At that moment, the power signature of a brand new human sparked to life in the room. The newborn Angel fell to his knees as an indelible need to nurture and protect the tiny creature engraved itself on his heart.
“What have you done to me?” the dark Angel cried. “Oh, God…”
“It’s called love, Berwyn,” Archangel Michael said softly, lowering his sword.
“I know that! It’s unnatural! It’s not pure!” Berwyn’s breath came in panicked gasps as the new human’s unique traits unveiled themselves. It was courageous to the point of blind stupidity. It had a natural and unfettered willingness to break every rule. Worst of all, it had the capacity to love with reckless abandon. The impossibility of the Angel’s task was obvious. “How am I supposed to protect it?” Berwyn cried.
“Him,” replied the Archangel, bestowing a rare grin. “Protect ‘him.’ We need him, Berwyn. His name is Michael, Guardian of the Little Light, and you were created to love and protect him. You’ll figure it out. Trust me. I talked to someone who knows.”
Then the Archangel disappeared.
CHAPTER ONE
JASON
PAIN. IT WAS the only thing that was familiar when I came to. That doubled-over cramping in my legs and gut. That deep ache in my bones. That stale nausea creeping up the back of my throat. Then there was that restless, panicky feeling, because you know it’s only going to get worse. I needed to get home to my room where I had an Eight-ball of heroin stashed away inside my computer, but where was I? It felt like ice water was running through my brain. I opened my eyes and…shit. There was ice water running through my brain.
I was lying face down in the Rocky River.
Listen again to what I’m saying:
My face. Was completely. Submerged.
I yanked my head out of the water. The sky was black. Snow was falling. I was freezing, and I had no idea how I’d gotten there. Then the shakes hit. Withdrawal shakes you from the inside out. I started to fall forward onto my hands, but my hands were gone.
I couldn’t see them.
Fear. My world was now just two elements. Pain. And Fear. That was my last thought before my “face” went underwater again. My “face” was drowning, and Fear was making it impossible for me to save it. So I ordered myself, as I often do, to push the Fear back. To master the Pain. To control that small piece of ground that exists within my head. I’d conquered that battlefield a long time ago. But the ground in my head was expanding. I could now feel the ice clinging to the riverbank clawing my skin.
That ice was fifteen feet away.
Fear won, and my head exploded with noise. It was the noise of a billion plus brain cells shouting out possible explanations for what was happening. A hallucination? A nightmare? Above the noise I heard a voice. Dark and sweet. Slow and deliberate. Ancient and beautiful.
“You’re dead, Jason. You fell off the cliff. Remember?”
The noise died down as my memory came back. Just pieces. Cate’s betrayal. Rage. The fight through the woods. A bright light. Then nothing.
My life was over? The concept made no sense to me. None. I was in intense pain. I was thinking. I was feeling. My life was obviously not “over.” It was—
“Jason…I can help you focus,” said the voice.
It pulled. It promised. It penetrated my skull.
That voice wanted me.
And I wanted it.
I wanted it like I wanted the heroin that would put an end to this current bout of dope sickness. I wanted it more. I’d never heard that voice before. Knew I couldn’t trust it. But it offered the possibility of gaining knowledge, the one thing I needed most at that moment.
But I couldn’t let the voice know that.
I pulled my face back up out of the water, more by force of will than physical power. I couldn’t see my legs, arms, or hands, but I knew where they were…generally. I knew because they were freezing, trembling, cramping up in their nothingness. I wanted to crawl out of them, but instead I held still and set my jaw. First and foremost when facing the unknown: show no fear. No weakness. No need. Definitely not that.
I lifted my chin and looked for the source of the voice.
Twenty feet in front of me, a dark figure was standing tall and relaxed on the bank of the river. Human in form, but possessing an inhuman intensity that physically challenged me from across the river. It pressed down on me. I lifted my chin higher. The face of the thing shone brightly. It was heart-shaped, rounded through the cheeks and sharp through the jaw. It had jet black hair that flowed out freely from its head, like it was blowing in some breeze I couldn’t feel. It wasn’t wearing a shirt, and its chest and abs were all smoothly developed. Indented like a human’s in all of the right places. Not huge. Not bigger than me. It studied me with shiny, wide set black eyes. They were deep like the night sky. They looked through me.
I blinked and the thing was ten feet closer.
“Jason, I understand your needs,” it said. “I can give you answers. I can take your pain away. I just need one thing in return.” Then the pressure it produced, its power, began to pulse hard and fast. I almost fell back in the water the force was so goddamn strong. My ears popped. The thing’s eyes got bigger. It grinned, waiting.
I’d either fallen down the bad heroin rabbit hole, or everything Cate had said was true. The ache in my bones intensified. The nausea worsened. I fought to control the shakes as best I could. And I held my tongue, because if it was true, if I was dead, I hadn’t yet figured out how I was going to outsmart the Devil.
