“No,” I said.
“Why not? I know you said there’s bad blood there, but wouldn’t this be a good reason to bury the hatchet?”
“What would it take for you to bury the hatchet with your father?” I asked. He pursed his lips thinking as he played with his salad.
“I don’t know. I don’t even think about him unless I have to.”
“That’s me and my parents. I don’t think about them unless I have to either. To be honest, Riley hasn’t even met them.”
“You’re joking.”
“They came to visit when he was born and that was it. Never saw him again, never send gifts, not even Christmas cards. It was like they forgot about me when they married me off. I didn't tell them when Russell died because I wanted to see whether they reached out first and they didn’t. I don’t want to ask them for help since they abandoned me, but I don’t want them in my life anyway. I don’t want to be beholden to them in any way so I’m not saying anything. If push truly comes to shove I’ll do what I have to do for Riley but before then, I don’t want to know.”
He nodded. “I suppose I understand.”
“I'm not happy with it but they haven’t been a family to me. They treated me like I was disposable to them. I think that’s grounds enough to cut the cord.”
“Fair enough.”
“Sorry. I know you'd rather not hear about my depressing life story.”
“I want to know everything about you,” he said. Don’t say things like that, I thought. If you don’t want to date him, how about you stop telling him stuff like that and opening up to him. Did Russell even know my middle name? Did he know what I was called before I became Edwina Nicholas? We never dated, the two of us. That wasn’t to say that unconventional marriages couldn’t work but you had to actually put the effort in to get to know your partner. Courtship didn’t stop after marriage, but Russell never bothered. Already, Niall was scoring points against him. This wasn’t good.
After lunch, I gave him a walking tour of the village. I had a complicated relationship with the place that had been my hometown for the last five years. It was quiet, peaceful, and friendly. There wasn’t too much in the way of modern comforts and once Riley was old enough for school, I would have to drive him thirty minutes to the nearest town, but it had become home. Whereas my life with Russell had been hell on earth, it had been set against the backdrop of an idyllic English village. I didn’t know where the next several years would take me since the future of the estate was uncertain. We didn’t have to live here fulltime to retain my son’s inheritance.
“Wait here,” Niall said, suddenly walking off the path we were strolling into a field.
“What? Where are you going?”
“I want to get you some flowers,” he said. He descended on a patch of wildflowers, gathering handfuls of them.
“Niall, you don’t need to do that.”
“No,” he said, panting a little, coming back up to me with a rough, handpicked bouquet. “Here, for you.”
I took the bouquet, unable to hide my smile. “Bit rough, isn’t it?”
He laughed. “It’s my proudest bouquet. I picked it.” It was my most cherished bouquet for the same reason. He wasn’t making this easy for me at all. What was I going to do? He didn’t need to be giving me flowers, he needed to be on his way back to London. Now.
27
Niall
My feet pounded the ground as I ran the trail through the grass. The sun was still a couple of hours away from setting, casting my shadow out long in front of me. I huffed, wiping sweat from my forehead as I ran back towards the village. I hated running, or at least I thought I did. I never really did it back in New York, but that might have just been because I was back in New York.
Of course, most people went to the parks to run but it was still not the same. Once you left the park, you were back in the unforgiving concrete jungle. There was air pollution, traffic, people who would knock you down walking and not even look back over their shoulder to make sure you didn’t die. I always kept my workouts to gyms when I was in the city. Belshire, as it turned out, to the surprise of absolutely no one, did not have a gym. That was okay though because I was making it work.
It must have been that fresh country air. The quiet and friendly people. The trails through unspoiled land where you could be alone with nature. The fact that Eddy was only a stone’s throw away might have also had something to do with how good I had been feeling lately. I had been here for a week and it was starting to feel like home. Since deciding to relocate, I had gone back to London once, only to formally check out of the hotel and grab the rest of my things. After shopping for a few essentials, I had settled into my new address above the tavern. I started running almost immediately. The peace and quiet that you got here was out of this world. I didn't realize it could be so quiet in the place that was still technically full of people. I slowed down as I came up to the tavern and then stopped, walking in.
“You alright?” Ben, the barkeep asked me.
“Never better, I told him. Any luck on the wine I ordered?” He pulled out the two bottles of red that I specifically asked him to get in for me.
“Lucky you asked me for these, otherwise I never would have been able to sell them.” I took them and thanked him, having made the payment in advance. They were for tonight. In addition to the new routines I was building out here in Belshire, seeing Eddy every day was one of them. If I couldn't see her, we at the very least talked on the phone. I remembered how surprised she was to hear from me the day after I moved in. I didn’t think she thought I was going last long living here. Maybe she didn't think I was serious, but that was the point, to teach her that I was. And besides, living without a fleet of staff at my beck and call seemed to be doing me some good.
