“I heard what ya’ said child. What would make ya’ say such a horrid thing?” Owen interrupted, leaning forward in his chair and looking at Liffey over his spectacles.
“Well, hasn’t anyone ever come to ask to court me Da?” Liffey asked.
“Well, last fall, that Thomas Kennedy had approached me after church and asked if it was agreeable to me but since you hadn’t so much as given him a look, I told him I’d speak to you about it. Then later I’d heard he had asked to court someone else on the same day and I figured him a scoundrel and changed me mind. Besides, I didn’t like how he asked, ‘Mr. Whelan, that girl of yours with the strawberry hair.’ Girl? For heaven’s sake he could have at least had the decency to know yer name,” Owen answered.
“Well thank heavens for that, Da!” Liffey said with a smile.
“To answer your question Lif, yer beauty is unquestioned. You are perhaps a bit shy and reserved and maybe even a bit mature beyond your years. Maybe if you were a little more open to the young men and even friendly, they’d be more inclined to greet you and ask, do ya’ think?” Owen added.
“That’s what Teagan said. I told her I didn’t think it proper for me to look at the boys and she said I was being too old fashioned and it was perfectly acceptable to look and even to smile at the ones I like.”
“That Teagan sure is ahead of her time isn’t she, Lif?” Owen laughed.
“Yes but at least she has her beau and she’s obviously very happy about it,” sighed, Liffey.
“Come here to yer Da,” Owen said, motioning for Liffey to come and sit in his lap.
“Oh how I thank me Lord for only giving me two daughters. I don’t know how Mr. and Mrs. Olsen get any sleep a’tall!” Owen joked.
“Oh Da! You always know how to make me laugh,” giggled Liffey as she buried her face in her father’s neck and he patted her on the back lightly.
“All right, all right now. You better be getting yerself upstairs or else you’ll be missin’ out on the good stuff from yer sister!” Owen said as he helped Liffey back to her feet and she gave him a kiss on his head.
“Thank you Da. I love you so,” she said as she hurried to the stairs and blew her father a kiss before heading up to her room.
When Liffey arrived at the door of the bedroom, she could hear Teagan and their mother speaking.
“Yes Ma. Yes, Eli gave me his promise and I gave him mine,” Teagan said.
“Well don’t you think it’s a bit soon to be making promises Teagan? This was yer first outing together for goodness sakes,” Sarah said as Liffey could hear the rustling of clothing and assumed her mother was helping Teagan out of her dress and its many layers of feminine fluff and binding.
“Ma, what are you saying to me? Are you saying I hardly know Eli? Because that is simply not true. We’ve known each other our whole lives. I couldn’t know anyone any better than I know Eli,” Teagan replied.
“No, I just think you might consider meeting other young men and broadening your choices a bit that’s all I’m sayin’ to ya,” Sarah said, placing her hands upon her hips as she always did when she was either angry or trying to make a point.
“Well I believe there’s not another alive who fits me better, Ma. Please, please allow me to choose who I want and I certainly hope all of this isn’t because of his chosen profession because that is of no concern to me considering I’ll be a doctor,” Teagan said as she pulled her night gown over her head.
“So you still have it in ya’ head to be a doctor do ya’?” Sarah asked sounding as if she were for once defeated.
“Yes and Da is already thinking on it, Ma. I believe he will see things in my favor and will allow me to go to medical school next year,” Teagan said as she began washing her face over the basin.
Liffey decided she would make her presence known finally and tapped lightly on the door.
“Come in!” Teagan called, hoping whoever it was would enter the room and bring this conversation to an abrupt end.
Liffey pushed the door open slowly and said, “I hope I’m not interrupting but I’d like to get ready for bed.”
“Unless Ma has anything else she’d like to discuss?” said Teagan as she crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over herself and laid back on her pillows.
“No girls. I’ll say goodnight. Sleep well.” Sarah said as she walked out of the room and shut the door.
“Teagan?” Liffey said as she began to undress. “Can you help me?”
