Just Ella

by Annette K. Larsen

  “Do you remember the first time you realized you were royalty?”

  I replied without giving it much thought. “I suppose I’ve always known.”

  “There was never a moment when it hit you that you were meant for greater things than most people?”

  His question was humbling and made me a little sad. Truthfully, I had never seen myself that way. Being royalty had become tedious and I often resented it, which was precisely why I was sitting out in the forest with him. “No, I never had a moment like that.” Strictly speaking, it was a truthful answer. I had never felt I was meant for greater things.

  “You just always knew what you would become?”

  I looked out at the forest. I wanted to answer his question, but found my answer difficult to put into words. I supposed it would be simplest to say I dreaded what I would become.

  “Ella?”

  I focused on Gavin and tried to answer. “I suppose I have an idea of what I am expected to become, but,” I smiled to myself as I admitted, “I think I’ll end up disappointing everyone.”

  “I very much doubt that.” He went back to work and I decided I needed a distraction.

  I set my drawings aside and climbed to my feet. As I walked past Gavin I said, “You know, I still think we should find out what is behind that waterfall.” My feet were already bare and I managed to get one foot in the water before Gavin hauled me away from it. I squealed at him to let me down.

  He did, keeping himself between the water and me, and muttered, “I swear, you’re bent on destruction.”

  On the verge of laughing, I gave him an innocent look and asked, “Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

  “I’m not letting you drench yourself.”

  I sighed in feigned resignation. “Fine.”

  He stood, guarding the way to the waterfall until I was sufficiently ensconced in my drawing once more. He tried to appear serious and stern, but I could tell he was fighting hard against a smile. I loved that look. I tried to sketch his face, but didn’t have enough time to do it justice before he turned back to his work.

  “Tell me about your family.”

  “What do you want to know?” he asked without looking up.

  “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”

  He turned to me, his hair in his eyes, and my pencil captured a couple more lines of his face.

  “I have two sisters and one brother.” He returned to his task, but I continued to ask about his family and learned, bit by bit, that his sister, Janie was only a year older. They tended to get along half the time and then bicker endlessly the other half. Fynn was twelve, but thought he was older, which gave his mother fits. Kinley was nine and the baby of the family. Gavin admitted to spoiling her and having a tendency to laugh whenever she sassed their mother.

  “I can’t help it. It’s like watching a miniature reflection of my mother. She sticks her fists on her hips and purses her lips just the right way. Even her tone of voice is spot on.” I smiled as he stood demonstrating the stance. “My mother is furious whenever she catches me laughing, but I can’t stop myself. I’ve taken to leaving the house when I can’t keep it in.”

  I was trying to hold in my laughter, reminding myself that I should finish capturing his smiling face on paper. When we lapsed back into silence, I was able to sketch a rudimentary likeness of him, hiding it among my other papers when he came back to sit with me.

  Later that evening, I sat in my room, filling in the details of his face, knowing that at some point I would have to let go of our friendship and this drawing may end up being my only link to him. It was a miserable thought.

  ***

  The next week, I gathered my courage and went back to the waterfall on my own.

  Gavin had taken me enough times that I felt sure of finding my way without difficulty. I would have enjoyed Gavin’s company, but he was determined to keep me out of the water, and I was determined to get in. Each time we had returned, I had continued to threaten to find out what hid behind the water. I think he knew I wouldn’t really do it, but he still wouldn’t let me get too close to the water without him there to prevent me doing something reckless. In truth, I enjoyed the little game. When he focused on not allowing me to drench myself, he had less time to think about maintaining an appropriate distance..

  As much as I enjoyed the game, though, I couldn’t abandon my curiosity. So I headed into the forest on my own, armed with my least cumbersome dress and an extra set of under things packed into my satchel.

  “Ella, where are you going in such a hurry?” Mia asked as I tried to slip by. She stood regal and confident as always. As the oldest, she would likely be the next queen and carried herself as such.

  “Just out to the gardens,” I said as I moved my satchel behind my back.

  “Drawing again?” Jensa asked. Her tone was somewhat condescending.

  “Yes, I am.” I refused to agree with her that drawing was frivolous. She was much too serious in general. Where Mia was confident, Jensa tended to be uptight and critical.

  “Really, Ella. Must you always—”

  “Leave her be,” Mia encouraged, putting a hand on Jensa’s arm. “She’s not hurting anything.” Turning back to me, she said, “Enjoy the gardens, Ella,” before turning away and taking Jensa with her.

  I scurried away without a farewell.

  I used all my strength to open and close the hidden door, and found the stream and waterfall easily enough. Perhaps being in the forest by myself should have made me uneasy, but the bright sunlight filtering through the leaves and the sound of the birds singing put me completely at ease.

  I approached the water. It appeared to be only waist deep, so my inability to swim would not be a problem. I took one last look around to ensure I was alone, then stepped out of my dress. In truth my under things weren’t any less covering than my dress had been; they were simply a bodice and skirt of plain white muslin. I removed my shoes and set them aside, along with my dress and extra set of under things.

