Candace tried not to laugh at her daughter’s fumbling. “Shell, are you getting cold feet?”
“No,” Michelle answered.
“What are you trying to ask me?”
Michelle sighed. “Well, the whole reason you are reluctant to run for the presidency is all of us,” she said. Candace listened. “I mean, you and Jessica—that didn’t last.”
Candace nodded. She suspected she knew what was worrying Michelle. “You’re thinking of running,” Candace said. Michelle’s head snapped up. Candace grinned. “For my old congressional seat.”
“How did you know?”
“Shell,” Candace began, “I hate to break this to you; there isn’t very much that goes on in the party that I don’t know about.”
“You knew that they were going to approach me?”
Candace shrugged. “You’re a fabulous choice.”
“Am I?”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t know,” Michelle replied. “I’m about to get married. Mel wants to start a family.”
“And, you don’t?”
“I do,” Michelle looked at her mother. She shook her head. “That’s the thing, Mom. I always thought that this is what I wanted. Now, I’m so confused. I mean, I feel like just being in the job I have now, I miss so much. I’m on call all the time. What happens if I’m the one holding office?”
Candace listened without remark.
“I can see how it takes a toll on you,” Michelle continued. “Jesus, I see you every day and I miss you.”
Candace took a deep breath. “Shell,” she softened her tone. “Only you can decide what is best for you. You can have it all, but I would be lying to you if I told you that it was easy and guilt free. It isn’t, not if you want to do the job well, and not if you love your family. You constantly make sacrifices. Sometimes, no matter how you try to keep balance, everything turns upside down.”
“Do you regret it?” Michelle asked.
“Which ‘it’ are we talking about?”
“I don’t know. Do you wish you had chosen one way or the other?”
Candace smiled. “Every day.”
“That’s not good.”
Candace laughed. “It’s human,” she told Michelle. “Shell, there is no right or wrong choice. You have to follow your heart.”
“What if your heart is telling you two things at the same time?”
“Talk to Melanie,” Candace advised.
“I have.”
“And?”
“She says that I should run if I want to.”
Candace nodded.
“But, Mom… I don’t know. Lately, I feel like I want more time with her. And, if I do it now, maybe that will stop her from wanting a family. And, if I don’t do it now, maybe I will never get the chance to do it again.”
“There’s a lot of maybes in there,” Candace observed. “Shell, maybe is pointless. Maybe tomorrow none of us will be here. Maybe gets you nowhere.”
“Then how do you decide?”
Candace took hold of her daughter’s hand. “You follow your heart, sweetheart. You listen to what it’s telling you and you trust that it knows you better than your head.”
“Mom, you are the most thoughtful person I know.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m not suggesting that you don’t have to weigh the pros and cons, or the way your decisions will impact others—you do.”
“But?”
“But, sometimes all the pros and cons end in a stalemate because they are all predicated on that word ‘maybe.’ Close your eyes and let your heart tell you where you want to be.”
“I want both. I just don’t want to fail at either.”
“Shell, we all fail sometimes. God knows I have made a million mistakes in both my personal and professional life.”
Michelle snickered. “Mom,” she said. “You don’t see you.”
“Oh, I see me quite clearly.”
“No, you don’t. You are a lot to live up to.”
Candace shook her head. “I’m just a woman trying to get through each day, Shell—just like you. That’s all. I understand. I do. Someday, someone will look to you that same way, and you will want so desperately to never let them down, it will turn you inside-out—in the best of ways. That’s part of being a parent. And, until you are, you can’t understand fully what I am saying. Let me ask you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you trust Mel?”
“Of course.”
“Then trust that you can make it through the ups and downs of whatever you choose and whatever she chooses too.”
“Mom? Are you and JD okay?”
Candace smiled. Ah, now the truth comes to the surface. “I love Jameson.”
“Yeah, I got that. That’s not what I asked.”
“Isn’t it? We have our moments, Shell, just like I suspect you and Melanie do. We all have our moments. Marriages aren’t Disney movies with perfect endings. They have ups and downs.”
“But, are you…”
Candace patted Michelle’s knee. “I am confident that Jameson and I will be together until something beyond our control separates us.”
“You mean one of you dies.”
Candace smiled. She did mean that. “Shell, I have lived long enough to know that life can be crazy. I have no intention of ever letting that craziness take me from Jameson. And, I know that she feels the same way.”
“I don’t know what I would do without either of you,” Michelle said.
“Shell…”
“I’m serious, Mom.”
“I know you are. But, one day you will say goodbye to me. And, God willing, you will have Mel at your side and your own family to help you through that. That’s part of life.”
Michelle nodded. “Will you be disappointed if I don’t?”
“If you don’t run for Congress?” Candace asked. Michelle nodded. “Sweetheart, I don’t care if you teach, write, or want to wait tables for a living. I care that you are happy and that you are loved. Stop worrying about disappointing me. You could never disappoint me.”
Michelle leaned in and kissed her mother’s cheek. “You should take your own advice,” she said. Candace narrowed her gaze in confusion. Michelle smiled. “You could never disappoint any of us either—no matter what you decide to do.”
