by Candi B
It was just my luck we pulled up to our crib’s together. Ivy sat in her car and waited while I got out of mine. I could tell she had been crying, because her eyes were red and puffy. I opened the passenger door and got inside. For a minute, we just sat in silence, I was trying to find the right words to say. How do you ask your girlfriend if she’s a murderer?
“Did you do it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Zane!”
“Well, too fucking bad, Ivy, because we gon’ talk about it right now. You seem to have the answers for everyone else’s problems but your own. Why don’t you want to talk about it, Ivy? What the fuck happened to your cousin?”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t owe you, or anyone else, an explanation. If you can’t accept that, then get the fuck out!” She shouted.
I let out a breath of frustration. This night couldn’t get any worse. “I ain’t trying to hear that shit, and I ain’t going nowhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on. I’ve had my daughter around you, I’ve told you everything there is to know about me. I don’t have any secrets, Ivy. You spoke that bullshit about communication, now look at you. How the fuck can you say you don’t owe me an explanation and you say you love me? I know what that nigga did to you, and you should trust me enough to know that if you’re in some type of trouble, or need my help, I’m gon’ get you out of it.”
Tears rolled down her eyes, but she still didn’t say anything. I was growing frustrated by the minute, because Ivy was shutting down and treating me like I wasn’t a man who could make it all go away. All she had to do was tell me what happened so I would know how to help her.
“Ivy! You need to say something, or you know what? Fuck this shit, I’ll just call Roddrick or Demarcus. Maybe they can tell what’s going on.” I took out my phone and dialed a random number.
“Hang the phone up, Zane.”
“No.”
“HANG-THE-FUCKING-PHONE-UP-ZANE!” She said through gritted teeth.
“Are you going to stop being a brat and tell me what the fuck happened? Did you kill your cousin Sharaya? Answer me dammit!” I yelled.
“No, I didn’t kill her!” She said, looking straight ahead.
“And how the fuck am I supposed to believe that Ivy?”
“Because right now I’m looking at her knocking on my door.”
Ivy
Seeing Sharaya stand at the top of the stairs put me in a bigger rage. I jumped out the car and took the stairs two at time, with Zane hot on my trail. When I found out who told this bitch where I laid my head was going to get an ass beating out this world, but now handling this bitch was the only thing on my mind. Without asking any questions I rushed Sharaya and slammed her up against my door.
“Ivy, chill the fuck out. Calm down, baby.” Zane told me, but it fell on deaf ears.
“What the fuck are you doing at my house? Didn’t I tell you to stay the fuck away from Detroit, or the next time I saw you I would stomp a mud hole in you, bitch?”
“Ivy, please, I just came here to talk to you. All I want to do it talk.” Sharaya appeared scared, and her whole body was shaking.
“Bitch, we don’t have shit to talk about. You know what happened the last time we talked.”
I had just got back from the mall, and my mama had invited herself in my apartment. I could tell by the look on her face she was upset about something, but that was the norm. Something was always pissing her off, but for her to come to my place and not call was a first.
“Hey, Mama, are you ok?”
“Does it look like I’m ok, Ivy Rose? What’s this shit I hear about you and Sharaya? She came to the house the other day bawling her eyes out because you attacked her.”
I looked at my mama in disbelief. I never laid a hand on her, not even when I found out she was fucking my husband. “Mama, I don’t know what she’s talking about, but she’s lying. I’ve never touched her, even though I should mop the floor with her ass.”
“Watch your mouth, and I wish you would, the girl is pregnant for Christ sake.”
“So, since she came to you with crocodile tears and a bullshit ass story about me attacking her, did she tell you she was fucking my husband?”
