Shattered by Love

by Dani René

“Are you?” She asks, and the excitement in her voice is obvious.

  I shrug. “Not sure, but I have missed my period.”

  “This is so exciting; I think we need to get you tested. I can go grab one quickly. Oh my god, we could be pregnant together.” I glance at her, she’s off on a little cloud of excitement and I can see why Luke loves her, she is gorgeous. Her big brown curls bounce as she spins around and fills a glass with water. “Here drink this.” She hands me the water.

  “What’s going on in here?” Jayce’s deep rumble startles us both and I turn my head towards the door, finding a pair of blue and green eyes staring at me on the floor.

  When his gaze settles on me, my gorgeous man rushes to my side. “Are you okay, baby? What happened?”

  “I’m okay, just feeling queasy.” I glance at Cassie, hoping she doesn’t say anything because I don’t want him to know until I am sure.

  “Why don’t you lay down, baby?” I nod, and he helps me up. Without a word to our hosts, he carries me to the guest bedroom where we’re staying the night.

  “I am fine, handsome, I promise.”

  “You’re staying here and that’s final.” His command is not one I can argue with, so I nod and smile. Cassandra is right, I need to get a test, but I don’t even know a doctor close by. “I will get you some tea.” He spins on his heel and stalks off leaving me lying on the most comfortable bed I have ever laid on.

  My brown-haired friend comes bounding into the bedroom. “I am going out now, it’s about ten minutes up the road. Do you think one or two?” She stares at me, but all I can do is frown. Confusion must be clear on my face. “Tests.” She hisses the word and I realize what she means.

  My heart thrums in my chest and to say I was nervous would be an understatement, but then again, I don’t have a reason to be, I am engaged.

  “Uhm… Two?” She nods and turns, before she leaves, she glances back and winks.

  “Yes, just to be sure. I am so excited.” Her smile is warm and the butterflies in my belly come alive. She turns and leaves the room.

  Once I am alone with my thoughts again excitement flutters in my belly, but I am not sure how Jayce is going to take this. I know he said he wants another child, but so soon? We’re not even married yet.

  “Baby?” I glance up in horror to find him in the doorway, my face must have gone pale because he rushes to me. “What’s wrong?” It’s then I realize what he meant, calling me baby. Shit, I need to calm down.

  “Nothing, I think I am tired. I will be fine, I swear.” The lie slips from my mouth, but the frown on his face tells me he’s not buying my shit excuse.

  “Firefly, you know you can tell me anything, right?” I nod. “And you know that when you lie to me, there will be consequences?” The veiled threat is thick with lust and my body responds. My thighs squeeze together, and the smirk that tugs on the side of his mouth tells me it didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Jayce, hold me until I fall asleep please? If you can watch Ben for a while that would be great.” Leaning in, he places a soft kiss on my forehead and tucks me in. The soft pillow smells of vanilla, and I can’t help smiling. He pulls me into him cocooning me as he scoots onto the bed.

  “I love you, baby.”

  “I love you too, Flash.” My eyes flutter closed with thoughts of a baby with blue eyes.

  I head into the kitchen, thirty minutes later, where I can hear Cassie talking to Luke. When I round the corner, she glances at me and smiles. “I will check on Ivy.”

  “She’s sleeping. What’s that?” Lifting my chin in gesture to the bag she’s holding.

  “It’s something I needed at the store. You’re too nosey for your own good, Alexander.” She winks and speeds past me, down the hall.

  “Your wife is insane.” I look at Lucien and he chuckles while shaking his head.

  “I know and that is why I love her. You will have one soon, and then you’ll understand. Jayce Alexander, man whore extraordinaire is getting married. Who knew you would settle down?” Luke has gotten used to my ways, but always gives me grief for it. He’s one to talk though; he had his fair share of pussy while he was in college, and even after.

  “I fucking adore her, man, you know that.” He nods and hands me a beer.

  “Congrats, bro. I am looking forward to giving my best man speech.”

