by Carrie Carr
Bianca's face was stained with tears, and she wanted to grab a Kleenex from the bedroom, but she couldn't risk interrupting this poetic, magical moment. He scooted closer to her, removed his Kangol hat and grasped her hand into his. "More than anything else, I just want to love you."
Bianca's eyes did not move from him as she hung on to his every word, her palms sweating once again.
Lee continued. "I'm not trying to put any pressure on you by telling you all of this, but it's true. It's all true."
Bianca's eyes watered so much that soon a blurred image of Lee sat before her. This was like a fantasy come true. It was just so unreal to have someone express that kind of love towards her.
"You don't have to say anything," he said. "It's a wonderful thing when you have the power to make a person feel special, and I get that from you."
Bianca's loss for words elevated her body to a standing position as she released his hand. "You have left me completely and utterly speechless."
If ever he wanted to make a point, he had made one that night. He conveyed for her how he felt in a way so clear, leaving no room for any misunderstanding. "Thank you for all of that, for the song, for everything."
"You're welcome," he said.
He made it perfectly clear even before he played the song that he accepted her decision not to pursue a romantic relationship. Though he failed to change her mind, he showed her a side of himself that she was happy to have experienced.
And there was nothing else to say.
Absolutely nothing.
Chapter 5
MID-MORNING AT THE OFFICE, Bianca strolled into the ladies' room and Camina soon followed behind her, her long skirt hugging her narrow hips.
"Hello," Bianca said as she turned to see Camina behind her.
Camina didn't respond right away, instead, she stepped before the full-length mirror and adjusted the shoulder pads on her jacket. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said the other day. It wasn't very nice. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings."
Though the words sounded good, they oozed through Camina's mouth in a condescending and superficial tone.
"No, you didn't hurt my feelings," Bianca said.
Camina was about to walk away, then doubled backed. "Listen, Michelle and I are going over to Excalibur this evening after work. Why don't you come with us?"
This was a first.
Camina never once invited Bianca anywhere, and Bianca couldn't help but wonder what her motives were. Though she believed good existed in everyone, no matter how small, Bianca found it difficult to add Camina to that category.
"Thanks, but I can't."
Camina examined Bianca as if trying to pick her brain. Then, in a very calm tone, Camina asked her, "Why not?"
"I just have other things to do."
"Really?" Camina asked. "Do you ever have any fun, Bianca? Do you even know how to have fun?"
After a long silence, Camina said, "I tried," and then stepped away.
Camina's words struck a nerve with Bianca and moved her to rethink the invitation. Why she had appraised Camina's heartless words as credible she would never understand. But it didn't matter who voiced the words, it was the words themselves that left an impression on Bianca's mind.
Had Bianca forgotten how to have fun?
Was her life going to always only consist of work and her watercolor class?
Bianca now reconsidered Camina's invitation to join her and Michelle at Excalibur. Just recently, Bianca complained to her doctor about the lack of excitement in her life. And now, here was an opportunity presenting itself, and Bianca chose to remain in her immobile cage and things never changed. The more she reconsidered the idea of going out with them, the more it appealed to her. It would do her some good to do something different for a change.
What harm could it do?
When Bianca reached her organized desk, she felt a presence behind her, and upon turning around, she saw that it was Michelle, looking as pretty as ever, having not seen her all morning.
"Oh, hi," Bianca said. "I didn't think you were here today."
"I've been researching files all morning." Michelle paused. "Camina told me that you and she had a little chat. She wasn't ragging on you again, was she?"
As much as Bianca appreciated how Michelle stood up for her, for some reason today, she found it pretentious and unconvincing. "She invited me out with you two tonight, and I'm thinking of going."
Quick to respond, Michelle said. "Don't be intimidated by Camina, Bianca. You don't have to go if you don't want to."
"I know that," Bianca said, her voice elevated. "She doesn't intimidate me, and will you stop speaking to me like I'm a little kid. I can take care of myself."
Bianca witnessed a flushed look on Michelle's face.
"I'm sorry," Michelle said, seemingly saddened by Bianca's words. As Michelle strutted away, Bianca went after her and stepped in front of her.
"Wait," Bianca said. "I didn't mean that. I just don't like―"
"You don't have to apologize. I'd love for you to come with us tonight. I just know that's not your kind of thing."
"Maybe it's not my kind of thing because I never do it."
"So does that mean you're going to come with us?"
"I think so."
Just as Bianca began to feel somewhat excited about the possibility of actually going out on the town with Michelle and Camina, she saw Bruce Colby and one of his colleagues coming down the hall. Only seconds passed before Michelle headed in the other direction. "I'll see you later," she said to Bianca. But before Michelle could get away, Bianca caught up to her fast at her desk.
"Okay, Michelle, what is it with you and Bruce Colby?"
"Whatever are you talking about?" Michelle asked as she slouched down into her desk chair. Michelle was so obvious that it made Bianca laugh.
"Are you going to tell me?" Bianca asked her.
"I can't.'
"You can't or you won't?"
"I'm not going to." Michelle picked up the phone and began dialing a number before Bianca yanked the phone from her hand.