“Thank you, Liffey,” Teagan said, climbing out from under the cover and helping her sister out of her clothes.
“Thank me for what?” asked Liffey, knowing full well why Teagan was giving her thanks.
“For coming in when you did. I thought Ma would never leave,” she said, handing her sister her night gown.
“Oh. Well, you know Ma is always looking out for our best interests, Teagan. I’m sure she meant well,” Liffey said as she washed her face and picked up the comb to help Teagan with her hair.
“I’ll comb you first tonight,” said Liffey as she pulled the stool out from their small vanity.
“You’re such a wonderful sister, Liffey. Sometimes it feels as if things don’t ever truly happen unless I tell you about them. May I?” Teagan said as she sat watching her sister in the mirror, combing out her long black locks.
Liffey was elated. She had sat almost the whole evening waiting for her sister to return just for this very moment. She had often thought of this conversation in reverse but now it didn’t matter who was speaking of their first romance, as long as one of them was and she was thrilled Teagan was eager to share.
“Go ahead, I’m listening,” Liffey said as she continued to comb Teagan’s hair.
“Lif, I just want you to be aware of a few things where men and romance are concerned. First of all, if you find you love one, it’s almost impossible to stop once they put their arms around you and the kissing starts. I’ve never felt anything so powerful and exciting!” Teagan said, her eyes growing wider and her voice louder with each word.
“Shhhh…go on,” Liffey replied.
“Well, there were some very strange things happening inside of me Lif – things I’ve never felt before. Things that I never knew a girl could feel. Whatever you’ve heard or been told about boys and how they can’t wait to marry you so they can get your wedding dress off, well…” Teagan stopped and wondered if she was being just a bit too vulgar with her sister. She didn’t want Liffey to think her not proper but at the same time, she knew no other way to speak but the truth.
Teagan looked at her sister’s reflection in the mirror. Liffey was standing wide eyed, waiting impatiently for the remainder of her thoughts.
“Are you certain you want to hear this, Lif?” Teagan asked.
“I’m certain.”
“Well, no matter what, being a proper lady is the right thing to do. However, I’ll be your sister and tell you plain when you’re all tied up in those strong arms and he’s kissing you like that, you want to do the same things he does,” Teagan replied as she heard the comb drop to the floor.
‘Lif? Are you alright?” Teagan asked, turning and looking at her sister’s shocked expression.
“Teagan! You didn’t...” Liffey whispered.
“Oh, Liffey, don’t be ridiculous! Of course I didn’t!” Teagan replied. “Doesn’t mean I can’t want to!” she giggled as she bent down to pick up the comb.
Downstairs, Sarah and Owen were back to their routine but Owen knew his wife long enough to know she was still weary and overwhelmed with thoughts of where their lives were headed with Ennis; the Ennis who as always, said his prayers and hopped into his bed joyfully. The Ennis who had sat in Owen’s lap and watched as the sun went down behind the trees, resting his head against his father’s shoulder and listening to him hum softly. The same Ennis who they’d always adored and gave thanks for every day, that he had lived. So much had changed, yet so much had stayed the same.
“Sarah, I’m headin’ to bed
. Don’t let yer worries keep ya’ from your proper rest, love,” Owen said as he placed the newspaper on the coffee table and kissed his wife on the cheek.
Sarah patted her husband’s face lightly and promised him she’d be to bed shortly. Again she found herself drifting back to her home in Ireland and that terrible day when she was told they would be leaving for America at the end of the week. She’d felt all of her happiest days would soon be behind her. How wrong she was. She and Owen had found a different kind of love. In Owen she found stability, protection, loyalty and above all a flame that had flickered but never extinguished. Although she hadn’t truly shared his bed since Ennis’ birth, he had never wavered in his love or devotion to her nor had she ever doubted his fidelity.
