Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  Evelyn laughed relating all the details about the pies and how Natalie talked with her hands even while measuring out flour.

  “Are you okay, now, that I made you come with me?” he asked when she was finished.

  She nodded and smiled. “Yes, of course. There have been a few difficult moments, like this morning.” The look Jackson wore told her she’d lost him. “Staying with a family is a learning experience,” she explained. “But I’ve already had so much fun. Do you know this will be my first real Thanksgiving?” Excitement had been bubbling in her stomach all day and she now felt as though she’d boil over with it. She was nervous, too, but after waiting twenty years, her excitement over joining a traditional Thanksgiving dinner won out.

  He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “No, I didn’t know that. I’m glad I get to share it with you.”

  “I’m glad too,” she replied honestly. She looked at him then, thinking about his parents and all the love she had already experienced in their home. “You’re incredibly lucky. I know I don’t have any other families to compare yours to, but yours is special. I think this whole house must be so filled with love it’s ready to burst at its seams.” She spread her hands referring to the whole house. “The world would be a better place if everyone was like your family,” she thought aloud.

  Before Jackson could respond, his parents returned.

  All four of them helped bring the food to the table and then sat. Evelyn sat next to Natalie and across from Jackson. She was confused as to why Natalie took her hand, but she didn’t hesitate to accept Jackson’s hand when he extended his. Without voicing her questions, she slipped her hand into his and followed along as they bowed their heads. Charles began to speak, to God.

  “Thank You, God, for Your Son, Jesus, and all He did for us on the cross. We praise You and thank You for all that You’ve given us this year. We especially thank You for our family, and for bringing Evelyn into our home and our lives. Thank You for this food. Please bless it to our bodies, and help us to bless others. In Your Son’s holy name we pray, Amen.”

  Natalie and Jackson both gently squeezed her hands before they let go. Evelyn wasn’t sure what mixture of excitement and shock had struck her, but as they began passing the food around, she processed the fact that she had indeed experienced her first prayer. The Monroes were Christians! Evelyn tucked that treasure away in her heart and hoped maybe, just maybe, she’d get the answers to the so many questions she’d had from the stained-glass-windows of her library.

  Natalie began talking joyfully about all the fun she’d had with Evelyn and how she’d always wanted a daughter and Jackson was never up to playing the part. Both Charles and Jackson treated Natalie with a special tenderness. It wasn’t in a way that made her seem weak, but in a way that showed her honor and love. Evelyn knew it was something very precious, something she was sad to say she’d never have herself. But it was beautiful to behold.

  Thanksgiving as a whole was beautiful, and Evelyn was thankful to be a part of it.

  This, she thought, this must be what home feels like.

  Chapter 20

  “I think you’re just going to have to join the family, Evelyn,” Charles chuckled as the last plate was cleared from the table. Natalie hadn’t stopped chattering about the joy it was cooking with Evelyn. “My wife doesn’t seem willing to give you up, now that she’s had a taste of having another lady in the house.”

  Evelyn smiled easily. “I wouldn’t mind in the slightest. But I think Jackson may eventually protest against sharing you with me.”

  “Oh, he’s had us to himself for his whole life,” Natalie called from the kitchen sink. “It’s about time he learned to share!”

  “Are you kidding?” Jackson butted in. “As long as you two keep busy in the kitchen, you won’t hear any complaint from me.” He winked at Evelyn.

  Natalie came bursting into the dining room. “It’s settled then! Evelyn, you must join us for Christmas!”

  Evelyn wasn’t expecting that. She had been enjoying their banter and felt quite welcome, but Christmas? This family was far too generous to her, and she couldn’t see Jackson being overjoyed about the idea. She’d already been enough of an inconvenience to him.

  “Natalie,” Charles raised his voice to his wife. Evelyn thought it was because he didn’t want her invited to Christmas, but his eyes were smiling, and Natalie didn’t seem the least affected by his tone. “You can’t just tell the girl where she’s going for Christmas. What are you thinking?” He turned to Evelyn, “But just so you know, you will be breaking my wife’s heart if you don’t come now.”