"Why?" Bianca insisted. "Why won't you tell me?"
As if transported to never-never land, Michelle didn't answer for a long time.
"Michelle? Did you hear me?"
"I'll tell you. But not here."
"Where then?"
"I don't know, but not here."
"I'm going to hold you to it," Bianca said before she walked away.
Bianca was not flattered when she, Michelle and Camina reached the doors of Excalibur and only Bianca was asked to present her ID while Michelle and Camina whizzed right through. Just one more reason to feel alienated and singled out, a telltale sign of events to come.
With the dance floor jammed packed, wall-to-wall men, and not an empty seat in sight, this was the nightlife in every sense of the word and Bianca remembered why she didn't frequent these places. The music was much too loud, loud enough to overpower the negative chatter that ran rampant in her head. This was obviously not her thing, and she feared it would be a long night.
Both Michelle and Camina wore tailored designer dresses that complemented their slim physiques, while alongside, Bianca sported her red and white polk-a-dot dress that seemed to hang off her body.
Into the sea of night clubbers, they headed towards the bar, the smell of alcohol in the air. It wasn't until Bianca noticed the attention from the men at the bar directed towards Camina and Michelle that Bianca's plain attire hit her.
Very casually, trying hard not to be obvious, Bianca glanced at Michelle and Camina, then glanced down at her dress. A whopping difference in her appearance versus theirs was evident. And it was not just because of her plain dress. It was Bianca's hair neatly pulled back into a bun and her bare face that set her apart, while straight bleached blonde tresses draped down the shoulders of Camina and Michelle.
A sting of discomfort set in, and Bianca's first thought was to hit the road, but quickly dispelled the thought. After hav
ing come this far, she wasn't turning back now, at least not yet. It wasn't like she planned to meet anyone anyway.
As they reached the bar, Bianca felt the vibrations of the blaring bass underneath her feet and knew that she would not be able to endure much more of this, even with her concentrated effort to do so. What was most important was that she send a clear signal to Michelle and Camina that she did know how to have fun and was not that much different from them.
Bianca listened to Camina and Michelle rate the attractiveness of the men on a scale from one to eleven and wondered how men would rate her. Would she be labeled a three or a four?
Feeling totally out of place and ready to leave, two professional-looking gentlemen, wearing dark suits and ties, approached them all at the bar. Right away, one of the gentleman wearing designer glasses smiled at Camina and held out his hand to her. "Would you like to dance?"
Without a moment's thought, Camina was quick to follow his lead and off they went. The other blue-eyed gentleman, who was not as tall, glanced over at Bianca, before abruptly diverting his attention to Michelle. "How about it?" he asked Michelle.
Michelle wrapped her purse around her body. "Sure," Michelle said as her eyes shot to Bianca. "I won't be long."
A tinge of jealousy swept through Bianca's heart as she glared at the gentleman escorting Michelle to the dance floor. Lucky for Bianca, she found a seat at the bar and tried her best to remain positive about the evening. If all else failed, she would have the bartender to keep her company.
She ordered a white wine, then swiveled her chair around, gawking at Camina and Michelle on the dance floor. They seemed to be having a whale of a time, which was good for them because she definitely was not having fun herself. The only thing left for her to do was watch Camina and Michelle, sort of live through them, if only for a short time.
The loud music penetrated every barrier of her ears while she studied the spirited gentlemen who danced with Camina and Michelle. It didn't take a genius to understand why no one had asked her to dance. She was simply too plain looking. Not that she necessarily wanted to dance, still the same, it would have been nice to have been chosen.
Her upsetting thoughts continued to escalate at a rapid pace and she considered walking out and never returning. Quickly, she caught hold of her discomfort and put it to rest, but kept it close by just in case she needed it later.
For the next several minutes, Bianca would sit at the bar, sipping her white wine, in no hurry to finish it. She needed to have some reason to sit at the bar alone. Just when she began to feel somewhat at ease, she caught a glimpse of a man across the bar giving her the I'm watching you eye. She avoided eye contact with him by shifting her eyes towards the dance floor instead. His interest in her had come a little too late because at that point, she just wanted to go home and lose herself in a good book and forget that this evening ever happened.
Just when she thought that she had somehow, on a subconscious level, shunned him away, she saw him approaching her from the corner of her eye.
A tinge of nervousness grumbled in her stomach and she swiveled her chair in the opposite direction so that her back faced his approach. Not much time elapsed before he came to the other side and positioned himself directly in front of her. "Hello," he said.
"Hello."
Bianca perused his faded jeans and worn out leather jacket, much too rugged for her taste. He had dark wavy hair and shiny brown eyes to match. He extended his hand to her and said, "I'm Rod. Rod Bigg."
Was he serious?
Rod Bigg? What kind of move was he trying to pull on her?
She hesitated for a moment, then shook his hand. "Bianca."
If her spirits had been sunnier, she may have found his name comical, but tonight was different. She was in no mood for racy comments.
"You don't mind if I sit down, do you?" he asked.