  The water was colder than I had expected, but not unpleasantly so. I crouched down, submerging myself up to my neck and taking a moment or two to enjoy the feeling of being entirely surrounded by fresh, cool water. My feet were braced against the bottom of the stream to avoid being knocked off balance by the current.

  I smiled to myself, imagining how my family members might react if they saw me.

  Once acclimatized, I stood up and pushed myself through the waist-high water, reaching out with one hand and pushing it through the waterfall. I took a deep breath and walked through the cascade, gasping as water rushed over my face. I blinked and wiped the water from my eyes, pleasantly surprised at what I found. The rock face behind the falls was smooth and set back about five paces from where the water poured down. The water churned around me and as I approached the rock face, I discovered that the ground rose and I stepped up out of the water. By the time I touched the back wall, the water only reached my ankles.

  No sound but the water reached my ears. I couldn’t hear the bird’s song or the wind in the trees or the rustle of leaves. I was entirely separated from the world and that fact left me strangely…exhilarated. The water from the falls slid down the underside of the rock and created a sort of constant rain.

  It was only a simple cave, but I felt possessive of it and proud of my discovery. Sitting in the shallow water, I stared at the water pounding down in front of me and thought back to Gavin’s question, when he had asked what being royalty meant to me.

  I knew it meant slightly different things to all of my family members. My parents were aloof, as though a tangible barrier sat between them and all their subjects. Perhaps the weight of an entire kingdom did that to them, but all I could think was that it wasn’t what I wanted.

  I could see what being royal did to my sisters. Some of them displayed an arrogance that worried me. Lorraina was only a year and a half younger than I and worried me the most. She was vain, self centered, and even malicious at times.<
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  As for me, I saw it as unfair, for many different reasons. I shook my head, forcing myself to enjoy this solitary place, breathing in and out, feeling the mist on my skin. Perhaps I would tell Gavin about my excursion. Perhaps. But for now, I would just be glad for the ability to come here if I ever had a need to be entirely alone.

  With that encouraging thought, I walked back into the water, through the falls and out into the sunlight again. The sounds of the forest seemed out of place after hearing only the roaring of the waterfall, but I welcomed their liveliness. Heading toward shore, my foot slipped and I found my head submerged in the water. I struggled to regain my balance and came up sputtering and panicked, clinging to the shore. Forcing myself to calm down, I wondered if I should consider myself lucky and get back home as soon as possible. But just as I had claimed the maze, I wanted to claim this place for my own, and I didn’t want to fear it.

  Taking a deep breath, I slipped carefully back into the water. I practiced maintaining my balance while battling the current. If I pushed against the water with my arms, I could compensate, at least to a degree. I tired quickly, however, and determined that I would have to practice again.

  The sun’s scorching rays were a welcome relief as I climbed into the open air. My kingdom held undeniable beauty. The great mountain that sheltered our castle and served as a natural border rose majestically, greenish blue and immovable, to meet a pristine sky so blue I had difficulty believing it was real.

  I changed behind a couple of close-growing trees at the base of the hill, then squeezed the water from my hair and tried to restore it to some semblance of order. I wrung out my clothes before wrapping them in a shawl and putting them in my bag. I decided against putting on my shoes, instead walking barefoot back to the maze, enjoying the feel of the earth under my feet. A lightness filled me; whether from knowing the secret of the waterfall or from abandoning propriety and tromping around barefoot, it didn’t really matter. New life had been breathed into me. The looks thrown my way while entering the palace with bare feet and disheveled hair made me smile. I couldn’t find it in myself to be ashamed.

  I bounded up the stairs to my room with no poise at all, and had to suppress a grin when I hurried past Lorraina, who stopped suddenly upon seeing me and didn’t recover before I passed her by. I slipped into my room and shut the door firmly, unable to keep a broad smile from my face as I considered my excursion. It was liberating.

  I turned around, startled by the sight of Gretchen tidying my room. She gave a shy smile and dropped a quick curtsy. “Afternoon, Highness.”

  “Good afternoon, Gretchen.” I tried to smother my grin but I was too happy in that moment and had to smile.

  Gretchen looked back to the bedding she was straightening. “Might I ask where you’ve been, Princess?”

  Her question surprised me. “I...” I paused, searching for an appropriate way to phrase it. “I was…exploring.” I could barely keep a straight face; I was much too pleased with myself.

  ***

  The very next day, Gavin asked me if I’d like to visit the waterfall again. I was more than happy to comply and enjoyed the fact that I had a sumptuous secret to share. Keeping quiet seemed silly now that I had a confidante.

  We passed through the wall and I lead the way, confidently following the invisible path to the waterfall. We sat a ways downstream so Gavin could hear as I read aloud. It was different seeing Gavin lying back, doing nothing. His work was so constant that seeing him at his leisure felt odd, though I enjoyed it.

  My voice halted mid-sentence when he blurted out, “Aren’t you going to try today?”

  “Try what?” I turned to see him propped up on one elbow.

  “You know very well what. I keep expecting you to scamper into the water and throw yourself beneath the waterfall, but you’ve sat here the whole time as if the thought never even crossed your mind.”

  “That’s because I’m no longer curious.”

  “Really?” He looked as though he didn’t believe me.

