He came uncomfortably close to blushing. “I didn’t—”
“You didn’t have to, Pierce. The look on your face said it all.” She eyed him narrowly. “Tell me, how much do you really know about Miss Nicole Bennett?”
“Enough,” he said.
“Really? Were you aware that she was acquainted with Alice Holt before tonight?”
“I knew she had family in the area.”
“That’s hardly the same thing.”
“Nicole isn’t relevant to this discussion, Louise,” he said wearily.
“If she’s the reason you’re dumping me, I don’t agree.”
He’d known then that it was time to bring the conversation to an end. He’d had no wish to inflict more pain but the last remark left him with little choice. “She isn’t. You and I rushed too quickly into an affair that was ill-advised for all that it was briefly enjoyable. I regret it now and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”
“Worry about hurting yourself, darling,” she said with a brittle smile, sliding her feet into her elegant shoes. “There’s something altogether very fishy about Nicole Bennett and I’d hate to see her smash your illusions of happy-ever-after.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Don’t be so sure of that, Pierce. Love makes fools of the best of us.”
She’d left then, and if it was possible for a man to feel even lower than dirt, he did. At the same time, however, he knew a wonderful sense of freedom and anticipation for tomorrow.
For the first time since he’d been forcibly retired from active service, he had a clear sense of exactly where he wanted his life to go. He could only pray that Nicole was willing to travel the same road.
He took her to his old family cottage on Lake Finlay. “A place where we can be alone, with nothing and no one to distract us,” he said, heading the car along the inland highway which led to a range of low foothills rising in the east.
It was a perfect summer morning, the only clouds being those clustering on Nicole’s private horizon. But before the day was over, she would tell him everything. She had to; the burden of her deceit was becoming too heavy to bear.
“I haven’t seen the place in years and it’s probably more rundown than I remember it.” Settling into the car’s deep leather upholstery, Pierce angled a smile her way and slung his arm casually over the back of the seat so that his fingers rested mere inches from her neck. In khaki shorts and a white polo shirt, he looked more handsome than the law allowed; strong-limbed, lithe and muscular.
Briefly, she closed her eyes and wondered if he’d still be smiling at her by the day’s end. Or would his eyes have turned cold, his mouth bitter?
“Jim and I spent every summer up there when we were kids and loved it,” he went on, undeterred by her lack of response.
Then don’t take me there today, she wanted to cry out. I don’t want to spoil your memories with my ugly confession.
Her scalp prickled with awareness at the proximity of his hand. She ached to have him touch her, a bone-deep longing that made what she had to tell him that much harder to face. If only she’d been honest from the start...!
“Wait ’til you see the lake, Nicole. The water’s clear as glass and warm as a bath.”
Wait ’til you hear what I have to tell you, she thought miserably. You’ll probably wish I’d drown in it. “You obviously love it.”
“Yeah. It holds nothing but good memories for me.”
Blithely unaware of her distress, Pierce continued to regale her with stories from his past as the miles spun by. At length they turned off the main highway and traveled north along a narrow country road. The scenery was breathtaking, but Nicole was in no mood to enjoy it. Her mind was too occupied with the dilemmas confronting her.
When would be the best time to tell him? How would she begin? Should she have brought all the documentation to prove her real identity? The questions hammered at her without mercy.
“Did you remember to bring your swimsuit?” he asked, stepping on the accelerator to pass a slow-moving farm vehicle.
“Since you made a point of asking me to, yes, I did.”
She’d debated long and hard over the wisdom of doing so. Tempting fate a second time hardly seemed smart in light of the last time she and Pierce had swum together. Eventually, though, she’d decided that, in light of the disclosures she planned to make before the day was out, it probably wouldn’t matter if she paraded around in nothing but a G-string. It was unlikely he was going to show any interest in making love to her again, once he knew she’d wormed herself into his household under false pretenses.
Eleven-thirty came and went. “How much farther do we have to go?” she asked, feeling more and more like a prisoner soon to meet his executioner. The tension was unbearable. Every nerve in her body screamed for her to face up to things now and get matters over with, one way or the other. A quick death was preferable to this lingering agony.
“About another fifty miles. We’ll be there in time for lunch. You might have noticed the hamper Janet packed—there’s enough food to feed a whole fleet.”
Less than an hour to bare her soul... not enough time, after all. She couldn’t just leap into explanations and excuses without warning. Better to wait until they arrived, instead of distracting his attention from the twisting narrow road. Her news would surely hit him like a bombshell and just because her own life was on the skids was no reason to jeopardize his.
The time flew by, racing her closer to a disaster she could find no way to avert. “Tell me about your childhood,” he suggested at one point.
Now! her guilty conscience screamed. You wanted the perfect opening and he just gave it to you. Tell him now, before the chance slips away.
“What’s the matter? Did I just resurrect a ghost?” His smile was warm and funny and gorgeous, his eyes the same unclouded blue as the sky. How could she destroy such a moment? Even without the altogether unforgivable fact of her deceit, this wasn’t the time to rain down the unfortunate details of her early childhood.
“No,” she said, feigning a yawn, “but the sun’s making me dopey.”
