“I don’t understand what that means.”
“Well,” he tried again, “I want you to always be honest with me about what you’re thinking and feeling; especially if I hurt you or scare you, or if you decide you don’t want to be with me anymore.” He felt her laugh, but he was very serious. “And as far as accountability goes, I’m going to take you into my bed if I don’t have your help fighting temptation. I’m sorry to be so blunt. After this I won’t speak so plainly about it and I will only bring it up if it becomes absolutely necessary, but this one time I just need to be honest. I want you that way, but not until we’re married…if you decide that’s what you want. Until then, I need to protect you from my desires, and I’ll need your help doing that. Being alone will be difficult, so it wouldn’t hurt for you to let Bekah know when we’re going to be together. She seems rather protective of you, and I have a feeling she’ll be keeping an eye on us anyway. If I scare you, or you are uncomfortable or nervous, you need to tell me. I never want to hurt you and I don’t want us to have any regrets. You being honest and open with me will help me behave.” Evelyn sat quietly next to him and he wondered what she was thinking, if he had been too bold in what he said.
Evelyn spoke softly when she finally spoke. “Why did you bring up marriage?”
“Why wouldn’t I, if we’re talking about us?” She sat quietly, appearing unsettled. Jackson felt her despair. “Do you know why I’m dating you?”
“Because you say you love me,” she whispered.
He let go of her hand and took her in his arms. “Look at me, Beloved.” When she did, he kissed her lightly. “I want to marry you because I love you. I’m dating you so I can try and convince you to marry me. I’ve known for a while now that I want you as my wife, and I’d marry you this second if you’d say yes.”
Evelyn didn’t say anything. She already felt the embarrassment and shame of her unladylike forwardness, kissing him the way she did just moments ago, and now Jackson was talking about marriage. She didn’t know anything about how to be a wife…she had only scratched the surface of love just a few days ago! But even though she was terrified of marriage, she knew she would say yes if he asked. “I love you, Jackson.”
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 42
Natalie found her son and Evelyn asleep in the sunroom. She was relieved they were sitting up against the couch. If she’d found her son lying down with this sweet girl, she would have had to kick him in the shins. She was so glad her son had fallen in love with Evelyn. She had worried about her son’s choices when it came to women; he didn’t know how much she knew of his life away from their home. She saw the pain in his heart when he came home from New Mexico. It hadn’t been the first time she saw shame in her son’s eyes.
God taught Natalie how to pray through mothering Jackson. She learned how to trust Him when her boy left for college and was sent to New Mexico, and she rejoiced seeing her son choose life in Christ after he had been through hell. And now he had found his bride; though she wondered if he knew that. She couldn’t have hand chosen a better wife for her son. She had already seen her son strengthened by Evelyn’s presence in his life. She humbled his pride and encouraged his heart.
Natalie didn’t want to intrude on them, but she was impatient for them to wake up. She knelt by her son and squeezed his arm gently. His eyes shot open, but he remained perfectly still. She mouthed, “Merry Christmas,” tapped her wrist, as if she wore a watch, smiled, and left.
Evelyn was learning quickly holidays in the Monroe home meant food, and lots of it. She had woken up that morning with Jackson nuzzling her cheek and the smell of breakfast making her stomach growl.
The morning was cheerful and splendid in every way and Evelyn couldn’t contain the excitement from bubbling out of her. It was, after all, her first real Christmas and all the childhood magic of the miraculous day was fresh and new to her. Unlike their first days with Charles and Natalie, Evelyn welcomed Jackson’s affections. Even as they sat across from each other eating breakfast, their feet touched under the table. Jackson noticed that even though she didn’t run from him anymore, there was a new shyness about her, a shyness that welcomed his pursuit.
Evelyn eagerly offered him her assistance when Jackson volunteered to do the breakfast dishes. The look she saw pass between Charles and Natalie made her think that they were either very glad to have some time to themselves, or they were laughing about something to do with her and Jackson. She didn’t mind not knowing; the look that passed between them was filled with kindness.
Since Jackson knew the kitchen better than Evelyn, she opted for the washing portion so Jackson could dry and put the dishes away. They worked in a comfortable silence for some time, but Evelyn’s mind was far from quiet. She was still digesting all that she’d learned from the night before, and more than a few unfamiliar emotions continued to run through her. An odd sense of feeling at home for the first time floated in and out as she thought about the possibility of standing where her mother had once stood, wondering if her mother had ever hovered at this sink washing dishes as she was now.
But last night’s conversation was more than pleasant revelations about her mother and reassurance of Jackson’s love for her. There were difficult things too. Knowing her father had been murdered and her mother forced into hiding, and that there was someone in Jackson’s past who may still have her claws in his heart gave her pause. Then Jackson’s hand would brush hers–an intentional touch–and wonder would come upon her. Somehow his touch made her pulse quicken and gave her a wonderfully overwhelming sense of safety at the same time.
“Evelyn?”
Evelyn’s mind focused. She wasn’t sure how long she had been washing that same dish, but Jackson had finally taken it from her, and alarm now lined his face. It wasn’t like her to be inattentive.