  “Who said you’ve got the job?” Green eyes lock on mine, and I laugh out loud at his indignant glare. Before he can give me shit, I respond. “Yeah, yeah, shut it. Since you’re my only friend, you’re stuck with me.” We head into the living room and flop down on the sofa.

  “How was her dad about all this?”

  “Not happy, he walked out, but I have a feeling it’s not the last we’ll see of him.” He nods, staring into the distance.

  “Jayce,” Lucien’s voice pulls me from my dark memory and I stare at him and Ben sitting on the carpet playing with what looks like toy cars.

  “Where did you get those?”

  “We got them from the car, you fell asleep and I figured you needed a break.” Seeing my best friend and my son sitting together like they’re the best of friends makes me smile. I know he’ll be a good dad.

  “You getting used to that?” I gesture to Ben.

  “Yeah, I can’t wait. I never thought I would ever be a father, but Cassie has given me what I wanted most, but never realized I did. A family.”

  I nod. “It’s the same with me and Ivy. She’s my home, my family.” His gaze darts behind me and I find both our girls standing on the staircase staring at us. “Hey, baby.” I push up from the sofa and walk over to her taking in her appearance. She looks better after her nap.

  “Mom!” Ben drags our attention to him. “Uncle Luke is racing me.”

  “That’s awesome, monster. He will be a daddy soon.” My boy’s eyes round wide in shock and he glances between Lucien and his mom.

  “Yeah, and you need to help me, little guy. Tell me what you like eating and stuff because I have no idea.” A small giggle from Ben has us all laughing.

  “That’s easy. I like chocolate, and ice cream with waffles or pancakes, but mom only buys that for me sometimes. She makes me eat green stuff.” The face he pulls is adorable and has Luke falling back, laughing.

  “Okay, none of that.”

  “Boys, that’s enough because there will be green stuff for dinner. It’s almost seven, go wash up while I get the table ready.” Cassie shakes her head at the two of them.

  When Ivy reaches for Ben, Lucien picks him up and wanders off to the guest bathroom leaving us all staring in shock.

  “That’s my cue. You two go upstairs and wash up. And don’t take too long.” Cassie gives us a wink and I tug Ivy up the stairs while I retort.

  “If you hear screaming, don’t worry, it’s only Ivy.” The comment earns me a swat on my shoulder and once we’re alone in the bedroom, I round on my girl, pinning her against the door. My mouth crashes down on hers and the soft feel of her lips mold to mine and her body trembles under my touch.

  Her hands come up and push against my chest. As I step away, she can see the concern on my face, because she gives me a soft smile.

  “Ivy?”

  “Flash, we need to talk.” My heart kicks in my chest, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “I hate when you start a sentence like that.” The corner of her mouth lifts and her big blue eyes meet mine. We’re in a standoff and I don’t want to move because I’m scared that if I do, she will disappear. Or worse, she’s decided she doesn’t want to marry me.

  When you’ve felt insignificant your whole life, and you find a person that makes you worthy, its debilitating when you realize they can just walk out the door and never come back. The fear that kind of thought instilled in me is tightening its hold around my heart.

  When Ivy opens her mouth, my phone buzzes in my pocket and her gaze drops to the sound coming from my pocket. “Get that, we can talk after.”

  “No, what is it, baby?”


  “Answer your phone, it’s fine.” Fuck. Pulling the phone from my pocket, I swipe the screen.

  “Alexander.” I listen to the person on the other end.

  “Mr. Alexander. This is Officer Dunston from the Bakersfield Police Department. We have a Mrs. Alexander here, she got pulled over this morning and your number was in her purse. She’s highly intoxicated and we need the next off kin to bail her out. That is if you wish. You understand that, if nobody bails her out, with all the priors, she will end up in a worse place than she is now.”

  My heart is hammering loudly in my ears. The woman I should call Mom. Fuck.

  There have been many times I waited for this call, the one that tells me her body was found in a ditch. This, however, is worse. Why? Because my mother has been an inconsistent in my life. My memories of her when I was young are amazing, and then I remember when I got older, when she turned to men and drugs, and the alcohol that fueled her temper.

