“There’s a form somewhere... oh yes, here it is. You’ll have to fill it in, then return it to me and I’ll tell you what to do next.”
“Can’t you just tell me now?”
“No. It’s procedure.”
I sigh. This guy looks like he’s been doing this job for hundreds of years. Bureaucracy must be all he can remember by now.
I look at the form he’s handed me. Application for Immortality.
Yes, definitely a joke. Are there hidden cameras somewhere?
But there’s nothing else for me to do than fill out this form. He’s not giving me any answers, so complying is all I can do. Maybe that will somehow get me out of this strange place. Maybe it’s a dream? Is that why everything else is so hazy?
I pinch myself. Nope, probably not a dream.
With a frown, I start filling in the form, hoping that it’s worth my time.
First, it’s all the basic information about myself: name, date of birth, place of birth, parents, and so on. Then the questions get trickier.
What is your claim to Immortality? Choose from the options you’ll find in the Appendix, part I.
I choose birth or heritage as the most suitable answer. Having a Goddess as my mother should be a good enough reason.
How will you use your Immortality for the Greater Good?
That makes me think. Is helping look after the Winter Realm a good answer? Or is that just my job?
I scribble down a few sentences about using my position to help all people in the Realm live a prosperous and healthy life. I hope they don’t think that too idealistic. Even though I’ve not been directly involved in politics yet, I know that not everything in the Realm is perfect. There are poor people, there are diseases that can actually kill Guardians, there’s corruption and greed. A country - or Realm - can never be perfect, but I’ll do my best to get it closer to that goal.
Are you afraid of death?
I blink. Yes. I think I am. Who isn’t. If someone came up to me and asked whether I’d want to live or die, I’d say I’d want to live. Of course. And if that someone would then threaten to kill me, I’d be afraid. I’d fight.
I write a small Yes on the line, as if I’m trying to hide my answer.
Would you die to save someone else?
Immediately, I think of my men. Storm. Frost. Crispin. Arc. If one of them was in danger and the only way to save them was to die - yes, I’d believe I’d choose to die. I hope I would. It’s all good and well to think about it now, but in the actual situation? But yes, I think I really would. I love them too much to see them go.
Yes.
One last question.
What is a good death?
Another hard one. No pain? No tears? No guilt? No humiliation? No long, dragging death but a quick, painless one?
One that I wouldn’t regret.
That’s quite a vague answer, but I don’t even know who’s going to read this. If it’s the old man in front of me, I don’t think he’d actually look at my responses. He’d just put it on some pile of papers, to be forgotten for eternity.
“I’m done.”
I hand him the form and he looks at it in surprise.
“That was quick. Now, let me see, what do I do with this again? Ah yes, the test. I’m afraid I can’t administer that level of examination, so you will have to see one of my colleagues.”
“There are more of you?” I blurt out and cringe when he looks at me with the air of someone who’s just been insulted in the gravest manner.
“You don’t assume a library runs itself, surely?” he says, a bit piqued. “Follow me.”
He gets up with the sigh of someone who’s not walked around for a long time. I wonder if they have regulated working hours here. Holidays? Paid overtime? Somehow, I doubt it. He doesn’t look like he’s been outside in years.
I follow him out of his little room and along the corridor, around a few corners, past a row of doors that I could swear weren’t there before, until we reach a very large red door. It’s more of a gate, really.
“I’ll leave you to it. Return to me once you’re done.”
He shuffles off, leaving me alone.
I knock on the door and am surprised when someone knocks back on it from the other side. Is that my signal to enter? I carefully open the door and am almost crushed by a giant hand swinging towards me.
The biggest woman I’ve ever seen is staring at me, her fist extended in the air, ready to strike the door (and me). She must be a giant, there’s no other way for her to be this... big. She’s about three times as tall as me, and several times as wide. She’d be pretty if her features weren’t skewed somehow, as if they melted and then froze again. Her sleek black hair reaches her waist where a large belt shows off her figure. Several rings of keys hang from it, dangling with every movement she makes.