My mama’s mouth dropped, and the news hit her so hard, she had to take a seat on my couch. My mama was always quick to run to Sharaya’s defense, because of Sharaya’s mama and daddy. Sharaya’s parents were killed in a car accident when she was fourteen years old. Sharaya’s daddy was my mama’s brother. Sharaya went to live with her grandma on her mama’s side, but my mama still played a big role in her life. Sharaya would come over to the house on the weekends, and if we went on a family trip, Sharaya was always there. At the time, she liked a boy named Trayvion in our neighborhood. They chilled, but he stopped talking to her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. One night, she asked me did me and Xavier have sex, and I told her we did and how good it was. I assumed that made her feel more comfortable knowing I was out being fast, so the next day she went and gave Trayvion her virginity. Trayvion still ended up playing her, and Sharia held it against me. Whenever she would comeback over to our house, she wouldn’t talk to me or she would walk around with her nose turned up. She started getting closer to my mama, and I found out they would go shopping or do things behind my back. My mama would tell me Sharaya needed to feel like her mother was still here in a way, so the one on one time with her was helping Sharaya cope. I saw straight through the bullshit, and I felt as if Sharaya was trying to take my mother away.
“Ivy Rose, are you sure Sharaya and Xavier slept together?”
“I followed Xavier over to a house on Green Acres one night, and when I rang the doorbell, Sharaya and her pregnant belly answered it. Xavier came to the door looking like a deer caught in headlights. What else proof would you need if you were in my situation?”
“How about them telling me they actually are messing around? Or some type of proof other than her being at his house?”
“Mama, do you hear yourself talking right now? The only house Xavier should be at was ours, I had the house checked out, and it belongs to him and Sharaya, both of their names are on the deed. I can look at Xmond and see Xavier all up in through him. Sharaya and my husband have been fucking around for years.”
My mama was putting it all together in her head, but she still refused to believe that Sharaya could do something so hurtful and deceitful. “Baby, I’m sorry, but I can’t believe this, I have to go back and talk to Sharaya and get her side of the story.”
What my mama said pissed me off, and I lost it. “What the fuck do mean, get her side of the story? There’s only one side, and it’s your daughter side! What could she possibly say to condone what she did to me? I’m her family, and she slept with my husband!” I shouted.
“Ivy, save the dramatics. We both know your husband ain’t been your husband since before you married the sorry piece of shit. You want to put the blame on everyone except him, well tell me this why the fuck is his shit still in this apartment? Why haven’t you filed for a divorce? You can be mad at Sharaya all you want, but this isn’t the first time your husband has done something like this. I’ll take Sharaya’s side any day, before I let Xavier come between me and Sharaya.”
“What about what me and you have? You are my fucking mama, so act like it for once! You haven’t once asked how I was dealing with all this,” I screamed.
“I’ve always been your mother, but there is a time when you have to let stupid people be stupid people. You want me to turn my back on family all because of nigga who can’t keep his fucking dick inside his pants? You should have turned your back on him a long time ago, and maybe you wouldn’t be in this predicament. This is all your fault, and I won’t think differently.”
“It easy for you to stand here and tell me what I should have done in my marriage, when you let Dad walk all over you. You’ve been in a marriage for over thirty years, with a man who keeps you quiet by buying you gifts, and taking you on trips
. You know how many receipts I found of different hotels, Mama? Your shit stinks just like mine.”
The shamed look on my mama’s face told me I had went too far. She stood up and got her purse off the counter and got in my face.
“Let’s get one thing straight, little girl. I did what I had to do to make sure my kids had a good life. Your father has his ways, and so does your mama. At least I was smart enough to get knocked up by a man with money and not some wanna be fake ass gangsta. What has Xavier done for you beside fuck other woman and have babies on you? The motherfucker doesn’t have enough respect for you to use a rubber. I’ll leave this small ass, one-bedroom apartment, and go home to my five-bedroom home, my walls are solid, and the foundation is strong as ever, darling.”