  She looked to Jackson who was laughing. It was clear he had no objections. “Well…” There was no getting out of it. “I suppose I should say thank you?”

  Natalie squealed and threw her arms about Evelyn as the two men laughed heartily. “Oh Evelyn! I’m so excited! You’ll be here for Christmas and then we can all ride back to Syracuse together for the New Year’s Ball and it will be such fun!” She reminded Evelyn of a child with all of her excitement.

  Natalie finally managed to calm her excitement and shooed Evelyn and Charles from the kitchen. “It’s our tradition that Jackson helps me clean up after our Thanksgiving meal.”

  “You have an amazing wife,” Evelyn told Charles as they sat down in what Evelyn could only describe as their library, while Natalie and Jackson set to work. “Is she always so happy?”

  Charles smiled and leaned against the high-backed chair. “Not this happy, but yes, she is very good at filling our home with joy.” He had a special tenderness in his tone when he spoke of his wife.

  She looked around the room. It was a masculine room, decorated with dark leathers and wood, but Natalie had brought her feminine touch, even here. Across from Charles’ chair and next to a couch was another chair, in a light tan fabric, in contrast to the rich leather of the other pieces. Over one of the arms hung a light green throw and white ballet-style slippers hid tucked under the chair. The rest of the room was entirely Charles. The walls were a dark cherry and bookshelves were built into them. She skimmed the titles of the books; most of them were books on law and government.

  “Jackson said you’re his Colonel. I’d love to hear about what you do, if you wouldn’t mind telling me.”

  “I’m afraid my particular position isn’t very exciting to talk about. It’s mostly a lot of meetings - meetings with the Patrol Offices, meetings with other Colonels, and meetings with Canadian officials. Since we’re a border state, we have to be sure to maintain those borders. Canada is a very peaceful nation, so there’s never much trouble. What trouble there is, is usually from our own citizens.”

  “Have you always been stationed here in New York?”

  “No. When I graduated, I was stationed in Louisiana, patrolling the Texas border. As you can imagine, I was very busy.”

  Evelyn was dumbfounded. Louisiana was the most violent state in their country. Texas had separated from the United States after they banned guns, and it wasn’t long after that the war broke out. Arkansas, Mississippi, and Alabama all joined with Texas; Louisiana was surrounded by the Texas Republic. Alaska, Colorado, Kansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Oklahoma, and Tennessee also sided with Texas and eventually those eleven states became the Texas Republic. Completely surrounded by the Texas Republic, only the highest-ranking officers were stationed in Louisiana.

  “That’s where I met Natalie. I knew I would marry her the moment I laid eyes on her. I was on duty when we met. She hadn’t made it home before curfew and asked to be escorted. Curfew’s different there; it was dangerous to be out late. The next day I took her flowers and asked her to marry me. She laughed so hard she cried, but I kept asking. Every day for a month I took her flowers and asked her to marry me. She finally said yes.”

  “What brought you to New York?” Grief ran through Charles’ eyes; it disappeared quickly, but Evelyn had seen it. “I’m sorry, I’m being nosey.”

  Charles shook his head. “No, no; it’
s fine. Natalie became pregnant soon after we were married, with a little girl. Some rebels sought me out at home and Natalie got between us. She was fine, but she miscarried a few days later.” Evelyn thought about how angry Jackson was with her when she had gone between him and Tom. Now she understood. “I worked as hard as I could so that, by the time we found out she was pregnant with Jackson, I was guaranteed my transfer. It’s still very dangerous there. The Texans respect the borders and are good people, but Louisiana is split. There are some very angry people who think they should be in the Texas Republic and not the US, and some even angrier who feel we should not have stopped fighting against Texas. They’re the real danger.”

  Evelyn felt even closer to Natalie in light of what Charles had shared. She had never known her daughter, and Evelyn had never known her mother. “Do you think we’ll all ever be united again? A lot’s changed since Texas left. We can own guns again, that’s important to them, right?”