“I’m sorry, Jackson,” Evelyn apologized, trying to sound light-hearted. “I spaced out for a minute. What were you saying?”
Jackson set the dish down and turned her towards him. “I wasn’t saying anything.” He took a towel and dried her hands. “I was asking what you were thinking about.”
Evelyn knew her blush gave her away. She’d been thinking about that Alice woman, and not in a good way. Her thoughts were embarrassing, even to herself. “Nothing,” she said quickly, too quickly. Jackson raised a brow at her. He didn’t believe her. “I was just thinking about last night.”
“A lot was said last night. What part were you thinking about?”
She wasn’t ready to talk about the thoughts preoccupying her mind so completely. She hugged Jackson, feeling somehow smaller in his arms than she normally did, and pressed her cheek to his chest. One thing she did know, and that she was willing to share. “I love you.”
Jackson’s heart swelled the way she said those three simple words. He knew there was more she had been thinking about, but somehow knowing she loved him, and that he loved her too, was enough right now. She’d share whatever she was wrestling with when she was ready. He wasn’t blessed with an abundance of patience, but for her, he’d learn it.
Love is patient…love is patient.
Chapter 43
After the dishes were finished, Evelyn and Jackson followed Natalie’s youthful laughter and found her and Charles at the piano.
“Evelyn dear, you want to sing carols before we open gifts, don’t you?” Natalie asked, pleading with her eyes and her tone for Evelyn to say yes.
Evelyn smiled only a small smile. “I’m afraid I don’t know any; but I’d love to listen to all of you.” Evelyn could see her comment had caught Natalie off guard. She understood though; who didn’t know Christmas carols? There were a few that she could hum, and even knew a few words too, but none she knew well enough to feel comfortable singing along with Jackson and his family.
“Well then, young lady,” Charles said with a wonderful twinkle in his eyes. “It’s about time you learn some.” He took Evelyn’s shoulders and led her to sit next to Natalie
on the piano bench. “You can read along as Natalie plays and, when you feel you’ve got the hang of it, you join in with us.”
Evelyn smiled pleasantly enough at Charles’ encouraging words, but inside she suspected she wouldn’t be joining them in song any time soon, if ever. But Charles, like his son, was very good at reading her thoughts.
“We’ll just keep singing through the song until you join us.”
Jackson appreciated his father handling the situation so well. He knew Evelyn had been embarrassed to have to admit she didn’t know any carols, but after today she surely would. With a wink from Charles to his wife, Natalie began to play Deck the Halls. It was a joyful noise, to be sure, and Evelyn surprised herself as she quickly learned the tune and joined in chorus with them. As they followed with Go, Tell It On The Mountain and then Joy To The World, the Monroes found it difficult to keep singing. In fact, Jackson had quit singing all together. He had heard Evelyn hum a hymn quietly during their last stay with his parents, but he’d never heard her sing outright before now. He was sure even the angels must have been leaning down from heaven to hear her song.
Natalie flipped through her music and Jackson smiled when he saw the next song she stopped at: O Holy Night.
“Evelyn?” Natalie paused. “I wonder if you would bless us and sing this for us?” Evelyn’s alarm was apparent, but Natalie pressed on. “We could sing it through once, so you could get a feel for it. You’re catching on so quickly and you have a beautiful voice.”
“I –” Evelyn was choking on her words as fear gripped her, tightening her chest and closing her throat. She had been having so much fun singing with them, she hadn’t noticed them admiring her voice.
“Natalie,” Charles spoke calmly to his wife, as he smiled reassuringly at Evelyn. “You can’t expect her to put on a private concert for us just because she has the voice of an angel. But Evelyn,” he now spoke to her, “would you be willing to let Natalie break from this song? Jackson stopped singing two songs ago, but I’d be honored if you’d sing with me.”
Oh Charles, thought Evelyn, what would I do without you? With a calming breath, she nodded. “I think I can do that. But could we still do as Natalie said, and everyone sing through it once so I can learn it first?”
Natalie’s face lit like a child’s on Christmas morning. Being as it was Christmas morning, it was very fitting. “Of course, my dear.”
Evelyn looked up at Charles and Jackson felt her panic. “You promise to keep singing with me, right?”
Charles placed his hand gently on her shoulder. It didn’t surprise him that she was shaking some. “I’ll sing constant and loud if you promise to do the same.” She nodded nervously, then turned to the music as Natalie began to play.
Evelyn was pleasantly surprised the song was a melody that she knew well, so she only had to read the words. Natalie and Jackson sang it through twice before falling silent. Charles kept up his part of the deal, as she knew he would, and sang constant and strong. Evelyn let the words rain over her, feeling every word she sang.
O holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Oh, how she knew the truth in those words! Her whole life she’d lain in sin and error, and when she found Him, she felt its worth: the worth of herself in Him, and His worth! And hope had thrilled her then, as it did now, and as it had all the days in between.
