“I love that old west shit,” said Cormac. “Fuck it, let's do it.”
“I knew I should have taken maintenance duties today,” said Gus with a sigh. “You never get shot at when you're mopping toilets.”
All four of them marched side by side and fired their weapons at the parked cars that the three men had taken cover behind. Glass smashed and punctured tires hissed as they ripped holes in the car bodies. One of the men behind the cover was stupid enough to stick his head out, only to promptly have it taken off by the sniper.
“He's a good shot with that thing,” said Cormac with a hint of admiration. Only the two men in blue uniform were left.
“You're outnumbered,” Karina called out to them. “There's four of us, and two of you, plus that sniper on the roof makes five for us. I guess you could call this the Five Guys standoff in more ways than one.”
She looked over to Darnell for approval, but he just shook his head and visibly cringed.
“What I'm trying to say is, throw down your weapons and give yourselves up, and you can still live to see another day.”
“Bitch, if you don't shut that mouth of yours, I'm going to put something long and hard in it!” one of them shouted back. Darnell, Gus, and Cormac all turned to Karina simultaneously with open O faces, wondering what was going to happen next.
“Darnell?”
“Yes, Karina?”
“Could you grab my bag for me, please? It's in the car.”
“Sure, Karina. Whatever you want.”
Darnell fetched the bag without question and handed it to Karina.
“Thank you.”
She rooted around inside of it for a moment, tossing aside one useless item after another, trying to reach the depths of a bottomless pit.
“A-ha! I knew it was in here.”
“Are you insane!?” said Darnell with his hands on his head. “You've had a grenade stuffed in the bottom of your bag this whole time? What if I'd hit a bump in the road and it went off?”
She smiled with her painted lips.
“It's about to.”
She pulled the pin and tossed the grenade behind the cover point. A synchronised 'Fuck!' rose up from the men behind it and they ran in opposite directions into open terrain. The car exploded into the air. Karina dual wielded a pair of pistols and opened fire on her first target. She hit him right in the butt cheek, and he dropped, holding his ass. She spun on her heel and fired at the other as he ran, clipping him in the leg. The sniper on the roof took aim and was about to deliver the finishing blow, but Cormac spotted him and fired a couple of warning shots just below the sniper's position.
“We need them alive,” Cormac shouted.
“Correction,” said Karina as she marched towards the cop she shot in the butt cheek. “We only need one of them alive.”
She kicked over the butt cheek cop as he tried to crawl away, and mounted herself on top of him.
“I'm gonna need you to open wide for me.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean...”
“Open!”
The cop opened his mouth.
“Wider! Good. Just like that.”
She put the gun in his mouth.
“Now suck it.”
His eyes opened wide.
“You heard me.”
She could feel his body shaking beneath her thighs as he started to fellate the barrel.
“Make it sound like you enjoy having something long and hard in your mouth.”
The cop started to make moaning noises as he worked the barrel up and down. Tears and snot streamed down his face as he whimpered in between forced moans.
“Karina? This is getting kind of weird,” said Darnell from behind her.
“Don't worry, I'm almost done.”
She pulled the gun out of the cop’s mouth and wiped the saliva off on his shirt.
“Thank you,” he mumbled. “Thank you, thank you!”
Karina smiled down at him blankly, and he stopped thanking her when he saw the look in her eyes.
“When you get to Heaven, tell them how you got there.”
She pulled the trigger and blew his brains out. The blood splattered back onto her painted body.
“Jesus! What the fuck!?” Cormac shouted. “And I thought that I was supposed to be the sick fuck around these parts.”
“I can see how you came to be called 'The Painted Bitch,'“ said Darnell.
“Can we go now?” asked Gus. “We have what we wanted. The other guy's not going anywhere with that bullet in his leg.”
“Hi,” came an enthusiastic voice from behind them. “I'm Gary. Gary Chambers.”
It was the sniper from the roof. He still held the rifle in one of his hands, and the other hand he extended out in friendship, but they all just stared at it.
“I get it,” he said as he retracted his hand. “Cautious around people you've just met. That's smart. Very smart.”
Gary Chambers didn't look like much to be cautious of with his tucked in white shirt and giant, oversized glasses. He had the look of someone who was a pencil pusher in his past life, but that image was at odds with how well he handled that rifle. Gary pointed at the cop with the bullet in his leg.
“You might want to kill him too. I've dealt with these guys before. They're bad news, let me tell ya.”
“Just you? Out here? All alone?” said Gus in a disbelieving tone.
“Well, just me and Wanda.”
“Who's Wanda?”
Wanda was a pigeon that Gary kept in his Five Guys hideout. It cooed affectionately in its cage as they entered. Gary fed it some seed.
“Lots of seed still left in the abandoned pet stores. Not many people caring for pets anymore, you see. Wanda here has been my best friend through thick and thin, so it's only right that she gets the best. She's my little queen, and she has stopped me from going insane these past two years.” Gary leaned over and gently tapped at the cage while making a kissy face towards the pigeon. “Haven't you, Wanda? You stopped me going insane. Yes, you did. Oh, you’re a good girl. I love you so much.”