  “Not enough has changed. If we ever are united again, it will be under the Texas flag. They’re a strong country now, and they have even stronger beliefs. Their country still runs on ‘In God we trust.' Ours tolerates God, at best. I sometimes wonder if we shouldn’t have run to Texas instead.”

  Boldness came upon Evelyn as she listened. “I’m glad you didn’t. There’s a lot of darkness in our country, and we need people like you and your son to protect us. And, who knows where I’d be if your family didn’t take me in this Thanksgiving?”

  She meant to ask Charles about the God Texas trusted in, the one he had prayed to, but Jackson and Natalie joined them, and she closed her mouth.

  For the remainder of the evening, they enjoyed wonderful conversation and the most joyous laughter Evelyn had ever had the privilege of hearing. Natalie, to Jackson’s mortification, shared a story about his childhood.

  “He was four years old at the time. Some of the officers Charlie was training were over for a visit that night. Jackson kept refusing to keep his socks on. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, maybe because it was such a cold evening, but I insisted that if he wanted to be able to stay up and sit with the men, he needed to keep his socks on. Oh,” she laughed, “he’d looked at me like I was the worst thing that ever happened to him and stomped up the stairs. I should have known that wasn’t the last of him. I took the men some coffee, in this very room, and in came Jackson. He sat down with the men, wearing nothing but his socks!” She had to stop talking to regain her composure; she had started laughing so hard. “Oh dear, what a night that was. I was so proud of Charlie! I was so embarrassed and could have spanked his bare little cheeks right then and there. But not Charlie. He took his coffee and looked over his son and remarked, very pompously too, I must say, ‘I see you’ve found your socks.’ The officers crumbled into laughter and Jackson stomped off, so upset that he hadn’t gotten a rise out of us!”

  The three of them laughed at Jackson’s expense, and he looked completely uncomfortable, which made them laugh all the more. Evelyn felt so happy, and whole, sitting with Jackson and his parents. These people welcomed her and made her feel like family, something she’d never had before. She always thought seeing others with their family would make her hurt, but here with the Monroes it was completely the opposite.

  Eventually Charles and Natalie said goodnight, leaving Jackson and Evelyn to themselves.

  “You seem like you’ve changed a lot since you were little,” Evelyn smiled at Jackson. “I think it would have been fun to know you then.”

  Jackson’s mouth tipped up on one side, giving him a very mischievous look. “I haven’t changed that much. You just don’t know me very well yet.”

  Yet? “I don’t know, I think I know you pretty well now. I haven’t seen you up to any shenanigans since we’ve been friends. You’re always so calm and collected, like your father.”

  He chuckled. “Have you forgotten how we became friends?” He loved her blush. She didn’t acknowledge his statement. “A lot of people say that about me, but those people only know me by my work. I’ll admit, in uniform, my father and I are very alike, but I think that’s where the similarities end.”

  Evelyn disagreed. She may not know either of them as well as she thought, but she knew they had more in common than that. “No. It’s not just when you’re at work. But I’m guessing there’s no point in arguing with you.”

  “I knew you were a smart girl.” He flashed a wide grin. “Were you able to sleep at all last night?”

  “Not really,” she answered, yawning. “I’m so tired tonight, though, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble falling asleep. Speaking of which…” Fatigue was weighing on her and she knew she wouldn’t be able to fight it long, so she stood to go upstairs. “I think it’s time for me to go up to bed. Thank you for a wonderful first Thanksgiving.” She expected him to offer to walk her up, or try to hug her, or something. She had even hoped it; but he just looked up at her and smiled.

  “You’re welcome. Get some good rest.” He grabbed a booklet from the table next to him and began reading.

  “Good night.” Evelyn left with a longing in her stomach, and she didn’t like it. But she forgot about everything as soon as her head touched the pillows and fell into a deep and peacefully dreamless sleep.