“Who are you?” she asks with a booming voice. I’m sure it’s her normal volume but to me it’s as if she’s screaming.
“Ehm... I’m here to be tested for Immortality.” I’ve never felt more stupid. What kind of sentence is that. And I can’t even refer to the man who brought me here because he never told me his name.
“Oh, I’ve not had one of you in ages. Come on in,” she says cheerfully and I have to fight against the urge to cover my ears. They should provide ear muffs for visitors.
For every step that she takes, I need to walk four. The room is more of an arena, large and round. The floor is covered in sand, but there are no stands and seats around it. There’s a giant chair at the other end of it, where the giantess now leads me. She plumps down on her seat and grins at me.
“What’s your name, race and age?”
I clear my throat. Let’s do this properly.
“I’m Wynter, Daughter of Beira and Heiress to the Winter Throne. I am half Goddess, half Guardian, and turned twenty-two last month.”
“Pleased to meet you, Wynter. I am Eithne, your assessor. If you’re really the daughter of a Goddess, this is only really a formality, but as you may have noticed, they take formalities very seriously here.”
She winks and I have to grin. I know exactly what she means.
“To prove that you are ready to become Immortal, you will need to pass three tests. One physical, one mental and one magical. Which one would you like to start with?”
Physical strength is what I don’t have, so I should probably do that first. That way, I still have mental energy. If that makes sense. No, it probably doesn’t.
“What happens if I fail the tests?”
“Then you die, just as you were supposed to. No rebirth, no Immortality. You’ll stay here or pass on, but you won’t return back to the living.”
I gulp. She makes it sound like I’m really dead.
I take a deep breath. “How did I die?”
She frowns. “Did nobody tell you? You were poisoned with the venom of a black dragon. I didn’t think they still existed, but it looks like someone found one and either killed it or forced it to give up some of its venom. In either case, they must be incredibly powerful to do such a feat.”
I swallow hard. Someone poisoned me. I’m dead.
The room begins to spin and I have to blink several times to get a grip on reality. Don’t faint. Don’t cry. Just be strong, Wyn, do these tests and then go home. To my men. Oh Gods. They must be furious. Or grieving. Or both.
“Does time pass the same way here as in the Realms?”
Eithne smiles at me. “That’s an excellent question. It depends on the Realm, but I believe the Winter Realm is aligned closely to the Library, so there shouldn’t be much difference. Maybe a few minutes less, give or take.”
“So I’ve been dead for hours. What’s going on with my... body?”
She laughs. “Don’t worry, your mother knows what’s going on. Beira founded this place, and she still comes here occasionally. I assume the reason she isn’t here right now is that she wants you to prove yourself on your own. Now, which test would you like to start w
ith?”
“Physical,” I mutter, my head spinning. My mother knows I’m here and didn’t come to bring me home? She doesn’t want to support me? I hope she at least told my Guardians that I’m not really dead... not yet, anyway.
Chapter Six
The Giantess takes out a massive clipboard and crosses her legs. She seems excited about the tests I’m about to undertake. If only I knew what they were - but I’m about to find out.
“The physical test... well, first, the rules. You may not use magic in any shape or form. You may not leave the room. You may not ask me for help. You may not forfeit. You may kill. You may maim. Understood?”
I nod. “Let’s get this over with.”
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a ghost to appear in front of me. It’s a man, mostly translucent and the rest of him is misty. His features are barely recognisable, so it could pretty much be anyone. But from his general stature, I assume it’s a man.
He walks, no, he floats towards me, his arms hanging loosely by his side. He doesn’t look very threatening.
“Am I supposed to fight him?” I whisper to the Giantess, but she doesn’t reply. Looks like I’m on my own.
She said something about killing and maiming. How am I supposed to do that without a weapon? I don’t have magic either, so all I have is my own pitifully untrained body. You know how they say, ‘I couldn’t hurt a fly’? Well, I probably wouldn’t be strong enough to. That’s how non-sporty I am.