My mama bumped me on the way out and slammed the door. I collapsed on the couch, because things between my mama and I had never gotten this bad. I wish my grandma was still alive, because I could go and talk to her, but she wasn’t. The only person I had was my mother, and I wasn’t sure if we would ever talk again. I knew Xavier was the worst husband on earth, but I was still trying to wrap my head around how was this all my fault. I tried to watch TV to get my mind off of what just happened, but no matter how wrong or right my mother was, I loved her. I picked myself off the couch and grabbed my car keys. I had to go make things right with her, because if I didn’t, it would be a long night.
It was pouring down raining on the way to my folk’s house. My daddy had an excellent job as a pilot. He flew planes all over the world, and that’s how he was able to meet so many women. My mother’s car was parked in the driveway, and my dad’s truck was gone. I used my key to let myself in and I went to look for my mama. I heard her and Sharaya in the kitchen talking.
“I can’t believe I have Ivy for a daughter. I know I trained her to be better than what she is now. She’s so fucking weak, and she acts so damn desperate. Is Xavier’s dick really that damn good, to make her act like this stupid?”
“Yes! Mama, it’s that good.”
“What have I told you about calling me Mama? If Ivan finds out you are my daughter, instead of my niece, he would kill me. Cool it with that mama crap, and stop talking about your sister’s husband in that light, you know I can’t stand his ass.”
“But, Aunt Sofie, what do I do? I never meant to hurt Ivy, but I love him. We are about to have two kids together, and he won’t leave her.”
“Girl, he’s never going to leave her, because she allows him to do what he wants. What man would leave a woman who lets him fuck his cousin, and then comes homes to a clean apartment and a cooked meal? Tell me something, Sharaya, why in the hell did you ever mess with that little punk ass boy?”
“Ma-, Aunt Sofie, me and Xavier just click. One night I was out, and he was with some of his homeboys and we just started talking. One thing led to another, and all this happened. He’s so different when he’s with me. He don’t treat me like he does Ivy, and he’s told me countless times how much he wants to be with me. It’s Ivy, she begs him to stay, and he falls for it.”
I couldn’t believe the conversation that was going on right now. Sharaya wasn’t my cousin, she was my sister, and the way my mama was talking about me made me see red. I tip toed to my father’s office and got the gun he kept in his desk. My dad let me shoot his gun a few times, so I knew how to shoot on target. I walked down the halls with tears flowing down my cheeks and I was talking to myself. No matter how many times I told myself not to do it, I could hear my mama and Sharaya laughing and throwing insults at my pain.
“Well, you better step your game up and go for what you know. Ivy will get over it, and come running her ass back to me or her daddy.”
“Aunt Sofie, you should have saw the look on her face. Her soft ass just looked at us and walked away.” They laughed.
I came around the corner and cocked the gun. My mother dropped the coffee cup she was drinking from, and all the color from Sharaya drained from her skin.
“Baby, Ivy, we were just talking about you, come and sit down so we can straighten this all out.”
“Bitch, there is nothing to straighten out with my weak ass. So, this bitch here is my sister? How dirty can you be, Ma? I’m sure Daddy is going to leave your ass high and dry when he finds about this one.”
“Ivy, please put the gun down, and let’s talk about this. You are better off letting Xavier be with Sharaya, baby. Give him to her so she can feel the pain and turmoil he’s caused you, baby. All I want is to see my little girl happy, and not sad over a man.”
I fired off a shot towards the ceiling and they both ducked down. “You don’t care about yourself, you only care about getting caught. You want to make this right, then tell her to leave town and never come back. Tell her, or I’ll tell Daddy about the affair, and the baby your hoe ass had on him.”
“No, Ivy, we can find another way, I don’t have anywhere to go. Please, think about Xmond!”
My attention turned to Sharaya and her belly. Her being pregnant didn’t stop me from taking my gun and slapping her across the face with it. Sharaya fell off the chair and landed on the floor. “Fuck you and your kids! I don’t give a fuck!” I stood over her waving my gun in her face.