Before she could even answer, to her dismay, he seated himself next to her. His name alone had told her all that she needed to know. As he very obviously scrutinized her crossed legs, she so much wanted to say to him, I see you.
"Let me guess, you don't come here often do you?" he asked her.
"Why do you think that?"
His eyes made a stop at the top of her dress and remained there. He couldn't be any more obvious. "I think it's obvious," he said.
His straightforwardness and easygoing persona demonstrated an air about him, which she found a tad offensive and somewhat repelling. She finished the last bit of her drink and shifted her body away from him.
"Let me get you another drink?"
Before Bianca could even respond, Rod had already signaled to the bartender and ordered another drink for her. "So what do you do?" he asked her.
"Why?"
"Just trying to make conversation."
"I'm a legal secretary."
He nodded as if he approved, not that it mattered to Bianca one way or the other.
Over on the dance floor, Bianca observed Camina and Michelle still hammering away to the music, and she feared they might be out there forever.
"Looking for your sisters," Rod asked.
Bianca flashed him a subtle look of curiosity, and before she could attempt to answer him, he said. "I saw all three of you when you came in."
She was about to inform him that they were not sisters, then realized that it wasn't worth the bother.
After a short silence with no words exchanged between them, he said, "Yeah, I'm a stock broker, make lots of money."
Did he want an award for this statement?
"Really?" she said.
Did he really think that his boring banter was scoring him any points or was he just stupid?
How long would the unwanted guest stand there and crowd her space?
In one last gulp, Bianca finished her second drink and shifted her body away from Rod.
"Now that you've finished your drink, how about we flee this joint and I take you somewhere nice?"
He couldn't possibly be serious.
"Excuse me?" she questioned.
"Let's ditch this place. I can tell you have something that I want."
She stared at him, disbelief oozing from her face, certain he could see it, if not feel it. So much she wanted to let his invitation pass, but she just couldn't.
"So," she said. "You see something you like and that means you get to have it? Is that how it works?"
"Basically, yes," he said confidently as he gulped down a sip of beer. "So, how about it?" he asked again.
She found herself thinking, wondering what her hand would feel like slapped against his face. Though she was not a violent person, somehow she could make an exception for Mr. Rod Bigg.
Instead of telling him what she really thought of him, she said, "I don't think so."
"Are you sure, I'm only going to ask once."
Once was plenty because she had said everything to him that she wanted to say. As far as she was concerned, his questions deserved no more responses.
Bianca stood and hefted her purse upon her shoulder, and just as she was about to step away, Rod stated with a faded smile, "You don't know what you're missing."
Without giving his statement any thought, she stepped away and stood at the edge of the dance floor where she enjoyed a better view of the vigorous dancers. When she glanced back over at the bar, she saw Rod hitting on another woman. It was people like Rod that kept Bianca from frequenting places like this. It was her eventful conversation with Rod that helped her see the evening for what it was―a disastrous night out, soon to be buried away in her memory forever.
She'd given the night's adventure her best effort. She endured the loneliness of sitting alone, sipping drinks to pass the time and the unfortunate experience of being annoyed by Mr. Bigg. She soon headed for the coatroom and collected her coat. Just as she was slipping her arms through the sleeves of her coat, Camina and Michelle approached her.
"You're leaving?" Michelle asked.
"I'm going to go on home."
"Are you sure you don't want to stay a little longer?" Michelle asked her. "You haven't even danced yet."
Camina interjected. "Let her go. If she doesn't want to stay, we can't make her."
"I'll call you tomorrow, Michelle, but I'm going to go anyway."
"Now I feel bad," Michelle said to Bianca.
"Please don't," Bianca said.
This must have been the highlight of the evening for Camina as she now had concrete proof that Bianca was not like she and Michelle at all. They were in a completely different class. They were first-class as she was coach all the way.
Upon reaching the outside, Bianca was overcome with a sense of relief. The autumn air was just what she needed as it always had a way of lessening the potent effects of the alcohol in her system, something she was attuned to from lots of experience.
She stood at the corner of Dearborn and Ontario and flagged down a taxi. Though she made up her mind to go straight home as she sat in the back seat of the taxi, she decided to drop by Lee's place, if only to cleanse herself of her spoiled evening.
At Lee's classy high-rise in the Gold Coast, the doorman helped Bianca from the taxi and escorted her inside. Through the revolving doors and across the marble floors, Bianca headed towards the front desk and waited for the security guard to announce her arrival to Lee.
Bianca stepped off the elevator and Lee awaited her, wearing a dark suit fit for a prince.
"Hey, Sunshine," he said. "What do I owe the pleasure of this surprise visit?"
His exquisite attire this time of evening aroused suspicion. She found herself bitten by the bug of jealousy, especially after his marvelous display of affection towards her a few days ago.
As they headed towards his unit, she said, "You look nice. Hot date?"
He stepped to her and kissed her cheek. "I'm taking my father to see this new musical."
"I didn't know your father was in town."
"He just got in this morning."
Lee was very close with his father. Despite the fact that they lived thousands of miles apart, they spoke on the phone almost daily and saw each other several times a year.