Darnell looked and saw stacks and stacks of pigeon-related magazines on the counter.
“Uh-huh. Look, we gotta bounce. People are expecting us back home. You and Wanda take care now.”
“Oh, I see,” said Gary in a deflated tone. “I'll just stay here then. It's been nice meeting you all.”
Darnell had every intention of walking away, but Karina elbowed him in the ribs and cleared her throat. Darnell sighed to the ceiling and turned back to Gary.
“Although, I suppose we could make some room in the truck if you'd like to come with us. Remy gets the final say on whether you stay with us or not though.”
Gary's face instantly brightened up.
“Wanda too?”
Wanda cooed a question at Darnell with a sideways head tilt.
“Yeah... Wanda too.”
CHAPTER TWO
Naked bodies covered the room, and Remy Laveau was at its centre, lying on a silk sheet bed with room enough for six. He opened his eyes and groaned as he felt the early onset of a hangover setting in. A small price to pay for the glorious excesses of the night before. Tammy's breasts rested up against his right side, her thigh draped over his. Steve's hand rested on his chest, his cock still erect, even in sleep. Remy moved softly, trying not to disturb his sleeping lovers. He slipped out of bed and tiptoed over the naked people that carpeted his floor. It was a slow process trying to find space to put his feet. His head was pounding, but he was sure that he would do it all again tonight, just as he had done every night this week.
Remy opened the door and stepped out onto a balcony facing the French Quarter in New Orleans. The house he had chosen for himself was a piece of French colonial architecture from the 18th century. It had big white columns with swirling vines at its front and multiple balconies like the one he was standing on all around its exterior. The balconies were protected by intricately patterned, wrought iron railings that Remy loved to l
ean against as he looked out at the world from that very spot every morning. Remy had always dreamed of owning such a place, and now through a crazy turn of events, he did.
Remy sparked up a joint and looked down into a snake enclosure that he had set up on the balcony. The enclosure contained a massive albino python. Its white head lifted up and its red eyes locked onto Remy as its forked tongue flipped in and out at a rapid pace.
“Zombi, how are you today? Are you hungry?”
Beside Zombi's enclosure was a cage containing live mice. Remy snatched one by the tail and held it dangling over Zombi's head. The mouse squeaked for its life, knowing what was about to come, but Remy simply let go and left it to its fate. It ran straight for the furthest corner of the enclosure and tried to scale the wall, but its feet could find no purchase. It ran no further as Zombi slithered into action and trapped it there. He bared his fangs and struck at the startled mouse. In a matter of seconds, the snake swallowed the mouse whole. Remy watched with a detached fascination as he smoked his joint.
“Do you imagine yourself as the mouse or the snake?”
Remy turned to see the angel Gabriel standing at his shoulder. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the snake.
“Oh, you again.”
“I think you are the snake,” said Gabriel. “You feed and think yourself fierce, but still you are trapped in your box. It figures that a man such as you would have a serpent in your possession. Perhaps it is you that should be cursed to crawl on your belly for all eternity, eating mice only when we allow it.”
“In voodoo, we revere the snake. The serpent God, Li Grande Zombi, created the world. He used his 7,000 coils to form the stars. He used lightning bolts to forge metals. When he shed his skin, he created all the waters of the Earth.”
“You don't believe this blasphemy. You're a fraud and a false prophet.”
“That makes two of us,” said Remy with a smile.
“How long do you think you can hold out here in this New Sodom? There is no escape from God's judgement. Not even here. The clock is ticking down to Armageddon. Can you feel it, Voodoo King? Seven days is all you have left.”
“You talk more than you act, Gabriel. If you want my head, then, by all means, take it. I'm right here in front of you. Reach out and cut it straight from my neck. Oh, that's right, you can't touch me, can you? You can only talk weak minded fools into doing it for you. Your God's not that powerful after all if he lets a man like me walk around. It must really get under your skin.”
Gabriel balled up his fists and clenched his teeth.
“Kill yourself,” he said. “Do the world a favour before you lead others to damnation.”
“Oh, Gabriel. That would be a sin. Besides, it's already too late for that. If I didn't do it the first hundred times you asked me then I am certainly not going to do it now.”
The door to Remy's room opened, and a large, muscular, black man emerged. He was naked, but he wore fishnet tights, and yesterday’s make up was smeared across his face, making him look like a worn-out prostitute. On his head was a wig cap. He had left his female hair inside. This he was, in fact, a she. She walked up behind Remy and put her arms around his chest after giving his cock a playful tug.
“Abominations!” Gabriel shouted with a pointed finger in their direction.
“It's too early for this shit,” said the woman known as Princess.
“Tell me about it,” said Remy. “I've been trying to get him to go away, but as we've established, he likes to talk.”
“Leviticus 20:13. If a man also lie with mankind as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
“Hey, I have an idea,” said Princess as she bit into Remy's shoulder. “Let's fuck and make it watch.”
They heard a flutter of wings, and a moment later, Gabriel was gone, taken away by the breeze.
“Pity,” said Princess. “It would have been fun.”