CHAPTER TWO
CATE
I SEE ANGELS and ghosts. They’re here to protect me. You would think that would be enough to solidify my faith. It should be rock solid. I should be drifting through life on a sea of unshakeable serenity.
Right.
You try staying serene with the knowledge that Satan wants you dead. You try finding your “Zen” place knowing that Satan, Ye Old Brimstone Blowhard himself, has been whispering his black heart out, plotting your destruction since before you were born. And that’s what he does. Whisper. So quietly, you won’t even know he’s there until it’s too late. It’s over. You’re either dead or broken so badly you wish you were.
I know. Satan almost succeeded with me. Three times in the last forty-eight hours.
First, there was my pitiful caving to the demon-inspired despair that almost drove me off a bridge. Then there was that little tussle with Jason, my homicidal, heroin-addicted ex-boyfriend who tried to push me off a cliff, and finally, my damn near suffocation courtesy of my own asthma deep in Lewis Woods. Without my Angel and my human Guardian fighting for me, I never would have made it. I would have given up. In the end, I fought hard to live, too. I fought because I thought maybe, just maybe, I could make up for all the mistakes I’d made during those demon-clouded days. But that was before I knew—
“You’re spiraling again.”
“Michael…”
“Catherine…” Michael said back, mimicking my whine. He had it down pat, and he should, poor kid. He’d had to listen to it since the day I was born.
Michael grinned. “Oh yeah. Whining’s one of your specialties. You’re an all-star.”
Michael is my human Guardian. He and my Angel keep me safe, and right now he was leaning over my hospital bed, his luminous silver eyes not far from my own, daring me not to smile back. I couldn’t let him win. I wasn’t in the mood. So before the corners of my lips twitched upward, I grabbed my pillow from behind my back and sent it flying through his head. It smacked with a soft thud against the wall and fell to the floor. Michael disappeared.
Michael is also a ghost.
He died last August. After that he was trapped in Lewis Woods, and I was the only one who could see him. I spent four months trying to free him, which annoyed the hell out of him. He wasn’t in the “mood” to be rescued. Then when I almost died, God released him from the woods, healed him, and sent him back to a time before I was born so he, along with my Angel, cou
ld protect me from Satan, who wants me dead. So now we’re back to the beginning of my current rant.
Michael reappeared by the window, leaned back against the sill, and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. Michael, unlike my Angel, can also hear my thoughts. He didn’t like them.
“It’s true,” I said, clearing my pneumonia-clogged throat. “I’ve ruined the lives of everyone around me, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“Catherine, you didn’t mean to—”
My cold stare broke him off midsentence.
“Irritable kitten,” observed Berwyn, Michael’s freaky-pierced Goth Angel who stood guard next to him. Michael thumbed the wide leather strap that crossed his chest, the one that held Foresight, his battle-worn sword, in a sheath on his back.
“Yeah,” Michael agreed, not taking his eyes off me.
Berwyn fell to staring at me, too. That’s a Guardian Angel’s specialty. Staring with an intensity that can peel paint off cars.
Sure, I was testy. Last night I let Michael lull me to sleep thinking I could start over. That everything was going to work out. With Michael and my beautiful Angel, Roshan, on my side, how could it not? But Michael and Roshan kept something from me. They didn’t tell me about the worst of the damage I’d caused. I knew now, and there would be no starting over. All I could do was try to prevent more harm from coming to the people I cared about. Was that even possible? Or was it already too late?
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The Guardian’s Playlist
-2018-
“Flares”
The Script
Written by James Barry, Daniel O’Donoghue, Mark Sheehan
“Turn the Page”
Blue Pantaloons
Written by J. P. Ogden
“Troublemaker”
Weezer
Written by Rivers Cuomo
“Wolves”
The Blackout
Written by Sean Smith, Gavin Butler, Bob Davies, Matthew Davies, Rhys Lewis & Snoz Lawrence
“Hold On Till May”
Pierce the Veil (feat. Lindsey Stamey)
Written by Michael & Victor Fuentes
“Hope Bleeds”
Fading Fireflies
Written by J. P. Ogden
“That’s An Irish Lullaby”
Written by J. R. Shannon
“Mirrors”
House of Cards
Written by Justin Neme & John Price
“Saving Grace”
Drawing Down Silver
Written by J. W. Tupa
“Point of No Return”
Starset
Written by Dustin Bates, Robert Graves, Rob Hawkins & Alan Powell
http://www.starsetonline.com/
“Sweet Child O’ Mine”
Guns N’ Roses
Written by W. Axl Rose, Slash, Duff McKagan, Izzy Stradlin & Steven Adler
“Jumping the Rail”
Drawing Down Silver
Written by J. W. Tupa
“Little One”
Drawing Down Silver
Written by J. W. Tupa
“Halo”
Starset
Written by Dustin Bates & Rob Hawkins
“Ghost”
Slash (feat. Ian Astbury)
Written by Ian Astbury & Saul Hudson
*Disclaimer
The songwriters listed above do not necessarily endorse the novel, The Guardian’s Playlist, nor the ideas contained within it. Permission to reprint copyrighted lyrics has been obtained where applicable.