Her new worry was that Teagan had found that all too brightly burning kind of love which could push her too soon to the brink of no return with Eli. She feared that someday, she would hate him for it, once their passion waned and the children came and long hard work days had taken their toll. She asked herself had she any regrets for loving that fire in Dillon as she had and to her surprise, the answer was no. Teagan was so much like her and she had to accept that Teagan had to touch the stove to believe it was hot – just as she had when she was young. Her children were growing up; remembering the strife she had given her own parents, allowed her to agree in her heart to let them.
Over the years, she had wondered if Dillon had kept his word and followed her to America or if he had stayed in Ireland and married another and was now raising a family of his own. Once she had consented to being Owen’s wife, she had done it wholeheartedly and not looked back. After her first night with Owen, she soon found it almost impossible to recall how Dillon’s arms had felt, how his kiss had left her limp, or how his eyes had burned all the way to her soul. In her memories she did not betray Owen but it was impossible not to think on her first love from time to time. She had finally almost forgotten it all until that morning when Ennis looked up at her and overnight it seemed his eyes had turned from the deep blue of a newborn into their true and lifelong shade. She couldn’t understand how the only two people she had ever known in her life with eyes that color had both had such a profound effect on her. She wondered how it could be possible since they were of no relation. She’d only assumed this was some miracle which happened to allow her to remember Dillon fondly yet appreciate that life goes on.
Long before Ennis’ birth, she had lost something in herself. Whether it was due to her long hard days and nights or just from the years passing by, she felt she had lost her bloom and had nearly forgotten what a spirited and lively heart she once had. It had seemed an eternity since she’d seen that young girl in her mirror and felt she had grown into someone entirely different once she made her home in America.
Had it been her decision at the time, she’d have never left her home in Ireland – or Dillon – and certainly she would never have given up her horses. When she met Owen however, there was something familiar about him which drew her in. There was a part of him she felt connected to or that she already knew him somehow, which made the decision to marry him and follow him here to the country an effortless one. In this moment, she no longer had any regrets about her life, except that she had pushed Owen away. Although she did not wish another birth, she missed him and longed for his arms around her again. Six years was like a lifetime for a man to have to live without the intimate affections of his wife.
Sarah knew that their family was strong spiritually and their bonds of love were unquestionable. She prayed for faith and guidance but finally as Owen had, she decided that it was all in God’s hands and with each day, they would allow Ennis’ journey to unfold and whatever the outcome, they would guard him and preserve his innocence. Tonight, she would allow herself the freedom to sleep peacefully in knowing this. She would also permit herself to be loved again by Owen and love him back. Perhaps she’d have no sleep this night at all – but once permission to be a whole wife again had overtaken her thoughts, slumber was now the last thought on her mind.
Chapter Fifteen
Fagan was up before dawn, taking care of the horses by lantern light. Ennis peered from the window, saw the soft glow in the barn, and decided he should investigate. He climbed quietly out of bed so as not to disturb Patrick and slipped on his shoes. He was so quiet and light that the stairs barely creaked as he stepped down them and slipped out the back door.
“Oh, Ennis! You scared the devil out of me!” shouted Fagan when he saw his little brother’s face peeking around the corner into the barn. “What are you doing awake?”
“I saw the light in the barn,” Ennis replied.
“So you felt it prudent to come all of the way out here? What if I were a horse thief?” Fagan asked as he picked up his brother and sat him on a bale of hay.
“That’s just silly, Fagan,” Ennis replied. “Why are you awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep is all,” Fagan answered, steadily brushing Molly.
“You’re worried about something. I can tell,” Ennis whispered.
“Worried? Me? What do I have to worry about?” asked Fagan smartly, still not stopping the steady stroking of the brush over Molly’s back and down over her thick belly.
“Mary.”
Fagan stopped the brushing immediately and looked over the horse’s back at Ennis’ solemn expression.
“Why would you say that, Ennis? What do you know?” asked Fagan, going back to his work.
“I can feel it. Something is worrying you. Mary has a secret and it’s bothering you,” Ennis continued.