What was better than getting out of your comfort zone and learning to be really appreciative of the things you had? I had a lot of things and I wanted to share every last one of them with Eddy. I walked into my little flat. I had done a little renovation since moving in. Ben didn't care what I did to the place as long as I didn't damage it irreversibly. I had replaced the stove, mattress, and the curtains. I had put in heating, so it wasn’t so blasted cold anymore. I had replaced some of the furniture pieces and next, I was thinking of redoing the walls. I wanted to show Eddy the progress that I had made on the place, but whenever we spent time together, she refused to come back to the flat with me, refusing at the same time to invite me to the estate.
It seemed almost juvenile, but kind of in a good way. We were like two teenagers who couldn't go to each other's houses and had to get creative in other ways. It had been a long time since I had dated someone like this. Usually, I wasn't that good with follow-up, but Eddy was worth it. I was done looking. It was Eddy or bust from now on. I was expecting her in a few hours in fact. She had finally agreed to a date at my place, on the condition that it would only be a dinner date and nothing more. I used the fact that I had been doing some renovations to lure her over. Whatever it took.
Seriously, whatever it took. Besides the wine, I had hired a chef to come in and cook our meal. No, there were no personal chefs operating in Belshire; I had checked and not many from the surrounding towns and nearby cities were willing to come all the way unless the money was worth it. I understood the sentiment; they were being handsomely compensated. They arrived minutes after I did, setting to work as I got into the shower and were done thirty minutes after I was finished. I was pulling out all the stops. Belshire left a lot to be desired in terms of romance. Nothing really in the way of restaurants or interesting couple activities. I wondered how children were born here. I wasn’t working with much, but I was doing my best. I had a good feeling that it was working.
Things were moving at a comfortable pace with Eddy, but I felt like she was holding things back from me. I didn't want the fact that we were in Belshire to make her feel like she couldn't get treated like the queen she was. I wanted tonight to be different. I told her not to
dress up since it was just the two of us but when I opened the door, she was in a beautiful black dress that just skimmed her knees and her hair was beautifully curled.
“Eddy, you look beautiful,” I told her.
“Thank you. I wasn't so sure about what to wear. I know this place doesn't have a dress code, but I was afraid of what I might see when I showed up.”
I stood aside to let her in. “Well then, I hope you're in for a pleasant surprise.”
The room wasn't much. It was little more than a sitting room, a small bedroom, and the kitchen. It was even sadder by way of furnishing even though I had made a couple of improvements here and there. I wanted to give her the best. I had the means to do that, but we were going to have to work up to that. The curtains were different and though I hadn't replaced the old sofa, it was amazing what a good thorough cleaning did. What I originally thought was a gray sofa was actually cream in color. I put a new rug on the floor and a little coffee table over it which upped the appeal of the room at least seventy-five percent. I had also used some of the space for a little dining area close to the kitchen since there hadn't been one before. The table was small but just big enough to fit two people. Our meal was ready, already set out for us.
“Wow,” Eddy said as I took her coat.
“And this is just the beginning.”
“You really are something, you know. You couldn't last even a week slumming it here in Belshire. You needed all your trappings of your usual life to cope.”
“What's wrong with that?”
“I'm just saying, it wouldn't kill you to be humble.”
“Luxury isn't a bad thing.”
“Living simply isn't a bad thing either.”
“I think more people should be able to enjoy luxury. Really, it's a shame that it's reserved for such a small percentage of the population. You deserve to enjoy luxury. I don't know why you keep pushing me away when I try to shower at on you.”
“I'm not spoiled. I don't need spoiling.”
“Unfortunately. Wasn’t that what your family intended for you when they let you marry Russell? A baron?”
She laughed. “I think they just wanted the prestige because the luxury was more so indicated on paper than in real life. But it’s fine. I didn’t need it. Still don’t.”
“Of course, you don't need it, nobody truly needs it, but you do deserve it. I want to give it to you.”
“Oh really?” she asked. Our meal was delicious. While alone, I had been taking a stab at preparing my own meals when I didn’t want to go downstairs and have something from the tavern. I was no chef. The last two and a half decades of having meals prepared for me showed in my lack of skill in the kitchen. The chef was there to make sure my best offering tonight had been better than cold ham sandwiches. We were having duck with polenta and spring vegetables. Everything was fresh and the wine was the best choice I could have made as an accompaniment. Short of our surroundings, we could have been in a London restaurant. One of the lower-ranking ones but a restaurant all the same.
“Yes, really.”
“How would you plan on doing that?”
“Well, I'm so glad you asked.” I had put a lot of thought into this. Eddy's problems led back to one thing and that was money. Her problems, therefore, were very easy to solve since I had a lot of it and my favorite thing was spending it, especially if I could spend it on someone who deserved it. “First things first, I'll pay off the house.”
“The house?” she asked.
“Your house. The estate. I'll pay off the mortgage, so you don't have to worry about it being seized. I don’t know if your lands are intact but anything you’ve sold off, I’ll buy back. Even grow the property by buying neighboring plots if you want. That would be the first step. Second, refill it so that it's not empty anymore. I’d buy back all the furniture or buy all new furniture, whatever you feel like at the time. You can actually have those renovations you talked about.”
