grandma in order to ink a deal, wasn’t he?
I thought that was what I needed.
What I wanted.
But now I knew the truth.
Behind all of the business was a man, a wonderful man who made me laugh, who held me when I cried, who helped me chase a dream I wasn’t sure I could still chase without getting laughed out of the stadium.
“Willow, why don’t you grab some coffee?” Matt flashed his megawatt grin toward Darius. “So what would you like to officially discuss?”
Darius folded his hands as he sat, his cheeks pinked a bit, making me even more uncomfortable as I waited.
“It’s none of my business, it really isn’t.” Darius cleared his throat a few times, then pulled off his ball cap, ran a hand through his thinning, buzzed gray hair then put it back on. “Someone called and said they saw you two kissing after tryouts. Normally that kind of thing is not any of our business, but they prefaced it with a story about your relationship with your coach in college.” Darius cleared his throat. “This person said you were in a sexual relationship in hopes that he would help further your career.”
My entire body stiffened.
“Again, this isn’t any of my business. I was getting ready to offer you a starting position, but our club is newer than others. Our reputation banks on girls who are good role models, so I need to know that we have nothing to worry about.”
I couldn’t find my voice as Willow waltzed over and handed him a cup of coffee. “What are we talking about?”
“Um . . .” I shook my head. “Let me start with college . . . I was . . .” This was it, wasn’t it? The crossroads people talk about. Where you’re forced to do the right thing even though it feels wrong, like you’re standing in front of a firing squad ready for the countdown to begin.
My heart thumped painfully against my ribs.
My body was sore.
My head hurt.
And then I opened my mouth and the words just came out. “I want to be a good role model. I just don’t think I’m that person, at least not as I am sitting across from you right now. Because I kept a secret.” Tears filled my eyes as Matt’s stunned expression met mine, one of shock and then pure love as he nodded slowly. “I was raped by Erik Sluvan when I was twenty-two years old. He was my coach. He was an authority figure. I had no romantic relationship with him. No relationship whatsoever outside of being one of his star athletes. I punched him in the face because he punched me in mine when he tried to rape me. I punched him because he didn’t understand the word no. And the only other person I’ve ever told is Matt, who’s been trying to convince me to come forward. But I’m scared. I’m scared you’re going to look at me as someone who’s playing a victim.” I found strength in my own voice even as my hands shook, as my body jerked forward. “I am a victim. I’m a victim of a man who would do anything to get what he wants and who preys on innocent women. He sent me to anger management after the first time, you know.” I shook my head and stared down at my hands. “When I confided in the therapist about what happened, she told Erik everything. I later learned that they were sleeping together, so my complaint is not even in the school records, and according to everyone involved, I’m just an angry girl who got pissed at her coach and became a diva. I’m still angry, but I’m angry because if I cry anymore over this, I’m afraid it might break me. This isn’t about soccer, Coach, this is about . . . someone helping me heal and fight for my dreams, the very dreams Erik tried to kill the minute he told me to take my clothes off.”
Darius was very quiet.
He stared me down for longer than seemed necessary. And then he stood.
Was he just going to leave?
I stood with him, not sure what to do.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe. When he pulled away, he had tears in his eyes. “I have two daughters.” He wiped at his eyes. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I would tell them.”
I waited in tense silence.
“Next time go for the family jewels and kick them twice.”
I exhaled in relief and laughed through my tears. “Yeah, I’ll remember that.”
“Practice starts next Monday, on one condition.”
“Anything.” Was this really happening? Was I not getting punished? Why was my head still so twisted that I thought I was the one that would get into trouble for his mistakes? I hated him. I hated him so much.
“You file a police report.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “You file a police report so they can look into it. I doubt you were the first, or the last, Parker. Men like that, they don’t just stop because someone punches them in the face on national TV, alright? I think this will not only help you move on, but help you save others. This is why you’re going to be a leader, because you’re going to do the hard thing. I need you to do the hard thing.”
I took a shaky breath as respect for this man bombarded me from all sides. He was right. And suddenly Matt’s words about men being men and not being like Erik hit me full force. They were both right. “Okay. I’ll call the police. I’ll file a report.”
“Good girl.” He winked. “I’ll send the practice schedule over to your agent.”
“You got my email.” Matt held out his
hand.
“Oh, actually”—Willow stood and grinned—“that would be my email. Because of the romantic relationship between these two we didn’t feel it would be professional for Matt to continue representing Parker. She’s officially my first client, but I look forward to many future dealings, Darius, and might I add, that is a fantastic jacket!”
“Oh . . .” He beamed. “Yes, well, the wife has good taste.”
“In more ways than one.” She winked.
I would have gagged at her flirting had I not been so shocked. I gawked at Matt, who looked just as stunned.
“Oh, and Darius”—Willow put her hand on his arm—“let me escort you out. I expect that the travel schedule will be accompanied by her signing bonus and details of her new contract?”
“Trained her well, Kingston.” Darius barked out a laugh as they walked over to the door like I didn’t just confess all of my dirty laundry to my future coach.
I’d had no other choice.
And instead of breaking down and sobbing against the nearest solid object—that being Matt—I smiled.
Once the door shut, it was Willow who was in tears. Willow who ran at me full speed, pulled me into her arms, and then shook me. “I would have killed him for you. I still can.”
Mascara stained her cheeks. She tried to wipe it away, only to make it worse.
“Willow?” Matt cleared his throat. “What’s this ‘you’re her agent’ business?”
A grin stretched across her face. “You were in the shower. You gave me the go-ahead through the door. But I was ready to veto your vote because you were both naked, and I figured the only way for you guys to be together without speculation was for me to take her on, duh. It’s like two and two. Peanut butter and jelly. Cake and milk—”
“We get it.” Matt held up his hand. “But you realize that’s not the only issue, right? She’s a lot younger than me, and—”
I sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly hurt he would bring up another hurdle after all the healing and closure I’d just experienced. “Don’t give me that look.”
His tone was gentle. “Willow, give us a minute.”
Kickin’ It Page 19