“Then take a nap,” he said. “The story of your life can go on hold for now.”
Would that it could wait forever!
He slid his arm around her and pulled her toward him so that her head rested against his shoulder. The connection, alive though it was with undercurrents of sexuality, ran to something more enduring which had begun to take shape days, weeks, before. Something that had begun with respect and grown into liking and from there had flowed like a stream, finding its way with unerring instinct to the sea, growing deeper and stronger and more certain with each passing mile.
And now it was in full flood and she was being swept along, helpless to extricate herself or him from its hold.
What she wouldn’t have given at that moment to turn back the tide! If only she’d known, the day she walked into his house, that he was the man she’d come to love more dearly than life, how differently might she have handled matters!
The next time he spoke, it was to tell her they’d arrived at the cottage. He parked the car at the end of a rutted dirt driveway overhung with evergreens through which the sun filtered in lazy golden beams. Beyond, lichen-covered rocks sloped gently down toward a white-painted house perched on the tip of the small promontory, with the lake a vivid sweep of blue below.
“Well, this is it,” he said, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “The place that holds so many good memories for me. And in case you’re wondering, you’re the only woman I’ve ever brought up here. I hope you realize how special that makes you.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE interior of the cottage was a delight, a mélange of antique and white wicker furniture, old pine floors, exposed beams and sunny yellow walls covered with original watercolors. A floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace dominated one wall of the living room, with paned windows which looked out across the lake filling the one next to it.
Us
ing his shoulder for extra leverage, Pierce forced open a pair of French doors which apparently hadn’t been used in some time. “There’s a nice old-fashioned porch out here where the grandmothers used to sit in their rockers and enjoy their afternoon tea. It might be a nice place to have lunch, though I wouldn’t mind going down for a swim first. How about you?”
The heat was much more intense this far inland. Her cotton top and shorts stuck to her skin and a film of perspiration dotted her upper lip. “It sounds heavenly.”
“Grab your stuff then, and I’ll show you where you can change.” He dusted off one palm against the other and led the way up a narrow twisting staircase.
The were two bedrooms, each containing two double bedsteads with iron frames painted white, and thick mattresses piled high with handmade quilts and feather pillows. In both rooms, windows matching those in the living room looked out across the lake.
“Going to bed here was never a problem, even when we were kids,” Pierce remarked, coming to stand behind her and pulling her back to lean against him as they both gazed out at the view. “We’d lie awake listening to the loons, the coyotes would sing, and the moon would turn the lake into a sheet of silver. Jim and I would lie crosswise on the bed and stare out at the stars and plan what we’d do the next day. Our biggest dream was to find the stash of gold which legend says the mountain man who built the original house buried somewhere close by so that hostile Indians wouldn’t get it.”
“Tommy will dream the same dreams, one day, I imagine,” Nicole said.
His sigh was full of regret. “But he won’t have his father around to tell him how it used to be.”
“He’ll have you, Pierce.” And me, God willing. “Have you never brought him here?”
“No, but Jim and Arlene did. They loved the cottage and had already spent several weekends here this year, before...well, before. That’s why everything’s up and running and ready to be used after being shut down for the winter. Come to think of it, there are probably still some of their clothes and stuff in the closets. I guess I should clear them out, but not today.” He rubbed his chin on her head. “Today is just for us.”
So why spoil it with confessions any sooner than she had to, Nicole asked herself, reveling in the strength of his arms around her. She’d kept quiet this long. What real difference were a few more hours going to make?
He relaxed his hold just enough to turn her around to face him and she knew he was going to kiss her. Was it selfish of her to let him? To take what he was so willing to give her? If they cemented the bond between them with moments like this, might it not help, later, when she explained to him who she really was? Because without anything specific having yet been said, they’d somehow found a firm footing on the level they’d skirted for so long; one which placed them securely in the realm of lovers.
And lovers forgave one another...didn’t they?
His mouth was hungry, slanting across hers, taking possession of its most guarded secrets, and stirring her to a depth of wanting that eclipsed anything but the need to become a part of him for however long he’d let her. The bed was at her back, beckoning, and she more than willing to avail herself of its welcome.
But he was not. “I’m getting ahead of myself,” he said hoarsely, putting her from him and backing out of the door. “Hurry up and get changed before my whole game plan goes down the tubes.”
When she came downstairs, he had carried their picnic basket out to the porch and was in the process of unloading its contents. Already in swimming trunks, he looked, Nicole thought, more delicious than anything the hamper could possibly produce.
“Just as I suspected, Janet did pack enough food to feed a squadron,” he complained good-naturedly. “I phoned her while you were changing, by the way, just to make sure she was coping okay with Tom. Seems they’re having a great day making chocolate cake and cookies, and keeping Peaches out of mischief.”
“I’m glad,” Nicole said, spreading a red linen cloth over the table and laying out cutlery and plates. “I felt guilty leaving her in charge of him when I know how much else she has to do, but I wouldn’t have felt easy leaving Tommy with a stranger.”