The ghost comes closer and I take a step back when he stretches out his hands. If he touches me, will it hurt? Will I fail the test? I wish Eithne would tell me what to do. I can’t just attack a ghost without being provoked. Maybe he just wants to play...
Or not. His misty form suddenly turns bright red and his eyes begin to glow eerily. Now he doesn’t look as harmless anymore. His mouth opens and he lets out a wail that makes a cold shiver run over my back. What is he?
I stumble backwards as he becomes faster. He’s chasing me now. How am I supposed to fight him? I’m not sure I could even touch him, he looks far too insubstantial for that. My hands would probably go right through his body.
“What do I do?” I shout at the Giantess, but all she does is smile. Arrrggh. Time to change tactics.
“I don’t want to hurt you!” I tell the ghost while starting to run. “What do you want from me?”
His wail turns into a long, drawn-out word. “Liiiiifffeeeeeee.”
Oh. That’s not a good sign. He wants my life? My life force?
“Not possible. I’m dead, or so they tell me.”
He stops. Is his colour becoming slightly less red? Hard to tell.
“Nooooo liiiifffeeeeee?”
“No life. I was poisoned, so I’m no longer alive.”
His shoulders sag and the red colour leaves his misty body until he’s almost pure white again. If he had an actual face, I imagine he’d look sad.
“What do we do now?” I ask him, not expecting much of a reply. Wailing is all he seems to be able to do. Poor guy.
“Fiiiiiiiiiiight?”
I shake my head determinedly. “No, I don’t want to fight you. How about you go back to where you came from?”
“Piiitttyyyyyyyyyyy?”
“You want me to pity you?”
“Yeeessssssss.”
“Ehm, okay. I pity you. I wish you weren’t a ghost who had to get life from others.”
I hope that’s what he wants to hear. When he stays quiet, I add, “I pity you a lot.”
Eithne is trying to hide a chuckle, but with her loud voice, that’s nearly impossible.
“Thaaaaaaaank youuuuuuuuuuuu,” he wails and pops out of existence.
How very strange.
“What happens now? That was my physical?” I ask my examiner who’s still hiding her smile with a hand.
“He’s never behaved like that before,” she finally says. “He was supposed to touch you, then turn into an opponent that would be a challenge but not unbeatable. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what to do now.”
“Skip to the next task?” I ask hopefully and to my great relief, she shrugs.
“It says nowhere in the rules that you’d have to repeat it if the ghost leaves. You’ve not died, so you’ve passed the first test.”
I smile widely, then remember I have two more to go.
“Would you like to do the magical or mental test next?”
“Mental?”
“Alright, for that one you better sit down. I’d also recommend you keep your barriers up for as long as possible.”
I do as she says, wondering about that ominous warning. My mental barriers have become a lot stronger, but Arc is still able to break through occasionally. I don’t know how he compares to others though. He’s stronger than my other three Guardians, but maybe they’re just mentally weak? An image of Storm lifting an eyebrow slips into my mind and I have to smile. No, he’s definitely not weak.
I close my eyes and focus on my magic. She didn’t say anything about me being not allowed to use it. I nudge my magic to strengthen my mental barriers. The translucent globe around my mind turns a slight rainbow sheen, the sign that it’s working as intended. I do a quick check like Arc told me. No holes anywhere, no weak spots. The glass is smooth and strong, and hopefully impenetrable.
I smile as I remember the first time I learned how to do this. Arc tried to make me lower my barriers by pretending to be in danger – and it worked. He managed to get in easily, and then took away my clothes. Yes, that was fun. But I’ve learned my lesson. Whatever I will see isn’t real, and I won’t let anyone in, no matter who. I’m not going to be that stupid again.
My parents appear on the other side of my barrier, screaming.
Oh no.
My mother’s usually perfect hair is tousled and standing in all directions. There’s soot on both of their faces and their clothes are smouldering in several places. My father’s glasses are cracked and there’s a deep, bleeding gash on his forehead. Blood is running down his face and neck, staining his white shirt. What happened to them?