Candace embraced her daughter. “I love you, Shell.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
***
“Ready?” Bill asked Candace.
“As I will ever be,” she said.
“You’re really worried,” he observed.
“Fear does things to people,” she told him. “It provokes reaction instead of action.”
“Candy, the two victims they found have been out there for more than ten years.”
“Yes, and now, we have another victim. The key word in what you said is ‘found.’ They’ve found two other victims.”
“Doesn’t mean there are more,” he said.
“No, but that is a distinct possibility. And, look at the news this morning. People are already nervous.”
“I know, but…”
“Bill, trust me on this one. I know the lead investigator on this case. If she is on it, there is something to it,” Candace told him as he opened the door for her.
***
“Politicians,” Claire Brackett muttered to her partner.
Alex Toles chuckled. She hated these types of meetings. “This isn’t just any politician,” Alex replied. She took a deep breath and stood when the conference room door opened and the governor entered with her entourage.
“Please, sit,” Candace directed the group that had assembled. Her eyes met immediately with Alex’s. “Agent Toles, nice to see you again. I wish it were under different circumstances.”
“Governor Reid,” the FBI agent nodded.
“Is there anyone you don’t know?” Claire Brackett whispered.
Alex shrugged. Governor Candace Reid was a
longtime friend of her wife’s. Cassidy Toles’ ex-husband had served with Candace Reid as part of the congressional delegation from New York—Christopher O’Brien as a congressman, and then Candace Fletcher as the senior senator from the state. Alex admired and respected the governor. Candace Reid and Alex Toles shared more than a few things in common. They both had enjoyed close relationships with President John Merrow, they had both been devastated by his assassination, they both had a need to try to fix things, and they both were married to strong, intelligent women.
“So,” Candace began. “I’ve got an entire corner of my state on edge already, and nothing I can give them as reassurance. Help me out,” she looked at Alex. “Are we dealing with an active serial killer here or not?”
Alex took a deep breath. “That’s what we are trying to determine. It will be more apparent once we have a definitive identification of the two bodies we found. That takes time.”
Candace nodded.
“As of right now,” Alex began. “Yes, it’s the FBI’s belief that we are dealing with an active serial killer,” Alex told her.
“Who is targeting upstate New York?” Candace asked.
“If what we suspect is right—Yes, it would appear this area is an area he frequents,” Alex admitted. Candace waited. “I’m not convinced it’s his only hunting ground,” Alex explained.
Candace felt a chill travel up her spine. “All right. Agent Toles, I assume that you know everyone present. I want to make certain that the FBI has the full partnership of our resources. Whatever we can provide, you only need to ask.”
Alex nodded gratefully.
“You and Superintendent Foster are acquainted?” Candace directed her question to Alex. Greg Foster had recently been appointed to serve as Superintendent of the State Police. Both Candace and Jameson had known the former police captain. Foster had spent the last five years as Assistant Special Agent in Charge of the ATF’s New York Division. Candace had nearly had to beg her old friend to come on board with the state police. She trusted him and she valued his experience.
“We’ve been introduced,” Alex said.
“Good. Now, give me the basics,” Candace requested.
Alex Toles took a deep breath and began her basic assessment. “Male and likely someone who travels. Could be a truck driver or a salesperson of some kind. Again, this is predicated on our theory about the two bodies we found.”
“And?”
Alex sighed. As a profiler, everything Alex ascertained was an educated guess. Her assessments were almost always close to the mark. But, she had miscalculated before. The current circumstances demanded she hit a bullseye.
“His age could vary. That’s harder to predict in this case. My best estimate is someone in his mid-thirties to early forties. It’s unlikely this level of violence began when he was a teenager. His pattern of violence has escalated over time. He’s grown bolder, and to be frank, more savage,” she explained.
“Go on,” Candace urged.
“There’s a fair chance he has some law enforcement or military training; if not, he is well-versed in investigative techniques and protocol.”
Candace nodded and let her eyes fall on each person in the room as she addressed them. “No egos. No assumptions. Agent Toles is running this investigation. All hands on deck,” she told them. She looked at her Superintendent. “Anything pertinent, any new development, I want it before the press,” she said. “I want to know where that leak came from,” Candace told the room. “Keep the circle tight. The last thing we need is the press speculating about the FBI’s investigation. Facts. Agent Toles and her team will decide when to release information to the press,” she said.
Candace turned to her press secretary. “Dana, you know the drill. Keep the press at bay as much as you can. I hate that word—deflection, but deflect them. And, do me a favor?” Candace smiled at Dana. “Meet with the FBI’s press team. Help them keep what they need under wrap whenever possible,” she instructed. Dana winked her assent.
“That’s like trying to put a leash on a shark and take it for a walk,” Claire Brackett mumbled. Alex jabbed her. “What?”
