Now she was back.
Diane Masters was beautiful, sexy, classy, sophisticated, blonde – all the things that she didn’t feel like when she wasn’t paying attention and giving herself a pep talk. There was no way she could compete with somebody like that.
Her already shaky confidence crumbled and collapsed.
Carefully, she pressed the power button, held, and waited till the phone went blank.
It was such relief to see it go blank and not have to see that photo anymore.
Then, paying great attention to every move, she brushed her teeth. Once she was sure that her enamel was probably all polished right off, she started getting ready, paying so much care to each step as if her life depended on it.
She felt like she was flying blind. In a way she was. She felt like that photo had been seared onto the inside of her eyelids and would stay there forever.
Harrison had been out with Diane Masters.
She tried to grab the right clothes, not forget underwear, find socks, get her books…
Harrison was dating Diane Masters.
She noticed, with interest, that her hands were trembling. She felt like her entire body might have been trembling, but she wasn’t too sure.
Harrison had been out on a date with the gorgeous, confident, sexy Diane Masters who wasn’t his stepsibling and would probably accept his proposal when – if – he proposed to her.
Leigh caught herself staring at her reflection in the mirror as if she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do next.
She saw herself, with her hair now beginning to curl again because she hadn’t straightened it recently, a little too long now. She saw her whiskey-colored eyes that she had always liked. She saw the even features, and the reasonably pretty face.
But all she really saw was that she didn’t have glorious blonde locks that looked sexily mussed up – had they been mussed up by Harrison’s hands? Harrison liked sliding his fingers into her hair. Had he done that with Diane?
“Leigh? Are you ready? I… Oh shit.”
Hana came in, and grabbed the phone from out of her hand.
“It’s fine. I turned it off. It’s all fine. I’m fine.”
Hana pulled Leigh onto the bed and sat down beside her, taking her hands in hers.
“Jesus, Leigh, your hands are like ice. Look… Well, shit, I don’t think you could possibly go to class like this. I’ll stay here with you.”
Leigh shook her head.
“No, of course you should go to class. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Everybody sent me the photo. Why did they send me the photo?”
Hana hesitated, as if she were debating something. She seemed to come to a decision.
“All right, it’s better for you to see everything instead of just a little bit. You’ll see it soon enough. Might as well get it all over with now.”
And Hana showed her the rest of the photos – Diane and Harrison at the event, Diane in Harrison’s shirt and jacket.
Finally, Leigh just held on to Hana and cried.
Chapter 10
Leigh was roused from fitful slumber by a knock on the door.
“Go away,” she mumbled.
She’d been saying that to people who wanted to see her a bit too much. It had been two days since she’d gone anywhere except classes that she really needed to attend, and none of them had been Roger’s.
Over the last forty-eight hours, she had convinced herself that fate was showing her that she couldn’t fool it even if she tried to fool herself. She had spent the last few months pointing out everything that was wrong with her relationship with Harrison. Then she had met a man with whom she had spent time that she could’ve spent with Harrison, if she’d wanted to.
Now Harrison was with a woman who wanted him, and who was prepared to give him what he wanted. She could hardly complain, after she had denied him what he needed and ignored him as if he were a footnote in her life.
“Open this door or I will kick it down.”
What followed were a few sounds that progressed from knocking to thumping to punching to, probably, solid kicking.
Damn, it was Emily. She would follow through on that threat, Leigh knew that perfectly well.
“Hold on,” she mumbled, and kicked her legs out from under the covers. She couldn’t seem to find her feet. They were numb. Damn it all, they were numb because she hadn’t closed the window and had fallen asleep with her foot sticking out from under the covers.
As if she didn’t have enough troubles already. As if she needed a foot she couldn’t feel as well as a heart she could feel a bit too much.
The assault on the door got steadily more serious and threatening.
“Goodness, Emily, for heaven’s sake, hold on, will you? I’m just looking for my damn foot! I’m opening the door! I’ll have to pay to get the damn thing fixed if you kick it down.”
Stumbling a little, Leigh opened the door and blinked blearily up at Emily. Emily didn’t look too happy.
That suited Leigh just fine. She wasn’t very happy, either. She knew that Emily had come to kick her ass, and maybe she deserved it a little bit, but she wanted a fight with somebody, and Emily would do.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Your roommate, who, may I say again, is a very sensible young woman, called me. I was free. Now I’m here. Step aside, Leigh, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I called Martha. Do you know how worried Martha has been? Did you even check in with them to see how they were taking the news? Those photos are all over the tabloids.”
Leigh winced. All the fight seemed to leak out of her at that little jab.
No, she hadn’t, because she had been too busy wallowing in self-pity.
“Do you know what Martha told me? That she had tried calling you, to see if you were all right, and you hadn’t even answered the phone. Do you know who is taking care of them? Harrison is. He’s being there for them. That is supposed to be your job, Leigh. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Leigh covered her face with her hands.
“I’ve been a little shit.”
Emily softened a little as she sat down beside Leigh on the rumpled bed that definitely needed a change of linen.