  What Evelyn didn’t know was that if Jackson had moved any closer to her, he wouldn’t have been able to keep himself from kissing her. So instead he stayed seated right where he was, determined to read God’s Word and to pray desperately for wisdom and self-control.

  Jackson looked down to the book of Luke open in his lap. Every time he reread the story of the prodigal son; it tore at his heart.

  Lord, he prayed, You’ve forgiven me so much. I knew You, yet still I turned from You. But You brought me back to You and I’m striving to follow You. You know my heart; You know my feelings towards Evelyn. Help me to keep my thoughts and motives for her pure. Please God, help me to keep her safe. I feel like the enemy has surrounded her. I can’t fight this enemy on my own. God, please, keep her safe. And help me to trust You with her safety, and with my feelings. You guide my path; help me to remember that.

  Chapter 21

  It was still dark when Jackson woke the next morning. He listened for movement from the room next to his and was happy to hear silence. Evelyn needed rest.

  Thoughts of her had been consuming him. He tried to take those thoughts to God. His prayer life had spiked in the last few days.

  Jackson made his way downstairs to start the coffee, all the while working over his feelings for the woman asleep upstairs. His flesh had always been a bit of a struggle, and Evelyn was beautiful…very beautiful…but for whatever reason, he didn’t think that could be all that was causing these unexpected feelings. She was young and innocent…two things he had no right to. She was selfless, a rare quality in any person. Watching her with children while she worked proved she cared for them. She was by far the hardest worker at the library; the girl was smart.

  He poured himself a cup of black coffee and headed back up the staircase to his room.

  Evelyn was everything he’d ever hoped to find in a wife. That explained everything. And the cherry on top was her physical need for protection. What man didn’t want to protect his woman; to supply that safety for her?

  But she was not his, and he most definitely didn’t deserve her. He’d done too much… She deserved someone so pure and good.

  A light knock sounded on his door. His mother must be up.

  “It’s open.”

  The door opened just a crack. “Hey. Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just –”

  “Evelyn?” He cut her off, yanking the door all the way open. “Are you OK?

  Jackson’s worry subsided looking down at Evelyn. Oh sweet, sheltered, Evelyn. He hadn’t put on his shirt yet and, seeing how distracted she was by his bare chest, he wondered if she’d even ever seen a man without his shirt on. Her cheeks flushed as she tried to keep her eyes focused on his face. His initial worry was unwarr
anted; she was just fine.

  He leaned against the door, flexing a little. He couldn’t help himself. “You know, if you wanted to get me out here half dressed, you could have just asked.” Her reaction was priceless. Her cheeks went from a soft pink to a deep red in the time it took her to gasp.

  “Jackson Monroe!” Evelyn scolded as quietly as she could manage, trying not to choke. How dare he insinuate… “For your information, I was trying to be polite by letting you know I was going out for a run! And now that you know, I’m leaving.” She was more upset with herself than she was with his comment, but she was angry all the same. At least it’d help keep her warm during the long, hard run she now had planned.

  “Wait, wait, wait,” Jackson called after her, laughing to himself. “Give me two minutes, I’ll go with you.”

  Jackson threw clothes and shoes on as fast as he could, knowing Evelyn had no intentions of waiting for him.

  He caught up with her about a quarter mile down the lake trail. She didn’t greet him, so he kept quiet as well, figuring she’d eventually break the silence. But the only sounds for some time were the birds and the water gently lapping against the rocky bank.

  “What?” Evelyn didn’t mean to sound so mean, but she was becoming winded. She estimated they’d run about two miles already, and she was not accustomed to trail running. She should be turning back by now.

  “I didn’t know you run.”

  “Well,” she exhaled. “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

  Jackson slowed with her as she eased into a walk. He stood and watched her pace. He’d seen her embarrassed before, but never mad over it. “You don’t like being teased, do you?”

  She finally looked at him. Her cheeks and nose were bright red from the cold, her eyes vibrant from the run. It was the most alive he’d ever seen her.