Candace looked at the younger FBI agent impassively for a moment. She surprised the room with her laughter. “Accurate,” she acknowledged Agent Brackett’s assessment. “Keep me in the loop,” she said with a nod. As the room began to empty, she held Alex’s gaze. “Give me a minute with the good agent,” she turned to her staff.
“Now, why do I think there is a story here?” Claire whispered in Alex’s ear.
Alex rolled her eyes. “Not the kind you read at bedtime,” she grinned at her partner.
Claire rolled her eyes.
“Nice meeting you, Agent Brackett,” Candace acknowledge the younger agent. Claire smiled. “Don’t let this one get too far out of line,” Candace pointed to Alex.
“Eh, I don’t worry about that. Her wife holds her leash.”
Alex shook her head and met the governor in the center of the room.
“Alex,” Candace greeted her friend.
“Candace.”
“Can’t say I ever imagined Cassidy holding a leash.”
Alex laughed. “Not really her style.”
Candace nodded. “Not the way I’d hoped to catch up. Back in the saddle I see?” she teased Alex. Alex had spent a few years out of the FBI. Candace had been surprised to learn her friend had returned to the bureau.
“For now,” Alex replied. “What about you? I hear you have your eyes on a bigger house.”
Candace laughed. Former First Lady Jane Merrow remained a close friend to them both. “You’ve been talking to the former first lady.”
Alex shrugged. “If it matters, I think you’d be great, so does Cass.”
“It matters.”
“Not sure you want that job, huh?” Alex guessed.
“The presidency isn’t like anything else. We both know that,” Candace said.
Alex nodded. “John would have loved to see you there.”
President John Merrow had been close to both women, albeit in different ways. He had been a close confidante to Candace when they had both served in the senate. She had been a major source of fundraising and a heartfelt advocate for his presidency. “I know. I still miss that difficult son-of-bitch,” Candace laughed.
“Me too.”
“How is Cassidy?”
Alex smirked. She was sure that Candace and Cassidy kept in touch more than her wife shared. “Now, why is it I think you probably already know that answer?” Alex teased Candace.
Candace winked. “I wish we had a chance to talk more often,” she admitted.
“I’m sure Cass feels the same way. It’s been crazy with the kids.”
“Tell me,” Candace laughed. “If three’s company, four is insanity.”
Alex chuckled. She understood her friend’s reference intimately. She and her wife had four children ranging in age from four to seventeen. “Imagine five.”
“No, thank you,” Candace said. “Oh, no! Really? Are you two expecting again?”
Alex nodded.
“Good for you. I’ll tell you, being Nana and Mommy at the same time is not something I ever expected.”
“I can imagine,” Alex said.
Candace sobered. “Alex, this one—this is personal.”
Alex was curious.
“Deirdre Slocum is the daughter of one of my high school friends,” Candace explained.
Alex groaned. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” Candace said. “She was a good kid, Alex. As much as I love seeing you; I don’t want to meet again to review a body count.”
Alex agreed. “Me neither.”
Candace led Alex to the door. “Do me a favor?” she asked Alex. “Let’s make sure we don’t keep being brought together by death?”
Alex smiled. She’d gotten to know Candace well after President John Merrow’s assassination and the death of Cassidy’s ex-husband, Congressman O’Brien. Senator Candace Fletcher h
ad been one of the first people to call Cassidy and offer her support after the congressman’s untimely death. Cassidy had never forgotten that, and neither had Alex. While they did not visit often, Alex considered Candace a trusted friend.
“When this is all over,” Alex began, “you should come down to Connecticut and visit. Cass would love to see you.”
“Mm. Jameson would love to revisit that billiards table you have.”
Alex nodded. She and Candace’s wife, Jameson shared a few passions, among them a friendly game of eight-ball.
“You know, she keeps insisting we should get one,” Candace laughed. “I told her it’s already a full house.”
“Well, maybe that’s a good reason to upgrade,” Alex teased.
“Not you too,” Candace rolled her eyes. “A lesbian in the White House?”
Alex shrugged. “Hey, I landed Cass, that proves anything is possible.”
Candace laughed. She sobered when her hand reached the door. “Alex,” she said. “If you need anything at all…”
Alex smiled appreciatively. It wasn’t her policy to break protocol on a whim. But, Alex had traversed the mucky waters of politics and justice. The two collided more often than most wanted to admit. Any time that a serial killer was on the loose, public angst and public accusation swelled. That never had any good place to lead. Alex knew that too. “I’ll keep you in the loop,” she promised.
Candace clasped Alex’s hand in thanks. “Be careful,” Candace advised.
“We’ll talk,” Alex said. Candace nodded her thanks.
“What did she say?” Dana asked.
“She didn’t need to say anything,” Candace said. “He’s out there. She needs to catch him—soon. That’s all there really is to say.”
“Candy?”
Candace sighed. “She’ll find him.”
“I hope it’s soon,” Dana commented.
“Me too.”
CHAPTER FOUR
“Grant,” Candace picked up the phone.
“Hi, Candy,” he replied. He heard Candace sigh. “Stop worrying about me.”
“We both know that is not going to happen,” Candace told him. “This is going to get messy.”
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