  A shiver runs down my spine, and when I glance at Ivy, her expression is pained. She reflects my heart, and I can never see her in pain. “I understand, thank you.”

  As soon as I hang up, she steps towards me. “Flash? Are you okay?”

  “My mother, they’ve arrested her again.”

  “Jayce, let’s go. Where is she?” Ivy’s already pulling on her jumper.

  “No, you are not going anywhere. She’s in Bakersfield.” I step towards her and pull her against me. “Stay here.”

  “No, I am not allowing you to drive there alone and there’s something you should know.” She walks away and slumps on the bed. Her face is alight with emotion I can’t place. Humor? Amusement? Fear? God, sometimes she drives me crazy.

  “Baby, please just tell me. You’re wearing my fucking ring and I am not leaving you.” She peers up at me and her tongue darts out, wetting her lips.

  Her teeth worry her plump lower lip before she utters the three words that have my heart racing.

  “I am pregnant.” My heart is pounding, and he’s just staring at me. “Jayce, did you hear me?” His body is rigid, but his eyes are filled with awe. My eyebrows pinch together in a frown.

  “I fucking love you.” He scoops me up, and spins me around as my grip on his shoulders tighten. He slowly let’s me down and then drops to his knees.

  Ice-blue pools stare up at me as he grins. Those full lips that can send me barreling over the edge tug with his signature smirk.

  His big strong hand touches my flat belly tentatively. “Hey there little princess. I am your dad.” Jayce is kneeling before me talking to my stomach.

  “Flash, I am not that far along, it can’t hear you.”

  “It is a girl.” He responds with calm conviction and when he pushes up, he grips my hips pulling me to him. His lips feather over mine with a soft kiss which sends a tingle over my mouth. “You are beautiful. Were you scared to tell me?” I stare at him for a long while, and then nod.

  “It’s so soon, and people will think we’re getting married because of the baby.”

  “Fuck people. I don’t give a shit because you are mine, Ivy. Always. Forever.” I decide it’s time to come clean with my other news.

  The big decision that’s been one of the easiest choices for me and I realize I had known since we decided to make this work. Before he even asked me to marry him.

  “I suppose you will have to get used to getting up at all hours of the night, I hope your house is big enough.” The words tumble from my mouth and his blue gaze narrows on me in question. He doesn’t move and I am freaking out again. I swear he does this on purpose.

  “What?” The word comes out husky and rough.

  “You heard me.” Biting down on my cheek to keep from giggling, I wait for it to sink in.

  “But… you said… I mean…”

  “We should stay here in Los Angeles, I mean I do, with you. Near our new family, where you built a life, I want to be a part of it.” I’m not sure if he’s breathing because the shell-shocked expression on his face makes me snicker.

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind moving to Chicago.” I realize he would do this for me, to be with me, but there’s nothing I want more than to be near Luke and Cassie.

  Since I am about to have another baby, having a friend like her will make it fun, someone who understands and to experience it with.

  My job isn’t set in stone, and I could always work from home. I would miss Bryce, he is my best friend, but my life is with Jayce.

  He is my home.

  “Flash, we have been apart for so long, you walked away because you were forced by my father, but I am not prepared to lose you again.” I stare at him with determination.

  “I need to ask you something. The day you found me and him in his office, he told you, or asked you rather, what I could give you. The one reason I didn’t fight, or walk back in there and tell him to fuck right off, was because you didn’t counter it. You didn’t respond to him.” A frown pinches my eyebrows. What is he talking about? I step forward and place my hands on his chest and the heat between us is palpable.

  “Jayce, you must have missed it because I had the biggest argument with him after you closed the door. All hell broke loose.”

  * * *

  “Dad, you are wrong, Jayce is not a bad person and I haven’t been happier or more cared for. He’s a gentleman.” My voice is shrill, and it echoes through the vast room. My father is always over compensating for shit, and this office is no exception, it’s his pride and joy. His fierce glare scares me because I can see his body vibrating with rage.