SONG LYRICS
TURN THE PAGE”
JP Ogden/Blue Pantaloons
You’re looking for
The perfect score
For that book in your head you can’t
Understand anymore
Your fairytale’s not gone as planned
Your hero’s damned
The sky opened up, but you smashed your cup
Then buried it in the sand
Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Turn the page
Take my hand, and we’ll believe
It’s gonna set you free instead
Yeah, it’s gonna be okay
Trust me, turn the page
Baby, take my hand, and we’ll believe
It’s gonna set you free instead
The beach is empty now
You washed your castle away
With all the mistakes that you made
So you bow your head to cry…
But it’s gonna be okay
Hey, hey, hey…
Trust me
Turn the page
Take my hand, and we’ll believe
It’s gonna set you free instead
Oh, please turn the page, baby
I swear I’ll be there
Trust me
Trust me
You just gotta trust me
It’s gonna set you free instead
“HOPE BLEEDS”
JP Ogden/Fading Fireflies
Hell if I know what I am
Black sheep or sacrificial lamb
I can’t even see myself anymore
I’m trapped, and I can’t break free
But you…you broke the mold
Left me here in the cold
I want your arms around me now
But they’re losing their warmth
Let me be your Superman
In the night, I’ll tie you down
With me you’ll be safe on the ground
‘Cause hope don’t grow on trees
It bleeds
So I’ll rip it through you
That thread that drew you away
I need your arms around me now
But you’re losing your way
If it’s not real, it can’t change
What matters, won’t fade
And I feel myself fading away
Let me be your Superman
In the night, I’ll tie you down
With me you’ll be safe on the ground
‘Cause hope don’t grow on trees
It bleeds
Are you bleeding yet? Are you bleeding?
I’ll catch you when you fall
I’m down here waiting
Down here waiting
It’s so dark down here waiting
Let me be your Superman
In the night, I’ll tie you down
With me you’ll be safe on the ground
‘Cause hope don’t grow on trees
Hope bleeds (repeat 3x)
“SAVING GRACE”
JW Tupa/Drawing Down Silver
I’ve stood the edge
Hands High Head Down
And dreamed the End.
Entire worlds passed by
Without a notice
Missing my eyes by a second chance.
But sunrise came along
And in a whisper
Broke me from a long unended trance.
So I look beyond my eyes
Step out from behind the lies
And learn that I can now begin to Fly.
And learn that I can now begin to fly…
Toes on the edge still
Leaning Forward Looking
I smile inside and feel the warmth of the Sun
Within my Heart
Within my Heart…
So I realize and reach the sky
Not really knowing I can Fly
Away the edge floats
As the dream goes
Together sun and Sky.
And in another turn
Inside the fires burn
Even in the darkness I can Fly
For now and in this Place
The very Saving Grace
Is ever knowing I can fly…
“JUMPING THE RAI
L”
JW Tupa/Drawing Down Silver
I see you jumpin' down the rail
So narrow in your vision,
So desperate to fail…
(It’s all your decision)
The world is all around you
But you must walk alone
Another soul surrounded
So very far from home…
(In a clouded veil)
You've been caught up in their lies
You're designed to fail
At the mercy of yourself
So you just jump the rail
(So little time now)
Stand on the edge and look below
Now steel yourself to fly
No strings attachments and no one
To note your time to die
(You're almost home)
It is all up to you now
There is no holding back
Now you test the waters
Just past the veiled attack
(It's oh so close now)
And so the final chapter
Within this life of sorrow
Lift your head and raise your arms
Forget about tomorrow…
(The story fades…)
“LITTLE ONE”
JW Tupa/Drawing Down Silver
The road is long, as long as all your life
It’s pain, It’s dark, it’s hurt, it’s strife
I’ll go ahead before you in the Storm
You Breathe Your Chest is Tight
You Beg with all your Might
“Can we just take another try?”
Each day I’ve seen you
Hardly believed it true
Emotions proud ‘cause you are mine
I’ll shield you from the Storm
Keep us safe and warm
Stay awake to guard you in your Sleep
We’re all we’ve got now
Now is the only time we’ve got
To fill your bags with all you’ll need
My blood courses through your veins
As mothers fathers before us
Stay with us for eternal time
“Remember Me” they all implore us
In the center of
Your gorgeous grey blue eyes
Lies the fire flowing from my heart
Now maybe in the past
Telling this story Last
Can always know I’ll never leave
DEDICATION
For my Mom & Dad
&
For all you Songwriters in the world
You are the great poets of our time
The Guardian's Playlist Page 42