The door burst open once more, and a fully clothed 63-year-old woman by the name of Beth stepped through. Beth had lost one of her legs in the founding of New Sodom and was rarely seen without her crutches.
“What the devil is going on in your room, Remy?”
“A celebration of life. You should join us next time.”
“I would never. Smells like a whore house in there.”
“Did you need something, Beth?”
“Scouts are reporting that the supply group is almost back. You asked me to inform you when we had word.”
“Thank you, Beth.”
“You ought to put some clothes on. You think people want to be looking at that elephant trunk of yours? You're supposed to be leading this community, not fucking it.”
“I said thank you, Beth.”
Beth crutch hopped back the way she came with a head shake and an elderly mutter. Remy could hear pained cursing coming from the room behind him as Beth accidentally placed the weight of her crutch onto someone’s sleeping testicles.
“Serves you right,” she admonished. “You’ve already missed breakfast.”
Remy stubbed out the end of his joint with a sigh.
“I suppose that I should put on something if I'm going to do anything productive today.”
“I happen to like elephants,” said Princess.
“Yeah? What about snakes?”
“Those too.”
They kissed briefly, and Princess' hand came to rest on a bullet scar on Remy's shoulder.
“You never told me how you got this.”
“A story for another time. I should really get going.”
“Yeah, me too. I'm sure there's a bunch of alcoholics just waiting for me to open the bar. No one has a routine quite like an alcoholic does. They can wait a little bit longer though. A girl has to make herself presentable first. Right now, I look like yesterday’s leftovers.”
Remy picked up Zombi and draped the snake around his neck like a white-scaled scarf.
“Come on, Zombi. We're going for a walk.”
CHAPTER THREE
The Dodge Challenger led the way, and the truck followed behind. Gary Chambers sat up in the front cab beside Cormac, while Gus took the wheel. Wanda had to settle for a space in the back of the truck next to their tied-up police captive.
“Hey Gary,” said Gus. “I've been meaning to ask you. How'd you get so good at shooting? No offence or nothin', but you don't seem like the type.”
“Oh, no offence taken. I get it all the time. You'd be surprised by what some people are capable of when you peel away the layers. What you see is not always what you get. My daddy used to take me hunting when I was a boy. He saw the way that I was progressing in life, and he didn't like it one bit. He told me that he didn’t want no wimpy faggot for a son, so he tried to make a man out of me. I never did turn out like he expected, but boy could I shoot. Won a few competitions and everything.”
“Never saw eye to eye with my old man either,” said Cormac. “Though it was hard to see at all after taking a few slaps to the face.”
“Not this shit again,” said Gus with a shake of his head.
“I've got psychological problems, man. It's good for me to talk about this shit. Shed off the toxic masculinity.”
“Your daddy beat you?” asked Gary.
“Don't encourage him, Gary. Whatever you do, don't encourage him,” said Gus.
“It all started when I was twelve,” Cormac began. “I had just masturbated for the first time, and my father's collection of vintage toy cars was in the room...”
“Wait, what's that?”
Gary pointed to the road ahead. Tall oak trees formed a corridor on the pavement. Each oak tree had a noose tied to one of its thick branches. Hanging from the end of each noose was the stone head of an angel. The statue bodies of the stone angels swung with the breeze as the ropes that supported them groaned about the burden they carried. Next to the trees, there was a sign. It originally said 'Welcome to New Or
leans', but someone had since altered it with a can of purple spray paint. 'Orleans' had an 'X' running through it and had been replaced by the word 'Sodom'. 'Welcome to New Sodom - Where angels fear to tread'.
“Oh, that,” said Gus with a laugh. “Little bit of a friendly warning, so people know what we’re about. The graveyards in New Orleans had a crap ton of these angel statues. People got tired of looking at them, so we found another use for them.”
“Excuse me,” said Cormac. “I was in the middle of an emotional revelation before I was rudely interrupted.”
“Alright, go on. Don't let me hold you back from emotional revelation 936.”
“No. No, the moment's gone. Thanks, lads. Thanks a lot.”
Not long after the swinging angel statues, they came to the entrance of New Sodom. The inhabitants of New Sodom had long been making themselves ready for a final battle that was yet to come. They had built large walls by stacking abandoned cars, and they had secured them with fencing on either side. Armed men and women vigilantly patrolled the walls from above and looked down on their surroundings from raised platforms that would easily spot any approach for miles around. They were walls that were built to keep the outside world on the outside, and they were walls that made Gary very nervous that he was soon going to be on the inside with people who didn’t much like the outside.
“She's something, isn't she?” said Gus when he noticed Gary admiring. “I got a few scars from putting up all that barbed wire. Got a bunch of land mines about the place too. Make one wrong move and BOOM!”
Gary's Adam's apple visibly bobbed up and down as he took a huge gulp of nothing.
“Don't worry,” said Gus. “We know where they all are. Well, most of them at least.”
The sentries at the gate confirmed the arrivals and Gary could hear the workings of large mechanism pulling the gate to the side.
“Welcome back to civilisation, Gary,” said Gus as he drove them in. Laughing children ran across the truck’s path, and Gus had to break suddenly to let them pass. He honked his horn at them furiously.
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