“You have. It’s unlike you. You’ve never been so self-centered. So what if your relationship went south? Last time I saw you, you were going to deal with your life here and put your parents first as far as everything else was concerned. What happened to all that?”
Leigh met Emily’s eyes miserably.
“There might’ve been something that I didn’t tell you.”
“I had a feeling there was. What would that be?”
“Well, there’s this guy.”
Emily snorted.
“Leigh, is a guy really what you need right now? The whole trouble started with a guy!”
Leigh nodded.
“I know, but, well, there’s sort of this guy.”
Emily looked like she might explode, before calming down and taking a few deep breaths.
“All right. Tell me about this guy.”
“This guest lecturer.”
Emily snorted again.
“Really, Leigh?”
“I know! I know, all right? I didn’t plan any of it, and it’s not like it’s such a big deal, he’s only taking the rest of the fall semester and then he’s leaving.”
“If he’s leaving, what’s in it for you?”
Leigh had to chuckle, despite everything. Emily had always been very practical and to the point that way.
“It’s a long story, but anyway…”
“Say it anyway.”
Leigh tried to find the words, and spoke carefully.
“He’s never taught before, apparently, not for an extended period like this. He’s very absentminded and keeps forgetting to take off his reading glasses. He wears odd socks sometimes. He cooks, but only occasionally, which is a good thing because otherwise we’d need a cleanup crew on standby all the time. He’s very intelligent, sees pa
tterns that most people miss. He lives in his own world half the time. And… He seems to like me. I’m the only person on campus who he’s really clicked with, or so I think. I helped him with setting up the house, and he helped me figure out a paper I’d gotten a bad grade on. But… He makes me feel comfortable. We can joke and laugh, and he understands what I want to talk about now. He understands being on campus after living a completely different life, he understands the pressures of all of this.”
Emily nodded slowly.
“It sounds like the two of you have a bit in common.”
“He has an ex-wife. He’s friends with her now. I hoped Harrison and I could at least be friends, but he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Did you try?”
“I did. Well, I turned up at his doorstep the night Roger – that’s the guy – and I had this long conversation about relationships. He doesn’t ask questions, Emily. He doesn’t insist on knowing what I’m thinking, or how I feel, unless I want to tell him.”
“So, he’s very unlike Harrison. Maybe the opposite of Harrison – except that he’s just as insightful.”
Leigh nodded.
“He is. I know, it’s all messed up. I shouldn’t have any feelings for him.”
“Do you?”
Leigh hesitated before deciding to be honest.
“The man is adorable and charming, Emily. If it weren’t for Harrison, I would’ve slept with him by now. He’s the kind of man I saw myself with – supportive, sweet, not very demanding, but still there for me. Not as intense and all-consuming as things were with Harrison.”
Emily smiled just a little bit.
“Soft and romantic, mostly dependable. Not the grand passion and grand gestures that Harrison is known for.”
Leigh nodded ruefully.
“That’s about it. It’s just… There would be no pressure with him. I could take things as slow as I wanted to and it wouldn’t be like I was letting him down.”
Emily slipped an arm around Leigh, and Leigh rested her head on her friend’s shoulder gratefully.
“I know I’m being all confused.”
“It’s all right to be confused. You’ve always been so certain of what you wanted. It’s fine that you’re feeling a little uncertain and off balance now. It happens to the best of us. You’re just not used to it.”
“You’re never confused.”
Emily’s chuckle was warm and somehow comforting.
“I’m always confused. I just make it look good. So now, where do you stand?”
Leigh considered shrugging and decided it was too much effort to move.
“I guess I’ve broken up with Harrison, and he’s moved on. He’s with somebody who looks like she belongs at his side. Good for him, I guess. There’s no reason why he should have to sit at home and mope just because we’re not together anymore. He never was one for moping. It’s one of the things I loved about him.”
“It was pretty quick.”
Leigh moved away, suddenly restless, and started pacing.
“There’s no time limit for such things. Sometimes, things happen for a reason. People come into your life because they’re meant to be in your life. Maybe that’s how it is with him and Diane. Maybe she was always the one for him.”
Emily shook her head slowly.
“I don’t think so. It really looked as if you were the one for him when you two were together. It always looked that way to me, to be honest. It was just a matter of finding each other.”
Leigh shook her head, denying the knowledge she had accepted as truth until a few weeks ago.
“Obviously, that was wrong. We weren’t meant to be together. Or we would’ve found a way to make things work. I would’ve found a way to make a place for him in my life, and not resent him for who he has to be. He would’ve found a way to not push me and make me feel like he wanted to take over my life. We would’ve found a way.”
Emily shrugged.
“The two of you gave up pretty quickly.”
“Maybe that’s because there wasn’t enough there to fight for, either. Maybe what I need to do is let go.”
Emily frowned.
“If you really think so, then you should consider letting him go. You can’t go on this way, Leigh, obviously. So, if you think letting go is the answer, then do that, instead of hiding under the covers like you’re six and you’re afraid of the monsters. Which, let me remind you, you never were. You used to challenge them, with that stuffed toy as your second. Harrison told me that.”