“And she wouldn’t have allowed it even if you had. She’s very fond of you, you know, and took me severely to task last night when I mentioned coming up here with you.”
He shook a loaf of French bread reprovingly and in an atrocious imitation of Janet who was given to somewhat high-pitched annoyance, recited, “‘That girl hasn’t had a real break from her job since she started here in May, Pierce Warner, and I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever notice that she’s driving herself into the ground without a word or gesture of gratitude from you. Your mother, God rest her soul, would be scandalized! It’s high time you came to your senses.”’
“And you survived all that?” Although she was laughing, Nicole knew Janet had a sharp tongue on occasion and apparently had chosen to use it on Pierce.
“I’m here to talk about it, aren’t I?”
“I was hoping you were here because you wanted to be,” she said boldly. “I was under the mistaken impression it was your idea to bring me here for the day, not Janet’s.”
“Oh, it was my idea,” he assured her, his gaze roaming possessively over her. “I wasn’t about to let anything deter me from that, sweetheart, but it’s nice to know I’ve got Janet’s blessing because she can be a devil to deal with if she’s crossed.”
Sweetheart...he’d called her sweetheart! A delicious heat flushed through her that owed nothing to diffidence and a very great deal to the molten hunger for him that flowed restlessly through her blood.
“She also pointed out,” Pierce continued, unearthing smoked trout mousse and crackers, pâté, green olives and seedless black grapes, thinly sliced breast of chicken and lemon tarts, “that you were a prize worth keeping’ in case I hadn’t noticed.” His hands grew still around the neck of a bottle of white wine, and nothing but the muted thunder of Nicole’s heart filled the small silence that followed.
At length, she ventured a glance at him. “And what did you say to that?”
“That I agreed with her entirely. Nicole, I didn’t bring you here today just for a break in routine. I wanted to have you here, in a place that holds such special memories, because there’s something I need to ask you.”
Stuffing the wine bottle into a clay cooler, he came around the table and, taking her hand, pulled her down on the glider swing at the end of the porch. “You and I have talked endlessly about the best way to bring up Tom, about values and morals, about preschool and kindergarten and whether or not a child should watch television. But we’ve never really talked honestly about us. About a man and a woman powerfully drawn to one another. I’ve kissed you and made love to you, against my better judgment and yours perhaps, but I’ve never told you how I feel about you. I don’t think I knew myself—or else I wasn’t ready to admit it—until last night when I suddenly had the most godawful feeling that I was about to lose you. And I realized at that moment that it wouldn’t just leave a hole in Tom’s life if you weren’t here, but that mine would be...” He lifted his shoulders helplessly, searching for words. “Mine,” he said, looking deep into her eyes, “would be so bloody empty and unbearable that I don’t know how I’d manage. And this is the longest speech I’ve ever made in my life, so will you please shut me up by saying something?”
She gazed back at him, unable to speak for the lump in her throat and with her eyes swimming with tears.
“Oh, hell!” he murmured, crushing her to him. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. Is it what I’ve said? Have I spoken too soon?”
She shook her head. “No. You’ve said exactly the right thing. It’s just that I’m not sure what it will mean when—”
“I’m trying to tell you I love you,” he cut in anxiously. “I’m not suggesting some sort of clandestine affair or an occasional date. I’m asking you if you’ll marry me and doing a lousy job of it, by the looks of things.”
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“But you can’t do that,” she cried. “Not yet. You don’t know enough about me.”
“I know all I need to know.” He buried his face in her hair, trailed kisses over her eyelids and along her cheekbone. “I know that you love Tom and that having him as a permanent part of our life together won’t be a problem for you.”
“Oh, never,” she whispered, placing her hands flat against the solid planes of his chest and drowning in his gaze. “I do love him, Pierce, I really do. But I want you to know that I love you, too, and I wish—I wish I hadn’t waited until now to tell you something you had the right to know long before now—”
“The time had to be right for both of us,” he said, misunderstanding. “And how could you be expected to say anything with Louise an unresolved issue between us?”
She could feel his heart hammering beneath her palm; felt her own leap into frenzied response at the naked hunger she saw reflected in his eyes. She was lost then, caring for nothing but the urge to answer his need in the only way that would assuage them both.
Taking his hand, she drew it to her left breast and let him discover for himself she, too, walked a very fine line between control and the fury of a passion she’d never before experienced. “If I were to die now,” she said, the words overlaid with husky emotion, “I would do so happy in the knowledge that I was in your arms and that, with my last breath, I told you again how much I love you.”
He was the strongest man she’d ever known; the most honorable, the most fearless. But in that moment she almost had him reduced to tears. “I do not deserve you,” he muttered, grazing his fingers over her flesh in wonder.
“You deserve much, much more,” she said, her own hands loving him, loving the texture of his smooth, tanned skin, the sleek musculature of his torso, the vibrant thrust of his arousal against her thigh as he leaned over her.
Shame on you, her conscience cried. Stop this now, before you damn yourself to eternity!
But she could not. This might be her last chance at the only heaven she ever wanted to know. “Make love to me, Pierce,” she begged. “Make me forget there is such a thing as sorrow and ugliness in the world.”
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