“Now Ennis, that’s enough. What on earth? Ennis if you’ve heard something then you need to tell me now,” Fagan stated firmly, as he set the brush down hard and walked quickly around Molly and stood in front of Ennis with his arms folded across his chest.
“I don’t know what her secret is Fagan, I only know that you are worried about her and that you want to know what it is so that you can help her,” Ennis replied, looking straight into his brother’s eyes.
“I think you should go back to bed now,” Fagan said as he understood what was happening and how Ennis knew. This wasn’t the discussion to be had with a six year old at five o’clock in the morning, though, or maybe at any time of day.
“I can help you if you want,” Ennis said eagerly.
“How, Ennis? How can you help? You’re only a child,” Fagan said, turning away.
“I can help you like I helped Teagan only she doesn’t know yet,” Ennis said with a smile.
“What? Oh Ennis, you’re making my head hurt. Please just go back to bed,” Fagan said, leading Molly back into her stall.
“She asked me to touch Eli and find out what he was feeling when he saw her all dressed to go out. He was mighty happy and some other feelings that I have no idea of,” Ennis laughed.
“So wait Ennis, what you’re saying is that you can tell what someone is feeling? How?” Fagan asked, sitting down next to Ennis on the hay.
“Just by touching them, but it’s getting easier now. All you did was lift me up and I knew right away it was Mary who kept you awake,” Ennis replied.
“You’re saying you could touch Mary and find out what her secret is?” Fagan asked, now giving his brother his undivided attention.
“Well, I don’t know if I will find out her secret, but I might be able to find out if you’re what’s troubling her Fagan.”
“This is just madness, Ennis. No, I just can’t believe this. Well, I know you just showed me it is true and of course the other things but…”
“I guess you’re right. It’s better if I don’t meddle in things I don’t understand,” said Ennis sadly as he leaped down from the hay and headed out of the barn.
“Ennis?” Fagan called softly.
Ennis turned around and looked back at Fagan, “Yeah?”
“I’ll bring Mary for dinner tonight,” was all Fagan said.
Ennis turned and continued back to the house and now noticed another soft lig
ht coming from the kitchen as he approached the back door. He stood on the outside of the screen door and could hear the soft laughter of his mother and father, coming from the kitchen.
“Owen, go back ta bed. I need to start breakfast,” his mother giggled as his father stood behind her, nuzzling at her neck.
“Only if you come back to bed with me, otherwise, I’ll just sit here at the table and watch ya,” Owen replied with a twinkle in his eye.
Ennis put his hand over his mouth and laughed to himself as he had never heard his parents so happy or so silly all at once. He sat down quietly on the porch, not wanting to interrupt such a lovely exchange between them. His curiosity was getting the best of him, and when it became quiet for a moment, he peeked in the door and saw his father holding his mother tightly in his arms, kissing her for what seemed like a very long time. Ennis turned away and giggled to himself again.
“Someone’s in the barn, Owen,” said Sarah. “Go and see who it is.”
“Oh, all right. If you give me one more kiss, me darlin’,” Owen said as he kissed her one more time and she pushed him toward the screen door. “Oh! You crazy Irishman! Don’t make me regret my weakness.”
Ennis scrambled to hide in the darkness as his father stepped right past him and headed towards the barn. Now he felt it was the appropriate time to make his presence known to his mother and he opened the screen door and headed inside the kitchen.
“Oh, Ennis! Was that you in the barn?” Sarah asked in surprise.
“No, Ma, it’s Fagan. I saw the light too and went to see who it was,” Ennis replied.
“Dontcha be doin’ that any more Ennis. You don’t know who could be out there,” Sarah said with her hands on her hips. “What’s Fagan doin’ out there anyway?”
“He couldn’t sleep. He was thinkin’ on Mary.”
“Did he tell ya’ that?” Sarah said as she began to toss coal into the stove and light it.
“Well, not in so many words I guess.”
“Well then how do ya’ know it was thoughts of Mary keepin’ him awake?”
Fireflies Page 13