  “Young lady, if you go anywhere near that boy again, you will be cut off from your inheritance faster than you can think up your next snotty reply. And don’t for a second think that he loves you. He’s using you for your money. Now, go find something constructive to do and do not… I repeat, do not see him again. Do you understand me?”

  “You can’t dictate my life Dad because I am not in prison here. I am allowed—” When he stalks towards me, his expression is filled with rage and this is a side of him I have never seen before.

  Yes, he is a difficult man and he is serious all the time, but this is new. There’s a hatred in his cold eyes that shreds me and I know that I have no choice. I love Jayce with all that I am, but my father will hurt him or me. At that moment I understand there would never be an US with the man I love. The man I called Dad would see to it.

  He leans in, his hot breath is on my face as he hisses. “If you so much as step foot in his direction again, I will make sure he and his good-for-nothing mother never see the fucking light of day again. Do not test me. Now go practice your piano or some shit and get out of my face.” My body hurts, everywhere, and I realize it’s my heart breaking. Shattering into pieces. The love I have for Jayce is being ripped from me. It’s as if my father reached into my chest, grabbed my heart and pulled it from my rib cage, because nothing will ever make it beat again.

  Spinning on my heel, I head to the door, pulling it open and slamming it behind me. A sob wracks through me and everything inside me aches. When I feel hands on me, I glance up to see my sister, as she helps me up, but the sobs don’t stop. How do you make the pain of losing the only person you’ve ever loved go away? You can’t.

  “Sit down. Listen Ivy, don’t worry about him, it will be okay, Jayce will fight for you.” Shaking my head, I peer into matching blue eyes, but my tears make her form blurry.

  “He’s threatened Flash’s mom, as much as I know that he doesn’t get on with her, he won’t let anything happen to her.” She pulls me in and holds me while I cry. Her blouse is soaked with my salty tears as they burn their way down my cheeks. “It hurts. How can it hurt so much?”

  “Shh… Just cry. I am here.” And I do. I cry for me, for Jayce, his mother, and my heart. I know he loves me, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me, and I can’t imagine how torn he is right now. Maybe I can talk to him, make him see that we belong together and we could run away. I don’t care about my father’s
money.

  I never did, he knows that. We could live anywhere and I could find a job, my mind is made up and I decide that would be the best plan. Yes, we can make it work. We could go away far from here. I need to go to him.

  * * *

  When I finish recounting what happened that day, I watch as the truth sinks in. “Is that why you came to my apartment that day?” I nod. The pain of that is still so real, even though it happened five years ago. “You would have run away with me?” Shock, amusement, and awe flit across his handsome face which makes me giggle.

  “I would run anywhere with you, handsome. You should have known that then, and you should know it now. I want to come with you when you see her because it will be difficult for you, and I want to support you.”

  He nods. It’s settled, we’re heading off to see what state she’s in and I recall the few times I saw her. The woman was definitely a mess, at least, that’s how I remember her.

  She was constantly falling around drunk, or high, and Jayce would be ready to leave his house as soon as I arrived. I realized later on that he was ashamed of the place he lived in. He didn’t have to be because I felt the same about the house I grew up in. Not because of me living in squalor, but because there was no love in it. It was never a home, not even my mother was a loving person, she was as cold as my father.

  I glance at him now and see the anguish in his expression. Him having to go through this as a grown man must be as intense and painful as if he were that angry teenager. I knew he loved her, but the anger and resentment from all those years of pain she put him through must weigh heavy on him.

  “We can ask Cassie and Luke to look after Ben. It’s not far to Bakersfield, so I am sure we will be back tomorrow. Also, I don’t know exactly what’s happened, but if it’s as bad as I think it is, then I am walking away because I have my life on the right track, I have the woman I love, and if my mother is about to fuck my life up again, then I will say goodbye.”

  The police station is bigger than I expected and there are people milling around. When I reach the counter, the uniformed man looks up at me and I stop admonishing myself for coming. This was the woman who treated me like shit most of my teenage life and the memories of her and those parties she held still turn me cold.