“Mum! Dad!” I shout, fighting to keep a hold on the barrier that every instinct in me is telling me to drop. My parents are in danger and I can help them. I need to.
My heart is fighting my mind. It’s not real. It has to be. But what if it is? What if they need help? What if they will die if I don’t lower my barriers? What if…
They’re starting to beat their hands against the glass dome, my dad’s leaving bloody handprints. They want to come in. Their mouths are forming words that I can’t understand, but it’s clear that they’re desperate.
What am I going to do?
My rational mind takes over for a moment and my thoughts become less frantic. What if… yes, that could work. I won’t need to lower my barriers if I extend them, enclosing my parents.
But I’ve never done it before, is it even possible? And is moving it or making it bigger easier? I’ll try moving first.
I take a deep breath and coax my magic out of her cave. I need all the power I can access if this is to succeed.
Another deep breath. Then I stretch out my hands and imagine pushing the barrier forwards, away from me. I’m standing in the middle of my dome, so even if I move it a little, I will still be inside. It’s big enough for me to do several steps in all directions; right now I’m glad I made it this large when I first created it.
The barrier is resisting, it doesn’t want to move. But it has to. I push as hard as I can. Pain is making its way into my temples but I ignore it. Push. PUSH.
Finally, it begins to move. Slowly, only the width of a hair, but it’s moving. It proves that it’s possible.
I draw more magic into my movement and will the barrier to shift.
It gets faster, but not any easier. Sweat is running down my face and my head is getting more and more painful. I won’t be able to keep this up for much longer.
My parents’ hands press against the barrier,
but now that it’s moving, they are slowly being sucked in. It’s not breaking the barrier, it’s as if it suddenly becomes elastic in those places, taking in my parents without letting anything else in. Like a membrane that is programmed to only accept certain things.
I smile when I see that their hands are fully in. Keeping my grasp firmly on the barrier, I run forward, grasping my mothers’ wrists, pulling her to me. With a squelching sound, the dome lets her in and she falls into my arms, making me stumble backwards in surprise. We crash to the floor, her on top of me, and we’re laughing and crying at the same time. My mother is here with me. My mum.
I jump up and pull my father in as well. He gives me a shaky hug.
“Well done, Wyn,” he whispers into my ear, then he’s gone.
They’re both gone, as if they were never here. But the smell of smoke and singed fabric still hangs in the air, telling me that it was at least partly real.
I take a deep breath, relief flooding me. I saved them without lowering my barriers. The pain in my head slowly dissipates until it’s only a small ache behind my temples.
I did it.
“Well done,” Eithne’s voice breaks through my concentration. I open my eyes and look at the smiling giantess. “I wasn’t sure at first if you’d be able to resist temptation, and I guess in the end, you didn’t, but you found a solution.” She clears her throat. “Not sure I’ve ever seen anyone do that before. It was a good solution, though, so you’ve passed the test.”
I sigh in relief. Two down, one more to go. The final task will be magical. I’ve left the easiest till last. Everybody’s constantly telling me how strong my magic is, so this shouldn’t be a problem for me.
My magic meows loudly in protest. Okay then. I admit, she’s been a little troublemaker recently. I’ve lost control of her not just once. But surely she’s interested in helping me now? If I die, she dies. I think. Nobody knows really, at least I haven’t found anything about it in the books in the Palace library. I read quite a few of them to find out why my magic is so much more autonomous than other people’s. Mine has a personality, hell, she’s even got her own rainbow cave inside of me. She looks like a cat and meows – maybe it’s just a sign of my craziness? Or is she different, unique? My mother couldn’t help me either; as the Mother of Gods and one of the first beings in existence, magic has always been instinctive for her. She wills things to happen and they do as they’re told. She doesn’t have to find a connection to the elements to use their intrinsic magic, she just thinks of setting something on fire and it happens. It was depressing to hear how easy it all is for her. Pity that kind of control of magic wasn’t passed on to me.
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