  I looked down at my book. “I already know what’s behind it.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I came here yesterday and looked for myself.”

  “You did what?”

  I jerked my head around to look at him, worried by how angry he sounded. “What?”

  “Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”

  I gave a bemused smile. “It wasn’t dangerous at all.”

  “Ella, you can’t just go off and—”

  “Of course I can,” I said calmly. “I can and I did, and I likely will again.”

  He groaned and slumped back. “I should never have shown you that door,” he muttered.

  It surprised me how much those words hurt me. “What is so terribly wrong with me satiating my curiosity?”

  “That’s not what worries me.” I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Ella, you went outside the palace walls, unescorted. What if someone else had seen you? What if someone with less than noble intentions had come upon you?”

  “When have we ever seen anyone else out here?”

  “Just because we haven’t doesn’t mean we couldn’t.”

  “Well, I’m sorry you regret confiding in me, but I’m not going to stop coming here.”

  “I don’t want you to stop coming here. I love that you come here. But you have to let me come with you.”

  “Because you can protect me from the wicked world?” My voice was mocking, mean.

  His eyes narrowed. “I can hold my own,” he said in absolute seriousness.

  For the first time, I considered his build in relation to something other than his striking looks. The years of hard physical work had resulted in toned muscle and rough, strong hands. He would be good in a fight. The thought made me swallow.

  “Can you say the same for yourself?” he challenged.

  I looked down at the book I’d been reading, rubbing one hand over the cover in agitation while my face burned. The guilt I felt at his reprimand surprised me. “All right,” I conceded. “You can come from now on.”

  He moved close to me, then brushed a curl behind my ear. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

  I had to keep myself from closing my eyes as the warmth of his touch rippled down my spine. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m still sorry.”

  I rested my chin on my knees, staring at the water for a minute. “How old are you?” My quiet question broke the silence.

  “Eighteen,” he answered, close to my ear. “How old are you?”

  I turned to glare at him but was momentarily distracted to find him leaning toward me, smiling. I had the oddest urge to kiss the smirk off his face.

  Forcing myself to look at his eyes, I resumed my glaring. He knew my age. Everyone knew, because everyone prepared for the festivities. “I’ll be sixteen in five days,” I said caustically.

  He just kept smiling. “Happy birthday.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Sixteen

  MY EYES OPENED when there was only a hint of pink to indicate the dawn. I sat in the alcove by my window, watching the sky lighten. Today was my birthday—my sixteenth birthday—and I knew it would be horrid. We always had beautiful birthday celebrations, but the sixteenth was an all-day affair, and royalty from surrounding kingdoms were invited to come join in the festivities.

  While a large party on my behalf was certainly enough to make me dread the day, the more horrifying aspect was that a certain prince was in attendance whom I had no wish whatsoever to see. Prince Jeshua of Tride had been one of the first to assure us of his presence at the celebrations.

  I heard my door open and turned to see Gretchen coming in. It took her a moment to realize I was no longer in bed, but sitting at the window.

  Her smile was less tentative and completely genuine. “Highness.” She dropped a curtsy out of habit. “I didn’t expect you up yet.”

  “When I woke up and remembered it was my birthday, I couldn’t go back to sleep.”


  “Too excited for the day’s festivities?” she asked as she knelt to light the fire.

  “No. Terrified is more like it. I’m rather dreading the whole day.”

  She stopped and stared at me for a moment. “Why ever would you be dreading your own birthday celebrations, Highness?”

  “Let’s just say that there are some guests I would not have invited if I’d been given the choice.”

  Her eyes widened. “Indeed, Princess?” She opened her mouth to say more, closed it as if thinking better of it, then ended up asking anyway. “May I ask who?”

  I smiled at her curiosity, and even more so at her questioning me. Though tentative, our friendship seemed to be slowly limping forward with my prodding. I went to sit beside her on the rug spread before my fireplace. “Do you know who Prince Jeshua is?”

  “He’s the crown prince of Tride, I think.”

  I nodded, but said nothing else. She furrowed her brow, then raised it in surprise as her mouth dropped open slightly. “Prince Jeshua is the one you wish wasn’t coming?”

  I nodded.

  “Why not?”

  I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. She went back to lighting the fire as I explained. “Jeshua has…taken an interest in me.”

  “What kind of interest?”

  “A romantic interest…I fear. He always pays me special attention whenever we’re together—even though I practically ignore him while my sisters fawn over him.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  “Jeshua is…not kind.” I was trying not to be harsh in my description of him, but found it difficult to find nice words for his behavior. “He’s very self-centered and usually quite arrogant.”

  “Aren’t most princes that way?” she asked, then blushed at her own boldness. The question was so blunt and innocent that I laughed out loud.

  “Perhaps they are. Maybe it’s not just Jeshua I don’t like, but all princes.” This thought depressed me a little and I sobered quickly. It was true that I was not close to any royal of my acquaintance, but I had assumed that eventually I would find someone who understood me and sympathized with my views. But perhaps Gretchen was right. Maybe with the way I had come to view royalty, it would be impossible to find a suitable husband who didn’t put my teeth on edge.