“Ivy-”
“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled. I scratched my head with the tip of the gun. “You got twenty-four hours to get the fuck out of Detroit, or I’ll make sure you and that bastard in your stomach doesn’t make it out alive. I don’t give a fuck where you go, or what you do, but understand, I don’t give a fuck about wearing an orange jumpsuit. Now, get the fuck out of my father’s house, before I change my mind.”
I watched my mama help her off the floor and Sharaya scrambled out the door. My mama sat back down in the chair and put her head in her hands, she looked nervous and afraid.
“If I found out you so much as give her a piece of bread, I will end you. You have no job, no money, no nothing because it’s all in Daddy’s name. From here on out you are nothing to me, my bank account is nice, solid, I have enough to pay my bills.”
“Go to Hell, Ivy, you have no proof.” She sounded sure of herself.
I took out my phone and replayed her and Sharaya’s entire conversation. A look of defeat was plastered on her face. I put my phone back in my pocket and walked away from her for good. On the way home, I didn’t cry, or drop a single tear. I wasn’t about to let anyone fuck over me anymore.
“Look, Ivy, I don’t have much time. I just need to tell you something before I skip town again.”
“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, once I make it inside my apartment, and you are still standing here, I’m going to make good on my promise.”
I opened my door and went straight in the back to get my father’s gun. This hoe thought I was playing, but I was about to show her how serious I was. I flipped my room light on, but the breaking news on the TV caught my attention. On the screen was a picture of Xavier and the caption of a man being killed at Viking Motel. The police had a lead of a woman who was covered up from head to toe, leaving out his hotel room. I came back in the living area and Sharaya was still standing outside. I noticed the blood that was on her shoes and shirt.
“I’m so sorry for all the things I did to you and how I treated you. I just stopped by to tell you that I’m sorry, and I hope one day you can forgive me. Tell Mama I love her, and to take care of my kids for me.”
“Did you do it? Did you kill Xavier?”
“Yes.” She cried. “I called him because I ran out of money and the only way he would give me any was if I agreed to see him. I went to the address he gave me, and he was high out of his mind. Once he saw me he started hitting me and kicking me. He asked for the boys, and I told him I wasn’t going to let them see him in the condition that he was in, so he started slapping me around again. I took the glass ashtray and hit him over the head.”
Knowing that Xavier was dead didn’t have an effect on me. There were no emotions inside of me that caused me to care. I knew it
was just a matter of time before he fell off the deep end anyway. I went back to my room and picked out some clothes for Sharaya to put on. I don’t know why I was helping her, but sleeping with someone and killing someone was two different things. We would never have a sister bond, and I didn’t care to know anything about her, but my heart just wouldn’t let me be mean to her. The whole time Zane was there sitting in silence, watching my every move. I know he was expecting me to fly off the handle at any time, but Sharaya being here made me face my emotions, and deal with the pain she had caused me. Sharaya had changed clothes and was leaving out the door before I stopped her.
“If it was an accident, you should go to the police and tell them it was. A picture of you is all over the news, and it’s just a matter of time before one of these bums calls in for the reward money. If you choose not to, that’s on you, but I just want to know that I forgive you. I used to dream about killing you, because I didn’t think a person like you deserved to live. We had our ups and down, but I would never do anything to make you feel as low as you made me feel. I hated you for a long time, but I don’t have time to feel hate anymore, not when I have so much love around me.” I said, looking at Zane. “Don’t ever knock on this door again.” I closed the door in her face.
“Damn, baby, I thought you were about to 1-8-7 her ass. You good, baby?” Zane pulled me into his hands and wrapped his arms around my body.
I took a deep breath and silently cried in his arms. I was so happy, and it felt like all the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Zane picked me up and carried me to my bedroom, he placed me on my bed and went to my bathroom. I heard the water running, and I could smell my favorite jasmine scent bubble bath. I stripped naked and Zane helped me into the bathtub.