“You're talking about my house like it's a little Barbie Dream House that you're filling with a little plastic chairs and tables.”
“While all that is happening,” I said, undeterred, “we can stay here in Belshire or we can stay somewhere else. Whatever you prefer. I don’t have a permanent residence here in the UK outside of my family home but that can be easily taken care of; wherever you want to live. Two homes if you want. A city home and a countryside dwelling. After that is when we can really have fun. Wardrobe. Anything you want. Italian, French, American, pick your favorite designer and I'll have you in their atelier before the next weekend.”
“Niall, you sound absolutely mad. I don't need a new wardrobe of clothes, there's nothing wrong with the way I look now.”
“Of course, you don’t need it but I want to give it to you. I want to spoil you. Over the winter we can get out of here. What do you like? Southeast Asia maybe? The Caribbean? Safari in South Africa?”
“Niall, honestly.”
“Oh, of course, you'll need a new car.”
“Niall, really. Stop. This is all too much. It sounds amazing, but it's simply not realistic.”
“There's no such thing as too much Eddy. I want to give you everything. Money will not now or ever be a problem.” I stood up and pulled her up out of her chair. “I want to be part of your life. I just want to make things better, make them easier.”
“What happened to taking it slow?” she asked in a whisper.
“I'm trying to show you that what's mine is yours. I'm in it for the long haul. There’s no rush but I have to admit, taking it slow is not my forte.”
“You don't know what you're getting yourself into.”
“Dear God, I'm trying to tell you that I love you.”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted. I tied to search her face for what she was feeling. I wanted her to say it back because I knew it was how she felt but we were taking it slow.
For Christ’s sake, fuck taking it slow. I kissed her.
28
Edwina
I melted into him. I was so weak when it came to this. I knew that he loved me but telling me took it somewhere else. Somewhere dangerous. We went to the bedroom, tumbling over each other to the bed. He tried to cover my body with his, but I pushed him down onto the mattress.
“What are you doing?” he asked, grinning up at me.
“Just relax.” He watched me wrestle with the button on his jeans and pull them down. He sunk into the mattress when I got my lips around him. He grabbed my hair in his fist, holding me back from bobbing as fast as I wanted. “That feels so good, babe,” he said. I used a hand cupping his balls as I sucked on the head. I loved to see the way he unraveled when I did this to him. He pushed me away gently after a couple of minutes.
“No good?” I asked.
“No, it’s great but I want to fuck you.”
Our clothes came off piece by piece. The mattress wasn’t at all as uncomfortable as I thought it was. Time stopped when he slid into me. I was on top of him, grinding my hips as he hit every spot inside me. He felt so good. So stiff and long and he knew how to use it. He held my hips and returned my thrusts. I bit my lip knowing I wouldn’t last very long. He rolled us over and pinned me to the bed, sinking into me deeper than before.
I cried out because I didn’t want it to end but I wanted my release. My orgasm rattled through me and I thought I had ascended. Niall came seconds later, settling next to me on the bed and gathering me into his arms.
The comedown was quick and painful. Well, are you proud of yourself?
How many times did this have to happen before I stopped doing it? It wasn't only a bad idea; I was hurting people in the process. When it came to my feelings, I could deal with those, but I was misleading Niall into thinking this was going somewhere when all he would get at the end was hurt. Niall really believed that something was going to change. He really believed that he could slowly ease me into a relationship with him, but it was impossible. I was digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole, but I
was the only person who had the responsibility to get myself out of this again.
I wasn't just lying to him when it came to Riley, I was making him believe that this would end up working. That slowly buttering me up week after week would end up with the two of us being together and it just couldn't happen. I felt wretched. I knew how he felt about me, he had told me that he loved me. He had moved to this dingy little village to be close to me. He was forgoing his entire lifestyle just so he could prove that he wanted to be with me. I had to put this to an end. This wasn't a game anymore. I had taken it too far. This was cruel and it wasn't necessary. I was wasting his time. I was milking him for his attention and affection when I knew damn well that I couldn't give him the same.
I loved the man. He was offering me everything, every part of him from his money to his body to his heart, and I wanted to give him the same, but I couldn't accept his offer. I couldn't give him anything in return. What would a life with me even mean when it came to him? He would have to shift his entire lifestyle. I knew he had money, but nobody actually enjoyed wasting it. I couldn't let him pour all that money into mine and Riley’s lives. And what about Riley? What happened to him when he found out that Niall was his real father and Niall’s family retaliated in some way?
I had never felt like this about anybody and I doubted that I would ever feel it again, but this was the end. I had to get out now because waiting around would only cause more damage. I eased myself out of Niall's grasp and got off of the bed.
“Where are you going?” he asked me.
“I'm going home, Niall.”
“Why don't you stay the night?”
“You know I don't stay the night”
“That’s okay, some other night.”
I pulled my dress over my head. I was facing away from him so it was going to be easier to say. “That’s not going to happen, Niall.”
Admit You Love Me: A Secret Baby Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 2) Page 17