Fall on your knees
O hear the angel voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born
O night divine, o night
O night divine
Evelyn wanted to fall on her knees, but she stayed seated on the bench with her eyes closed now, singing to the Lord. She sang the words with Charles but not as he did. Harmonizing instead and adding inflection and pauses and even words where her heart sang them. The scene they sang out in praise was painted in her mind; a beautiful scene of the birth that changed the world. It was a divine night, she was sure of it, and she sang it from the depths of her soul and her heart. She and Charles sang it through twice together. She wasn’t aware of her tears until Natalie’s playing stopped and Evelyn opened her eyes.
Silence hung around them for a few moments. Evelyn’s cheeks burned in embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” she said timidly, wiping her cheeks dry.
Natalie put her hand on her knee in a motherly way. “Evelyn dear, don’t you ever apologize for worshiping our Lord or being moved to tears through it. You sang beautifully and it was a blessing to hear your voice.” Natalie’s eyes stung from her own tears pressing forward. “That was your mother’s favorite. She sang it with Charles too, almost the same way you did just now, and it was mine and your father’s favorite thing to listen to. Your poor father,” she smiled at the memory, “he couldn’t sing at all. But your mother…” She had to pause to steady her emotions. “Well, I can hear your mother when you sing, and it’s a beautiful sound.”
Natalie purposefully lightened the mood after that. Though she felt it was important to share with Evelyn about her mother, she also knew that Evelyn was weary with emotion. She needed some light-hearted joy that Christmas morning. After a few laughter-filled songs, they gathered in the sunroom to exchange gifts.
Jackson had been waiting anxiously to give Evelyn the gift he’d purchased for her. He had found it the day after Thanksgiving. After his run with Evelyn, he quickly showered and left the house while his mother expertly kept her busy until he returned. He knew then there was a chance they would still be nothing more than friends by the time Christmas came, but he hoped. She was precious to him, and she needed to know it. Her reaction upon receiving his gift had been of some concern to him if their relationship had remained the same; but recent developments eased those fears and he now waited with great excitement for her to open it.
Evelyn’s enjoyment was obvious as she watched the others exchange gifts, her face glowing with wonder and joy. Jackson cherished watching her, and particularly enjoyed seeing her delight at opening the cookbook from his mother filled with all their family recipes.
Evelyn was thrilled that he liked the quilt she made for him. He sat with it wrapped around him while they continued to exchange gifts, giving him a childish look Evelyn found endearing. Father and son each got the other a new gun, making Evelyn and Natalie laugh and tease them for being excessively masculine in their gift choices. And when Natalie and Charles opened their gift from Evelyn, she was overjoyed to see they loved it as much as she’d hoped they would.
Natalie’s gift to her son was a mystery to Evelyn. She watched as Jackson read a letter from his mother and was curious at the emotion she saw run over his face. He tucked the letter away and thanked his mother politely, but Evelyn felt like there was much more depth to what had passed between them than they were letting on.
Jackson saved his gift for Evelyn last. He smiled as she tenderly undid the bow and peeled back the wrapping paper to reveal an ivory box with the words Worth Far More Than Rubies Jeweler written in crimson lettering on it. He knew she wouldn’t recognize the name of the jewelry store, or the Biblical reference, but her eyes made it clear she was enraptured by what she held in her hands. The lid flipped up easily revealing her gift.
The fine box held perfectly beautiful pearls. Evelyn’s fingers trembled as she touched the multiple strands of pearls creating the necklace. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen and, most assuredly, the most beautiful thing she’d ever owned. She had never shopped for jewelry before, but there was no doubt this cost him a great deal. Afraid she’d break it or damage it in some way, she closed the box and placed it gently next to her. All she could manage was a simple thank you and a trembling smile. She thought, she hoped, Jackson knew
how much she loved it. She would be sure to tell him later, when her emotions from the shock of his gift weren’t stealing her voice.
Chapter 44
Evelyn looked herself over in her mirror, anxiously smoothing the front of her gown. Wearing this dress meant vacation with the Monroes was over.
Her time with them had been so precious to her. After Christmas, the family fell into a comfortable routine, the kind only a family could enjoy, and one Evelyn had never experienced before. They just folded her right into that old, time-tested, love-formed routine. Morning yawns over steaming cups of coffee. Laughter and good food filling their stomachs and souls. But her favorite was the quiet, still moments of peace that she and Jackson shared, sitting close on the sunroom couch, reading God’s Word.
Jackson had managed to curb his antics. Aside from the few kisses he stole when he found her alone, he restrained his affection and only held her hand gently, wrapped a protective arm around her, or played with her hair. Her favorite was when his fingers skimmed over her skin on her neck as they ran through her hair.
But that time was over now, and they were back in Syracuse. Charles had a driver lined up to take him and Natalie home after the ball. Though Natalie was disappointed they were leaving so soon, no one argued. Charles was the respected leader of the family.
Dear Charles. Never had Evelyn known a man so strong nor so gentle and kind, and full of love. Her heart broke a little wondering what her own father had been like.
The pain snapped her out of her thoughts, and her eyes refocused on the reflection before her. She had never worn so lovely a dress. Though it was surprisingly comfortable, she was far from comfortable in it. Bekah had assured her time and time again that it was modest, but Evelyn wasn’t so sure. The neckline was much lower than she was accustomed to, and she felt strange being wrapped in such elegance.
Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1) Page 29