Leigh smiled. It was a weak and wobbly smile, but it was a smile, nonetheless.
“I guess. I guess I should. But… Emily, I know it’s unfair, but those photos. All I did was have dinner with somebody, and talk. I’m allowed to have dinner and conversation with people, aren’t I? But those photos are so much more. That was much more than dinner and conversation.”
“Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions.”
“Can you see any other conclusions you could saunter towards, even vaguely?”
Emily had to shake her head.
“No, but maybe it’s not as bad as it looks.”
“Or maybe it is just as bad, and I should take a leaf from Harrison’s book and just move on.”
“Leigh, you’re making me tired, just watching you pace. Now, if you do want to move on, why don’t you? Maybe what you need is a rebound. But either way, you do need to figure things out with Harrison. You can’t avoid him forever. You’ve got to talk to him.”
Leigh shook her head stubbornly.
“He didn’t want to talk to me. He doesn’t want to talk to me. Why would I want to talk to him?”
Emily rolled her eyes at Leigh.
“Because,” said Emily, with an elaborate pretense of patience, “he is family. And despite everything, even if you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not in love with him anymore, you do love him. That is something you cannot deny or escape.”
“Maybe I don’t.”
“And maybe you’re a bloody liar, and in denial. Don’t make it harder than it has to be, Leigh. You know you’ll have to deal with it. Might as well deal with it sooner rather than later. It becomes more and more difficult with time, you know that.”
Leigh shook her head again, even more stubbornly.
“No. He has made his choice, and I wish him well. But if he had any inclination to get in touch with me, he would’ve done so. Since he doesn’t, I’m sure it’s in no way imperative for me to get in touch with him, either.”
Emily threw up her hands in defeat.
“Fine, be a stubborn mule about it. See if it makes the slightest bit of difference to me. Now, I have only the day and you don’t look like you mean to go to class, so take me to that pub of yours.”
Leigh didn’t agree enthusiastically, but she agreed, and in half an hour, they were seated on stools at the pub and having a pint and peanuts.
“I don’t like peanuts.”
Emily grinned.
“Wouldn’t think it to see the way you’re shoveling them down.”
“Haven’t eaten anything.”
Emily frowned.
“I can see that. The ultra-skinny skeleton look is frankly not working for you, Leigh. I… Yes, may I help you?”
Leigh turned and, instinctively, raised her hands to her hair, which she had bundled up into a messy bun. Then she wondered if she stank. She couldn’t – Emily would’ve told her if she did.
“Emily! I mean… Oh, this is Roger. Professor Dr. Roger Hutton, Emily. I mean… Let me try again. Roger, this is Emily, my best friend. She’s a marine biologist and crusader who has no fear. Emily, this is Roger. I told you about him.”
“I hope you heard good things. Leigh, we missed you in class yesterday. I suspect somebody or the other is missing you in class today, too.”
Emily shrugged.
“I won’t flunk. I’m keeping my grades up. I can get a doctor’s note.”
“Not from your parents, you can’t. They won’t
do anything of the sort.”
Leigh glared at Emily.
“No, but remember the quack who prescribed me sleeping pills for a cold? I bet he would.”
Emily grinned.
“So, Roger, I hear you’re the most interesting man on campus.”
To Emily’s delight, Roger blushed like a ripe tomato.
“I wouldn’t say so. There are many interesting people on campus. Everybody’s interesting in their own right. It’s a very subjective matter of opinion, frankly.”
“And yet, it seems that I might share Leigh’s opinion in this instance. Would you like to join us, professor? It looks like you’re bunking class, too. Let’s all be very bad together.”
Leigh looked on with bemusement as Emily charmed Roger into staying, insisting on buying him a pint and perhaps some food, too.
In about half an hour, it looked like Emily and Roger were as thick as thieves – bonding over Leigh.
“Yes, she does have a problem with her attention wandering when she should be firmer with herself. But that is also how she asks all those interesting questions, so if we curb that instinct of hers…”
“Excuse me, but nobody here shall be curbing any instinct of mine, thank you very much,” interjected Leigh, amused.
Emily glanced at her watch and made a face of shock that Leigh recognized immediately as blatantly fake.
“Will you look at the time! I have got to run. I’ve got a few meetings set up with potential employers – ones that might actually appreciate me, this time. I’ve got to run. Please, no, don’t get up, Leigh. Stay, have fun. But turn your damn phone back on, and this time, if you try to duck my calls, I’ll come down again and I’ll kick your ass.”
Leigh nodded seriously.
“I don’t doubt that you will. Thank you, Emily.”
Leigh hugged her, tight, and Emily smiled against Leigh’s hair.
“I like him. Even if he turns out to be just a rebound, I think you could do a hell of a lot worse. But don’t live in denial too long, Leigh. You have to call him sometime. Take your time. Don’t avoid the truth. Don’t run away from it. But live your life.”
Being Harrison Bloom's Girl (That Forbidden Love Book 2) Page 11